a bitter freeze of best friends | coley & alain

[MATTIO]

coley.

It's freezing out here.

My hand presses up against Alain's back, pushing him forward. "They can't see us or else they'll stop us and everything will be ruined." Our stunt is certainly not an academy-sanctioned event, which is why sneaking out is a must in this scenario. If any adult (or tattletale kid) sees us with Alain's equipment and my props, they're never going to let us out again. And if I were them, I probably wouldn't let us either. But we've come so far, and the look of engagement on my best friend's face for this project is enough to warm my heart from the bitter cold.

The groundskeeper and maintenance workers climb up to the roof all of the time. Now, have they climbed up here during an intense snowstorm? …No! But they aren't creators like us. Who won't want to adopt Alain and Coley Snowspire after seeing them risk their lives to film the perfect action scene that this country has ever seen? My thumb's nail chips at the rope anxiously as we round the corner to the less populated (but better angled) side of the academy.

I hope when we leave this place, Alain doesn't live too far away. Maybe we'll become so famous that we'll be able to pick for ourselves where we go, and then we can be neighbors until we're old and near the end.

My fantasies pause once we reach our destination. I take off my gloves and begin attaching the climbing equipment around my waist while Alain works on his cameras. He's still fidgeting with the settings when I'm finished. "Want me to help you get strapped in, too?"

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

"They won't see us," I think I'm trying to reassure the both of us. The good thing about this scheme is that I already know it's fucking stupid, so when everyone tells me after the fact I won't feel as bad. Personally I think we plan for the worst case scenario far too often. More than likely Coley and I will have no issue navigating the treacherous rooftops of Snowspire Academy and then we're one step closer to becoming legends.

"Want me to help you get strapped in, too?"

Frostbite burns my cheeks, and I let out a breathless exhale as I look up at Coley. Snowflakes make a home in his dark curls, a sight I've never grown tired of in all these years. "Sure, yeah, you're better with your hands." I admit, busying myself with checking that the camera has film even though I wouldn't have left the room without it.

Of course there's passion in every silly little film we've ever made, but this one is special. It's our last shot at getting adopted. He's the only person I can truly say I trust. Not enough to tell him I'm foolish enough to think this film will get the both of us out of here, but a part of me worries he might suspect it anyway.

"Once you've made it to the highest spire, we'll start filming." I'm not worried about Coley, he's capable of miracles. "No matter what happens, try to stay in character. You're a man on the brink of losing everything."

Dangerous as this is, I finally feel alive.

[MATTIO]

coley.

The wind curls up against my backside, sending waves of cool air down my jacket's collar. We're already pushing frostbite just by being outside, but the weather is ready to punish this evening. It's a perfect storm of subzero temperature, wind, and snowfall. Alain is going over the game plan once again. I climb to the highest spire, I read my mini monologue, and then we're golden.

"No matter what happens, try to stay in character. You're a man on the brink of losing everything."

Almost instinctively, "I know."

I tie my rope to a sturdy branch near the bottom of the tree. If anything threatening happens up there, it's a bumpy but safe ride down. The cobbled walls of Snowspire Academy are filled with snow, the bitterness spreading through the fabric of my gloves. I begin the climb with a blow of warm breath that develops into frost within an instant.

"One shot is all we're going to need, Alain."

Here's the scene: I'm Brandt Kippenstone, and the bandits have kidnapped the love of my life for their desperate games. I'm risking my life at the top of a castle of spires to get the final clue to his her location: an envelope strapped in for the storm with the longitudinal coordinates of where they left her.

I'm up to the incline of the roof when I look down at Alain for the first time. I can't tell if he's excited or terrified through the building snow on his gemstone eyes and golden hair. I hope his heart is pounding like mine, for all the right reasons.

I make my way up the spire and tie our prop envelope down at its point, holding on for dear life as the spire gets thinner and thinner.

Brandt is a man on the brink of losing everything. And so am I.

"Ready!"

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

I think Joyce will have our heads when she's found out what we've done. Her expression might even crack and I'll get to see her all puffed up and rumpled for once. It's a wonderful thought which I allow to drown out the stubborn foreboding which has sunken its claws into the back of my neck.

The sense that we've run headfirst into ruin, hand in bloody hand. I know I ask a lot of Coley, maybe because I'm begging him to do the same. To stop standing on ceremony and that polite fucking smile. I see hints of it, especially when it's us like this. Alone and riding adrenaline highs, held up by fraying rope and a vision.

"One shot is all we're going to need, Alain."

This time it's me, "I know." because it's hard to doubt anything when he says it like that.

Whatever worry I hold is numb as the fingers wrapped around my camera. I'm positioned a bit lower than Coley rope wrapped around my waist and nothing but open sky at my back. The shot pans from panicked flurries of snow of churning in the wind, a slow dreadful climb up to where Brandt stands. Once the shot is secure, I lower my camera - one last look at Coley before he gives himself away completely.

The look in his eyes is a wild and mine is near starved. If this were a mistake it wouldn't feel so fucking good.

"Action!"

[MATTIO]

coley.

I let myself slip halfway down the spire as Alain's camera falls over his face. His frame is tough to make out now. Visible are the splatters of yellow and white plaid on his clothing and a shimmer in the camera's outward lens, blinking as flakes of snow tumble past it. Hopefully the snow isn't too obtrusive to the shot. If there's anyone who knows how to bend the elements to their will, it's Alain and his film.

As soon as he spills it out, ACTION!, I'm throwing my spare hand against the brick and cobble spiral, pulling up to the letter. Every step upward is like punching into the mortar joints to keep a good grip between my hands and feet. "I just want to see my love again… I just want to see…" a gust of wind forces my lips to shut and catch their breath. "her."

I'm closer to the top of the spire now, where the envelope holds on tight. The string that holds it all together riding in the wind, dangling like a hand within arm's reach. I plead to the wind and snow "I swear, I'll follow you whichever way you blow. I'll freeze away all happy and well in the your banks of chill and bone. Just please…" I beg, "let it be with her." And I tug on the rope, using it to pull myself up to the tip of the spire.

I initially wanted joy on Brandt's face in this moment, but I opt for relief instead. This envelope means that he can reunite with the one he loves once more, and he'll never let anything separate them again. I rip the rope apart and undone like a brand new toy. I jam the letter in the front of my pants and toss the envelope like wrapping paper.

My body shifts downward again, angling once more towards Alain and his equipment. Hard part's done. All that's left is to transition and fade in the scenes. "I'm coming, my love."

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

There's a subtle beauty in watching my best friend disappear. In an instant he's little more than a stranger as he dons the face of a man we'd made together, whose motivations were the source of one too many hushed arguments in front of the common room's fire. The finer details of message and meaning become background noise as Coley demands my full focus.

He knows the camera's gaze, to follow the flow of the scene as the urgent yearning in his expression lends to the desolate background. I believe the desperation in his voice as he begs for relief in a bitter storm.

And see, I'm not fucking stupid. I swear I'm not. It's just that I've lived in the cold for so long that I've learned to tune out the way the breeze can sting. How it digs into your skin screaming danger. I'm listening to Coley - not the way the snow crunches beneath my sneakers as I take a step back.

Then two.

To capture the pointed fangs of the academy, the way Coley's silhouette shrinks against expansive nothing. It's all hopeless, I want them to feel it.

It's all hopeless.

My heel hits open air.

I don't mean to scream, either. It's just that the fall forces all the breath from my lungs. I can't hear it over the rush of wind in my ears, moreso I feel how it grates against the back of my throat. There's supposed to be a profound beauty in dying, a coming to terms with the end and the nothing that comes after but I'm mostly just fucking terrified.

My mind's blank, camera clutched firmly in my off hand because we'd lose everything if it broke. My other manages to catch on the gutter just in time and I can fucking tell the force it takes to stop my descent has probably dislocated a finger or two. Lucky that I can't feel them anymore."Coley?" I dangle over open air, sounding as pathetic as I feel. The rope is taut around my waist, squeezing my breaths until they're feeble and shaking.

"Are you okay?"

Another pause.

"I'm not sure how long I can hold on here."

I don't want to die.

[MATTIO]

coley.

I turn away from the camera as I climb down the spire and back towards Alain and the ropes. Is it too early to say that this may be one of my favorite projects of all time? Comedy, horror, silent films. None of those can match an action scene filmed in the name of love. Love is a topic that I struggled to master in my emotions for quite some time. It's challenging to show the audience such complex feelings that you've struggled to feel- to allow yourself to feel. Once I caught the scent of love for the first time, the answer to the problem became more apparent. Almost like when I remembered I had inserted all the formulas for our math exam into my calculator.

The answer to this problem? A tall and golden dandelion swaying in the summer breeze.

Today, the breeze is a winter force, and the dandelion screams, vacuumed through wind frozen solid.

I turn to make sure Alain hasn't been detained by the groundskeeper or a disapproving teacher. But he's not there. Not him, not his camera. Did he leave me up here as some sort of prank? I work down each slope a little faster now that he's gone.

I hear him call my name. He sounds tense, maybe even a little p- fingers tremble at the edge of the roof. Everything changes. The roleplaying posture shifts. Brandt Kippenstone's countenance drops back to Coley Snowspire's. My shoes slip as I try to run down the ramped roofing to get to him. There's no grace to running downhill when there's the wind pushing on my back and ice shortening the runway.

"I'm not sure how long I can hold on here."

Say no more. No thoughts, just reaction. I dive, fearless like a penguin on a lake of ice, onto the end of the roof, grabbing Alain's hand at the wrist. The weight of his entire body pulls me closer to the edge. Ice and snow ride up through the arm of my jacket. How am I gonna help him? I'm not strong enough to pull him up. Alain is the one that bails me out, not the other way around.

"Hold on, okay?" Everything seems to be bothersome at this moment. The rope tying me to the base of the tree feels like it's tightening. Or maybe it's the painful deep breaths expanding my diaphragm and hips. Nonetheless, I unlatch the hook to make the pain go away. The rope soars like a whip through the snow and to the base of Snowspire.

Snow comes in layers onto my hand, still gripping Alain's like hell. I reposition to sit rather than lie down, ready to pull him up. His life may depend on it.

"I'm gonna pull you up on the count of three, okay?" My spare hand digs through the snow. Fingernails chip through ice on the rooftop, just in case I need space to move back as I pull.

"One.. two.."

Please don't fall. Coley Snowspire… if you fucking drop him, he's going to die. Plummeting into the bank of hard snow and ice. Don't you dare fuck this up!

"Three." I pull. He's a golden boy, not a white wisp meant to fly away forever.

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

There's just enough feeling left in my fingers to notice when his slip over them. It's a bruising grip, too desperate to be anything but painful so I don't know why it makes me feel better. Must be because it's Coley, because I know he would never really mean to hurt me. Even now, as my life quite literally hangs in the balance, I trust him completely.

Hold on, okay?

"I will. I promise."

Somehow I find the strength.

I don't know how long I spend hanging there, probably only a few moments but it feels like the better part of a year.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. I think that's a load of shit. My mind is blank, a canvas ripped to shreds by sheer panic. I'm kind of glad he can't see the way my features are twisted up and tinged purple by the biting breeze. He tells me he's going to pull me up and I manage a weak "gotcha", feet finding purchase on the cracked stone of the wall.

(And I ignore the chunk that plummets to the ground with an ominous thunk.)

One... two...

It occurs to me too late how much danger Coley is in. With only the icy slats of an old roof for purchase as he tries to pull my entire body weight up over the edge. As much as I hate the thought of dying, I hate the thought of him dying because of me even more.

Maybe I should have told him to go get help, maybe I should have let myself-

Three.

Coley pulls as I push off the wall. There's this awful moment where I can feel my grasp begin to slip and I let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a scream.

And then I'm back on the roof, so desperate to escape the edge that I knock into Coley and let momentum carry us back. It's a somewhat awkward splay of limbs, but it's nice to feel someone right now. Solid ground and steady breaths rising beneath me. "You magnificent bastard!" My fingers rest on either side of his cheeks, lips split into a tooth-bearing grin as I stare down at him. I hold his face like it's something precious, because he is. "You saved me! You're really a hero now."

There's snow collecting on his eyelashes, there's snow everywhere. But I think I'm so cold I can't feel it anymore.

"I always knew it."

[MATTIO]

coley.

I don't know if I'd consider myself to be strong, but when it comes to pulling my best friend away from a multi-story drop, I suppose I can act the part. Feet planted firmly against the roof's trim, I pull, rotating between hands as Alain scales the wall with his feet. It's two against one as the wind whips downward, hoping for the demise of both of us.

The golden boy's gasp is caught up in the wind, somewhere between frightening and maddening. I pull on interlocked fingers. Footage, photographs, facades, acting– our talents, our livelihoods– none matter for a split second. It's our lives, the one irreparable piece of us, that hangs in the balance. If Alain slips, I won't let go. We're a tandem, you see, a package deal in life and death. No matter what.

By the time Alain's back on the rooftop, each of my appendages lies at a different angle and extension, flat across the packed snow. He grabs either side of my face with freezing and damp gloves. "You magnificent bastard!" I think there's a twinge of disbelief in his voice. What, did he not think I could do it? Sure, I don't have the arm strength he has from lugging around that camera and balancing it across his bicep, but I can bench better than Erras and Wyatt on a good day. "You saved me! You're really a hero now."

"I always knew it."

The desperation, the determination, the brotherhood. Scripts take months to envision and perfect, and a character like Brandt needs weeks to develop. But what's happened in the last two minutes is two-thousand frames of improvisation. Snow melds into the back of my hat as I look up at Alain, eyes caught at the intersection of excitement, anxiety, and exhaustion. If only we could've gotten it on camera and sold it as the climax of a short film. Snow bleeds down onto my neck as I readjust, the cold prickling my neck.

I say the only appropriate response as both of us begin to turn red and blue from the cold.. "Maybe we should go back inside." I flap my hood to the side to get rid of the snow. We've already had one close call with the weather, I don't think we should chance it again. Hooked up to the climbing rope once more, I go first, keeping close to the walls and taking a break on each window ceil and cover we pass during the descent.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of red through the snowfall. It's a camera. A security camera, by the looks of it, rotating around, occasionally pointing up to the roof. 'What ifs' leave me with a smirk as I shout up toward Alain, battling the gusts of wind. "Alain! You think that camera might've gotten that shot of you slipping?" The thought of the entire grade seeing Alain as the dame-in-distress and me as the hero… they'll only believe it if they see it.

The excitement on my face slowly fades as I watch the camera blinking. "But also, they definitely saw us up there breaking the rAHHHH!" My boot slips against the ice on the window and I lose my footing altogether. It all happens so fast that I can't even think to try and slow myself down. I land in the snow. Thankfully, it isn't too packed in yet. And thankfully, I was most of the way down already.

It's the freezing that hurts the most. But if we got all the right shots, then certainly it's worth it, right? A frozen frame?

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

"Maybe we should go back inside." He's a tether to reality, as real as the rope around my ribs. Coley's words burn the same as the blossoming bruises, though I'm not sure why I mourn a broken moment. He's right, of course, but there's this awful hubris settled in my chest now. We could have died, maybe we should have.

But we didn't. I know we're meant for more than Snowspire academy. Maybe if we stuck it out and were willing to suffer just a little more we could finally fucking prove it.

(Would Coley stay out here if I asked him?) I push away the thought.

"You're right," He may be a liar by trade but I can't hide the disappointed twinge to my words, "At least getting down will be easier than getting up here."

As we walk I get to checking on the second most important thing in my life: the camera. Might as well use the adrenaline to my advantage, before I can really feel the frostbite. I'm shouldn't have lost any footage in the fall, but I can't be sure until we're back to the dorms.

"Alain! You think that camera might've gotten that shot of you slipping?"

I look up from my mindless fiddling, all sour thoughts dissolving in an instant as my gaze lands on the security camera "They have eyes all over this place. There's probably like seven different angles of it!" There's an uncomfortable squirming in my stomach at the thought of being a part of one of our films. A damsel for the hero we've created together, no less. Still, he's right. We'll never capture a moment so raw and real again.

His smile fades in slow motion, "But also, they definitely saw us up there breaking the rAHHHH!" And whatever revelation he'd had is lost to the screaming wind as I watch Coley fall.

It's horrible, but only for a moment. "COLEY!" His name hurts where it tears out of my throat, without thinking I throw my hand out toward the air where my best friend had just been. It doesn't save him, I am not the hero. Instead I manage to throw my weight against the icy sill and displace a pile of fresh snow as I tumble after him.

This should be a moment of beautiful slow motion, light catching the flurries of fine powder swirling around me as I descend toward the ground. Life is not a film, however, and I feel more like a rag-doll as I thud into the snow. I land hard on the wrists I'd pushed in front of me to keep from crushing my camera. Sharp pain shoots up to my elbow, and I let my body sink for a couple moments before bursting into laughter. A little frightened, a little elated.

There's an indentation beside me, suspiciously Coley shaped. "We can cut that part." I laugh harder, "What was that you were saying? Right before we fell I couldn't-"

"COLEY AND ALAIN! WE KNOW YOU'RE OUT HERE."

Oh, fuck.

That's Professor Gregaine, and... Mr. Charlie beside him?

I scramble to my feet and attempt to help Coley do the same, ignoring my throbbing wrist. "We should run." I lean in to whisper, "Right?"

And in my defense, I really try. Neither Coley or I are known for our athletic prowess, however, and the snowstorm has only gotten heavier since we snuck out here. I sort of tumble through piles of snow and feel the edges of my pant leg begin to freeze over before they catch us. In spite of myself I'm still holding back laughter, looking back at Coley with raised brows. "Well, at least we know they caught it on camera."

"Alain! Is this funny to you?"

Kind of. "No, sir."

"To the infirmary, both of you. We'll discuss punishment after we know you're okay."

"But Isn't having to see Nurse Kim punishment enough?"

There's a reason Coley is always facing the camera, I'm not very good at this part.

[MATTIO]

coley.

There is but a breath to take before another precious thud lands beside me. Unfortunately for both of us, this snow isn't fluffy like the first blurry of October. You know what I thought three seconds ago? Thankfully, the snow isn't too packed. Yeah? I was wrong! This is winter-packed; once you go through the first couple of layers, all there is is snow-shoveled layers that do not budge upon contact. I start to pick my face up from the snow, lifting my hands to cold and clean air.

And Alain's laughing. Laughing. I heard what it sounded like when he fell and I can feel every part of my body scrambled and mixed up around my chest. All that, and he's laughing? I start to cry as the pain in my chest really starts to settle in, but my chattering teeth and inward gasping for air might be mistaken for a laugh, too.

He's saying something clever and off the cuff when a stern voice yells at them. I pick my head up from the Coley-shaped pit I made in the drop, arms, and legs moving erratically to pull myself fully upright. It's Gregaine, physical education, and the groundskeeper, Mr. Charlie. Alain pulls me up by my wrists. I can feel him shake through the pain as he asks if they should run. I nod, not thinking too much of it. We really could. We've already made it outside, who's to say we can't make it down the mountain and into District Ten. I've been down there a few times for the Reaping, studying the streets like they're a new city I'm trying to get my bearings on. Together, we make a pitiful effort at it, going all of twenty feet from where we fell before a pair of cold and wrinkly hands take us each by the hood of our coats.

I let Alain do the talking, which is probably a mistake given that he's known to crack a joke when under pressure. Professor Gregaine barks at him, his aged wrists shaking as he commands both of them to the infirmary. Shoulders high and arms crossed, I try to hold back ashamed tears. I don't like getting into trouble, but with the type of company I keep, one bad idea leads to another and now we're slipping off the side of a building! What I hate more, I think, is getting caught. I'm blistering with cold on the outside and hot on the inside. Each is painful in its own way, contact between the two makes every inch of myself want to go in an icy hot storm and never return.

I can't look at Alain as we go to Nurse Kim's. Our boots squeak with every step as snow melts into just… wet. We turn each hall, and the frustrations slide further and further down my tongue until they sleep. I keep my eyes firm at the floor. "We're going to get in so much trouble, dude. They're gonna kill us!"

We sit down in the chairs in front of the nurse's office. "And it doesn't help when you get all funny-haha with them. I swear, you don't think before you speak sometimes." Alain is my best friend, and I care about him a lot. But damn is he stupid sometimes.

That's part of the reason we're so close.

[ᴥ]

►   alain snowspire

For as often as I find myself looking at Coley, I don’t always recognize him. Now is one of those times, especially wearing that expression.

It’s silent as we walk toward the Nurse’s office, and I choose to blame that glaze in his eyes on the wind chill. It still scalds the inside of my lungs as I puff out little breaths, running my thumb along the inside of my palm in hopes to distract from the throbbing in my wrist. What’s left of my laughter clings feebly to my lips as our shoes screech through a barren hallway.

Of course this was stupid, we’re desperate. It’s worth sacrificing everything when we’re chasing perfection, I thought we agreed on that the minute we decided our talents would be tied together. A few bruises and a few hours detention should mean nothing, we’ve done something really special here. Right? I’m sure he feels the same, that he’s as proud of me as I am of him.

Some ice must have seeped into my veins, because all I feel now is bitter and cold.

”We’re going to get in so much trouble, dude. They’re gonna kill us!”

I flinch.

Coley’s heart is something worth protecting, I’ve known that since we were kids. Since the first time I caught sight of it fluttering on his sleeve. He’s so cautious, always gentle with others, and it’s part of why I love him so damn much. I think I can count the times he’s snapped at me on one hand, and half of those were stupid arguments about some project or another.

”...I swear you don’t think before you speak sometimes.”

There’s all these hurt feelings on my face so I look toward my soaked sneakers instead. I’m better at hiding how I feel than this, but I don’t keep a guard up around Coley. I never thought I needed to.

A scratchy sensation builds in my chest and I know I’m about to make a mistake before I even open my mouth. ”If you put half as much effort into our projects as you do keeping everyone happy, we’d have been out of here years ago.” I can’t feel my fingers and I’m shaking from the cold. The constant drip of melted snow puddling at our feet has driven me half insane. I’m angry and embarrassed and none of that is Coley’s fault. He’s right and that’s the fucking problem. ”You care so much about what other people think, it’s annoying.”

I realize what I’m saying at this point and I know I can stop.

I don’t know why I don’t.

”So what if I’m an idiot, at least I’m not a coward.”

The door to Kim’s office swings open. ”Me first, then?”

My chair screeches when I stand.

[MATTIO]

coley.

I can feel the hurt I leave Alain with as the words follow through my lips. My shoes squelch as I turn away from him, the water soaked within them making every readjustment an uncomfortable one. It's rare for us to argue, and when we do, it's about something petty like a stolen sweatshirt or what a kid the year below them did. It gets resolved later in the day almost every time; usually when the guilt makes Alain come to his senses or when my castle is so close to crumbling that I need the knight in gold plate to come to its rescue. For all the problems Alain creates, he solves just as many.

"If you put half as much effort into our projects as you do keeping everyone happy, we’d have been out of here years ago."

The back of my head drops against the wall. I'll never be good enough at what I do for him, then. I can dedicate hours in bed imagining these characters and how they'd act, but my wanting to be liked is the problem. I shut my eyes.

"You care so much about what other people think, it's annoying."

Perfect Alain. How easy it is to be perfectly yourself when you're behind the camera. Try ten different characters, all with the same space, and then have to decide in seconds which one will be tolerated and which will be rejected. It's not like what he's saying is stuff I don't think of myself already, and I've told him as much during late-night conversations in our room. But it's different to hear him use my own words against me.

I hope he doesn't mean it to sound as hurtful as it did. We're both upset. We're both cold. We're both tired. And it allows the worst versions of ourselves to come out. My face burns red, the only question being whether it's because of the change in temperature or because I want to burst into tears. I'll blame it on the former.

"So what if I'm an idiot, at least I'm not a coward."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, silent. I want to say something clever and get the last word in, but nothing comes to mind. He's right. I'm a coward, and that's going to get us both in the end. I hold my breath. Just because it's true doesn't mean he needs to say it out loud. But I started this, so maybe the one to blame is myself.

The door to Nurse Kim's office cuts open. "Me first, then?" Alain stands up so instantaneously that his chair slides over a few inches. Between the two of us, I've always asked Alain to go first for physical exams so he could tell me how good or bad it was.

Not today.

"You would think of yourself as always first, wouldn't you?" I stand up with such force that the wooden chair starts to tip. I give it one last nudge with my hand, and it crashes to the ground. If there's one thing I'll never lose through an agonizing mentality, it's how to make a dramatic entrance or exit when I need to. My socks slide in my shoe as I walk through the door.

Away from Alain for the first time today, I want to throw myself up against the wall and come crashing down, sobbing. Nurse Kim's glare, however, sends me directly to the examination room. "Get changed please, Coley. If you're hypothermic from being out in below-zero temperatures, staying in those clothes won't do you any good."

I trade out my wet winterwear for an oversized long-sleeve shirt and a pair of worn-out jeans. My palms wrap around my face, trying to keep my jaw from shaking out of rage and cold. When she asks where I'm hurting, I try to play it off as nothing too bad, just a little pain in my chest. I lift the shirt up to show her, and Nurse Kim points two times in two different spots. Two fractured ribs, from the fall most likely.

"We'll get you some anti-inflammatory medication, but otherwise, those need to heal on their own."

"Will that mess with my an-"

"No, Coley. It won't mess with your other medication. Now, if you could keep your shirt up, I just want to check on some other things. When you fell, you landed on your front side, yes?"

I nod as she starts to poke around my stomach. Nurse Kim gets a bit too close to my chest and I flinch from the pain in my ribcage. "What're you looking for?"

"I just wanted to make sure all of your vital organs are intact and not damaged. Can't have that, can we?"

I shake my head. "That's why we call them vital, I guess."

The examination ends, and Nurse Kim requests that I come back in a couple of days just to be certain of my health. I pluck a blue sucker from the jar that she keeps for the younger kids. I'm seventeen now, too old for a treat from the doctor, but at this moment I could really use it.

I walk past Alain on my way out. "I think I'm going to hang out with Manny. Ask him to teach me how to run away from my problems. Because that's what cowards do, right?"

With no intentions of hanging out with Manny, I hurry toward one of Mr. Charlie's custodian closets to cry my eyes out.