what a great day to go sledding :D

[Deleted]

mother, oh mother .

"you are weak
but not foolish
you have learned
how to die."

On Mathilda Hope's last day, she found herself atop an icy hill slope. Through her life, Mathilda had been known most as a pessimist, a nag, and most effectively, a bitter betty, but she died as she lived: miserably. 

She only agreed to go to make her nurses happy. Ever since Pierre moved her to St. Patty's, Mathilda's main motivations in life were to be as much a nuisance as possible, and to get as much attention from the ex-peacekeeper attendant as she possible could. Dean was his name, and he had the body of a man she once loved decades ago. 

As Dean helped her into the sled ride, she couldn't keep her eyes off his pecs and only looked away to wander around his other muscles. It'd be the final delight she'd experience, before being launched off the hill side a tad too quickly. 

The snow came quick, and her screams quicker. Chilly air cut at her cheeks as she and the useless older broad they stuck her with fought for the reigns. Both would later be found toppled over and lifeless after the sled flew off the hill side.  

[Deleted]

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

OF

[ M A T H I L D A H O P E ]

I, [Mathilda Hope], residing in District 8, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament, hereby revoking all of my prior Wills and Codicils. Whatever that means.

Section 1
Identification

I am married / widowed / single. I have 12 children, namely: Pierre, Gerard, Beatrice, Stefan, Placeholder and Leo. Placeholder was always my favorite.

Section 2
Specific Gifts

2.1 Tangible Personal Property. I give my disaster of a daughter, Beatrice, all of my tangible personal property, as I know she will handle it the worst. In all cases, I direct that my Executor derive the greatest utility from this property and therefore, my Executor, in my Executor's sole discretion, is authorized to sell such property and distribute the proceeds thereof.

2.2 Memorandum of Wishes. I may leave a memorandum or other signed and dated writing in which I express my wishes regarding the disposition of certain items of my tangible personal property. I have no clue what this paragraph means. While not intending to limit in any way the absolute nature of the above bequest of my tangible personal property, I wish to express my Hope that all parties interested in my estate will abide by the terms of this writing.

Section 3
Payment of Taxes

Taxes Paid from My Residuary Estate. My dear son who sent me to the nursing home, Pierre, will pay from my residuary estate, without apportionment to or right of reimbursement from any person or property otherwise provided by law, all transfer taxes arising by reason of my death.

Section 4
Residuary Gift

I give all the rest of the property that I may own at the time of my death to my favorite descendent, Preston Hope.