day off drinks

[marcellus rhodes 11b arc]

Rocks and I aren’t needed at the shelter tonight. Lately, I been picking up hours at this homeless shelter, helping cook meals for the people there. Ma’ says I need to start puttin myself out there. I tell her it feels useless, but it’s hard. What am I supposed to do, when I can hardly do anything at all? I always liked helpin people, so I took my luck with the shelter. Some help was needed in the kitchen. Pots and pans weren’t in the list of things I can do, but, stirring a pot and throwing ingredients into it can’t be that hard.

Turns out, it was, but Rocks was a guy that knew his shit. And he wanted to help me learn that shit. He and I got along pretty well and he became one of my buddies. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to him talk, but he means well. With the night off, Rocks wanted me to go out with him and I accepted. Some bar that he’s a regular at, which I don’t wanna drink from, but I’ll take the day out.

Rocks gave me a time and I was there. Unfortunately for me, he is a chronically late sleeper. My buddy always shows up to work late, all droopy eyed, and he takes some energy drink that at least brings life to his pupils. I didn’t see a point of sittin there without anything, so I guess I might as well ask for something too.

”Excuse me?” I raise my hand, hoping I’m not coming off as a dick, ”what do you have that’s uh,” I swallow away my nerves. ”Not alcoholic? I’m waitin’ on a friend.”

[minie]

Tsiuri .

take a shot with a fake smile to chase it

I have already been here for 7 hours. I do not usually do the day shifts, there is someone else for that. I have only ever met her briefly in passing when I would switch with her so she could go take care of her kids. Today I was doing a double, not something I like and with the owner showing up less and less to his own bar, what was I supposed to do? My feet ached and I just wanted to sit down and give myself a break. I knew if I did that, I would not get back up again and I had an od feeling that this was going to be a long night.

Right, I needed to pull myself together. This was not the first time I would end up working 15 hours or more and it will not be the last. I’ll get through it and when I am home I will have the best sleep of my life. I did however deserve a break. “Hey Callum, I’m gonna step outside for a smoke. Do you mind making sure no one goes thirsty? I’ll throw in a free drink for you!” I called out to one of the regulars that has been visiting the establishment since before I was even in the womb. I got a quick glance of a very enthusiastic thumbs off and made my way out for a few moments of silence.

Outside was freezing and I yet to have the alcohol blanket to make it more tolerable. Wind bushed through my hair scrambling it. Great, I cannot even brush my hair without making it look like I stuck my finger in a electrical socket. Just great. Today was not going to be my day and at this point I am praying that everyone will find something better to do and just fuck off so I can get some sleep and let my poor feet get some rest before I do it all over again tomorrow.

I tossed the cigarette bud into the small pile of very sad looking grass that covered only parts of our back courtyard and made myself on the way back in. The scent of smoke lingered in my hair and clothes. As I stepped up back behind the bar, I grabbed the bottle of whisky on the counter and a shot glass. My demeanor changed, outside I can breathe and relax. I slouch as the ever-present smile fades, and it feels like I can breathe. The second I step back behind the bar, I have to be fun and friendly. Friendly smile, perky attitude, a little flirt with everyone. It drains me. I pour shot, or maybe a generous double, of whisky and knock it. The burn in my throat almost comforts me as I try to get myself back in the appropriate headspace.

“Excuse me”, I turned my head around to face a boy that was maybe my age? I could not exactly tell, but it was definitely someone I have never seen before. I know every face that ever walked through the wooden doors, might not remember their name, but I do not forget a face. “What do you have that’s, uh not alcoholic? I’m waitin’ on a friend”, I think that was the first time I genuinely laughed all shift. Nothing to much, just a slight giggle, I pressed my lips together to stop myself from laughing some more. It truly was not every day that we had someone order anything nonalcoholic. I actually think I might have been the last one before him to do so. This was a drink your feelings away kind of establishment and he was a breath of fresh air.

I made myself over to him and leaned on the counter resting on my folded arms. “ Well that is a request I never thought I would hear in this place. I guess we have water and the usual sodas we use to mix spirits, some juice as well. I can always make you a fun little nonalcoholic cocktail if you’re feeling fancy. It’s all up to you hun.” I could feel his nerves, I understood what it was like walking into here feeling like you do not belong. I pushed myself off of the counter and flashed him a bright smile doing my best to make it seem like I cared about him and his wellbeing. That was all a part of the service, right? I held out my hand and informed him “My name is Tsiuri, next time you need to get my attention just call out, okay? Nothing to be scared of, I promise I don’t bite.”

ELEGANT

[marcellus rhodes 11b arc]

She laughs at my request, and if my cheeks hadn’t already flushed from seeing her face, the laughter did it.

Something about her is magnetic - like the sun to the crops, like clouds to the moon. She is the tired, beautiful face of someone that’s got a purpose, something I never felt that I owned. It’s admiring. Anyone who has that drive I haven’t ever found is simply magnetic. Her laugh is light, like a monarch’s wings, like how my chest felt a rattle of nervousness. She soon presses her lips together. She forced the wings to rest for a moment, and now the butterfly is at rest.

The bartender makes her way over. She doesn’t exactly flutter, but she doesn’t storm. There’s a swiftness. A purpose. The kind of walk someone in service has evolved into, where there is no time to stroll. Her arms are folded as she rests against the table. I don’t know her name, but with the way she leans into the table, I might just call her Miss. There’s a command to the way she holds this bar rail. I’m enchanted by it. All of the spilled alcohol that has seeped into the floorboards and the walls and the carpet has somehow festered into the air of this building. Through the air, it’s entered my lungs, and the placebo of just being in the chair has me questioning sobriety.

“ Well that is a request I never thought I would hear in this place. I guess we have water and the usual sodas we use to mix spirits, some juice as well. I can always make you a fun little nonalcoholic cocktail if you’re feeling fancy. It’s all up to you hun.” Well, the idea of something too colorful and extravagant didn’t entice me. Too much color brings attention, and here, I just want to blend in. Maybe if Rocks shows up, or something, then I can. But I’m not one to make a scene for myself.

She pushes up off the counter, trying to provide a customer-service smile. “My name is Tsiuri, next time you need to get my attention just call out, okay? Nothing to be scared of, I promise I don’t bite.” What a pretty name. The promise of not being bit is saddening, part of me strains to feel the bite, the nip and the full submission. ”I’ll uh,” beat, ”I’ll keep note. Thanks.” My cheeks flush red once again with a pressure, a worry to not fuck this up. It’s just a girl. But she’s so damn pretty.

I look around, trying to find refuge in Rocks showing up. He was much better than me with talking to anyone, let alone a whim of attraction being thrown into the mix. ”I’ll take some soda. I guess. It doesn’t really matter what kind.” My momma never really let me drink soda growin up. I gotta drink water - keep the teeth clean, or whatever. It’s the one thing that I felt I could control in life. I had to refrain from giving my name in return to Tsunami. It’s not like she’d care, she’s only here for the money.

[minie]

Tsiuri .

take a shot with a fake smile to chase it

The way he could not seem to look at me was cute. His eyes wandered everywhere looking for something that were not my eyes or body, who really knows what he was going to look at. Not that it really mattered much anyway, but it was entertaining. Did I feel bad about messing with him? Not really, this was the most fun I will probably have all shift if not for a good long while. I need to take what I get in this job, anything to pass the time of this dreaded double shift.

”I’ll take some soda. I guess. It doesn’t really matter what kind.” , I sigh in my head. I learned the hard way not to let out my frustration with customers and I also learned to control my face. The customers that do not order anything specific either are the best or, like in this case, the worst. It’s fun when they let you experiment with drinks and create your own kind. It gives you an outlet for creativity, but the kind that order whatever soda or beer, they are just boring. I do not let it show though, that would be unprofessional, and he still is the most interesting part of my day.

”No problem, just one sec!” , as I turn around to walk to the refrigerator with the sodas and water, I make sure to slightly toss my hair over my shoulder for dramatic effect. I peer into the fridge and grab the first bottle of soda that I could find. There was no real point of putting to much thought into it if he was not even sure what he really wanted. Maybe as the night goes, he will figure it out and it will make my job a bit more interesting than just pouring the clear lemonade into a what was probable a whisky glass that was half filled with ice.

I hand him the drink and a paper coaster and draw a line on it symbolizing the start of his tab. He probably did not know how the tab system worked. How would he, poor thing looks like he is going to make a run for it any second. Everything about him screams like he was not supposed to be here, but it just made me all that more fascinated with him. How far could I go with him till he would maybe start acting like everyone else. Would he ever start acting like the rest of the men around here or does he have the unbreakable spirit I thought I had. Or could he be the one that brings a bit of my spirit back? I already feel a bit more alive actually having to try with him. His held back attitude made it harder for me to establish a rapport with him. He was the challenge that I needed to bring back a little life into this place.

”Right, so just some information on how it works here. You don’t pay after every drink but the lines I am drawing around that paper coaster tells me how much you drank during the night and how much you pay before you leave. If I catch you, and I will catch you, trying to rub off any of the lines then that no biting policy might just go away. ” , I sent him a little wink after that last bit. ”Also, it is my business to know about the people who come to this fine establishment, so I am requiring you to at least tell me your name. I would like to know anything else you have to offer, because as you can see there are not many guys my age that come here, so entertain me. I promise, I’ll be great company till your friend shows up”, I should have him hooked now.

One last smile and the ball was now in his court.

ELEGANT

[marcellus rhodes 11b arc]

I used to have a staring problem growin’ up. Think about those little kids who have decided you’re the object of focus for a night. Where you’re out at a restaurant or gettin’ groceries, or whatever other places babies may be, they see you and stare. But ya’ just don’t know why. They probably don’t either. I was that baby. Even until I was ten to eleven, I just get so transfixed by people, which leads me to going into my own little tiny world that can fit inside my brain. And then because of it I look rude. And I don’t mean to. But people always assume that I’m a creep because I’m also just a big guy. So now, eighteen, I look everywhere but the person I’m talkin to.

I get nervous. Ants crawl up my skin because I don’t want anyone to assume I mean harm. Because I never do, yet I somehow always cause it.

In this moment, the ants crawl behind my eyes. They dart, they displace their shadow all over the bar rail and the collection liquor that fulfill the selves behind Tsiuri. Upon my request, she releases a sigh, and that sigh opens up a black pit in the part of my stomach that holds acid. It’s deep, and it’s vacant. Something within my body hollows itself out immediately and I retreat. The sigh is reminiscent of my disappointed mother.

I retreat, internally, as she fulfills the request. She turns her body to move to the fridge. Her hair follows, her body moving quick and her hair swaying to the same beat. It doesn’t take long for her to grab a drink and bring it over. The void my mind had transported into from her quick, momentary sigh had filled any void of events. She placed a paper coaster with the drink. On it, she drew a line. Odd, I guess, but I’m always down for a guessing game. I didn’t think “Hanging Tree” was a game bartenders played. But, I also don’t look like I belong here, so maybe it’s a sign. She speaks up, explaining the tab that is very much not a game, but business.

”Right, so just some information on how it works here. You don’t pay after every drink but the lines I am drawing around that paper coaster tells me how much you drank during the night and how much you pay before you leave. If I catch you, and I will catch you, trying to rub off any of the lines then that no biting policy might just go away. ” She winks, following the suggestion of a bite, and once again my red flushes red. I don’t figure I would be drinking very much. But she’s pretty. If Rocks doesn’t show up Tsiuri could easily enchant me to stay for longer. ”Also, it is my business to know about the people who come to this fine establishment, so I am requiring you to at least tell me your name. I would like to know anything else you have to offer, because as you can see there are not many guys my age that come here, so entertain me. I promise, I’ll be great company till your friend shows up”

Oh, right, my turn.

”Well, uh.” My name. ”Uh,” I take a swig of my drink, trying to get my throat to do something other than stutter. ”Marcellus, but I normally just go by, uh,” I clear my throat. No wonder I’ve never had a girlfriend. ”Marcus. It’s easier, I guess.” Taking a look around the bar, most of the men are fifteen years his senior at the youngest. ”It is a pretty old crowd.” It must feel lonely here at times. Funny, really, that she’s surrounded by so many people but must feel so alone. I need only one person to feel that the room is past capacity. ”I don’t even know if he’s gonna show up. We just, uh, work together.” The stammering didn’t help build much confidence. But it’s better to talk and be heard to the girl, maybe she’ll find me adorable, like my mom’s friends who coo over me even though I’m eighteen. "If it's really much work. We volunteer at a homeless shelter making meals." Hopefully that was enough. If not, I'm afraid I don't have much more to give.

[minie]

Tsiuri .

take a shot with a fake smile to chase it

Marcellus, or Marcus, I haven’t decided exactly which one I was going to call him by. Marcus seemed all so conventional, and he was anything but conventional. He was not like anyone else I really cam across here before. There were no stupid drunken remarks that made my eyes roll to an extreme that it looked like I needed an exorcism. Let’s just be honest for a second, I probably did need an exorcism to help rid of the demons I accumulated in this place. Marcellus looked like he needed a lot more than an exorcism to rid him of his insecurity.

I could work with that; I could definitely play into that. Once upon a time I was only a young girl filled with hope and insecurity. Not all too long ago, I thought I wasn’t pretty, and I wasn’t anything worth anyone’s time of day. Now I know that my time has monetary value, I could literally put a price tag on myself, and the number was not all too low. That was definitely an extremely healthy way of viewing the world. No wonder I was such a mess, and this small grain of authenticity was enough to have give up the one for the money, one for the show mentality.

The flushed cheeks, the stutter, his nervousness, all of it. I wanted to tilt my head and let out an aww as if he was some kind of kitten. Just give him a hug and tell him that it is all going to be ok, he had no reason to be scared. Instead, I just found myself smiling at every single one of his involuntary reactions to me. My eyes once again scanning him up and down, he was a paradox in every single which way. Him and his sweet, shy, nervous nature in this lost cause haven. His big stature that looked like the kind of trouble this place usually attracts occupied by a soul that radiated the kind of warmth very few can channel.

”It is a pretty old crowd”.

Well, no shit Marcellus, why else do you think I am trying to get you to talk to me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do have some weird kind of affection for the old men that go here, but I miss being around people my own age. I feel like I have no friends with anyone under the age of 35, I’ve celebrated more divorce parties then 18th birthdays. I do feel like I missed out on being a teenager but at the same time, I can’t even begin to imagine a life where I was not dealing with adult drama. People never really seem to grow up much.

”It is, but y’know maybe you can help change that, Marcellus. We could have some fun here, and I can fill you in on all the drama. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”, adding a little extra roll to the Ls in his name. Was I starting to sound desperate? I hope not, I just wanted a bit of fun that is all, maybe I was taking it a bit to far with him, I was never really good with making friends my own age. Maybe that is why I should indeed be sticking to 35-year-olds and older passed out in their own vomit. They are broken like me; this boy really isn’t, he volunteers in a homeless shelter for fucks sake. He is a saint.

I try not to make my own second guessing get the best me. C’mon Tsiuri pull yourself together. Do not let this kid get the best of you, don’t feel bad. You are trying to make a living, you are trying to avoid ending up homeless, besides you want to feel human for once. He is a good solution to all of the above. Chin up, tits out, teeth showing. Do not second guess yourself.

”Well of he doesn’t show up, I’m sure you got loads of stories from the homeless shelter. I’ll show you a good time either way. Got one more question though, what does your friend who works in a homeless shelter have any business recommending this place. I feel like homeless shelter people wouldn’t exactly appreciate the poor spending their last cents on beer instead of the rent?”, genuine question this time. I knew one too many people that succumbed to alcoholism here and lost it all.

ELEGANT