Such a Mournful Sound // [VT/7/Open]
Dec 28, 2011 18:05:52 GMT -5
Post by Baby Wessex d9b [earthling] on Dec 28, 2011 18:05:52 GMT -5
for what it's worth, I have a slow disease that sucked me dry... I always aim to please
but I nearly died
He hadn't slept because the dread of this day had become a monster in his dreams, something that stalked him into the Black Caves and trapped him there, alone. It wasn't so hard for Mace to be by himself these days; he almost liked it better than being around others (since mostly those others were the twits on his styling team). No, being alone wasn't a source of anxiety for him. But the Caves had been a place of peace, somewhere he could rest his mind and remember Alexander, and his brothers, alive. There had been fire, and knife practice, and even food, though it was of the disgusting vegetarian variety. He had loved those Caves, even though he hadn't known it, and now his nightmares were twisting them.
So he didn't sleep, which meant refusing the morphling. His team could think that was a good sign, if they wanted. They were wrong. He needed it now more than ever, but he wouldn't do such a disservice to the two women of Seven who had compelled him to win. He knew that now, and maybe that's why the monster chased him. He'd only won because of Dysis' charge, Alexander's fury in the face of death. Those things had carried him through snow and blood and steel. And he wasn't sure how to honor them, how to carry their names back to their families, to bring some comfort back to the world.
Dysis. What did he really know about her, other than her eloquence, her strength? She had looked at him, and she had known him, even when he didn't know himself. And it was because of her that he had sent Aesop on his way, not limping but flying towards whatever lay beyond. He'd found his aim, and perhaps his heart had hardened in the arena, but it was a soft and mushy thing now, hardly worthy of the term. Still, he'd done better by Dysis than pretty much anyone else in the 59th, and he still didn't know what to say to the Admeas. Thanks was far too inadequate, and he had brought nothing to give them.
But he had something for the Hoods. Several somethings, actually, which clacked together in his leather jacket pocket. He could feel the weight of the crowd on him, must more so than he had since Ten, but it was a different sort of heaviness. At home it had been celebratory, joyful, bouyant. In Seven it was judgmental and he wanted to kick the feeling right in the teeth. Because what did they know about what he'd gone through? He'd been in a fog when he'd watched the replay tapes. Had they even see him with Dysis? With Alexander? Maybe they'd only seen the blood on his hands, but he knew the cameras could twist things. The Capitol had needed a warrior Victor, and they'd made him into that without his permission, without his even knowing.
Mace pinched the fabric above the pocket, closing it around the three tokens. Three when there should have been four. He was still angry that he didn't have Alexander's, still felt judged by the crowd, and suddenly the fury was too much. It broke through the barriers he'd carefully crafted within himself, stole the last of the fluffy morphling from his system, and laid the awful, terrible truth bare --
Alexander should have never been reaped in the first place.
She should have been home, doing whatever it was she liked to do. She had no business being on the boys side of the reaping, Mace was sure of it, and if anyone had known, had checked, she wouldn't have been in the arena. Mace didn't know a whole lot about the detention center, but he suspected people survived longer than one freaking week there. And maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have even had to go. If she really just wanted to dress like a boy, was that a crime?
He wanted to know more about her story - had since the night in the Caves. There were so many questions, so many dangling sentences, and he wasn't sure where to begin, because he had not come this far just to betray Alexander and her family. No. The President undoubtedly knew the truth now, but how many others did? He hadn't seen anything about it on television, hadn't heard anyone whisper. Mace felt fairly confident that Alexander's secret had gone to her watery grave, and so he would have to pick his words carefully.
As though there was another way.
When it was finally his turn to speak, Mace nodded at the mayor and then tucked his hands behind his back. He considered nouns, verbs, adjectives, cast them aside. And when he finally began to talk, it was low and rough, the sound of water on rocks. "Dysis told me everything I needed to know in the arena. She was quite the little lady," and it wasn't really what he felt, but in the end it was as close as he could come. Mace brought one fist to his hip, let it bump lightly against him as he turned to the Hoods.
"I brought you something." Mace glanced back at his handlers, who had not been thrilled when he approached the edge of the stage in Ten, and he was going to test them further now. He wondered if his eyes seethed the way his heart did, one thumping organ of rage and despair. He turned away before any of them reacted and came to the very edge of the stage, where he bent to both knees and finally drew out the three tokens - one leather, one copper, one bone - and presented them on his shaking palm to the Hoods.
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lyrics:placebo for what it's worth
lyrics:placebo for what it's worth