Love's the Sweetest Feeling : [Embryze Engagement]

for what it's worth, I have a slow disease that sucked me dry... I always aim to please
but I nearly died

He'd been thinking about this night for a very long time. Not entirely of his own volition. The idea had first been planted by Regalia in a rare moment where he had, mistakenly, tuned into her twittering. Months later he'd heard the same words echoed by Julian's family. When were they going to make it official? As if their relationship was some flippant, superficial thing, as if anything in a victor's life wasn't utterly serious. Life and death. Because they had all been to Hell's gates and turned back, flawed for whatever reason.

As if there was anyone else who could ever love him with his flaws, not in spite of them.

It hadn't even occurred to Mace to marry Julian Bryze. Not that he was against Julian. Or marriage. He was committed, body and soul to the man he loved and anything beyond that seemed like asking for too much. It was already more than enough that Julian had come through the Sixtieth, more than enough that he'd brokered a deal to keep them in each other's lives year round. More than enough that he loved Mace in every way possible.

It wasn't until Topaz's wedding that Mace realized that it wasn't just external pressure. He felt it too, in the tightening around his eyes, in the way Julian held him a little closer as they danced that evening. It was the first time Mace finally let go of his resentment towards their families telling them what to do, and finally began to wonder what it would be like to be married. Would it be different? How could it be the same? They would be bonded together, to each other, for eternity. He worried they would become complacent, begin to take their unique situation for granted. He worried that food would always be more of a distraction than he could handle. He worried about all the pressure Julian put on himself because it was only so long before one of them would break - again.

There were a lot of reasons he could think of to elope. Avoiding the press was at the tippy top. It would just be too much stress on both of them, too much scrutiny. But the more he agonized about it, the more Mace realized that Julian deserved a wedding. A big one. One big enough to make him uncomfortable. He tried to imagine what that day would be like, and failed entirely. Even his dreams were a jumbled mess. He would just have to leave the details to Julian.

If he said yes.

After he'd settled on a day and time to propose, after he'd arranged everything and invested in it, only then did he begin to sweat. Or rather, tremble. It wasn't unusual for the shivering to return when he arrived in the Capitol, and undoubtedly it was just a sign of his anxiety for these Games, which was certainly anxious about. Depressed about. But more than those feelings, which he did his best to suppress, couldn't compare to the growing stone of fear in his gut. He'd taken some of it on Owen Hood, and after that confrontation he'd felt better, if only a little. Time was still running short, and while he'd set things in motion, he was coming apart at the seams.

What if he said no?

What if he'd been right in the first place, and all this fuss and show wasn't really what Julian wanted? But then, when had he ever been right? He didn't sleep well the night before, and he'd chosen the dead middle of training, a few days before the Games began, long enough for them to get settled and hopefully long enough to keep Julian distracted. Mace didn't sleep; the shivering was too severe. He rose early, and went straight to his tributes, berating and degrading them. He eschewed breakfast and lunch but by dinner knew that some of the shaking wasn't post traumatic stress, but rather a seriously lack of sustenance. He forced himself to sit with the other victors, spooned food into Kieran's mouth alternatively with his own. As the meal wound down, Mace watched Julian and his plate carefully. When they were all cleared away and dessert about to be set down, Mace reached across the table and claimed Julian's hand.

"I have another idea. For dessert." He held Julian's gaze long enough to let him know that it was important, and then stood and walked around the table for Julian. He didn't care a whit what the other victors thought. In fact, it kind of excited him that they would wonder where he was taking his boyfriend. He smirked at Topaz as he snaked his arm around Julian's hips and led him away. He took them to the elevators, and rather than selecting any floor, he inserted a keycard and punched in a pin on a hidden keypad. The elevator jerked, and then sharply ascended.

While it was racing heavenward, Mace carefully untangled himself from Julian and then turned so that he could see his lover's face. He slowly unbuttoned his old, bulky coat from Ten, revealing a fitted navy jacket beneath over a silk white shirt, an outfit that every stylist would have found plain, but it was classic and more importantly pristine. He smirked and before Julian could ask too much questions, leaned down and claimed his lips, pressing into him but not clutching, not mussing. He wanted Julian to look perfectly put together, as he always did when they went to bed.

The elevator dinged and a blast of wind, warm but surprising, hit them sideways. The roof top of the training center had one of the best views of the Capitol, all sparkling golden lights late in the evening. But it had been transformed from its grey functionality to a riot of candles and mossy plants and limestone boulders Mace had imported from District Two. They crowded the space, made it look almost homey around a set of white furniture. On the table a single candle burned with a tray of desserts for them.

Mace grinned wolfishly, holding the elevator for Julian. "What did you think I had in mind?" He asked, all boy troublemaker and nothing of the jittery man he'd been in the last week.