It Doesn't Matter if it's Wrong or Right [pthalo]

His blue eyes remained focused on the wall as Charm Lazuli propelled himself rapidly from bar to bar in the gymnastics installation in the elite and selective career gym he had been recruited for four years prior. Gymnastics was his first love and remained his favorite method of keeping his physique in primary fighting shape. He had since been trained in several arts of combat and weaponry, but his acrobatic background rendered him an agile, assassin-like killer.

As Reaping Day drew ever nearer, Charm found the best way to calm his mind was by letting it out on the bars. The way he flipped and tossed himself with grace and agility was so memorized by his muscles that the routines took very little thought. Less thinking was exactly what he needed right now.

There was so much pressure being put on him by his family, peers and trainers now that the Quell was coming up so quickly. All of the urges of those around him to enter the arena heavily played up his insecurities and self doubts. He was never sure if people liked him for himself, or for his looks or athletic abilities, or in his parents cases, his potential for glory. The only person who ever seemed to see the true Charm was his boyfriend, Saber. Unfortunately, the Games were all Saber could focus on at the moment either.

Just this time last year, Charm was planning to mindlessly enter the Games simply because it was what everyone had wanted him to do. So much of his life revolved around his parents plans and the precarious vision of the Charm Lazuli so many people thought and wanted him to be. As he moved closer into adulthood though, questions began to arouse within him about who he truly was as a person. His parents constantly altered his appearance, so his attractive features, though stunning, weren’t necessarily natural. He had a knack for manipulating people and sweet talking what he wanted out of anyone, so he was never sure who liked him for who he truly was or if it was just who they thought he was that they liked. He had even invented a sort of game out of this ability. He would push people and get them to do outlandish things just to see how much sway he had over them. He didn’t necessarily do this out of cruelty, but it sort of became an uncontrollable urge within him. In fact, the only person to ever pass this test was Saber, which was one of the many reasons he was so important to him.

Within all of the self-doubt of this past year however came two rays of hope. One, of course, was Saber, but the other in fact had become the Games. Suddenly it was no longer about pleasing everyone else, but now it had become about proving his worth and value as a person to himself. He needed to enter the arena; because he had become certain that it was the only place he would truly find himself. Charm was positive it could be the only way to be happy, and if the death of twenty three tributes was his only hope for happiness then he would be certain to bring that to fruition.

The one thing in the way of this plan however was ironically the only other thing in his life to bring him genuine joy: Saber. The Games were a touchy subject amongst the two of them, but mostly on Charm’s behalf. While he knew the hazards of the trade of careers, it still didn’t sit well with him what could happen should Saber be Reaped. In fact, Saber’s reaping for the Games was his worst-case scenario. He would lose his chance at finding himself, and potentially lose the boy he loved as well in the process. Then what would he be left with? Also, in the event of his own Reaping, what would become of Saber if he died? The two may have come together under odd circumstances, and by no means was their relationship perfect, however, the two completed each other. Charm didn’t want to abandon Saber; he knew what it was like to feel alone and he didn’t want Saber to ever feel that way again. Thus an internal conflict brewed within Charm and he would just prefer not to discuss the Games. He was used to bottling his thoughts inside before Saber came along, so what’s a few more issues to keep to himself?

He hadn’t realized Saber had moved his way beside the gymnastics bars until he spoke. Charm closed his eyes as he gave a last flip over the bar and hurled himself into a perfect dismount on the mat behind him. He wiped his hands on his shirt and walked over to the hulk of a boy that was his boyfriend. Though Charm was around the average height for his age, Saber’s towering height made him look short by comparison.

Charm smiled up at Saber and gave him coy look, “You sure you don’t want me to throw you down in a quick sparring match before we go?”