Elizabeth Verdain(Wanderer)

Life is a Joke, and no one cares what happens to me.

I ran away to escape the pain, only to find that the pain follows you wherever you go.

I never really cared about my looks. They just never seemed important to me. After all my life was the same, day in and day out, never changing. The same people saw me every day so why make myself look good for them. My hair is always messy, curls everywhere with no ryhme or reason to their placement. I've tried to straighten it when I had nothing to do, but no matter what I did within an hour the curls would return. I have bluish eyes, it's been a while since I had the opportunity to look at them. Being on the run doesn't allow the use of mirrors much. They used to be a bright blue, full of life like the oceans. Than things started to happen in my life, and the color seemed to drain from them. Last I saw them, which was when I ran away, they were a dull blue with no life to them, just like me.

My features are plain I'm of average height and athletic, probably due in part to the fact I was born in District 4. My fashion sense leaves alot to be desired, usually I would just wear my swimsuit or something, but I changed it to something more useful for the environment I currently deal with. I wear a tight fitting light blue tank top, a mini skirt, and leggings. A small vest completes my look, I think it was my moms, but I can't really remember any more. I wear legging, not that I'm a modest person by nature, I would prefer to just wear the mini skirt. I have to look after myself though, and leggings seemed like they would be able to do that better than bear legs.

My skin was always fair, never had a blemish to speak of, smooth and beautiful my mom would tell me. My eyesight was always perfect, but I have a problem with my hearing. I'm partially deaf in both my ears from an infection I had when I was just a baby. I have multiple scars on my back to, I used to punish myself for what I thought was transgressions against the Capital. All in all I'm average in everyway, at one time I may have been pretty, but now I'm a runaway who doesn't really care.

When you think the world is punishing you, than get to it yourself before it can.

Well, I'm going to come out and say it, I'm selfish. I didn't used to be, but now I am. I used to give everything I had to those that needed it more. I wanted to help everyone I saw. I was also a sap, I would cry alot, I felt that I could do so much more for my famliy and friends. I was afraid of the games, they had taken away so many people I loved. They had caused strife in the district as loved ones were taken away, probably never to return. It was to much for me to take, and I would cry myself to sleep into my pillow.

Now I'm as selfish as they get. I don't trust anyone, not since I lost everything I cared about. Being a wanderer is hard, it takes alot out of you...it changes you. I am cold hearted and care about no one anymore, people need to realize as I have that life is terrible, and there is nothing good that is going to happen. You can't look for the good in the world when the world is such a horrid place.

I frequently abuse myself over these things, wishing that none of it had ever happened. I cut myself and burn myself, all to punish myself. I've done it since I was little, but it's gotten worse since I left home. The scars on my back and on my hands are enough proof of all of that. It's rare that I see the ones on my back, but when I lay down the pain is there reminding me they are to.

I've become a skilled hunter to, living out here where you only have yourself to rely on. I can fight, hunt, track, I guess just plain old survive out here by myself. Once my family planned for me to enter the games, if only they could see me now. A rebel in the woods who hates everything. What an existence right, alone with no one else, but it's my existence.

My life, before it became a train wreck, was good. I had family friends, everything a girl could want. Now I'm alone, just me....and now I like it that way.

I was born into District 4 the third child in a family of five kids. It wasn't so bad being the middle kid, I got pushed around alot by my older siblings, Kayla and Ben, but I got push around my younger ones, Beth and Dove. I loved them all, Dove was my favorite though. My youngest sister at age 4, she was so sweet and innocent, just like a dove. We would spend alot of time together looking out across the water waiting for dad to come home during the day.

I would tell her stories of what he was doing, how he was a hero, and the best fisherman in the district. In truth though he was a terrible drunk, and he would get into alot of fights with the Peacekeepers. I couldn't tell her that though, she wouldn't understand and she was so loving. Than when he would come home he would smile at me and Dove, hug us and than take us home. Our mom was always busy, trying to make the house look good. It was hard for her though with five children to take care of. Than with dad's drinking problem she appeared so much older than she was.

One day, when Dove and I were waiting for dad to come home, his fishing boat came in, but he didn't come off. Several of the crew members looked upset and disheveled, and I asked where dad was. The man looked at me and shook his head, than motioned for me to follow him. He pointed towards an alley but took Dove away from me. Tears sprung to my eyes and I walked slowly down the alley to find dad crumpled up in a heap. He was bloodied and beaten, his lifeless eyes staring at me. It was terrible to look at, and I walked out of the alley with tears now streaming down my cheeks. The man shook his head again and pointed at a group of Peacekeepers near the square. It was than that I grabbed Dove and ran home.

That night I cut my hands, finding solice in the pain. I would think about what I could have done to help, anything at all, and with each thought I cut myself. My mom found me in a pool of blood in the morning, my hands ravaged. It was just what she needed, a child who cut herself. Where once I saw good in all things the world was dark. I couldn't see anything good about it, and I continued to cut or burn myself.

Than when I was about fifteen I got home to find my mom was gone. She had killed herself earlier in the day, threw herself into the ocean and drowned. My life turned into hell than, my older siblings and I did our best to keep the family going, but we had no money. We all slowly began to starve to death, my older siblings went first, and soon it was just me and Dove. I was by her bed when she finally fell to sleep. A smile on her face her eyes looking into mine. Tears fell onto her face as her breathing grew weaker and weaker, my life, my sister was leaving me all alone. I didn't have a family or friends I had no one left. When Dove finally fell into her eternal sleep I went to my room and cut myself and burned myself. I was a mess when I finally realized what I must do. I had to leave this place, it was only going to be a source of pain for me. I packed a backpack with my swimsuit and a spare set of clothes and put on some clothes that would be more suited for travel.

I snuck out of the house and went to the docks. I knew a ship would be leaving in the morning to bring the latest haul to the Capital, and I would be a passenger on it. I knew one of the men on board the ship, a friend of my fathers, who helped me sneak on board. When we stopped along the way I sneaked off and ran into the woods. Now I'm not so sure where I am, I foolishly forgot a compass, I'm just wandering around. Forever alone, the memories of my past life, my pain is my own. But I'll live on, I'll ive on if only to do something with my life someday.