I feel your pain. (mylee)

[Deleted]

Jarrett Gravois

2DEC13-Cassie got killed today in the games. I didn't think that seeing anyone get killed would make me so sad. I guess now I understand what my parents must have felt. Well... I imagine that is sort of how they felt.

I never actually knew Cassie or anything, but she was from here. This was the first Hunger Games that I had ever actually gotten to watch, and I see why they're so upsetting to everyone. They were forbidden in my house growing up, though I suspect that only applied to my eyes. Man. I just don't know how to handle this. I think that I'm going to go for a walk or something. END JOURNAL

His mood had already been depleted from the unfortunate series of events he'd seen in the games earlier in the afternoon. He had chosen to go out for a walk to clear his mind, not to have to deal with these... morons today. But of course, when it rained, it poured, and it appeared serenity would not be found today. He couldn't be so lucky. "Yeah. Well, you're just full of suck. So I don't even care. Whatever."

He turned away before the group of antagonists that he'd stumbled upon could close in on him and sprinted away as quick as his feet would carry him. It was hard being so innocent ignorant about everything. Sure, he was actually sixteen years old, but he still saw the world through a seven year olds eyes. You know that moment when you first start to really take in the world around you and let it all sink in? That's where he still was. The other kids his age? Well, they just simply did not understand.

He'd ran as long as he could. His lungs had been screaming for more air for what seemed like an hour now. Now they were telling him to stop. Stop or else we will fill with blood. He had made it all the way into the 'bad side of town.' It wasn't so bad really, downright luxurious in comparison to the conditions the lower class districts lived in. But compared to District 5 as a whole? Yeah, bad side of town. It was somewhat desolate here. There were buildings that had been abandoned and left derelict. Not all of them, but a good many of them. Perfect hiding spots when you were trying to get away from the crowds.

His pace had slowed to a jog by now, but he was still searching for the right house. The blue one with the lime green shudders. There was something about that house that was comforting. Ahh, there it was. He stopped for a second once he'd reached the porch, huffing and puffing in an attempt to regain his normal breath. One more deep intake of oxygen and he was pushing through the door. Straight to the stairs in the back of the living room, and up the stairs. Take a u-turn at the top of the stairs and go to the back room on the right. Master bedroom, lovely closet.

He opened the door into the bedroom, and he could hear the mumbling/sobbings of someone else. He froze in place, just listening for a few moments. Once he'd deemed that it was probably a kid and not a bandit or something, he cautiously proceeded into the bedroom, peering into the dimly lit master closet from the now doorless passthrough.

He only watched for a second before he started to feel like it was a creepy situation, so he broke the tension by disruption the poor boy. "Hey... are you okay or something?"

[Deleted]

Cole Radke

Boom. The sound of a cannon was one I had become familiar with in the past few days of watching the games, but luckily, it had not been Cassie’s. But this time, as I watched the group of eight slicing at each other, the body that fell had a head of familiar flame-red hair. No, that can’t have been Cassie. She’s still there, isn’t she? There has to be another kid with red hair, she can’t be the only one. My eyes darted back and forth on the screen, searching desperately for my sister’s face, as now, it was my only hope. “Cassie? Cassie!” My voice was a frantic yell at the television, and whoever heard me must have thought I was slightly crazy. That didn’t matter now, no, the only thing that mattered was finding my sister and making sure he was okay. I mean, that cannon couldn’t have possibly been hers. Now that, that was crazy.

Minutes began to tick by, each one seeming longer and longer as there was no sight of Cassie. “Come on Cassie, you can’t—.” My words trailed off as one of the boys moved aside and what they were standing over became clear. The red hair I had become so accustomed to pulling as kids was dulling laying against my sister’s sweat-plastered face. Her eyes were quiet, not bright and outgoing as I was used to seeing at home. Why wasn’t she getting up? She had to realize the urgency of the situation, right?

That’s when realization hit me. It threw a punch into my stomach and made me kneel over with pain. Tears began to flow down my face freely, and I began to cry even harder when I realized my parents weren’t even paying attention. I knew they didn’t care how I felt, but shouldn’t they care, at least a little, that their daughter had just died? I spun around to face them, looking into the blank, content stares on their faces in disgust. “Cassie just died, and you can’t even spare a second to think about it? She’s not coming home, she’s gone. She’s gone and dead and you don’t even care.” I couldn’t control my voice, the volume rising louder and louder until my throat began to hurt from screaming. The void looks on their faces hadn’t changed at all, and I didn’t think they even noticed as I ran out of the house.

I’m not going to say I know the district well, but I knew the places Cassie and I used to go, where we used to play and talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Maybe I would get that chance, to grow up and be what I wanted. Be what I told her I would be. I would do that for her now, because she would never have the chance. She would never have the chance to grow up and have kids and be the best mother I could only imagine her to be. That was all ended in the flash of an eye, the shot of a cannon. I told her I would carry her through it all. I promised. It was only grief and terror that flowed through my veins, it was anger. It was an intense hatred of all the kids that still stood, and it would only grow until I had a specific one to channel the bitterness into.

The house that I wandered into seemed to be vacant according to its outside appearance. The door and shutters were worn and cracked, showing years of neglect. I think I sympathized with it a bit, which was the reason I wandered inside, looking through some passage that would separate me from the rest of the world. After blindly feeling my way through the house, I found an upstairs room with one window, the left-behind markings where a bed once was, and a closet. It would do, at least until I could go home.

I sat down in the middle of the room, the fibers of the carpet stretching out around me in endless rows. I’m not going to cry. I can’t do that, there’s no point. Not anymore. Nothing I do or try will bring her back. But as it goes, I cried. My sobs wrecked my body, hiccups coming in between the breaks as I attempted to pull air into my body. I was so consumed in my mess that I didn’t even realize the door had been opened and a boy peered in. “Hey, are you okay?” His words were soft, not threatening, and certainly not sarcastic.

“Honestly? No, not at all. My sister—she’s, she’s gone.” It had been hard enough to think the words that sputtered out of my mouth, let alone speak them. I wasn’t sure if he had even understood what I said, but at this point, repeating myself for clarification wasn’t much of an option.

[Deleted]

Jarrett Gravois

He didn't know exactly how long this house had stood unoccupied, but it had been several years at least. That's how long Jarrett had been hiding out here. The place had held up quite well actually. It hadn't been vandalized yet.

It had, however, been breached. This had always been Jarrett's place of solitary confinement. He'd never had to share, or worry about being found. Apparently that was no longer the case. This person had broke into his safe haven, and had violated his own personal sanctuary. Thankfully, Jarrett was neither possessive nor did he have anger issues. And it was pretty obvious that this kid was having some form of crisis, so he probably needed a sanctuary as well. “Honestly? No, not at all. My sister—she’s, she’s gone.”

He perked a curious brow as he studied the boy. He didn't seem to familiar. He may have seen him in passing before, but Jarrett was a couple of years older, so they didn't go to school together. "Oh. I understand. What happened?" Mister ignorant here, not putting two and two together.

He stepped forward and backed himself up to the wall. He slid down the wall until his rear slapped the ground. His knees were pulled up into his chest and he wrapped his arms around them. "The districts other tribute just got killed by a jabber walking or something. I didn't personally know her, but she was from home you know. I was really hoping that we would have a victor this year. I always hope that District 5 wins."

[Deleted]

Cole Radke

“That girl, the one you look upon as just another kid walking to their death-- that was my sister.” I didn’t know whether or not to be annoyed or happy, as talking about Cassie now wouldn’t help or change anything. I don’t know how to feel, or even how to answer the boy’s ignorant questions. I might as well be up front, as he won’t be figuring out anything on his own soon. “That girl, the one that was just killed in the games, she was my sister.” The words were shaky, coming out one syllable at a time. I put my head back into my hands and tried to not cry anymore. But I’m horrible at holding back tears, and so the sobs once again racked my body, shaking my every bone until I was gasping for breath.

I have always believed, since the moment my sister entered the arena, she was invincible. That nothing less than something supernatural could bring her down, but after day four, with the badgers, I realized my sister is nothing more than human, and that was more terrifying than the muttations that ripped at her body and tore at her flesh. Her blood was a sign of vulnerability, and it was something I never wanted to see again. It hurt worse to realize I could do nothing but watch, nothing but scream unheard advice at a response-less television. My parents hadn’t even been home when it happened, but it didn’t matter, because they would have just gone back to their room and closed the door, leaving me to the nightmares that now haunted me almost every night. I hadn’t slept since Cassie had left, well, not more than one or two hours a night anyway.

I looked back to the boy with an expression that wasn’t anger, wasn’t sadness, and wasn’t terror. It was blank, like a clean slate that had just been erased. My mind had cycled through so many thoughts in the last half an hour that it was now exhausted, unable to process anything besides the necessities of keeping me alive. Breathe in, breathe out, inhale, exhale. My breaths were still jagged, my throat being scratched by the air that was forcing its way into my lungs. I felt my body start to shiver, and I realized that I had run out of the house in clothes that were not really correct considering the weather. There was nothing in the room to warm myself with, so I pulled my shirt closer around me and huddled my knees to my chest. I didn’t want to talk anymore, I just wanted to sleep and have my sister back again. Was that really too much to ask? Apparently so.

However, I couldn’t be mean to this boy who had no obligation to stay and talk to me. I appreciated his not running off at the sight of my ragged appearance, and I didn’t even know his name. I composed myself the best that I could, and met his eye. “I’m Cole Radke, sorry I didn’t introduce myself right away, I was err—kinda tied up.”