bury a friend, try to wake up. // victors, for patricia.

[[ retro gm ] angel lí ✨]

It seemed like a good idea at the time, a way to ease the collective strain on their hearts, but now all that sits in Saffron's heart is a heavy pit of dread.

Typical of her to project manage this private wake, stepping in with action to try and heal wounds she will never be able to find, let alone tend to. But Saffron has found, after all this time, that doing is a lot easier than not doing. It keeps her busy, gives her purpose. Eases the guilt with every day not gone wasted into the night.

Gathered in a group by a small plot of grass in the Victor's Village of District Five, Saffron stands with her fellow survivors in a sombre, almost awkward silence. She and Mace had shed their tears in private, over the phone to a close few, passed out hugs and held on to their friends just that little tighter than usual. Now it was time to bury that guilt - or at least a small part of it - that they stood here breathing in the crisp winter air of Five, and Patricia Valfiernio did not.

Saffron brings her offering first: a red oak sapling, promising a fire of leaves in the sky come autumns long into the future. Something from home, a reminder of one of they very many things the two woman had shared. And strong - like she was. Like Patricia was.

Was.

Saffron swallows, eases her tree into the dirt, covers the hole with fresh mulch. Patricia had always loved her garden. Why not let the best of her live on in this one, too?

"Who next?" she asks gently to the crowd, turning to catch the sight of tear-glistened eyes.

SAFFRON.

table by elegant 

[d7m fraser birk ♚ frankel]

It does feel intrusive being here, one of the new ones. My time knowing Patricia is a mere moment compared to the near lifelong relationships she likely had with the victors long before me. Though Patricia seemed to be different to the others, a kind of net that kept us all together. Selfless. Always the perfect person to receive some wise grounded advice from. Now that is all gone.

I would be wrong not to pay respects to my neighbor though, I was quick to answer the call from Saffron when the wake was arranged. Teddy and I took the journey together and now we stand amongst everyone else, eyes down at the well-tended turf.

Rubbing my nose with one hand, I hold a sapling plant in a compost filled small pot in the other. Flora is not exactly my strongest subject, but herbal remedies do have their benefits. The sapling is a valerian, a sweetly scented pink and white perennial that may well grow to be a meter high. It is not just a plant to admire but its root can be used for its calming effects. Hopefully the next person to marvel at the garden shrine will use my offering if they need it. Patricia will have wanted us to look after ourselves, I guess.

Being second to go does seem rude but I seem to be in front of the circle and nobody shifts quick enough as my eyes dart across the somber faces. I don’t say anything as I empty the pot into the dirt hole that I carefully pat down. Back up from my knees, I dust the dirt from my trousers then merge back into the group, making sure to stand by a taller member.

[Malachor Erso D2 (Cato)]

Harbinger Rhodes

It's still so hard to believe that Patricia is gone. It's like a nightmare that I'm unable to wake up from, and no matter where I turn, the announcements are still coming. It's hard to wrap my mind around it all, and all I can think about is the number of times I could've spoken to her and forgave her for killing my brother. Being a victor, I understand what the games does to someone, I understand that people literally do whatever they have to do to make sure they make it out of this mess alive. And now I stand in the victor's village of District Five with the other victors, and I don't feel as though I belong here. Since I survived the games, I didn't talk to her once. I didn't get to know her, and in fact, I spent as much time as possible avoiding her. I wasn't close to her, but we're still victors, and we had that in common. I almost didn't come, but I didn't want to be rude.

Now I stand here drawing my jacket closer trying to keep myself warm in the breeze of the cold winter day. My hands fiddle around in my pockets, and all I can think about is the last time I saw her. It was simply in passing, and I still had the chance to go up and talk to her, but now I don't, and this isn't how I wanted to say goodbye. This isn't how I wanted our time to end together, and I'm so angry at myself for never saying sorry or forgiving her. I didn't forgive her while she was alive, and now I can't, and I'll never forgive myself for it, and I'll regret it until the day I die.

A heavy sigh leaves my chest as Saffron makes her way up first, and leaves a little something, and then Flynn goes. And nobody moves after him. I remove a small trinket from my pocket. It's nothing big, but it belonged to Crusader, and I think it's time I let go of it. I slowly make my way towards her grave, and I try to keep my eyes from watering. Crying in front of these people will only make things worse. I stop when I'm at her grave, and I lay the tiny trinket down, and I mutter very quietly under my breath so nobody can hear. "I'm sorry, Patricia, for never forgiving you for killing my brother. I wish I would've told you sooner, while you were alive, but I forgive you." I turn around and walk back to the crowd and wait for the service to finish.

District Eleven

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