Untitled Works [Breeze]

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~My biography is located here~

The empty sound of silence resonates through the small bookstore as my hands fly across the paper. Small, scrawled writing is written in my black leather book, worn and battered from all of the usage. The feeling of the soft paper makes my skin tingle with excitement. This is so wrong. But it's so right.

Writing: the job of the fools. They just write and write and don't care what happens, just as long as they can write about it. I guess I fall into this category then. I don't mind it in all honesty, but my parents must not know about this, for the beatings will soon occur once again, and the papers will be thrust into the fireplace.It happened before, I don't know how or why I even decided to continue on this path. But it's just so... addicting. I can't stop writing, it's... almost like it's in my blood.

Click.

What was that? It may have simply been a footstep, or a paperclip falling to the floor. But it's so sudden that I immediately close my book, and shove it into my backpack. I quickly listen for any more sounds. But there isn't any. Hmm... strange.

I'm not supposed to be here. My parents expect me to be at home, studying. I guess they hope that I'll make it past the reapings after all, but I can't be certain. The way they've been talking to me after finding out my passion is just... degrading.

I sigh. I came here to find a book on electronic toys. But I didn't even bother to look for it yet. I'm a failure - somebody who just has their head in the clouds. I've tried and tried to be different, but I just can't change. It's horrifying. I won't be able to do anything in this world if I can't change my habits. I have to stop dreaming. I must be realistic.

But it's just so difficult to do so.

A man walks in. Sandy hair, built physique. I feel blood rushing to my face as I immediately absorb myself into a book on... Cooking? Okay, cooking. This isn't right. I've tried to prevent this from happening. Whatever happened to "You can do anything if you set your mind to it?" Well apparently changing your sexuality doesn't fall into that category. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

The man has already found his book. He's already out the door, walking away with purpose shining in his eyes. See, he knows what he wants to do. Why can't I do that? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I do what my parents tell me?

Why can't I do anything right?

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter
Forever lost in your eyes
Aaron sighed as he raked his hand though his mop of dark brown
hair, staring at the titles that ran together for him. Anne, one of
his full-blooded sisters, had declared that he needed to decide
what he was going to do when he finished school and left the
Factories, or at lease got another job. She had actually stole his
key and locked him out, yelling though the window that until he
got a book on at lease one potential job that he decided to
presue she wouldn't let him back in the house. For a ten year
old, he decided, she was very bossy. With a big vocabulary.

The eighteen year old picked up a book on mechaincs but quickly
put it back, shaking his head. Anne would have a fit and lock him
back out of the house.

He was distracted by a brown haired man, about the same age
as Aaron, writing in a worn book. Aaron worried at his lip slightly,
shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The guy was kinda
cute (Not that Aaron would do anything about it. Nope. He learnt
his lesson with Lavan Moroz, his supervisor, who was his boss's
son, who was totally hot.) Every now and then, Aaron would
glance over at the guy. He pulled out a book at random, hoping it
would please Anne, but he had let himself be distracted with how
the light fell on the guy's hair, quite a lovely color Aaron decided,
that he let the large, heavy book fall to the floor with a very
loud "Thump".

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All is silent. The thump earlier unnerved me, but I have to find that book on toys. I have a test on assembling a talking stuffed bear next week and I have... well actually I know exactly how to do it, but reading about it can't be a horrible thing to do. I search up and down the hallways, looking for the only book in District 3 that has to do with this mundane task. But it's not here. Darn.

I slowly slink back to my seat by the windowsill. The light shines on my face in a rather comfortable manner. It's best to get as warm as possible when fall rolls around. I feel a sense of slight unease though. What was that thump?

Intrigued, I being to look around the library, nonchalantly "looking for another book". And then I see him. He's wearing a hat, but that doesn't detract from the piercing blue eyes that I'm getting drawn into...

Stop. Focus.

I clear my head of thoughts, and attempt to find something to read that doesn't have to do with electronics. My quest is unsuccessful for many reasons. First, there aren't any books that don't have to do with electronics in this section. And second, I can't stop thinking about those eyes... I decide to look... Just one more time.

Another glance just makes me more... intrigued. They're just so... amazing. I take a split second to gaze at his face. Pale skin, messy brown hair... He's very attrac-

Stop.

So I can't even think about him?

That is correct. You're not-

Yes. I am.

... But you don't have to admit it.

With a soft sigh, I start to return to my desk. But my eyes start to return to his face, and I know that it probably will be noticed sooner or later. So I might as well say hello or something.

But I can't say anything. My tongue isn't working. So the best I can do is nod in acknowledgment.

You stupid boy. You can't even say a fricking hello to somebody.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter

Just say it, he hold himself.

It's just a stupid hello. It wouldn't mean anything. Although, it
could lead to something awesome, a voice, one that sounded
like his ex-girlfriend, and current best friend, chimed, agreeing
with him.

Aaron glanced over at the boy again and noticed that he was
watching him. Not that Aaron couldn't say he hadn't been doing
the same. What if the boy had noticed that he had been staring,
like a creep, and had been watching to see if he would do it
again? Aaron was so screwed if that was the case.

Aaron shot him a small smile, which probably came out as either
a smirk or a small grimace. He tried to seem confindate, but that
was hard to do while all he felt was the butterflies going crazy in
his stomach. It wasn't like how it was with moroz, after Aaron
found out that he wasn't going to be fired. That was more like
mutant butterflies, fueled by lust. These where just the normal
ones.

Aaron shook his head. He reallly needed to stop thinking about
Moroz. That was in the past.

He mustered the little courage he could and walked over to the
boy a random book about electronical bears tucked under his
arm.

"Hello," He said hestantly, wanting to run. Forget this crrazy
idea, and just check out the book and run. He didn't care if Anne
wouldn't approve of the book, his courage was failing him. "I'm
Aaron Carter.

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He smiles back. I can feel an odd sensation in my stomach as I see that rather adorable smirk on his face. It's strange really. I've had some crushes before, but not like this. The person is actually noticing me for the first time. It feels... weird. I'm not supposed to be noticed. Being noticed leads to bad things happening to you.

I contemplate just leaving. My brain wills me to flee. But something makes me stay. What does though? An innate feeling that something's going to happen? Unlikely. It's not logical to assume that something will happen just because the two of you have acknowledged each other.

He walks up to me, a book tucked underneath his arm.

Oh, there it is.

But I'm not paying attention to the book right now. My eyes are gazing at his face again... And he's looking back. I can feel some blood rush to my cheeks.

Do NOT blush. No, nonononono.... darn it.

Aaron. So that's his name... It's nice, I like it a lot actually. It's interesting. And he says it so... hesitantly, like he's shy or something. It really is attract-

Don't say that word.

Why?

Because...

I continue to gaze at him, the blush making my face warmer by the second, out of both embarrassment and an attraction. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to answer him now. Shoot, now he'll think I'm strange or something.

"Prewitt.... My name's Prewitt...Pierce. Prewitt Pierce" I studder.

Great. Well that could have gone better.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter

The boy, Prewitt he reminded himself, (A very nice unusual
name, "Raven" sung in his head.) was blushing. And Aaron found
that adorable.

Now, don't you just wanna throw him on the table and-

No, he mentally hissed at "Raven", before she could go into to
much detail about what he actually did want to do to Prewitt. I
do not. He felt a light blush spread across his cheeks.

Liar. He reallt needed to quite talking to the voice inside his
head. He was sure there was a professional for that, not that he
could afford to go to one. But still.

"It's nice to meet you, Prewitt." A light smile danced across his
face.

Now if only two men could have children. You guys would make
the cutest babies! Aaron wanted to smack himself for allowing
the voice in his head to think that. He would have, too, if Prewitt,
the main subject of the insane conversation with the voice in his
head, wasn't sitting right there.

Had he, offically, gone insane?[/center][/size]

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Do that again.

No, don't do it again, that'll make you feels even more ridiculously girly than what you already are.

Those are the first thoughts that pops into my mind when I see that dazzling smile appear. That sweet, timid, amazing smile that practically makes the butterflies fly with even more force. It's quite possible that I shall faint from the sheer ecstasy of watching him light up a bit.

This... this hasn't happened to me... ever. It's such an odd sensation that I don't even ponder to think about what my parents might say while I stand in front of this boy, who can't be much older nor younger than me. I haven't ever seen him before though. Maybe we're not in the same classes. I don't know. I'm not sure about anything at this point.

All I know right now is that I'd like to spend a little more time wi-

You don't know the kid. You don't know what he's like, what his personality traits are, etc. He could be a freaking psycho for ripred's sake!

So stop. Stick with the norm, and spare yourself the pain.

And that's what prevents me from coming right out and smiling back. Not like I would show teeth or anything, but still. I don't want to get hurt. Not again. I'm already hurt almost everyday by my parents. Absentmindedly, I find myself rubbing my collarbone, where there's a large bruise. It's not very noticeable because most of it was under my shirt, but if someone looked there, they'd see it.

"What's wrong with you! Are you rolling your eyes at me!?"

"No mother."

"Oh yes you were, I saw you."

"I was not rolling my eyes father."

"Oh really, well how 'bout now!?"

SMACK

"Now tell me, did you roll your eyes at your mother, the woman who gave you your fucking life, huh!?"

"No."

SMACK

"TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH!"

"...yes. I'm very sorry, it shall not happen again."

I'm already hurt physically. Do I really want to have the possibility of being hurt by someone who I barely even know? Do I?

No.

Yes. I do.

No, you don't. Because you won't be able to bear it. Now do yourself a favor and just go home.

Just go.

The light fades from my eyes as I nod curtly. Maybe it'd be best not to even try. Maybe we won't get hurt in the process. But would just leaving hurt his feelings?

I shouldn't have done this. I really should have just left when I could have escaped from this torture. The two conflicting sides are bound to pull me apart soon.

I can't take the possible pain. But I don't want to miss out on the only chance I might have at a relationship.

"I...I... I shouldn't have.... It was nice to meet..."

And I can't finish the sentence. I know he'll be wondering what he's done wrong as I quickly walk out of the library.

But it's not him. It'll never be him.

It's me and my stupid logic.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter
Aaron watched Prewitt run his collarbone, just under his shirt.
the first thought that sprung to mind was Is he in an abusive
relationship? Was Prewitt's parents doing that to him?

Aaron watched him leave, confusion written across his face, and
a tiny twinge in his heart.

He wanted to run after Prewitt and, despite knowing him for
under half an hour, he wanted to kiss him, show him how it felt
like to be happy. But no, he didn't. He just stood there, book
hanging in his grasp, watching him walk away. He didn't even
know if Prewitt was even gay.

Aaron didn't want to be hurt again.

He's not Moroz! Raven yelled at him. Don't let him get away! This
could be your chance to be happy, and if you ruin it, Aaron Bailey
Carter, God have mercy on you, because I sure as hell won't.

Great, now he was being threatened by the voice in his head.
There was deffinantly something wrong with him.

Aaron sighed, putting his book down and jogging after Prewitt.
He scanned the streets, spotting the boy quickly.

"Prewitt!" He called, jogging, hoping to catch up, cursing himself
for listening to that insane little voice in his head.

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You're an idiot. You're a FUCKING idiot. You let him slip away, you know that, right?

Shut up.

I walk quickly, just trying to get away from it all. Away from Aaron, away from my parents, away from everything. I weave my way through the evening rush, winding in and out of people's paths. I hear a few shouts of protest, some "Hey, watch where you're going!"s. But I don't pay attention. I just walk, and walk, and walk.

Why did I do that? Looking back I was stupid. So what? You get hurt. Stuff like that happens. But you're supposed to move on, so you can get hurt again. It's a vicious cycle. But there's nothing wrong with getting hurt, is there?

No. Yes. I don't know.

The only thing I'm paying attention to is the fact that I probably won't even see him again. District 3 is an ever-growing population. The capitol needs us to create their showers, their hovercrafts, the little musical trinkets. Stuffed animals that talk. They want- no, need these things. And there's so many people in 3 now.

And I don't think I'll be able to run into the same person twice. But sometimes, I wish that I could do that. Maybe I'd have a friend or two if that happened.

I start to quicken my pace. Soon, I'm in a full out sprint towards home, where there's no more emotional pain. Just a bunch of scum who like to punch and kick their way into submission. Home.

And I'm almost past the square, and to my house, when I trip on somebody's foot, and go flying. I skid against the sharp concrete, feeling my shirt rip in many places. I can feel the skin being scraped off.

My shaking body simply lies on the floor racked by my sobs.

Why do people even try to talk to me? I might as well be dead. Nobody'd miss me either way.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaronn B. Carter
Rejection reverberated though his body, leaving him hollow.
Aaron began the treck to his home, forgetting about the book.
What did it matter, anyways?

He trudged though the crowds, head down. And he was moving
faster then he thought he was. He was suprised when he was
coming up to his house awhile later.

Anne was sitting outside with their siblings, the youngest, his
half-sister, was sitting by the sidwalk, feet strechted out. The six-
year-old began wailing when somebody tripped over her.

Aaron sighed as he jogged over and picked up up, carefully
patting her back and whispering reassurances to her. The twins
ran off to get a first aid kit, and Aaron went to make sure that
guy who triped was alright.

"I'm sorry about Karen, she tends to get underfoot," He said,
offering a hand to the man.

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It hurts. I slowly am able to look at the damage that the concrete has caused. My black sweater's ruined, my button-down shirt is scuffed up. Now I'm going to have to explain to my parents why I will not be able to wear this when I get home. And then I'll be hit for being careless, an-

It's him. Am I... I'm in front of his house? He lives near me? What? But I have no time to comprehend this as he reaches his hand out to me. Clearly, he has no idea as to who I am at this point. So I'm going to have to explain myself. I want to make things right. Well I'd also be okay if I dated him but that's not likely anymore. But it's better to attempt to make amends than to just leave hurt feelings alone I guess.

"Look... I'm really sorry. I... I shouldn't have ran away. I was stupid, and didn't care for anybody's feelings but my own. And I really... Am not used to having people actually be nice to me and... I didn't want to get hurt."

"So I'm sorry. I'm just... so sorry."

I stand up on my own - I don't deserve to even look at Aaron, much less touch his hand. I'm a selfish idiot who really should just go away.

But I can't. I don't want to. I guess that's the selfish-ness talking again.

You'll get hurt. I assure you.

Well wounds heal over time. And this one will hopefully get better quicker than what's expected.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter
Aaron blinked. He hadn't even expected it to be Prewitt. He
rubbed the back of his neck with his freehand, the one he had
offered to the fallen boy.

"Look, it's alright." Aaron replied, shifting his weight and
adjusting Karen slightly. "We all have a tendancy to do things we
may or may not regret." Karen stole his hat playfully, setting it on
her own head.

"Aar, youw know him?" Karen asked in her adorable six-year-old
way.

Aaron smiled at her. "He's a friend, sweety."

Karen squirmed to be put down and he gently placed her on the
ground, which he quickly regretted because she began running
towards the house screaming "An, Aar has a boyfriwend! Aar has
a boyfriwend!" Aaron felt a blush creep up on him as strangers
and neighbors turned to stare at them.

"Again, I'm sorry about Karen. I don't think she has to correct
meaning of 'boyfriend'."

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It's awkward. He uses the hand that he offered to me to rub the back of his neck. He's holding his sister I think. Yeah, his sister. She's actually really adorable. It makes me think about having a kid. But I know that that option is not going to be able to be explored. I actually never had thought about children. I'd just been so absorbed in my own life, that I hadn't remembered what I was supposed to be doing this for. My parents have pressured me to find a girlfriend, but that's one thing that they don't push me to do.

And then the girl takes off Aaron's hat. His hair... It's pink? It's a little surprising, seeing that I hadn't assumed him to be a "dye your hair, get a tattoo" kind of guy, but it doesn't look bad or anything... Or that just might be the little crush that I'm holding acting up.

Toddlers are always either really observant, or super oblivious as to what they blurt out of her mouth. And Karen's definitely on the oblivious side as she shouts out that Aaron has a "boyfriend". People stop and stare at us, showing expressions that range from curiosity to outright disgust. Geez, it's not like we're having sex in the street or anything.

Both of us blush a bit, out of embarrassment I suppose. And when he states that she doesn't know what she means by "boyfriend" I nod absentmindedly, my eyes once again focused onto his. I've really got to get another hobby. Maybe it'll help me get less focused on men.

I like him. I really do. But I'm a bit too scared to do anything about it. What if he's straight? What if he just doesn't like me at all? Maybe he hates me for running away from it. Oh gosh, I'm going to freak him out if I ask to go on a date or something. This isn't good. Not good at all. First of all, I'm all scraped up, my clothes ripped and such. Plus I have no guts whatsoever.

Way to go. Bravo. Encore.

Shut the hell up.

People have already started to look away by now, convinced that the girl just doesn't know what "boyfriend" means. And they're right, for the most part. I watch as they silently slip away to their own lives and problems, not caring about what happens to two boys just standing in front of a lawn, one slightly bleeding.

And if they don't care... what's to stop me from asking him?

Yourself.

No, not anymore. I'm going to ask him.

Your parents will kill you.

That's only if they find out.

So I take a deep breath.

"Umm... Do you want... to... hang out sometime?"

That... that was fantastic.

SHUT IT.

At the end of my sentence I end up turning a deep shade of pink again. Stupid emotions, always making everything worse.

But I'd really like to see him again, so I don't dwell on that.

[Breeze-Chan]

Aaron B. Carter
Aaron's blush darkened slightly. Did Prewitt really just wanted to
hang out, or did he mean like "date hangout"? Either way, Aaron
knew he wanted to.

"Sure," He smile, a soft innocent one. Just a smile. He really
hopped Raven didn't come along and spoil it.

"Aaron!" one of the twins yelled. "We found the first aid!"

"We found something else, to!"

The twins came thundering out of the house, one carrying a first
aid kit, the other a pink rat. Aaron sighed as the girls screamed.

"Where did you two find the rat?"

"...Well," Justin began. "Last year we where using a rat for a
science project and we lost it. And now, we found it in where
mom use to keep her dyes. He was with the red powder..."

Aaron sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Go find his
cage in that pig stye you two call a room and keep him in there."
He left out the part where he was going to look for a home for
the poor thing tomorrow. He knew the twins, even though they
where sixteen, couldn't take care of a living animal. Hell, their
goldfish didn't last a week. When the twins left, leaving the kit
with Anne, who was bringing it to Aaron, Aaron turned back to
Prewitt.

"Sorry about that." He offered a weak smile.

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The blush on his face becomes much more prominent after I ask this. Is he flattered, or embarrassed? It's hard to tell with blushing - he might just be a straight guy who doesn't want to appear homosexual. Or he might not be. Who knows anymore? Not me.

But he... He said yes... How? Why? Would he really want to go out with me if I hurt him? I mean, I just left him there in the library, running away from my fears. I can't handle stuff, he probably has already figured that out.

But it doesn't matter why right now, the important thing is that he said yes. The word is almost never spoken to me. Now, I'll be able to actually do something for a change. How intriguing.

The boy then smiles. It's a bit different than the first one, but much more intoxicating. I can feel my lips start to smile as well, a little grin, mouth closed. The blush returns to my face... again. I've really got to stop that.

And then, his brothers come running up with a rat that's the same suspicious color as Aaron's hair, talking about how they lost their rat, and found him, alive. In their mother's powders. Well I guess I know how Aaron dyes his hair then.

"So... tomorrow, 4 o'clock? We can meet... Wherever you'd like I guess"