Rachael Loveguard District 2 FINISHED

[Anna Banana]

Name: Rachael Loveguard
Age: 16
Gender: Female
District/Area: District 2

Appearance:

I'm beautiful in my own right, and yet...I feel like there is something missing, something that could really make me attractive. My frame is thin and I don't have the curves that all the other girls have, but I think I make up for it in other areas. At least I don't look COMPLETELY bad, I have someone who loves me at least in my girlfriend, so that's got to give me some points, not that I think I deserve it.

Personality:

I'm a perfectionist, I'll admit it, I never think that what I give is good enough, I want to give more and more and more until I have nothing left. On top of that I'm stubborn and rather argumentative if I don't agree with you. People say I come off as aggressive but I'm really not, if people ever get to know the real me they find out I'm rather mild and timid, fragile actually. I have a problem with my confidence if you couldn't tell before, but I'm trying, I really am, just it's hard sometimes.

History:

I basically raised myself, I knew my dad for a little while, but mom and dad split up and now I have to share my time between the two of them. It can get annoying sometimes because all I want is to make them proud, but I don't know how to make both of them proud. It all just seems so hard to be able to do all that, I never know if what one wants will be what the other wants...along the way I can't even make myself happy.

Codeword: Odair

Other:So this charrie is based off of a very good friend of mine, and I really want to do her justice, we'll have to see how it goes. This one's for you bestie <3

[Anna Banana]

[presto]

Rachael Loveguard

Well as early back as I can remember I was about four years old, you might think it odd that I don't remember much before that, but I really can't help how my memory is. My family moved a lot in those first four years, from section to section of District 2, trying to find the perfect place that we could call home. It just didn't work though, we weren't meant to find that perfect place, and I wasn't meant to really remember any of it. I think that's why I can't, partly because I wanted to forget about it, and partly because there just wasn't anything significant enough out there for me to remember. We finally settled down in one spot, and my parents, Joseph and Katherine Loveguard decided they would take that time to argue about absolutely everything. It started with them just not getting along, but it soon escalated into them accusing each other of cheating the other with someone else. I know it's a lie though, my dad wouldn't do that to my mom, whenever I visit him he still talks about her, I'm pretty sure he's still in love with her. It confused me when I was little, but now that I'm older it doesn't really anymore.

I was able to tolerate and deal with it all for a while, it was sad at first knowing my parents split up and everything, because I still loved both of them. One of them changed though, my mom, she sort of became closed off. I already felt like she didn't love me as much as my siblings, yes, I have a brother and a sister. I didn't mention them at first because...well...I'm jealous of them, they always got the attention of my parents. My brother got the attention of my dad and my sister got the attention of my mom. I was just stuck at the last kid they had, I'm pretty sure I was a mistake child, because my parents love me, but I feel like they don't love me...as much as they could. To make matters worse my mom married again, and the man she decided to marry was the worst kind of man ever. He was arrogant, pushy, rude, and worst of all he hated me out of all of the kids. I swear he has a personal agenda to take me down and try and make my life as miserable as possible.

I'm seven years old now, I'm still living with my brother and sister, my step-dad is still the worst in the world to the point that he almost broke apart my family even more. On top of that my brother decided he was going to start hanging out with the wrong crowd, and of course that had to reflect on me. He was abusive with me, not in a really terrible way, but he would hit me sometimes and when he got angry he would take it out on me because I was so small. What could I do but take it and come up with some excuse about this bruise or that bruise when people asked, I would fall down the stairs or bump my head on the counter. It wasn't all bad though, I sort of grew in independence during this time, I came to realize that I couldn't rely on anyone else for anything, that I needed to work for all of it. Naturally though I still wanted to make my parents proud, so whenever I did anything, and I literally mean anything, I did it with 110%. I wasn't satisfied with anything less than perfect, and it got to the point where I would be upset with myself for not reaching that level of perfection that I expected of myself.

I think it was all in the hope that if I could amount to something it might bring my family back together, that if they could be proud of something it would bring them together to be proud of it as a family. I was so childish though, how could I possibly think that would bring them together, I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I wanted them to be proud of me even more now. It's not like my siblings were the best examples of anything, so I figured I could be better than both of them. Better grades, better at fighting, I just wanted to be better than them, and better than myself...I wanted to exceed even my own expectations for myself. Thus my perfectionism came to be, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING had to be perfect, from the way the house looked down to the way I looked. The only problem with that arose when I slowly began to hate myself, nothing seemed right about me, in a life where I sought perfection I wasn't perfect, and as a result I hated myself.

My life went on like that for a while, thing got a little better when my brother and sister went out and got places of their own, but I was still seeking perfection from myself. I mean what was perfect about a girl with messy brown hair, and the fashion sense of a rock. I can usually be found in plaid, plaid shirts, plaid shorts, all my outfits have to have plaid in them somewhere. Oh and sweatshirts, I love sweatshirts and jeans, you can usually find me in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a button up plaid shirt over it, varying in colors. If I'm cold a sweatshirt will make it into the equation, but generally you'll find me in what I described before. I mean when I look in the mirror I don't see a beautiful girl, I see someone who lacks any sort of beauty or perfection. How can I attain perfection if I look like this. I was just so plain and unattractive and on top of that my life at school wasn't the best.

School was where everything reached a culmination, I'm terrible at making friends, probably because I'm a little more...reserved than most. I would be shunned because I was like the nerd, I would think introspectively about things and try and discover the purpose behind it all. As an example someone could ask "What is the meaning of life", a completely theoretical question in every sense of the word, but I would seriously try to find the meaning behind it. It's not like I purposely try to annoy people with all that stuff, it's just how I think, it's how I handle myself, I overthink everything and feel guilty for everything and I just want it all to stop. It's as much a part of me as anything though, I over think and I feel guilty about over thinking and I over think about feeling guilty for over thinking...and if you could follow that you're really amazing.

So now you've got the foundation of who I am...why don't you learn about what I'm aiming to be now. Through all that my dating life was pitiful, I didn't date anyone through the first...fourteen years of my life and when I was fifteen I got into a relationship with one of my oldest friends. It was okay at first, I thought I liked it, but as time went on I slowly began to hate myself for it, I just couldn't explain why. It was like a feeling in my chest that made me want to scream. He wanted to get more physical and intimate with me, all the kissing and the holding hands and the being in his arms, but it didn't feel right at all. I began coming up with excuses as to why I couldn't or I would go so far as to wash my hands after he left, afraid that there might still be part of him clinging to me. That's about the time I met her, a girl that seemed to understand me better than anyone ever had. She wasn't perfect, she had her own struggles, but slowly I began to develop feelings for her.

She actually asked me first, but I was more than willing to be with her. It felt right, the whole situation seemed right, from day one I knew that there was more to my feelings for her then just as a friend. She was sweet and kind and understanding to all of my quirks, and of all the things she could possibly have done for me...she called me beautiful. No one had ever called me that before, my family, my friends, my old boyfriend...they didn't call me beautiful. It was like she could see the me that I hid from everyone, the me that was insecure about everything, the me that was afraid to let anyone down, most of all myself. She looked passed it all though, and she would hold me in her arms and she would tell me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world. How about that for a confidence booster, and you know what, I actually started to believe I was beautiful thanks to her, I actually felt like I could feel good about myself without feeling guilty.

I'm still not perfect, and I don't mean that in the way I used to, but I'm getting better. Perfection isn't what I want anymore, just giving everything the best that I can is good enough for me. I don't have to be scared of letting my parents or myself down because whenever I mess up I know she'll be there to comfort me. It's like...I want to be a better person but I can do it at my own speed, and I don't have to be the perfect that I wanted because in her mind I'm already perfect. That's the only perfect I need though, the perfect that she describes as me...just being me. That's what I want though, that's what I want to keep my sights set on, I want to be proud of who I am, and I want to let my girlfriend keep me safe the way she does. I want to be more like her, never giving up and proud of who I am because I want to prove to her that I can be proud of who I am, that I can be a girl she can be proud of, that I can be the girl she loves, Rachael Loveguard.

[/presto]

[Anna Banana]

I believe she's finished now. let me know if it's all okay.

[Anna Banana]

My apologies for bumping her if that's not good right now, but for any staffie who checks this out, it's a "presto" table so you have to put the mouse over the image to see the text <3. Please and thank you.

[Deleted]

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