let's throw a RAVE

[moon(stone)]

oh rave, teach me your ways.

[Deleted]

(  let's get it started! )

Ayo moon! I'm Rave and I'mma be ya tutor today

Reading through some of your posts, I can tell you already have a sense of flow and great grammar -- both good things! With the basics in place we can get right on in with the fun stuff. 

Of course, before then we're going to have to decide exactly what to work. First, what would you like to focus on through this? Is there a certain weakness poking at ya ribs, or would you just like to begin with beefing up some mighty descriptions? Between those, specifying characterizations, world building, learning to forward a plot or just getting a handle on emotions -- it can be suffocating to start. 

To help decide where you'd like to work first, a have a lil' thing in mind:

With all the threads we have scrambled around here, I want you to go do a bit of research. For your first exercise (ahhh, baby steps!) I want you to find 3 posts that just kinda make your heart flutter -- digest them. Put on some relaxing music or something, and when you're finished reading them I want you to pull a really good quote that just hit you like a pound of bricks. (If you need a starting place, Elegant's posts are always ughhhh, perfect) 

Afterwards I'd like for you to tell me what you liked about them. Was the emotion like, soul shattering? Or maybe the description just felt like velvet on your heartstrings -- let me know! I'm interested to hear back from you, moon <3 

[moon(stone)]

Okay, this is the first post. It's Asha's post from the 74th bloodbath.
I do not think twice when I am called to step onto the silver pedestal. In that second I become a personification of sanity itself teetering off the edge of a cliff. One part insane, two parts bloodthirsty, when I break into open air I exhale in relief. The cornucopia is a beacon for the long term fulfillment of death itself. I stopped believing in death as an entity years ago, but death as a promise waiting to be fulfilled never quite faded away, just like the labels left behind when anyone dared to fill silence with the name Asha.

It stands tall in its wooden glory, items practically overflowing from its mouth - it resembles a cabin for death's rest period.

Okay, first of all, there is the multilayeredness of this line. There's the description of the Cornucopia, which is straightforward. But the layer added to it, the part where it resembles a cabin for death's rest period, is genius. It just is. While you're surrounded by death you have a cabin where you can rest that might be your salvation but it's not, it's your final resting place. Just amazing.
I'll be back with the other two posts later today.

[moon(stone)]

So this is the second post. I dug deep into the archives for this one. It's for Renee's funeral, a tribute whose district I don't remember. But this struck my eye.

i am no stranger to death. no, not by a long shot - death is something i have imprinted into my mind, encasing it within the walls of my memories and burning the crystal clear image of my father's body, my mother's hollowed body into my brain. i have lost the ones who were supposed to be closest to me, and compared to that pain, the loss of my ally stings far less. but there is a sting. the sort of omnipresent ache in your heart when somebody you know has gone, the sudden shock that washes over your body when you realise it.

it's like the first time i experienced such a thing. before even my father died, i had one friend. we were just like ordinary kids, playing in meadows and running around the streets and laughing and having fun because we didn't know the true nature of this world. but one day, we discovered what death meant when her mother fell ill, bedridden and weak, pale, succumbing to the illness that robbed her of her youth. when she passed, the life escaping her eyes and her body falling limp in the desperate embrace of her daughter, we learned what death was, and we learned how cruel fate was.

It has such a true and elegant ring to it, the story drawing you in and making you feel pity for this one character.

[Deleted]

(  in the wild west  )

Great picks -- I've got a tender space in my heart for Asha </3

Now, I've been a-thinkin' pardner, and I think I know where we should begin our tutoring:

Reading through your posts you show a lot of very good qualities: descriptions, forwarding plots and connecting word flow. However, the missing link, I feel, is connecting your character to the setting around them. For this post I'll be referencing Gryphon and your's diamonds in the sky thread, since I've been keeping my eye out on it - you do a very good job of controlling the direction you want the post to take and wear that descriptive strong-suit with pride! My only bone I'm finna pick with it is that the reader is left without knowing much about Adaira. 

Characters are like people at the end of the day - imaginary people we want to kill off, yes, but still - our inward dialogue is much more complex than the world around us. For instance, currently I'm absolutely frickin starving, while also stressing over those encroaching finals next week and fumbling over my words trying to make this coherent; that string of internal feelings has something the reader may be able to connect with, more so than describing what I'll be eating in a minute.

For example, I would like to take a look at the scene where Adaira realizes her jewelry was fool's gold instead of the real money maker: 

I open the box. Inside it lies my order. I am quite surprised. The craftmanship is quite good. The stones are placed well. But around the edges, it has a slight air of sloppiness. Two jewelers made this. One who was clearly inexperienced, and one who was clearly a master. I take a closer look and I find one small stone. It is holding up a teardrop, and is awkward next to the beautiful lines of the other. There is a slight problem. Judging by the rest of it, I will certainly accept the necklace after it is addressed.

Through "I am quite surprised" and your word choice, the reader can still get the feel that Adaira is, reasonably, not the happiest person, but even if just internally it would've been a much greater impact had it included some juicy emotions. She just practically got robbed, in her shoes I'd be freaking out! At first, I'd be extremely confused and embarrassed, blushing up something wild and swallowing nerves to say anything; thoughts racing about how I'd tell my mother, or how I'd even ask how to get my sweet ass diamonds back. In Adaira's case, she's shocked. This means her heart rate probably spiked up her throat as she realized she was robbed, squinting and tripping over her thoughts as she examined her 'diamonds.' 

Emotions are also a physical thing, your face gets red and your hands clam up - when you're surprised your mouth may drop and start blinking faster. With shock comes anxiety, so you may sway or sweat some more or get lightheaded; there's so much that can happen, especially when it comes to finding out you're being scammed. Expanding on these emotional moments is critical when it comes to connecting with the reader as it makes the words on the screen much more dynamic and life like.

Now, pardner it's high noon -- 

For our first emotional exercise, let's get some pretending going: Adaira has just been reaped, congrats! Cheerful, exciting, nerve wracking, scary, terrifying, vomit-inducing stuff right there, so many emotions swirl around the average tribute's head on the day of reaping that it's almost hard to stay on both feet.

Take some time to imagine every possible emotion Adaira could be feeling as she's reaped and choose two or three emotions to write about! Try to focus more on showing these emotions and not stating them -- a great example of this is Tristen's post here. If you have any questions pardner, feel free to come a-huntin' me down.