east of /eden + av

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

Somewhere in the second course Avriel's vision starts tunnelling. His hand shakes and his fork rattles against the plate. It's hot, sweat beads on the back of his neck, at his hairline, between his shoulder blades. The Le Roux don't seem to notice, or maybe they do but they're polite enough not to say anything.

This gathering is so much more than he's used to, for a long time now his whole family has been Duke, Billie and sometimes Aunt Theo. The dining room is loud, filled to the brim with talk and vice and ego to the point of being overwhelming.

He puts his napkin down on the table, the glass of water that was in front of him already drained. All that's left to drink is wine. Eurydice is addressing one of her children, all eyes are on them for a moment. Avriel pushes his chair back quietly and mutters a soft, "be right back," to Ridley.

She touches his arm in acknowledgment, for a moment he's centred, then her hand falls away and he's untethered again, flighty.

Avriel doesn't know where he's going when he exits the dining room. A servant passing by with a tray full of the next course steps aside to let him pass and he nods in thanks before moving on. All he knows is the path back to the front door but it almost feels too far away.

Anxiety is rushing through him, pushing everything else out until it's hard to think. He drifts as he moves until his shoulder finds the wall. Can't look up, can't see past his hairline, this isn't the right place for it but that doesn't stop him falling apart.

A hand over his wrist, correcting gently, Julian's voice in his ear, "Keep your wrist straight through the follow through." His hand curls into a fist and Avriel pushes off the wall again.

Why now?

The dinner was going well enough. This shouldn't be happening, not in the lion's den, for fuck's sake.

He finds a handle on the opposite side of the hallway, big panes of glass, french doors opening onto a balcony. Cold air hits his face and Avriel nearly slams the door shut behind him. Quiet hits him, just the night outside with trees all around for protection, he must be looking out over the back garden. His hands find the railing and he bends forward, the only noise in the otherwise peaceful night his rattling, panicked breaths.

"Fuck," he mutters, and holds his hands out in front of him to assess. They almost seem to vibrate in the cold winter air, his fingertips gone pink with cold.

The night's not even half over and Avriel is already ready to leave.

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

Eurydice tells Steel to stay behind and look into the fire. She says the twins will accompany her to dinner, then looks at all three of them expectantly before striding away.

It's all new - this dynamic. Eden watches Echo from across the foyer as the matriarch welcomes her family into her father's house and wonders how the hell they got there.

Echo fiddles with her busted up cassette player and loses the staring match.

The blondes have nearly all filed in when Eurydice does a little motion with her fingers behind her and they move - Echo to the dining room, to stand behind Eurydice and play nice, and Eden to the gardens, to patrol the grounds and make sure there are no other fires set tonight.

At least not any purposeful ones.

He glares at one of the cousins on his way out - the tall one with the big mouth, the one who had tried to trip him on the first day and had nearly been upended over the stairwell for it.

It's colder out now, but Eden crosses his arms and shoves his hands into the crooks of his elbows and ignores it. He starts at the front door, then rounds the back and walks through the completely unnecessary hedge maze, then does it all again. The wind picks up when he crosses to the west side and the chill of it turns his ears red and his nose numb. He'd taken a coat from one of the hall closets, but he's sure it's more so for aesthetic than warmth, some ugly fur thing that had been covered in dust.

He squints at the manor for a vantage point, somewhere to get out of the wind, and ends up climbing a trellis up to the central balcony before he can really reconsider.

It's a better choice, he justifies. It's sheltered from the wind and now he's high enough to see the property, low enough to jump down and not break anything vital.

It's strategic.

He huddles in the corner, where the railing meets the building and pulls the collar of the coat up higher.

Eden had originally supposed to be in the building - Echo was supposed to be outside. But she knows how the noise of everyone sets him on edge and had told Eurydice to switch them. Now he's standing in the cold, tracking the way the trees sway, trying to keep a steady count of seconds, when the balcony doors open and make him freeze quicker than any chill could.

He watches for half a beat, as someone steps outside, and Eden pushes himself further into the wall, wary if this is the original arsonist or a new one. And then the tenseness of his shoulders fades, replaced with a muted sort of annoyance. Because he recognizes who it is.

Dinner shouldn't even be over yet, and he's not losing his spot here just because the night didn't go according to Eurydice. If Avriel Baptiste wants to ruin a dinner party, then he can do it on his own time, when his own life is on the line.

Eden leans quickly into the light so Avriel can see him, arm outstretched, pointing back towards the door.

Back inside.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

He wrings his hands out in an effort to get the blood flowing a bit but it's cold enough outside that his hands only feel colder. Avriel shoves them under his armpits instead and looks out across the back garden, trying to focus on anything but the house full of people waiting for him to come back that's directly behind him.

If he can just find some balance, that will be enough to get him through. Even with Ridley's warning that it wouldn't be easy, Avriel didn't think that dinner with the entire Le Roux family would be as overwhelming as it is. He's used to quiet nights in Nine, gentle dinners around the kitchen table back home with Billie and Duke. The dining room had always seemed too big and empty, but the Le Roux Patriarch's dining room is almost triple the size.

He's got a much larger family to accommodate.

Movement out of the corner of his eye, Avriel tenses and turns quickly on his heel, reflexes sending his hands to his belt to reach for knives that no longer rest there. Six months out of the arena and every breath is strained, every step taken defensive.

But there's nothing to hurt him, just a sour looking boy pointing back at the double doors he just came through. He doesn't look like a Le Roux, jet black hair and features more like his own than the family inside. Avriel stares at him, eyes on his and then the door. Neither of them speak, but the other boy's face says it all.

go, go, go.

"I.." he starts, then drops his gaze, trying to hide his shaking hands behind his back, "I just need a couple of minutes."

Avriel's breath still comes too quick, his eyes wild, he knows that he can't go back in there, every fibre of his being screams at him to climb down the trellis beside the balcony and run, but duty requires him to.

"I don't belong in there, it's hard," he says. He moves away from the light being cast from inside and works to steady his hands by holding them against his arms this time.

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

Avriel reaches for the inside of his jacket and Eden immediately shifts, stance defensive, hands moving in front of him, feet behind him. Every vantage point of the balcony strikes him then, every piece of it and himself he can use to his advantage. Avriel doesn't look very bulky, and Eden has enough strength in him to cave a grown man's head in.

They stare at each other for a long few moments, long enough that Eden can see his breath cloud up and up and away but it doesn't quite feel like he's actually breathing. He's just seeing it. Between the cold in the air and the tensing of his lungs it's like someone's poured liquid nitrogen down his spine. He watches Avriel Baptiste with wide eyes, suddenly aware of why he's here and who he is.

Eurydice would hate it if her guest of honour went back to the table damaged.

And so Eden forces himself to lower his hands and he forces himself to take a breath and he stands stock still as Avriel speaks.

"I don't belong in there." The victor says, and Eden's eyebrow twitches, unimpressed.

Something about a pot and a kettle drifts by.

But his job is his job. Eden shuffles his way to the fancy double doors and pops one open, feels the sudden rush of warmth that hits him like a slap. He looks down at the plush carpet of the hallway, then turns to Avriel a little more uncertainly this time, a little more urgently, holding the door and gesturing inside again.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

The other boy still doesn't speak and Avriel's starting to wonder if he even will. A couple of the other Le Roux had been ignoring him at the dinner table, which he almost prefers to them talking to him, but it feels a little odd one-on-one like this. Too much like a choice that he's making.

It's not like Avriel killed Julian and Emerson though, he doesn't deserve that. A heavy feeling digs itself into his chest, heated like a cattle rod, just as bitter.

He watches as the kid pulls the door open. Sound hits him with a draft of warm air, muffled talking and the sound of cutlery hitting plates, Avriel winces and leans back against the balcony railing, heart beating faster again. He's not ready yet.

When the kid looks back at him, his expression's a little less sour, less focused. It's kind of odd, like staring at an open book. The urgent feeling is gone though the feeling that the kid doesn't want him here remains. He looks like he's all muscle and bone but something tells Avriel that he's still well matched.

Julian didn't seem like a predator at first either.

"Look just," he gestures at the door, "Five minutes, okay? Then I'll go back in. I promise."

He doesn't know why he's bargaining with this kid, it's not like he owns the balcony, but he still has more right to it than Avriel does.

"I just need.... it's loud in there, you know?"

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

Avriel still doesn't move towards the door. He leans the other way, and Eden huffs.

He closes the door gently, cutting off Carver's voice and letting the heat from inside wash over him again before it fades and the chill starts to prick at him. He's always hated the cold, always stolen the blankets from Echo when he thought he could get away with it. Which, admittedly, wasn't very often.

Eden looks closer at Avriel then, because he's making a face like he's about to throw up. Or maybe he's cold too. Maybe he ate something bad - Eden doesn't like all the fancy food the Le Roux's eat either.

He hopes that Avriel doesn't decide to throw up over the balcony. He's not sure how'd he explain that.

But Avriel just suddenly looks uncomfortable.

"It's loud," he mutters, "you know?"

And Eden does.

He's intimately aware of that fact.

It's the kind of loud that makes his ears ring. The kind that sets him on edge and makes him want to sit in a dark corner with his hands over his ears. Sometimes, even on regular nights, the sound of the cutlery sounds too much like the sound of knives clashing. Or sometimes, when one of the kids raises their voices, it sounds too much like how 7 had always argued with the others.

Eden takes the tiniest step away from the door, towards Avriel, and squeezes his numb fingers together, one hand in the other. He nods slowly, and he flashes the number five on his hand, but he doesn't look away from Avriel.

He might still throw up.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

The kid shuts the door with a gentle little click and Avriel's shoulders cave in the littlest bit as he sighs with relief. It's a silly little game he's playing, it's not like he can be gone for too much longer before the Le Roux' notice and come looking, but he'll take every minute he can get.

He squeezes his eyes shut for a brief moment and when he opens them again, little spots dance in front of his eyes and the kid is staring at him. If Avriel didn't know better, he'd almost think that he looked a little concerned for Avriel. That can't be though, not here, in the lion's den, in the heart of district one.

That doesn't make sense.

He holds up five fingers, seemingly in agreement so Avriel mutters a soft, "Thanks." He stays where he is against the railing, holding himself in place in the cold, almost relishing the way that the icy air has begun to steal all feeling from him. His jacket is somewhere downstairs and the outfit that Laffy's put him in isn't the warmest, but it's still better than being inside right now.

The other boy hasn't taken his eyes of Avriel and when he looks down, he notices that his five fingers have already become four. Is he counting in his head?

It's distracting enough that Avriel's breathing starts to slow, each breath comes longer, calmer, the shake is receding and it's getting easier to think.

To question.

"Why are you out here?" he asks suddenly, "It's so fucking cold?"

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

At 4 minutes and 10 seconds, Avriel looks considerably less like he's going to throw up.

At 3 minutes 24 seconds, Avriel says he's cold.

Eden takes off the ugly fur coat he'd grabbed and holds it out to him with one hand, using the other to keep counting.

It's a nice excuse to avoid his question - no one actually cares why Eurydice got herself a handful of replacement kids, they just care that they're different. Eden's barely even been with the Le Roux's for a month, and he's not sure when he'll get used to it, if he'll get used to it, he still gets weird looks from the staff when they see him coming out of his room.

His room. He has a room now.

The wind ruffles Eden's hair a bit, and the chill creeps along his arms, but he grits his teeth against it. He's been cold before, he'll be cold again. Some part of him is always cold, that's just how people like him work.

Eden shakes the coat out a little more in front of Avriel, take it idiot, he'd said he was cold didn't he? He's important enough for tonight that Eden can't let him freeze.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

Again, the other boy doesn't speak, just misunderstands Avriel's question as a need and wiggles out of his jacket to offer it to him. "That's not what I..." he starts and then sighs a little before pushing him back gently. "That's not what I meant, I don't want your jacket," he says.

With his jacket off it's easy to see that he's even smaller than Avriel thought. He himself is still recovering from a year of food rationing and those few days in the games without food. He recognizes paper-thin skin and hollows under the eyes too easy because he's seen that in the mirror.

And the boy's jaw is tight, teeth grit against the cold even as he pushes back, shaking the coat in front of him like a matador with a stubborn bull, insistent.

Av stands there, his arms crossed tight across his chest. "No," he says, tone final, stubborn as ever, "I don't want that, I just mean it's too cold for you to be out here."

Five minutes is creeping up fast and Avriel shivers, just once, but enough for him to realize that he's ready to go back inside. "Come back in with me," he says.

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

Eden's still got two fingers held up, but Avriel shifts anyways. He pushes back against the jacket in Eden's hand, even though it doesn't do much good. Eden keeps his arm out, swaying with the motion but not retracting.

Can't he see he's trying to help?

Eden's got two minutes left to be hospitable enough to convince Avriel to stay for dessert.

The stray breeze hits them again and Eden makes a quick little aborted gesture of frustration, flicking the jacket again and narrowing his eyes. Eden's fine. People like Avriel don't get to worry about people like him.

Another finger tucks into his palm and Avriel wants to go back inside. That's good. That's what Eden wanted. It's better to keep a look out when everyone's in one spot and everyone's where they're supposed to be. Eden slips the jacket back over his shoulders and shakes his head, steps out of the way so Avriel has a clear path to the door. He can't go inside. Eurydice told him to keep watch outside. That means he stays outside.

He opens the door for Avriel again and lets the warmth from inside curl around his fingers, just long enough to thaw them.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

Two immovable forces bickering on a balcony, Avriel's one of them and this stranger is the other.

He stares at the other boy. He's still counting and it looks like he's only got a minute left outside before he has to keep his promise. At least he's put his jacket back on, that whole moment makes his cheeks darken with what must be embarrassment. Does he look that weak that he can't survive a little bit of cold?

The Le Roux crosses back to the door and pulls it open. Heat from inside hits Avriel's front and it's even easier to feel the contrast of outside versus in. The evidence only makes him feel more stubborn. Avriel crosses his arms and leans back against the railing, settling in for a fight.

"I'll go in, but you have to as well," he says. "Five minutes, then you can come back out."

He doesn't one hundred percent know why he's doing this. It's not like he's the type to care all that much about other people's choices, if he wants to freeze, let him, whatever.

But he can't forget the way the kid held his jacket out to him. Seems like the type to unravel himself just to please others and it's too easy to see himself in that.

Why hadn't anyone else seen that?

Why didn't anyone force him out from the cold?

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

They stand at an impasse and Eden's eyes start to water with how hard he's staring. No one but Echo's ever been this stubborn with him. But usually that ends with her twisting his arm and him pulling her hair until Steel inevitably breaks them up.

He's got the feeling that isn't the solution here.

But he needs Avriel to go back to the dining room, before someone comes to investigate and finds them loitering. Eden glares at Avrie, one last shot,l and then holds his breath and ducks inside as his fist resets from almost one to almost five.

The noise from the dining room seems a bit more quiet now, like everyone's stopped talking and started eating, but the heat of the hallway still hits Eden just as hard as the sound would have. He melts a little bit, stands with his back against the glass of the other door and feels little spots on his cheeks enflame from the sudden change in temperature.

He realizes belatedly that he hasn't taken a breath yet, one of his fingers tucks in, his eyes dart back and forth down the hall like Eurydice is about to round the corner and catch him away from his post.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

Ten minutes can't be too long to be gone in a room like that, right?

Avriel follows Eden inside and shuts the door behind him. He leans against the glass, mirroring the boy beside him. For a long moment, they just stay like that. Avriel holds his hands up carefully, the tips of his fingers tingle with the return of warmth to them. He glances at the other boy and colour seems to be returning to his cheeks too.

For some reason, he can't take his eyes off of him. It's like seeing his own anxieties in person. From the way the kid looks up and down the hall, it feels like he's scared of getting in trouble just for being inside.

"You're a Le Roux too, aren't you?" he asks softly, not wanting to be found out.

The dining room is far enough away that it should be okay, but the room's gone a little quieter, like they're waiting for something.

Or someone.

Eden's dropped another finger. Avriel's heart rate starts to pick up again in anticipation of going back and he lets out a long breath to collect himself.

"Thanks for..." he gestures at the balcony.

[calla]

e d e n .

"maybe i'll cope
with life without hope
maybe i'll open
the door and fall."

Avriel asks him the penultimate question and Eden just keeps his head forward. He can feel the other boy looking at him, the side of his face burns from it.

He

doesn't know how to answer that question

He's a Le Roux, but he's not. He's Eden, but he's not. He's fresh out of a place that broke him and he hasn't quite figure out how to put the pieces back together yet.

He rolls his shoulders a little, fidgets with his hands, suddenly uncomfortable with the attention, and he doesn't answer. How could he? No matter what he says, it would feel like a lie.

Eden nods a little too fast when Avriel gestures back to the balcony, tucking another finger away even though it hasn't been a full minute yet. There's wasps buzzing just under his skin, making him antsy. Someone scrapes their fork across a plate in the next room over and he cringes.

He wants Avriel to go back now, he doesn't want to be questioned and thanked, he's overwhelmed by it. He makes a fist and holds it out, there's no time left, and he waits for Avriel to move away from the door.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest."

Av's always been good at crossing lines. He remembers his father getting mad once because he wouldn't stop asking about the electricity bill.

Stormy-faced, embarrassed, his father hadn't been able to look him in the eye, "Enough, Avriel. You don't know when to stop."

Fair enough, when the bill fell into Avriel's hands, along with all the others, he had no idea how he was going to pay them all either.

Avriel's question was maybe a little too far for him and so he doesn't push it, just blows on his fingers a little to speed up the warming process and thinks about the weird fish thing on his plate waiting for him in the dining room. More of those piercing stares, those ugly, prodding questions. He doesn't blame the other boy for being uncomfortable, he feels almost sorry to leave him alone in the lion's den.

Sorry to be going back in alone.

The boy's shoulders are caved, his stance defensive. And he can speak, but Avriel doesn't need to, the silence doesn't need filling because they make noise just not with their words.

He takes the fist the other boy holds out in front of him so firmly with gentle hands, his movements slow so it doesn't surprise him and Avriel cups the back of his hand in his palm. Then with his other hand, he unfurl his fist, pulling his fingers out like petals.

Time is reset.

Avriel clicks the lock on the door.

"Five more minutes," he whispers.

Then he drops his hand and starts back down the hall.