Hiding Out

[Deleted]

My first thought is that I've died. That my body has finally given out on me, and that this inky, velvety blackness is what I must face for all eternity. The idea of being alone with myself until the end of time doesn't scare me as much as I thought it would, and I allow myself to relax into the darkness, finding it to be more calming than frightening. But something's not quite right with this whole situation. If I'm dead, where's the tunnel, where's the bright lights and the pearly gates and the people in long white robes and wings? Or maybe, I find myself thinking, this is it. This is hell, locked with your own consciousness in inescapable darkness, damned to eternal loneliness. I'm starting to panic, claustrophobic setting in, when I can feel myself coming back.

Consciousness returns to me in bits and pieces. The first sense I regain is hearing. Muffled, as if I'm hearing it from underwater, Julian's voice reaches me, the normally smooth baritone ratcheted up a half-octave in panic. He's saying something that sounds kind of like my name, but I can't quite hear to the point that I can distinguish his word's exactly. A few seconds later, and feeling has come back to my body. I'm aware of the hardness of the floor against my legs, the warmth of someone's arms around me. Julian, perhaps? No, he isn't the type. It's more likely that my parents have come home, finding their daughter lying near death on the floor, and my mother is cradling me against her. I try as hard as I can to open my eyes, but I still can't seem to control my own body. I lay there limp in the arms of this unknown person, only half-fighting to come back to the world of the living. It isn't so bad, dying, I find myself thinking. It doesn't even hurt like I thought it would. And at least I got to tell Julian...

But my musing about my lack of pain is interrupted by the arrival of the very sensation I had been thinking about, the back of my head throbbing in agony from its contact with the floor. I'm aware of a groggy moan of pain escaping my own lips. Surprised by the sudden sensation, my eyes shoot open, seeing only an expanse of fabric that I know for a fact is Julian's shirt. Huh, so it was him. Any sort of happiness I might feel is overwhelmed by the horrid pain in my head and the fact that he's holding me a little to tightly for it to be comfortable. Testing out control over my muscles, I'm able to raise an arm and tap his shoulder lightly, my subsequent mumble coming out muffled against the fabric of his shirt. "Um... Julian? Julian, you're kind of crushing me."

Feeling like my limbs are made of lead, I manage to wriggle out of his iron grasp, my heart beating out a still-too-fast pattern across the growing lump on the back of my head. The world swims, everything has a double, and I know that I've sustained a mild concussion. I'll have to take it easy for a few days, but that's what I've been doing anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. Cradling my aching head in my hands, I make an immediate vow to myself to go eat a full meal as soon as I can stand. Throwing up has to be better than this, this weak-shaky-falling that I've become a victim of. Tension headaches have to be better than knocking yourself out and waking up seeing double. I hear myself let out another pitiful little groan as I gently probe the huge goose-egg that's risen on the back of my head, thankful that even though it hurts like hell it isn't bleeding.

I gently, oh-so-gently raise my head up, giving the world a moment to stop spinning before I glance over at Julian. The look on his face isn't quite right for this situation, he actually looks quite angry, but between the awful pain and my mind's addled state I can't make much sense of it. "Wha?" I manage to slur, sounding like I've been asleep for days instead of knocked out for two minutes. "'M'okay, just took a little spill's all. Why're you looking at me like that?"

[Eastern Orange]

"M'okay, just took a little spill's all. Why're you looking at me like that?"

I feel my lip curl in disgust, and my face darken in anger. "Just a little spill?" I hiss. "You knocked your self out cold." I shove myself up off the floor, and begin to pace. My hands go up, and clutch at my hair, my nervous tick revealing its self again. "You haven't been eating have you? What throwing up not good enough anymore? You're not dying quick enough already? You have to speed up the process?" My voice is edging higher and higher, filled with worry more then the violent anger that I'm feeling. I stop pacing and slump against the wall.

"Why'd you say you liked me, huh? Whats the point?" I burst out after a couple of seconds of silence. "Why would you do that to me?" I clutch at me chest. I can feel the rapid thud-thud-thud of my heart. "You are gonna die, and you're gonna leave me here to rot. Just...just keep your feelings to yourself." I shove off the wall, and practically run out of the room.

I don't know where to go, so I just huddle back in my corner. I draw my knees up to my chest, and rest my chin on my knees. I don't like Aria. I can't. She is gonna die, despite my money, and my feelings will be wasted. I was stupid to think I could save her.

[Deleted]

"Why'd you say you liked me, huh? What's the point? Why would you do that to me? You are gonna die, and you're gonna leave me here to rot. Just...just keep your feelings to yourself."

I can only sit there and watch numbly as Julian rants and raves and storms out of the room. He's right, I tell myself the whole time he's shouting at me, each word making the damned rubber band in my chest stretch a little tighter. He's right, 'Ria. You're selfish. You're selfish, and you're lying to yourself about not being able to get help. There are things you could do. There are ways you can live.

All you need is something to live for.

Struggling against the horrible spinning in my head, I drag myself to my feet, clutching my bedside table for support. I'm only able to stand for the time it takes to lower myself to the cushioned surface of my mattress, the cotton sheets whisper-soft against the bare part of my legs poking out from my pajama shorts. I'm cold, so cold, for reasons I can't even explain. I curl up in a ball on my side and pull the blankets up over me with shaking fingers, half-burying my face in the pillow. The fabric of the pillowcase carries that piney, cologne-tinged guy-smell that I've come to associate with Julian, and I realize vaguely that I'm curled up on what's become his side of the bed over the past few nights. I'm too tired to move right now, and my mind craves sleep, craves escape from here and now and the awful pain in Julian's eyes as he screamed at me that I was going to die, going to leave him. I let the velvety tendrils of unconsciousness pull me back down, the comforting smell of Julian's pillow the last thing I register before the world fades away.

Sleep brings torture rather than escape. I dream of the world after I am gone, several scenes rushing by me. My parents clutch one another and weep, standing in my abandoned bedroom. My family, my crew, the few friends I have gather together together under deep grey skies, staring solemnly at the tiny tree that marks my final resting place. For some reason, Julian is there, in the back of the crowd, looking like a hollow shell of himself. Fast-forward. Little baby Stella, now seven or eight years old, stares blankly at the growing sapling, knowing that its roots encase the aunt she can't remember. My mother, aged by grief, falls ill and has no will to live, leaving my father alone in an empty world. I watch all of this, I'm standing through all of it screaming I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, But no one will listen, no one hears.

I watch Julian, so handsome in his tailored black suit, slipping a ring onto the hand of a faceless stranger in a flowing white gown. I'm here! I'mhereI'mhereI'mhere...

My eyes shoot open, a sharp gasp of air filling my lungs. I'm shaking so hard and breathing so heavily that I'm afraid I'm having some sort of seizure, but I'm able to calm down after a few minutes. I'm not seeing double anymore, and my body feels capable of walking, so I throw back the covers and get cautiously to my feet. Finding that I can stand and walk with relative ease, I make my way to the kitchen. Of course, Julian's in his whittling corner, where else would he be. I'm aware that talking to me is the last thing he wants to do, but after that nightmare, after the horrible realization of what will happen if I die, there are things that need to be said. I walk quietly towards him, bare soles whispering across the pine planks of the floor. Kneeling down, I wait for him to acknowledge me, a direct repeat of our exchange only hours ago.

"Do you want me to live?" He starts as if he's about to reply, but I hold a hand up, effectively cutting him off. "Do you want me to live, Julian? I'll understand if me being around will confuse you too much. I understand if it will hurt to much or be too complicated. But if you want me..."

[/b] I almost leave it at that. If you want me. But I'm not done, and the rest of my ultimatum has to be delivered. "But if you want me to stick around, I promise you that I will try my damndest to beat this. I don't care what it takes. If I have to waste my family's money being hooked up to a feeding tube for months and sitting through counseling, I'll do it. Just say the word."[/color][/blockquote][/size]

[Eastern Orange]

I don't know how long it takes Aria to come out of her room. I zoned out for a time, and when I checked back into reality she still had not emerged. I was worried that she had passed out again, and was about to go check, when she finally came out. I was surprised when she made a beeline for me, and knelt down. I figured that she would ignore me like she did the last time I yelled at her. I look at her with interest, hoping to hear some amazing miracle happened, and she was all better now.

But that hope was shattered when she opened her mouth, and dumb fell out.

"If?" I growl, once she was done. "If I want you?" I make some frustrated 'arrghghaa' in the back of my throat, and clutch my scalp once more. "I was not aware you were so stupid, woman! Of course I want you." I was not aware this was all falling out of my mouth. It was like word vomit spewing everywhere, and I was helpless to stop it. "What made you think that I didn't?"

I shoot forward, my hands snake up to grip her face, and before I know it, I'm shoving my lips against hers. I ignore the pain that shoots through my nose, as it mashes against her's. I ignore everything besides the feeling of weasels having a fist fight in my chest. In my anger, I'm rougher then I mean to be (Or we can chalk it up to passion).

Honestly, I preferred the word vomit over this. This was probably the only thing I could have done to make this situation worse. I yelled at her for simply telling me she 'kind of' liked me. I was showing her exactly how I feel, by using my face. Why! Why am I doing this to myself! Agh! I'm still doing it! Stop!

I pull away slightly so I can speak. "You, idiot." I whisper against her lips. "You are the most infuriating thing I have ever known. Why do you have this power over me?" It pains me to admit that this girl has any sort of hold over me, but to deny it any longer would be a big fat lie. "We have to try anything and everything. If you leave me here..." I trail off, and I'm kissing her again.

[Deleted]

The more I get to know him, the more I realize that Julian Scott is one big mess of extremes. Up until now I've always thought the drastically-opposite traits stopped at his personality, his angry-or-funny, love-or-hate mood swings that have confused me so much in the week - has it really been a week? - that we've known each other. But now I realize that everything, even his kiss, has a weird mix of conflicting sensations that blend into something that nearly makes me pass out again.

The silky feeling of his dark hair woven through my fingers doesn't really match up with the warm roughness of his hand against the base of my neck, the softness of his lips doesn't match the raw urgency of the way they are pressed against my own, but the clashing sensations do something that causes a weird, breathy little sound to come out of me that I've never heard myself make before. For some reason, his piney cologne scent that I've become so used to doesn't match up with the newly discovered taste of coffee and dark chocolate that I find on his lips, but the combination sends a wonderful tingle running up my spine, my whole body feeling much warmer than it should. I decide that this must be the most wonderful torture in the world, the most terribly enthralling, horribly addictive thing that someone could ever experience, and I find myself whimpering in protest when he finally pulls away, the intensity in those cruelly beautiful storm-cloud eyes turning up the temperature in my body a few more degrees.

"You idiot. You are the most infuriating thing I have ever known. Why do you have this power over me? We have to try anything and everything. If you leave me here..."

[/i][/color] before he can finish I've gotten a grip on the collar of his shirt and crashed his lips back against my own, wanting more, more. I can't just not answer him, though, and I find myself gasping out a response between frantically deepening kisses as I feel myself lay back, the wooden floor hard against my protruding shoulder blades. I'm left thinking of how we were in this exact spot a few days ago, the first time I ever saw Julian smile. "Just can't keep your hands off of me..." "Of course..."I get out before another kiss, one that lasts a little longer. "I'll try." My fingers find their way back into his hair, and I begin to wonder just what my fascination with it is. "I swear, I'm not leaving y-" Words fail me when something, fingers, lips, I can't even tell trace along a spot on the outline of my neck and make my stomach have a more intense version of the weird feeling I got when I first looked at him. This is nothing like the brief, angry contact that we had a few days ago. In this case the roughness feels more like passion than irritation, and all my spinning mind can process is that I really like it.

I don't know how long this all goes on, but eventually I find myself slumped on the floor, gasping for breath like I've just run a marathon, staring up at Julian with a weird mix of disbelief and content. I didn't know what I expected to get out of delivering my little speech, but making out with Julian Scott definitely was not one of the outcomes I had considered. "Well if that doesn't solidify my will to live, nothing can."[/b]

I feel a smile budding on my lips, and I'm just starting to giggle when I hear the knock at the door. I bite back a scream of frustration, furious at the outside world's sense of timing. "If that's your brother again I swear I'm going to punch his stupid face in." [/color][/blockquote][/size]

[Eastern Orange]

Oh this kiss. What can I say? It is the epitome of an oxymoron. My entire body feels like it’s charged with an electric current, all besides my nose, which feels like a hammer is being smashed into it over and over again. It feels so good, but yet really fucking painful. I want to pull away but I can't.

My emotions are just as confused. I want to let go, and just be with her, but I can feel myself holding some part back. I've never had to trust another person with anything, let alone my heart. She could literally push me a way right now, call me whatever names she did when we first met, and I'd be hurt. I wasn't bothered by it then, but I would be now, and I hate that. How am I supposed to trust her with that? I can't... I can't. What the fuck am I even doing?

My body is pressed against Aria’s by now. Somehow we ended up vertical. The worry spikes through me again as I can feel her hips digging into me like a dull blade. I’m not reassured at all when she pulls away and promises she won’t leave. Some things just aren’t in our control. I was sure I could help her, but I’m not so sure now when I can practically count her ribs by just pressing her against me.

Finally I pull away, sitting up so that I’m straddling her. My heart is galloping a mile a minute, and my nose is throbbing. "Well if that doesn't solidify my will to live, nothing can." I smile at her, but I feel a staggering pain through my chest when she says that. What if I can’t trust her fully and I end up hurting her? Will she give up again? What If I’m not enough?

My head jerks up to look at the door when I hear a knock. "If that's your brother again I swear I'm going to punch his stupid face in." I laugh, and lean over her again. “You do realize we are twins right? If his face is stupid, so is mine.” Being this close to her face again, makes me what to kiss her. So I ignore the door, and kiss her again. If it was really my brother he’d be offended we didn’t come rushing to the door to let him in, and he’d leave.

There was another knock. A pause. Then someone banging on the door. I sigh and pull myself away from Aria. I stand and straighten my rumpled clothes and hair, and I tug Aria up, and pull her towards the door. I opened it, and my heart stops. What the hell is she doing here?! This is worse then my brother showing up. I left my free hand (my other one is clutching Aria’s in a death grip) and place it over my eyes. “This is not happening.”


“Hello darling!” The girl standing in the snow says brightly. She has white blond hair, and the biggest blue eyes you have ever seen. She is so small that she looks like she is twelve, but in all reality she is my age. I groan, and take the hand away from my eyes to demand why she was here, but she didn't me the chance. When she saw my face, she let out a little scream.
“What happened to your beautiful face?!” She wailed, and rushed forward. Then she saw Aria, with her hand in mine, and she stopped dead.
“What is this little harpy doing with you Juliebear? What has she done to your beautiful face?” She says all this sadly, but the look she is shooting toward Aria could melt the snow.

Oh holy fuck. This is gonna get ugly.

[Deleted]

The girl standing in my doorway inspires mixed feelings. First, there's jealousy. She's pretty, so much prettier than I am with her hair that is whitish blond instead of the multi-toned gold of my own, huge oceanic blue eyes that make her look like a child more than the teenager I can tell that she is by glancing at her petite figure. And then there's the chipper "Hello, darling!"

[/b][/color] that she squeaks out with a grin, the words making me bristle in a way that very much reminds me of a territorial mountain lioness. I feel my hand tighten around Julian's, shooting him a questioning glance that is colder than I mean for it to be. He doesn't notice it, though, because the moment he drops his hand away from his face, exposing the bruises, the little living bisque doll in the doorway springs into action.

“What happened to your beautiful face?! What is this little harpy doing with you, Juliebear? What has she done to your beautiful face?”[/i][/color]

I find that there aren't any words to convey the emotion of "Bitch, please." She must think she's really intimidating, all four-foot-ten of her glaring at me furiously. Well, unfortunately for her, I can play the glaring game quite a bit better than she can. Julian knows this, and so do I. I smile coldly in satisfaction when the look I shoot back at her makes her falter just slightly. I take a moment to glance back at Julian, who actually looks a little frightened, as he probably should be. I've seen a few fights at school that show just how ugly two territorial girls can get when it comes to a guy, even though I've never been anything but an observer until now. I pull my hand out of Julian's, icy gaze fixed back on the new girl. If the claws are coming out, he's going to be smart enough to keep his distance, at least I hope so. There's a weird electricity crackling in the air between this girl and I, a truly malicious energy, estrogen-and-jealousy-charged, the feeling of two territorial alley cats circling each other, each waiting to see who makes the first strike. It's my house, I decide, might as well be me.

"Listen, sweetheart, I don't know who you think you are, but it's generally a bad idea to call someone twice your size a harpy," I snarl out, my voice changing into a low, fierce growl that I'm not used to. "And furthermore, Juliebear had an unfortunate encounter with a tree, he hurt himself. In fact, you should be thanking me that his nose isn't at a right angle to his face right now instead of accusing me of hurting him, which is something I'd never do."

I wasn't aware of advancing towards her, but a quick glance upward shows me that we're now about a foot apart, the tension in the air between us so thick you could cut it with a knife. Distantly, I wonder what Julian thinks of all of this. "So, I guess the point I'm basically trying to make is who the hell are you, what are you doing here, and how did you find us? Care to answer?"

I know that I've got to back off soon, or I might just haul off and slug her. I don't even know what makes me hate this girl so much, other than the fact that she seems to be absolutely drooling over my... my... my Julian, for lack of a better descriptive term. All I know is that there's a pure, unadulterated loathing between this girl and myself that is even stronger than the dislike that Julian and I originally harbored for one another. And hell, I've hit him twice in the past week, who knows what I'll do to this girl?

Still glaring at her, I retreat back to where Julian stands observing all of this, intertwining our fingers again and resting my head against his shoulder, smirking at the new girl, daring her to do something about it. The rage flowing across her perfect features makes me feel almost happy, but the feeling is overcome by the overwhelming territoriality that's still flowing almost visibly from my skin, communicated effectively in the possessive grip I have on Julian's hand."So, Juliebear, who's your friend?"[/color]

ooc: Ohmygawd, bitch!Aria is the most fun I've ever had writing. I love it! [/blockquote][/size]

[Eastern Orange]

Oh bloody hell. Fuck my life. I would take Adrian over Felicity any day. The girl was obsessed with me. Her family was almost as rich as mine, and my mother set up this marriage deal with her mother while we were still babies. Thing is, I hate her fucking guts. She is possibly the most petulant spoiled little bitch ever. Someone is going to die, I just hope it isn't me.

"Excuse me? You are a dirty little peasant, get your grubby hands away from my husband." Oh fuck, she did not just call me that. I'm about to explain to Aria, when Felicity appears next to me, and loops her arm through my free arm. "Adrian told me about you." She says to Aria, sounding sorry for her."He told me that my darling Juliebear was shacking up with some whore in the woods. I knew that had to be a lie, so I rushed right over." She waved a head over at her gray horse tied to the fence. "But now that I see you, there is no way Juliebear would even think of cheating on me with you." She curled her lip. She managed to say 'you' like she was describing a mangy cat that had coughed up a hairball on her. "Now Juliebear, I see that you were stranded here. I have come to rescue you." She giggled. "I'm your knight, and you are my damsel."

I'm dead. I'm totally dead. There is nothing I can say to remedy what this stupid little girl has said. I grip Aria's hand tightly, so that she can't pull away, while shaking off Felicity. "I am not her husband!" I plead, practically yelling over the mewing sounds that Felicity is making as she struggles to latch back on my arm. "Fiancee, same difference!" She purrs.

I want to grab on to my hair, but I have both hands full. "I'm not your fiancee either." I hiss. I'm now unceremoniously shoving her away from my body, but she is so stubborn. "She is just the girl," I emphasis girl, because she is sure as hell not acting like a grown woman, "that my mother wants me to marry." I make a disgusted face. Felicity looks up at me, wounded. "That's not what you told me."

My jaw drops open in surprise. She looks up at me, her eyes glinting evilly. She knows I have never said one word to lead her to believe that I'd marry her. She is saying that so that Aria would get hurt. I grab her upper arm, and hold her back. "You little bitch." I say, indignant. She lets a tear fall. "Why are you being so mean to me, Juliebear? You were so kind and gentle to me while we laid together late at night in you bed." I yelp, and toss her away from me. She has gone too far. I immediately turn to Aria, ignoring the little bitch completely. "She is lying of course!" I yell, gesturing furiously as Felicity who was wiping fake tears from her eyes.

"I'll forgive you this time." She says magnanimously, and pushes her way past me and Aria, into the house. "Maybe I'll even let you keep your little whore." She tosses her hair. "As long as you promise not to get mad at me that I slept with Adrian." I snort and shake my head. This girl is shameless. She was accusing Aria of being a whore, when she was the whore.

[Deleted]

Who do you think you are, running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart?
You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul,
So don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all.

[/center][/size]

My anger fades away gradually, replaced by a numb sort of confusion. Husband? What the fuck is this girl talking about? Julian's only a couple of months older than me, and almost no one in this district gets married until they're eighteen or nineteen. Besides, there's no ring on either his finger or the girl's, which indicates that she's either lying or completely deranged, possibly both. I stand unmoving, watching the scene play out, curiously unaffected by the insults she's hurling at me. She gets into some kind of exchange with Julian, trying to latch onto his free arm, and I'm aware of his grip on my hand tightening, baritone timbre angrily rebuking the words the new girl says in her chirpy little voice. He sounds too panicked. Too forceful, like someone who has something to hide. I hear their words, but for some reason, they don't quite process. Adrian? Fiancée? Marry? This doesn't make sense, everything is muffled until one sentence breaks through my hazy confusion.

"You were so kind and gentle to me while we laid together late at night in your bed."

I shatter. The pain is so terrible, so all-encompassing that I don't even know where I am anymore, much less hear Julian's frantic explanations or the rest of the girl's simpering little speech. The rubber band in my chest finally snaps, leaving me struggling to breathe, the horrible, white-hot pain of betrayal crushing me like a massive weight. Julian lied to me. He'd said in one of our many discussions over the past few days that he'd never even kissed a girl until I'd attacked his face a few days ago, much less had a girlfriend. And here, it's obvious that he and this girl have... I can't even complete the thought, it's too painful. The logical part of my consciousness chuckles coldly in my tortured mind. Well, explains why he's such a good kisser, doesn't it? I've been lied to. Cheated. Made to look like some sort of home-wrecking whore. Again. And yet I can't make myself angry at Julian, can't make myself hate him like I want to. All I can feel is the pain, the ragged hole in my heart that I know for some reason won't ever stop hurting. I'm falling apart, the tears stinging my eyes in a way that I realize means they will spill over any second. I won't give them that satisfaction, either of them. I won't let them see me break like this. I yank my hand out of Julian's like it's been burned, my voice so quiet that I barely hear it. "Well, I'll just leave you two alone. You obviously have a lot to talk about."

I make it back to my room, biting my lip as hard as I can to keep the tears in, but one ragged sob escapes before I can slam the door shut with bone-rattling force, slumping against the wood with silent tears leaking out of my eyes as I flip the lock. I can hear the snow shifting on the roof from the tremors it causes, but I don't think about it, throwing myself onto my bed and letting myself break. I don't think I've ever cried this hard, I'm usually pretty strong, but the horrible, gasping sobs tearing their way out of my throat rack my whole body, the awful pain in my chest making me curl in on myself on the mattress, tears cutting warm trails down my cheeks, each drop that falls to moisten the pillowcase sending more heartache all through me. You're stupid, 'Ria. You're so stupid. Why would he want you? Why would he want you when he's got her? You're so fucking stupid. The formerly comforting scent of Julian on the blankets only makes me cry harder, thinking of the week's worth of nights I've spent curled up next to him, sharing warmth, something I'll never get to experience again.

The pitiful amount of air my heaving lungs manage to give me is enough to keep me from passing out, but I wish I would. Being unconscious would make it stop hurting. Being gone from here would make it stop hurting. A hand drops to my empty stomach, and I find myself wishing that I had something to throw up, something to speed up the process, to make me die. Because right now, more than anything, I wish I were dead. Gone, away from here.

Because now the faceless stranger from my dream, the one in the flowing white gown that Julian had looked so adoringly at, finally has a face. One far more pretty and angelic and desirable than my own. But as much as I lay here and wish for death, sleep, anything to make it stop hurting so much, I'm not granted escape. I am left here, trying to nurse my obliterated heart on top of these sheets that smell like comfort and whispered secrets in the dark and Julian, and I know that I'm never going to find escape from this pain. It's going to be like this forever.

[Eastern Orange]

It nearly breaks my heart to have Aria's hand yanked from mine. As soon as I opened that door to Felicity, I was afraid that this was going to happen. I flinch as Aria slams her bedroom door closed, and the entire house rattles. Felicity and I stand in silence, but I can tell she is gloating, and I want to stab her.

I growl at her. "You just don't know when to quit do you?" People don't understand Felicity's character. They see her as some cute little princess that can do no wrong. But I know better. She is a conniving little bitch that needs to get whatever she wants. "When will you realize that I'm not going to marry you?" I grab her by her shoulders, and shake her.

She just gives me a sneer. "When will you realize that you will never be rid of me." The look on my face must have been really fucking scary because she flinched, and stepped back out of my grasp. "Just give in, won't you?" She whispered, all bravado suddenly gone, and she was just a 17 year old girl. Unfortunately I had no sympathy for her. "Get the fuck out of here." I say coldly, crossing my arms, and towering over her. "I swear if you ever come in any sort of contact with my girlfriend again, I will cut your fucking eyes out."

Felicity clenches her fist, and throws me a murderous look of her own. "You really are stupid, Julian. You really think that an empty threat will work on me?" I laugh harshly, and pull the knife I keep around for whittling out of the sheath on my belt. "Empty is it?" I hold the blade just under her left eye. To her credit she doesn't shy away. "I will give you the count of three to leave this house. One." I don't have to continue. Felicity hisses at me, tossing her white blood locks, she is at the door in three long strides.

She turns back to me, her face etched with hate. "You and your whore will pay for this Julian. People like us can't consort with people like her, without consequences." She is gone in a flash, before I can chuck my knife at her. She slams that door with more force then Aria managed. I'm left standing in the middle of the room with my cheeks red from anger, and hand clutching the knife so hard my knuckles are white.

"FUCK!" I yell and hurl the knife at the wall. The blade sticks for a second, before clattering to the floor. I turn to the table and chairs next to me, flipping over the table, and kicking over the poor innocent chairs. I pick one up, and slam it on the ground over and over again, until it shatters. I pick up another one, and throw it against the wall. I run up to the wall, screaming like a wild animal, and punch it with all the power in my being.

The pain in my knuckles is enough to get me to stop, and start to calm down. My rampage over, I go and stand in front of Aria's door, and lean my head against it. I can hear her sobbing inside and my heart breaks at the pain that I have caused her. I think back to when we were making out and I was afraid to give myself completely to her. Well, from the sounds of it, she didn’t share that fear and completely let me in. I fucking hate myself. I promise myself that if I ever get Aria to trust me again, I’d return it.

“Aria?” I say cautiously. The sobbing doesn’t stop. I try the handle, but it is locked. My anger flares. She locked me out? Now that my anger has started, I can’t contain it. I find myself angry at other things. How dare she get mad at me! I told her it was a lie, didn’t I? Have I ever given her a reason to not trust me? She immediately believes Felicity, who she has never met, over me? What the fuck is that about?

I find myself banging on the door, and yelling at her to open it. I’m only using my left hand because my right hand is swelling from my genius fight with the wall. She still doesn’t come to the door. I grit my teeth in frustration. Fine. I stand back from the door and shout to her in warning. “If you don’t open up, I’m going to kick the door down.” The door remains closed. So, she doesn’t think that I’ll do it? I look at the shattered furniture in the other room, and shrug my shoulder. “Stand back.” I shout, and lift on boat clad foot. I wait one more second, then send my foot crashing into the door. The frame didn’t stand a chance. The door flew open, hanging from its hinges.

Without a word, I walk over to the bed and flop down next to her. I reach out an arm, and wrap it around her waist. I drag her to me, and curl myself around her. “Shhh, it’s okay.” I whisper, holding her tightly. “How can you believe those lies?” My anger is gone now, it vanished the instant that the door flew open to show Aria curled up in the bed, with so much pain on her face. I was left feeling immensely tired.

[Deleted]

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

I can hear the slamming door, the muffled sounds from the kitchen over the wheezing gasps of my own crying, barely, but I don't think about it. I wonder how I haven't cried myself out yet, how there are still tears left in my body at all. Through the haze of the horrid pain in my heart I can feel pain in other places, my lungs burning from all the gasping for air, my painfully constricted throat, most of my muscles sore form the frequent contractions brought on by my incessant sobbing. I'm tired, so very tired in every aspect of the word, but I can't make myself stop crying. It all just hurts, so incredibly badly that the tears won't stop coming. Through it all, I'm berating myself for being so stupid, for giving my heart so blindly to someone who was bound to crush it without a second thought.

"Aria?"

The concerned sound of the smooth baritone voice outside my door coupled with the fact that he's saying my name, the sound still so musical on his lips despite everything, makes me cry even harder, anguished little sounds ripping themselves from my worn-out vocal cords. "Go away." It comes out in a broken whisper, and I know he can't hear me, but I'm past caring, laying here on the now-soaked pillow wishing that I were anywhere else, preferably six feet under.

“If you don’t open up, I’m going to kick the door down.”

If I wasn't trying so hard to calm down my breathing and shut off the flow of tears, I might have snorted derisively. Like he'd actually do it. But now I've got my hysterical sobbing calmed down to just the occasional whimper, the flood of tears down to a trickle, and I'm not going to break my concentration to focus on the one person that will start me off crying again. I jump with surprise when the door flies inward. I guess he would actually do it. The sight of those now-more-cruel-than-beautiful grey eyes is enough to make another anguished wail start building in my throat, but I'm in his arms before it can escape, my eyes still leaking silent tears onto the fabric of his shirt. “How can you believe those lies?”

[/b][/color]

There would be no reason for him to be here unless the girl was gone. If my assumptions about his betrayal had been correct, he would have been gone by now, leaving me to sit here and drown in my own sorrow. The ragged hole in my heart starts to hurt a little less, the pain ebbing away as I allow myself to relax into Julian's embrace, the tears stopping completely and my breath coming in little hiccups. I bury my face in the hollow of his neck, breathing in that pine and old spice scent that seems to be the most comforting, solid thing in the world. When I finally manage to talk, my voice is ragged from crying, raw and cracking every few words. "I thought... I don't know what I thought, I just listened to her saying that you had... and I saw the way she looked at you and she was just so much prettier than me that I thought..."

The longer I ramble, the more a fresh set of tears build up, stinging my already-irritated eyes. All the frantic assumptions that had been running through my mind begin to leave me, but I can't help but wonder why on earth Julian would choose me over someone who was beautiful in contrast to my plain looks, who was almost as rich as he was, whereas my middle class standing was poor by his family's standards. Why the hell would he want me? I try to sum up just what I had been thinking in a few words, so I could tell him without breaking down in tears. The fear, the anger, the awful pain of his supposed betrayal all begins to leave me in one sentence. "I thought that you were going to leave me. But I was stupid to think that. Just... Just promise me you won't, okay?"

I try to force myself to take deep breaths, eventually letting the negative sensations spiral off into the half-light of my bedroom, illuminated by the setting sun trickling in through the glass. I'm left feeling exhausted but strangely content as my last few stray whimpers come out muffled against Julian's shoulder. Breathing out a large sigh, I curl up closer to Julian, my hand finding his hair again and absently playing with the dark strands. "I heard the noises. What the hell did you do to my kitchen?"

I'm so sleepy, but this moment is too good for me to close my eyes. I'm left in the now-comfortable silence thinking of the many ways Julian has surprised me in the time I've known him, his heartwarming smile, how gentle he's capable of being when he wants to be, the way he immobilized me with a simple song. This boy is a bundle of mysteries that I can't wait to unravel. But for now, I'm just so tired, so content here in his arms that everything else can wait until later. "Sing to me? Please." [/color][/blockquote][/size]

[Eastern Orange]

“…I saw the way she looked at you and she was just so much prettier than me that I thought..." I bristle at that comment, like she was insulting me, by insulting herself. I snort and pull her closer against me. “Shut up.” I growl. “You are beautiful. And trust me, you wouldn’t think Felicity was pretty if you knew her ugly personality…well I guess you saw some of it.” I laugh without humor, and squeeze her tightly, protectively. I hate the idea that Aria thinks she comes up inadequate when compared to Felicity, who has as much personality as a wet rock. No, wet rock could have some interesting colors or something, a clump of dirt is more her speed. “Don’t worry about her, Aria. She is nothing to me.”

“I wouldn’t leave you, especially for someone like her!” I grumble, offended that she thought me that shallow. But who can blame her, really? When you look at where I come from it’s hard to not think I’m shallow. And, I am, about some things at least. But not when it comes to people. I hate every one equally: ugly, pretty, tall, fat, skinny. It doesn’t matter, no one escapes my scorn. “I can promise that I won’t leave you.” I add, realizing that I had not done as she asked. It made me nervous, making such a promise that I may not be able to keep, but I said it anyway. As far as I know, I won’t leave her.

My cheeks redden when she asks what I did to her kitchen. “Uh…” I don’t want to tell her that Felicity made me so mad that I threatened her life multiple times, and then turned my fury on her innocent dinning set. “Only what you did to my face,” I chuckle. “I gave it a smack down.” I feel guilty. I’m thinking clearly now, and I realize that, that maybe was the best thing I could have done. Especially since this isn’t my house. I give a nervous laugh. “We should think up a cover story for your parents…for when they get home.”

I yawn, and snuggle against Aria. Our combined body heat is making me extremely tired. I reach behind me, and blindly grab a blanket and throw it over us. I roll my eyes at her request. Really? I’m not that great of singer, why is she making me humiliate myself like this. I sigh, but nod my head. “Alright.” I feel guilty for everything. The kitchen, not trusting her, bring Felicity her…The least I could do was sing something for Aria. As luck would have it, over the past few days I had written a song for her. What can I say? The girl inspired me.

I see you standing here
But you're so far away
Starving for your attention
You don't even know my name
You're going through so much
But I know that I could be the one to hold you

I’m signing softly, almost like a lullaby. I can tell she is tired, and I want her to sleep. I’m still worried about her fainting earlier today, and she still hasn’t had a thing to eat. We both forgot in the mayhem that followed our make out session.

Every single day I find it hard to say
I could be yours alone
You will see someday
That all along the way
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold


I see you walking by
Your hair always hiding your face
I wonder why you've been hurting
I wish I had some way to say
You're going through so much
Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you

I hope she is listening to me, and hasn't fallen asleep. I want so badly to reassure that I'm here, especially after today. I must say, I'm amused that the lyrics I wrote days before, matched up perfectly with the current situation. I must be a psychic.

Every single day I find it hard to say
I could be yours alone
You will see someday
That all along the way
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach
You should know
I'm ready when you're ready for me
And I'm waiting for the right time
For the day I catch your eye
To let you know
That I'm yours to hold

My voice is getting quieter and quieter. I stifle a yawn, I probably sound terrible with out an instrument to accompany me, but I'm to tired to care, or to comfortable to be self-conscious. I can't really hit the right notes, if I don't hear them.

Every single day I find it hard to say
I could be yours alone
You will see someday
That all along the way
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold

Every single day I find it hard to say
I could be yours alone
You will see someday
That all along the way
I was yours to hold, I was yours to hold

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach
I'm ready when you're ready for me

I hold Aria tightly as I sing the last lines, and my eyelids droop heavily. "Happy now?" I whisper, already half asleep.
[/blockquote]
[/size][/justify][/color]

[Deleted]

I feel myself starting to slip away about halfway through Julian's song, the sweet words carried on the smooth baritone voice making my eyelids droop against my will. I'm so warm and sleepy and utterly content right now. I don't think I've ever felt so at peace in my life. Sleep pulls me down, the world spiraling into velvety darkness when he finally finishes, holding me a little closer to him.

"Happy now?"

"Happier than you could ever know."

I rest my head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly as sleep descends on me.

---

I'm awoken the next morning by shuffling sounds in the kitchen. My eyes shoot open in panic, my mind racing over terrified thoughts of Adrian, the girl from yesterday, any number of invaders. I'm about to quietly reach over and shake Julian awake when I hear the muffled words.

"Oh my God, the kitchen!""

"What on Earth happened here?"

"Aria, sweetie, are you okay? Are you here?"

"Shit!" I flail out of bed wildly, plunging my hand into the closet to grope for a bathrobe to cover up the questionably skin-exposing shorts and tank top I'm wearing. "Wake up. Wake up!" I hiss at Julian, throwing a nearby stuffed bear at his head. "Julian, get the hell out of my bed, my parents are home!"

"Oh, honey, thank God you're okay!"

I groan in defeat as my mother sweeps into the room. She looks nothing like me, petite where I am big-boned, raven-haired where I am blonde, dark eyes as opposed to my hazel ones. Her dark brows shoot up to her hairline almost comically as she surveys the scene in front of her, me hastily tying my robe, Julian sitting up groggily in my bed, the imprint of my body in the blankets next to him still obvious. I'm not worried about her freaking out, necessarily, after all, she was pregnant with my big brother a few months before she and Dad got married, but the implications of the situation bring a deep crimson blush to my face, which is probably more incriminating than anything I could have said.

"We were so worried that you hadn't made it home, and then we saw the kitchen... Sweetie, who's this?"

My face feels as if it's on fire now, the awkwardness in the air between the three of us almost visible in the air. I start to stutter out several explanations, none of them coming out quite right. When I finally string together an intelligent sentance, it's nothing dazzling. "Oh, uh, hey Mom. This... uh... This is Julian Scott." Her eyes widen at the mention of the famed surname and I shoot her a glare, knowing how he hates being identified by his family. "We ran into each other when I was on my way home. He got hurt out in the woods so I brought him back here to patch his hand up, and, well, we kinda got stuck."

Mom seems to buy it, but just barely. The quirk of her eyebrow tells me that she knows there's more going on between me and Julian than I'm telling her. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Julian. I'm Renna Fowler, Aria's mother. I'd invite you to have some breakfast before you head out, with the path finally being clear and all, but... Well, we're wondering exactly what happened to the kitchen."

"Yeah, let's talk about that later!" I all but shout over the last part of her sentence, ripping Julian out of bed by his arm. "We can eat on the floor, it's all good."

I give Julian's hand a squeeze as I give him a meaningful glance before I look back at my mother. "Besides, there's something I need to talk to you guys about."

I know that he knows I'm going to tell my parents. It was part of the deal. He stays with me, I get help, that simple. It's just... I can't do it without him. I don't think I'll have the strength to tell my parents that I'm dying without my only reason to stay alive there next to me. I just hope he understands.

[Eastern Orange]

Did I ever mention that I'm a heavy sleeper. I can literally sleep through anything. I always considered this a blessing growing up with six younger siblings, but now I'm thinking it is a cruse. Aria couldn't wake me up when her parents came home, so her mother caught me sleeping in Aria's bed. Great way to meet the parents, eh?

I let Aria drag me out of bed, still disoriented. It always took me awhile to come back to the land of the living. "Hmm, good morning Mrs. Fowler." I flash a bright smile, and smooth down my sleep-disheveled hair. "You have a wonderful daughter here, she is a very good care-giver. I would have been dead multiple times if not for her." I smile warmly at Aria. "I was pretty far from home when the snow storm hit. Luckily Aria was there to offer me a place to stay."

I'm glad that Aria deflected the question about the kitchen. I didn't even know were to began explaining that to her parents. 'Oh, it's okay. I got murderously angry at my nonfiance when she made my girlfriend cry. Sorry I took it out on your furnishings.' Yeah that would totally go over well. "I don't mind eating on the floor." I chime in quickly, smiling ruefully.

I sure was throwing around a lot of smiles... Was I sleep drunk or some such?

I look at Aria sharply when she says that she has something to tell them, and she tosses my that look. Suddenly I'm not not smiling. Now? She wanted to tell them now? When I'm here? I figured that, that would just be a family conversation. My stomach twits with anxiety. Well, if that is what she needs...

I squeeze her hand back, and I nod solemnly. Sure, it's not the ideal situation, but at least Aria was telling them. She was going to get help.

[Deleted]

I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh.
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain away.

[/size][/color][/center]

Within a few minutes, we're all sitting in a weird semicircle on the floor, my father, Julian, and I, while Mom's making pancakes over at the stove. I'm a female copy of my father. We have the same large build, dirty-blonde hair, hazel eyes, even the same love of animals. He's way calmer that I am, though, I have no idea where the hell I got my temper seeing as both my parents are extremely laid-back. They seem to be taking the fact that our kitchen is now so many splinters in stride, whereas I'm wigging out. What the hell has Julian done in here?

I was glad to find out that little Stella's doing fine now, back to being her normal, happy little baby self. If took my parents an hour to fight their way back from Liam and Kyra's even with the snow melting. I find myself wondering how long it's take Julian to get home, and I consider maybe walking with him. But the thought hits me that if all goes according to plan, I'll be in the hospital here in a few hours, checking in for a several-month stay. As I glance over at Julian, I wonder whether I'll be allowed to have visitors. After spending twenty four hours a day with him for a week, I wonder how I could possibly go for two or three months without seeing him. But do I really want him to see me like that? Emaciated, hooked up to a feeding tube, fighting death for a few weeks at the least before I start getting better. No. I make a vow to myself to make sure Julian doesn't lay eyes on me until I'm back up to a healthy weight. Seeing me sick will only hurt him.

Mom places a huge plate of pancakes in front of each of us, and the smell is so amazing that it's all I can do to not pick up the syrup-covered goodness with my bare hands and devour it. MY stomach screams for food, reminding me that I haven't eaten for two days, but I force myself to pick up a fork and knife and eat like a civilized human being. My cooking is sad compared to Mom's, and these pancakes are probably making Julian regret the fact that she hasn't been here all week and he's been stuck with my pathetic culinary skills. Even though I try to pace myself, I go through a whole plate in five minutes, dashing back up to the counter for seconds.

Easy on the carbs, there, lard-ass.

That cruel voice in the back of my head hisses at me as I refill my second plate, sending fear shooting down my spine and already making me nauseous. This disease isn't only affecting my body. It's in my mind, so ingrained in my consciousness that it's going to take a hell of a lot of counseling to get it out. I gulp heavily. Just how long of a hospital stay are we looking at, here? I squash the panic that's building a horrible pressure in my chest, going back to sit with my family around where our table used to be. Taking a deep breath, I reach over and latch onto Julian's hand, trying to find some strength there. It's time.

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you about. Something that's been happening for almost two years."

[/b]

The thought of being locked in a little white room for months scares me. But so does the thought of dying. Even more than dying, the thought of hurting Julian, of losing him absolutely scares the living shit out of me. This has to happen. It won't be pleasant. There will be tears. There will be needles and counseling and a bed that is not mine and a room with sheets that don't smell like Julian. But there will be life. My life. Because for the first time, I realize that it's worth saving. I am worth something to someone. I am valuable.

"Mom... Dad... I'm bulimic. And I need help."[/b][/color][/blockquote][/size]

~*~*The End*~*~