Long Days [Jack Lexington]

[Steffenee]

Iris had just picked up Charlotte from daycare; she didn’t like that she spent so much time there away from her while she was working. She sometimes wished that she didn’t have to deal with all of this and that it would just be a little easier if she had never gotten pregnant or even if Charlotte’s father was actually here, but no, he disappeared, never to be seen again by either of them. She didn’t mind though, it showed her true strength that she had beaten every optical and made things okay for them and that was all she could hope for. The snow was falling in piles around them and the sun was sinking lower and lower in the sky, it was getting late, at least it wasn’t as cold as it had been the day before. Iris didn’t have to bundle up as much as she needed to anymore.

Charlotte looked around the nearly empty streets as she was being carried by her mother through them. She loved this time of the day because it meant that it was almost time for dinner and then she got to go home and watch some shows with her mommy before bed. She didn’t like being away from her mother all day, and she knew that tomorrow she would get to spend all day with her mom and she wouldn’t have to worry about having to be dropped off at daycare because her mother promised her that she wouldn’t have an emergency call to come in and work on that Saturday.


Iris had picked up an extra shift at her job that day so she had been late picking her up, she needed the little bit of extra money though so that they had a little more to store away and didn’t have to worry as much as Iris was worrying now. She wished that he had stayed. She had loved him once and he had turned around and ran out on them leaving her to deal with it all on her own. She closed her eyes as they walked for a moment before she set Charlotte down as they entered a small shop to pick up some dinner before going home.

The beautiful little girl ran over to the counter to pick out what she wanted to eat. She hoped that they could stay here and eat and not have to go home right away. She liked being outside in the district it made her feel important and like someone would notice her and maybe she would even find her daddy. Most children her age were picked up by their daddy’s a lot and she was always picked up by her mommy and had never even met her daddy, so she sometimes hoped that while they were walking her daddy would recognize her and want to be with her mommy and then she would have a mommy and a daddy.

Iris followed her into the shop not noticing or caring about the people around them staring at her as she picked up her daughter so she could see better. After she had chosen what she wanted Iris ordered and then went to find a table to sit at and wait for her food. She walked right by him almost did a double take before deciding that it was impossible for him to have come back. He had left right after he had found out, he knew what her home life was like and left her with a child to raise in that house when he knew that she could have very likely been killed by her father. He had just walked away and left her to fend for herself, so he wouldn’t have come back. She helped Charlotte into the booth and set her shoulder bag—containing things she needed and things Charlotte needed at daycare—in the booth beside her as she sat down. She was tired and couldn’t wait to be home, but she hadn’t been shopping in a while so there wasn’t enough food to make a meal, she planned to take her shopping tomorrow to get groceries because tomorrow was Saturday which meant that she didn’t have to work and she could spend as much time with her daughter as she wanted.

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[Jack Lexington]

Two long years have I been away from this district and that wasn't a coincidence. I needed to get away from there because somethings scared me more than any peace keeper ever could. Something, not really, somebody. That somebody was still very, very small when I left. I'm the most non conforming, fun loving, independent being I know. That's one reason why even my lovely surrogate parents couldn't make me stay at home but I stared 'exploring' as I like to call it. Mostly I was curious about the country, the districts and everything in between but I was also really interested in meeting girls in all kinds of different districts, from the ones with the beautiful raven hair and sun tanned skin in the plains to the blonde beauties with skin white as snow up north.
Exactly that kind of exploration became a desaster when I met a beautiful girl in district 6 about two and half years ago. She was definetly special and captured me like no other before. Maybe I was even in love. I'm not so sure any more. Everything was perfect until she started throwing up amd feeling strange and eventually told me that she was pregnant. PREGNANT! Meaning there was a child to be born. That would change her and my whole life. I didn't think that could happen anyway but apparently it did. I'm not sure if she was prepared for a life changing event like that, giving up her freedom and suddenly all this responsibility. I sure as hell wasn't, packed my bags and ran.

Not many days have gone by since then when I didn't think about her and the child. I feel like a scumbag, like I've let both of them down and made a big mistake but whenever I think a bout going back my chest tightens and I can't get myself to do it. She surely hates me anyway and probably told her son or daughter that I'm dead.
At least three times I've tried but then chickened out. This week is my fourth attempt and I've even made it as far as her home town.

All I wanted was to fill my empty stomach with some of the money I stole from some rich guy, who doesn't seem to need that much anyway with his nice leather boots and warm fur coat. So I went to the next best restaurant and ordered a cheap meal.
Suddenly time seems to stop and go by in slow motion when I see her. Iris. Beautiful as ever. I would recognize her out of a million people. The same probably doesn't go for her. I'm sure she's pushed me far out of her memories and now that I've grown a beard and my dark, curly hair is much longer than usually she wouldn't be able to recognize me.
I swear my heart skips a beat when my eyes fall onto the little girl, who walks behind her. She looks like a miniature version of her mother. Could she be....?

[Steffenee]

Iris sat there talking to the two year old with the ever growing vocabulary about what she thought was important in the world, while her mind whirled about who she had thought she had seen over at the other table not far from them. If it was him, he could probably see them and that would just kill her. She didn’t want him here, while he should have to face the little girl he shouldn’t be here at all. It was easier to tell her daughter that her daddy was too busy with work to come and see her to spend time with her that he was off in some far off place working for the better of the districts. If he was here she couldn’t keep that illusion alive. She let her daughter chatter on about what not while she scribbled in one of the coloring books that she had brought with. While her daughter talked about what not she looked back over at where she thought she saw Nick. His hair was longer and now he had a beard but that was definitely him. He hadn’t changed much in the two years since she had last seen him, but he had also changed so much.

Questions ran through her mind and she was completely not paying attention to her daughter now. She wondered why he had come back and why he had decided after two years to come back to see them—if he was even here to see them, which she doubted. She didn’t think he would ever come back to see them, why would he care. She rubbed her eyes some as her daughter leaned across the table and poked her shoulder. ”Mommy why is that man looking at us?”

[/i] She asked looking at the man and Iris followed her gaze to Nick. She told her daughter to wait there and not to move; she would go and talk to the man. She stood up took a deep breath and walked over sitting down in the seat across from him looking at him for a moment before speaking to him. She still wasn’t sure what to say when words came out of her mouth.

”What are you doing here?” She asked him crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn’t happy about him being here. Not only had he come back to her town he had come back to her part of town and was in a restaurant that was where she spent most of her time. That meant that he could possibly be stalking her and their child, which did not sit well with her. That was not okay for him to be doing if that was the case. She had her hair braided over to one side and Charlotte was watching intensely from their table a little ways away from where she sat now.
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[Jack Lexington]

I try my best to concentrate on my food, which shouldn't be hard because it's the first decent, warm meal in three days but the little girl a few seats over has caught my eye. Now she's noticed me and I giver her a little smile wondering whether she really is her daughter.
Suddenly Iris is getting up and coming over to me. I know that she's going to ask me what I want and I have to admit I'm not prepared to answer that question because I really have no idea.

The way she's adressing me and crossing her arms tells me I'm not welcome.
How can I break the ice between us after such a long time?
"Hello Iris, it's nice to see you."
I smile at her. It's a genuine smile even though I'm incredibly embarassed, more than I knew I could be.
"I want some food and a drink here....and wow, you haven't changed."

My eyes fall on the little girl, who has followed her to my booth.
"Hi there."
My smile freezes because the small girl is studying me with big brown eyes. Could she have those brown eyes from me?

"Is that your daughter?" I ask Iris a little hesitantly.

[Steffenee]

Iris looked at him and thought about yelling at him to leave her alone. She wanted to ask him why he just showed up here after all this time and he wanted to act as though nothing had happened. Well a lot had happened and she wasn’t happy about it. She didn’t want him here and she wanted him to know it. She closed her eyes for a moment wishing he would leave them alone and get away. She was perfectly content with her daughter and without him. She ran her fingers through her hair as Charlotte walked over to see the man that her mommy was talking to.

She was looking at him with big beautiful eyes that looked at not nearly as many people with that much interest. She thought he was interesting and wondered why her mommy was talking to him and didn’t seem to like him. Her mommy picked her up and set her on her lap holding her close before telling her to say hi to the man. She waved at him and said in a quiet voice, ”Hi”

[/i]. She had never seen this man around her mommy before and she wondered how they knew each other it made it hard for her to decide if she could like him because her mommy didn’t she could tell that even at her young age.

Iris looked at him her eyes cold. ”Yes this is Charlotte” She said not wanting to tell him that she was his, but she didn’t have to because he knew, or he should know. She was the right age and looked almost exactly like him, though she looked a great bit like her mother too. It was hard for her to sit there so close to the man that walked out on her and their daughter two years ago, he didn’t stay to help. He didn’t know anything about the little girl that was on her lap and he didn’t know a thing about her either so he couldn’t sit here and pretend he did.

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[Jack Lexington]

I guess I deserve her cold stare and the way she lets me know I'm not welcome. Iris doesn't have to say it. Even if she was friendly as could be I still would know that she doesn't want me around and who could blame her. Not me definetly. I'm the one who walked out on her because I got scared. But who gave her the chance to do the same thing? She had the little girl inside of her and couldn't run like a coward.

Biting my lip I tryto find the right words when the little girl says hi to me. I smile at her without effort. She's so cute it's hard not to smile. "Hi."
Then Iris tells me the name she chose for her daughter, which I'm pretty sure is mine. She brings back memories of pictures that were taken when I was a small boy. If I had had longer hair we could be twins. At the same time she has her mothers cute nose and smile, even though Iris is not willing to show it to me.
"You have a pretty name, Charlotte. I'm Nick. How old are you?"
Maybe we can communicate through her.

A long awkward moment of silence follows. So I avert my gaze and study my bitten off finger nails. She's probably about to leave so I quickly mutter. "I'm sorry."

OOC: You're posts are so long anyway...mine are always shorter-oops.

[Steffenee]

Iris didn’t like him being but Charlotte was having a blast. She loved whenever she got all the attention she wanted and craved. Being at daycare all the time she never really got one on one attention so she spent all day with other two year olds demanding the same amount of attention as her. She was the one that was the least demanding though so she was often lost in the crowd of the other people. She didn’t mind sometimes but other times she just wanted someone to pay attention to her so when he asked her how old she was she held up two fingers ”This many”

[/i] She said grinning. She liked how old she was.

Iris let her talk to him, he was her father after all he did have the right to get to know her and love her as much as Iris did. She corrected her when she said she was two and said she was almost two but not quite. She stuck her tongue out at her as their food was brought to his table and she told the waiter that they just needed it to go instead. She didn’t want to sit here and have a long deep conversation with him about why he left and if he was staying because honestly she didn’t care. Yes it would be nice for her daughter if her father was living with them and she didn’t have to pay for long hours at daycare and her daughter was always with a parent to watch her. Sure that would be nice, but she figured he wouldn’t be staying; he probably came around once so that he didn’t feel bad and guilty for leaving anymore. She sighed deeply when he apologized for leaving and she asked Charlotte to go grab mommy’s bag for her which Charlotte was more then happy to do getting down and running to put her coloring book away and grab the bag for her mommy.

While she was over there, Iris kept an eye on her but also turned to Nick. ”Why are you here? Why did you come back? So you could stop feeling guilty? She asked him her voice cold and detached, but somewhere in her voice you could hear just the slightest bit of the overwhelming sadness she was feeling over what he did, how he ran out and left her with a child and broken hearted. She hadn’t been ready for that to happen and almost made a very stupid mistake and was about to make another one. ”Are you staying anywhere? No matter my feelings for you I am not going to let you sleep on the street.” She said once more her voice a mix of anger, sadness and monotone.
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[Jack Lexington]

"This many." The little girl showed her and was corrected by her mother. Silently I add 9 months and it is the time that I left her. Wow, Charlotte is most likely my daughter. The thought alone makes me freeze for a moment. Then my eyes meet Iris' and I ask. "Almost two, huh?"
I'm actually trying to ask her whether the little girl, who is eyeing me so curiously is mine but I can't really ask her without the sweet thing knowing.

When my ex girlfriend sends her away we have a moment to speak. She surprises me by offering me a bed, if I'm not mistaken. The thought alone makes me uncomfortable even though I'd love to get to know the child better. So I raise both hands and state.
"No, I'm good. I've got a place to sleep."
At least I will have one by tonight. Usually I don't have any trouble finding an abandoned barn or sweet talk some girl to let me stay and then I'm gone before her family wakes up. I'm really good at using people. I should be proud of myself I think filled with sarcasm.

Before her daughter, who got sidetracked by some cakes on display, comes back I look into her eyes again and swallow hard against the lump in my throat.
"Iris, for the past months I couldn't think of much else but you and how I left you. I couldn't shake the feeling that I need to come here and see if you're alright. I know you gotta hate me and I don't blame you if you do but I need to know...is she mine? Are you getting along?"

Phew, it's out. Now I'm fully expecting a handbag in my face or maybe some loud screaming? I definetly deserve much worse than that. If she wanted to cut my balls off it wouldn't surprise me.

[Steffenee]

Iris looked at him when he asked her this. She should have expected it but how was she expected to answer that? She ran her fingers through her hair while Charlotte looked at the cakes a little bit away. "Yes she is yours" She said quietly not wanting to admit it. Another thing she didn't want to admit is that while she was still putting money away every month it was getting harder and harder to find the extra and she was about to get a pay cut. She didn't want to tell Nick that she needed him here, because honestly she didn't trust him here, for all she knew he was still out sleeping around and getting other girls pregnant and that wouldn't be okay.

She finally figured out how to answer the other question he asked, "We are doing okay for now" That was all she said, she didn't want to elaborate more on it because then it would become apparent that they wouldn't be okay very soon. She looked at him just looked at him not sure what to say to him or do about the hyper active two year old. She pulled herself together in her mind before saying "Thank you" She was actually happy he had come back even if it was only for a few hours, that was okay with her. He got to see his daughter and that they were doing fine and that should ease his mind into leaving them alone. She handed him a slip of paper with their address on it and grabbed her food that had been wrapped up for them before calling Charlotte over who waved goodbye to him.

"Bye Nick" She said. She didn't want to stay there any longer and get into any deep conversations about how much her life had changed because he walked out on them. She didn't want to get into it. With that thought she walked with Charlotte out of the restaurant leaving him there to decide his next move since she already knew hers.

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[Jack Lexington]

The paper between his fingers wasn't worth a dime but to him it was something that he had to hold on to. That adress was precious now. It had only taken a short moment in one room with little Charlotte and the confirmation that she was his daughter. In a heartbeat the kid stole his heart and didn't let go of it anymore.
Nick ate his food but suddenly it was tasteless because he kept looking out the window to catch another glance of the girls. In vain. For a while he fiddled around with the piece of paper trying to decide what to do. The conversation had been much more civilized than he expected. maybe that was due to the fact that a two year old should hear massive swear words and there were other people in the busy diner. Then again Iris had offered him a bed. Maybe she even missed him.
Silently he finished his meal and drink and the paid. The change was all the money he had left so he needed to find a job soon. That job would have to be here, in this town, so he could possibly bump into them again.

The next morning he started going from shop to shop, factory to factory until he finally found a carpenter who needed a hand because he had a big order. Nick enjoyed woodworking and agreed to help the man in exchange for a bed up in the attic above the work shop and a warm meal a day. The elderly man nodded and to Nicks surprise didn't ask any questions.
After his first day of work and hammering his own finger three times Nick took a walk down the street hoping to run into Iris again but no such luck.
So he finally started looking for their house. At the doorstep however he couldn't work up the courage to knock. What if her father or her new boyfriend opened the door?

[Steffenee]

That night she waited to see if he would come to the door but he never did. She figured he would. She went to bed and got ready for the next morning she was going to take Charlotte to the grocery store and then the sitter for just an hour to herself to go out and do something she wanted to do. She knew she shouldn't be wasting the money for the extra time at the sitter but she knew better then to allow herself to get too overwhelmed by her life and she was really feeling it from her confrontation with her ex the night before. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.

In the morning she woke up and got Charlotte ready to go out for the day. They went to the grocery store and bought food that she had the money and coupons to buy. She didn't want to have to deal with going over her budget because she had already spent over her monthly budget to pay for the baby sitter that night. After the grocery store she went to the park with her daughter and around dinner time she went and brought her home and made her dinner. They ate and waited for the babysitter who arrived shortly after. She was just in simple jeans and a jacket and was just going to walk to see what she could find. She had already pushed Nick out of her mind, why would he still be here, he saw them, saw they were okay and he should know that she didn't need him, even though she did. She needed him more then ever right now, she would never admit to needing anyone though.

She kissed her head and told her to have fun with the sitter before walking to the front door and grabbing her bag, she would probably end up going to the library and studying some book she picked up. She dropped out of school not long after she got pregnant and took every spare second to go and study things she didn't get to learn in school. She called goodbye one last time before opening the door bag over her shoulder to find Nick standing at her door. Her eyes widened in surprise before she raised an eyebrow at him and stepped out pulling the door closed behind her. She looked at him curiously. "Can I help you?" She asked him politely. She couldn't say that she hated him even after all he had done. Even after he had walked out on her and her baby. She looked at him she still wanted to yell and scream at him and most of all cry when she saw him but she wasn't going to it wasn't her thing to do that to him. She was going to keep her cool. "I figured you had already left to go back to wherever." She said stepping around him and going down the stairs.

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[Jack Lexington]

Her sudden appearance startled him and almost made him fall down the stairs backwards but he caught himself before he landed flat on his butt and managed to only slightly twist his ankle. Wincing he placed his palms on his thighs and took a moment to breath and then gave her a weak smile. Her words were polite but her tone was cold.
He circled his finger in the air and explained. "I was just around here...oh who am I kidding. I was going to come by and..." Do what? Yes, what did he want? See the little girl? Talk to her?
"but I was scared your boyfriend would rip my head off so I didn't knock!"

While he studied her pretty face he wandered what she would do next? After all she gave him the address.
"Can I walk you to wherever you're going? I mean, after you get all your frustration and aggression out and beat me with that bag of yours?" He said in a mixture of mocking and joking tone.

[Steffenee]

Iris looked at him as he hit the ground and she rolled her eyes some at him. He started to say he had just been around the neighborhood which she knew was a bunch of shit but she let him keep right on talking while he sat there on the ground. She wasn't about to stop him. He finally told the truth though that he was going to come by and.. but then he stopped. She wondered what he possibly could have been thinking when he decided just to drop by her house and not do anything just stand there on her doorstep. She was worried about what her neighbors, including her landlady would think if they had seen him just standing there for who knows how long before she had come out and found him. She heard him mention something about a boyfriend? Did he think she was seeing someone?

"Yes you can walk with me and no I don't have a boyfriend" She told him honestly. She didn't know where she was going yet but she figured he would want to talk about Charlotte and what they were suppose to do. She wondered why he was still here and if he was staying. In the district she wouldn't mind but if he stayed in this town it would obviously be to get close to Charlotte and she wasn't sure if she wanted him to get close to her. After all he could run out on them again if he got scared or nervous about something or another and she didn't want her daughter to feel the pain that she felt on loosing him. She ran her fingers through her hair for probably the second time not that she was keeping count. She started to walk down the street waiting for him to catch up.

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[Jack Lexington]

Quickly I get up and brush the snow of my pants, that are slightly wet now. A look back at the house confirms that the lights are still on. Probably for Charlotte and whoever is with her now if not a new guy.

When I catch up with her I simply walk alongside of the girl I was once dating. It's a strange feeling, especially since she should be incredibly mad at me but seems so calm. So I simply ask her. "Are you mad at me?"
What a conversation opener. I'm so smart I could smack myself upside the head.
"I decided to stay here for a while. If it's okay with you I'd really like to get to know Charlotte." Right now I'm avoiding the term my daughter. What would that sound like...or even worse-our daughter. There is no us anymore. I made sure of that when I walked out on her.
"I promise I won't teach her any bad stuff and I won't tell her who I am."

[Steffenee]

Iris walked along the sidewalk as he caught up to her. She wasn't surprised that he wanted to walk with her or that he might want to talk about their daughter. She didn't mind calling her that even if there was no 'them'. She was still his daughter just as much as hers at least genetically. She had been the one to raise her and be there for her first steps and first hair cut. Her first steps, her first everything and now he was here and just probably wanted to come right in and take away her daughter, he would probably take her to whatever district he was actually living in as soon as Charlotte knew he was her father she would be all over him and she would be old news. Charlotte would be excited that she had a daddy that she was able to tell every one of her friends that she did.

When he asked her if she was mad at him. That was the question wasn't it. Was she really mad at him or just more upset. She sighed deeply as they walked towards the closest library. "No I don't think I am mad anymore" She said quietly. She didn't think she was mad but for all she knew she would murder him in the next five seconds. He mentioned that he wanted to be in her life and that got her blood boiling. She needed to calm down she wasn't sure what she needed to say to him to make him understand that she didn't want him to hurt her daughter. Then he continued on to say that he wouldn't tell her who he was. She thought about it for a second and then finally agreed reluctantly. She would let him be in her life as long as she didn't know who he was. If she did and he left it would just break her little heart knowing her daddy didn't want her and never wanted her.

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