Sour Strawberry Cheeks {:Axel:}

[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Riley Everfield The pain of my body isn't as great as the pain of my heart As soon as I was within the protective embrace of Ashton I felt my heart rate going down, and the world stopped spinning around me. I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck, blowing my hair around my face, and despite how I felt about him, about everything, I smiled. For the first time in my sixteen years of life I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me as long as Ashton had his arms around me. When his head fell to rest on mine, and his arms tightened around me I finally allowed myself to float to sleep. I hoped that as long as I was here with Ashton that my sleep would be a sound one, a sleep with no nightmares or night terrors. I knew that I was in the middle of a dream as soon as I found myself watching the world as if I didn't exist. I saw my family at my home, the lights were still lit in the house, and they were sitting at the table in the kitchen talking. They both looked so happy as they sat there, happier than they ever looked when I was with them. As much as I wanted to tear my gaze away from them I watched as the images around me grew blurry, and I found myself in the kitchen with them. I could hear their voices loud and clear...they were talking about me...about how I was gone and out of their hair. They were talking about how I was such a disappointment to them and I had been since the first day of training. I remembered that day perfectly, the day that marked my first beating from my father, the first day I realized that my parents may not love me. I had failed the first test of training, and all that it required was to simply left the training sword and swing it. I couldn't even do it, I wasn't strong enough to lift the sword like all the other boys and girls. I tried so hard, but my muscles, they screamed every time I got the sword lifted past my hip, and I would drop it back down. The instructor screamed at me to work harder and stop being so weak, asking me what my parents would think if I came home and told them I couldn't even properly lift a sword. Timidly I had responded that they would understand and my father would help me learn how to do it better the next time I came for training. The instructor simply laughed at me, a look of pity in his eyes that I didn't recognize at the time. He knew what would happen, he knew that I was naive to how things worked in a Career district. If you weren't strong enough to lift a sword or help with our trade of fishing you were useless, no you were more than useless, you were a waste of life. When I got home I had entered the house with a smile on my face, firmly believing my father would help me with my training. When I walked into the kithen I ran up to my father and tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, but when he turned around there wasn't love on his face, only hate. I shrunk away from him and tried to move away from him, but he grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me towards him. I yelped in pain as his grip tightened around my wrist and than he did something I never thought he would do. He brought the back of his hand across my face, and I felt my teeth bite down on my tongue causing the metallic taste of blood to fill my mouth. I swallowed it down, coughing and spluttering, and while I tried to make sense of what had happened I heard my father's voice in my ears. Words I will never forget to this day burned into my memory...he told me that from that day on I was no longer his daughter, that I was a failure to the family. As I watched the scene in the kitchen melt around me once more I felt tears beginning to fall from my eyes. All these memories and pains that I had tried so hard to forget, refusing to believe that my family hated me. Longing for that one time that my mother and father would smile at me and say those words that I longed to hear, "I love you". Why now did these things choose to resurface in my mind? Was it because I still longed to hear those words come from their mouths and I had lost that chance, or was it because Ashton had told me those words that I had so longed to hear? I had no time to understand the reason for the world around me began to crumble, and I was jolted awake to find myself on the floor next to the couch. I yelped with pain when I hit the floor and pain coursed through the bruised arm that I had fallen onto. I spun around when I heard Ashton moving behind me, and I saw a look of anger and worry on his face. Suddenly I couldn't hold it in any more, the dream, being pushed off the couch, it was all to much, I began to cry for about the millionth time today. Balling up my small fist I hit Ashton like a spoiled little girl, upset that she didn't get something she wanted. The tears continued to fall as I hit him until I had spent what little energy I had left. He hadn't said a word as I hit him, he had remained silent, with a look of worry on his face as if he knew why I was crying or hitting him. Silently I thanked him for not saying anything to me, for I knew that if I heard his voice it would make things worse, that I would really lose control like I had earlier that day. Slowly I stood up and crawled back onto the couch, but this time I moved on top of him to ensure that I wouldn't be knocked off again. I felt his arms wrap around my small frame once more and I looked up into his face giving him a weak smile to let him know that I was okay, that I would be okay. I saw an almost imperceptible nod from him, and I laid my head on his chest. The rythmic, soothing beat of his heart was like a song of happiness and joy, and in stark contrast to the wild patter of my own heart that made me feel like throwing up. Almost as if he knew what I was thinking or longed for his arms tightened around me, assuring me that he would always be there, and I had nothing to fear. I knew that I had everything to fear though, for he couldn't protect me from my dreams, but I appreciated those unspoken words, "I will keep you safe". Strangely it did make me feel safer when his arms were around me, listening to the beat of his heart, his breath moving a curl of hair across my forehead. I felt safe as long as I was in his arms, and with a bit of hesitation I closed my eyes and tried to get to sleep again. ~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~ I awoke to a small shaft of light breaking through the curtains onto my face. The rest of my night had gone without another nightmare, but the memory of it was still fresh in my mind as I opened my eyes and tried to take in my surroundings. I was no longer in the livingroom, I was laying in Ashton's bed with a blanket draped carefully over me...but there was no Ashton. A surge of panic coursed through me and I sat up with a jolt looking about the room until I found him, curled up in a chair that was turned towards the bed. Once more he had kept his promise, that he wouldn't sleep with me till I was ready, but I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that he didn't stay with me the whole night, at least not in that sense. I stretched out, yawned, threw my legs over the side of the bed, and walked over to Ashton. I tousled his hair and kissed his nose, "time to wake up sleepy head", I whispered into his ear, and running away from him before he woke up I grabbed one of his button down shirts and ran into the bathroom to change into it. Since I hadn't completely prepared for staying with Ashton I had nothing proper of my own to wear, so I kept the pair of sleeping shorts on and decided that I would just wear one of his shirts. Stripping off the tank top I pulled one arm through the sleeve, than the other, and began to button it up. Once I had finished I tucked part of it haphazardly into the shorts and walked out into the room to find Ashton gone, most likely to change and eat breakfast. Slipping out of the room I walked into the kitchen to find him in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, and in his hands a small note. When he noticed I had stepped into the room though he slid it into his jeans pocket, out of view and out of reach. I opened my mouth to ask him what was on the note, but he cut me off asking me what I wanted for breakfast. Before I had even given him an answer he got up from the table and fixed me a bowl of cereal. A little annoyed with how he was treating me I slumped down in the chair he had set the bowl at and began to pick through the cereal. I had only taken a few small bites from it before he turned around from looking at something on the sinkbench, startling me so I dropped the spoon onto the floor and almost knocked the bowl over. He sat down in the chair across from me and I watched as he looked nervously from me to the table as if he was about to say something I probably wouldn't like. Had I been wrong about last night, had he decided he didn't love me anymore, was he sending me back to my parents? It was silly to think all of those things, but my life had been so hard to this point it wouldn't have surprised me if something like that happened to me. Finally he seemed to get up the nerve to say what it was on his mind, and even though it wasn't something I had expected, it was still something I was dreading. "Riley, I think we should move into our home now, that little cabin in the woods that I had taken you to before. Don't worry about your stuff at home, I'll get you all new clothes, anything you want, anything at all, and it's yours." That cabin, the one place in the world that I was trying to avoid going to because of what had happened there, or what I had believed had happened there. What was wrong with just staying here for a little while till I got used to the fact that I was married to someone at sixteen years old? I knew that we couldn't really stay here though, just as I had to leave my family for him, he had to leave his family for us, we were the only family that now counted. I only had one thing that I wanted to do before we went there, and that was collect some of my belongings from my house. I glared at him across the table and made my demand, daring him to contradict me, and just like I knew he would he told me no. I knew he was only trying to protect me, but they were still my family and part of me wanted to say goodbye to them officially. Finally he relented and told me that we could stop by, but only for a minute to collect some of my more important belongings. Once we had made the agreement I choked down a little more of my breakfast before the two of us went to pack up what we were going to be bringing from here with us. I threw my clothes from yesterday into one of Ashton's cases and than attempted to help him collect some of his own belongings. It was a poor attempt though, after a minute or so of trying to assist all I did was succeed in breaking some very expensive glass pieces that Ashton told his mother he would replace. So eventually I just sat down in a chair and watched as Ashton and his mother packed up his treasured belongings. Once he was finished he said his goodbyes to his mother and he took me by the arm and led me out of the house and down towards my home. But when we reached my house and saw that my belongings were sitting, neatly packed on the curb, outside my house I felt my heart drop. This was the final sign of closure, that my family didn't want me back, I was no longer a part of their life or for that matter a part of their family. I fell to the ground and drew my knees up to my chest and sobbed into my hands until I felt Ashton's strong hand lift me up...it was time to go...we couldn't stay here any longer. I looked one last time at my things on the curb and turned away from them towards the beach, towards my new life. For a while we walked in silence, my tears and sobbing the only sound that reached either of our ears. I couldn't stand not to hear a voice right now, something that could anchor me down, so I began to tell Ashton about my dream the night before. "I had a dream last night...a dream about my family...about when my dad first...h-h-hit me. I-i-it was the first day of training and I c-c-couldn't do all the m-m-motions like the other kids. I thought my dad would h-h-help me when I told him...but instead...h-h-he hit me. I bled...I had bitten through my tongue when he hit me...a-a-and I cried, but he didn't care. He told me that I was a failure...t-t-that he would never love me. I-I-I couldn't tell anyone about it...he threatened to hit me again if I did...so I t-t-took the beatings...almost every day. P-p-people would ask about where the bruises came from...but I couldn't tell them the truth. I t-t-told them that I was clumsy and had f-fallen down the stairs or I had hit m-m-my head on the sinkbench. After a while their stares went from pity t-t-to amusement...I was the silly girl who was so c-c-clumsy that she bruised herself all the time." My secrets laid bare, my life an open book, the more time I spent with Ashton the more I told him about my life, the more he would learn that I was not the girl he thought I was. After years of being beaten and told I was useless I had come to believe that I was useless, and nothing more than a means for someone to take out their aggressions on. I felt sure that all the times that I had been hit in the head that it had caused some damage to me, that I wasn't normal. What would he do when he found it out, would he love me just the same for all my failings, or would his patience run out like it had with my father? As the cabin came into view, the cabin that would be our home, I began to wonder if I was just stepping into a life of greater pain than that I endured with my father. After years of being abused and mistreated I was not so quick to let go of my distrust of people, even if Ashton did make me feel like I was safe. My father had made me feel that way until he realized I couldn't ever be the child he wanted. Who was to say that Ashton may not realize that I couldn't be the wife he wanted, that I couldn't give him what he wanted...my love. I wasn't ready for this but I had no where else to go, this was my life now, like it or not I was married to Ashton and I would be living with him now. lyrics

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[mcmarti99]

Time, an irrelevant term when I was with Riley, passed quicker than I would have hoped. It seemed like just yesterday, she was that shy girl on the beach that shrugged off my shirt when I offered it to her. Now, she was my wife, and clothed herself in one of my shirts. Last night, after I was sure she was asleep, I'd carried her to the bed, knowing she'd be more comfortable there. Instead of climbing in next to her, I'd positioned a chair towards the bed and watched her sleep, until the calm rhythm of her breath rocked me to sleep. But her wake-up kiss on my nose made me think I could have if I'd really wanted to. I learned with Riley, that she was one to be approached with caution. Slow movements, and relaxed movements. She was like a caged animal sometimes, but once you got her to trust you, it was like she'd eat out of the palm of your hand.

My mom had left me a note that morning. It wasn't much, just saying the cabin was totally ready and stocked with my clothes. She didn't know what to buy Riley so she wanted me to take her shopping. The words should have excited me. I was so ready to leave the world behind us and stay cuddled in our cabin all day, everyday. But instead it made me burn. I knew Riley wouldn't want me to buy things for her. And I didn't really want to have her in a place that public. Not with her newly formed bruises and my guilty-looking hands.The gruff hands of Riley's new husband. No doubt I'd get blamed for it. And I was afraid that would make Riley afraid.

So after I fixed her some cereal, I'd brought it up. She insisted on going to her parents house. That was the last place I wanted her to be. I tried to find her hand under the table, but she pulled it away, getting almost bossy as she demanded me to take her there. There was no getting out of that one. I'd known it was a terrible idea the minute we stepped out of my house. Her parents had piled her things up on the curb, officially kicking her out. She'd fallen to the ground crying, and I had to lift her, half carrying her away from her old life. Riley was independent, but she needed me to pick her up in the bad spots.

"I had a dream last night...a dream about my family...about when my dad first...h-h-hit me. I-i-it was the first day of training and I c-c-couldn't do all the m-m-motions like the other kids. I thought my dad would h-h-help me when I told him...but instead...h-h-he hit me. I bled...I had bitten through my tongue when he hit me...a-a-and I cried, but he didn't care. He told me that I was a failure...t-t-that he would never love me. I-I-I couldn't tell anyone about it...he threatened to hit me again if I did...so I t-t-took the beatings...almost every day.

P-p-people would ask about where the bruises came from...but I couldn't tell them the truth. I t-t-told them that I was clumsy and had f-fallen down the stairs or I had hit m-m-my head on the sinkbench. After a while their stares went from pity t-t-to amusement...I was the silly girl who was so c-c-clumsy that she bruised herself all the time."

Now I shuddered, as her words came back to me in snippets, mere tiny pieces to a thousand piece puzzle that was Riley. I was leaning over the bathroom sink in our bedroom, the day replaying in my head. Riley was in the living room waiting for me. After we walked in, she got all worked up again and spilled more details to me about her life. I got her calmed down, and then slipped away. I needed a few moments to myself.

I loved Riley to death. She was my everything now. That was something that came with the "I do"s. It was just now hitting me just how much that meant. Her breakdowns were becoming a routine, her mood swings just part of the game. I wasn't sure if she really had all those problems or they were a game. Considering the stories she was telling me were nothing like anything I've ever known, I couldn't be sure they weren't. I could have slapped myself. What was I thinking? Riley was fragile, not a liar. And right now she needed me. I walked out of the bathroom, and found Riley wasn't there.

My heart dropped in my chest. Why was she so afraid of this place? At my house, she was my girl, my wife. But here, she was so distant, so afraid. And I didn't know why. I didn't have much time to think about it. The only thing consuming my brain was the fact that Riley was gone again. I slammed open the door to the porch, looking left and right for her. She couldn't leave me again. Not now. I needed her to. She would be selfish if she left now. She wasn't scared of me anymore. She would only hurt herself, and I didn't know what I'd do with myself.

I stepped around the corner of the house, on the slightest brim of hope that she would be there. The sigh that escaped my lips was almost hysterical when she actually was. She hadn't heard me approach, but she looked at me now, those mysterious eyes drinking me in. I felt some sort of magnetic pull tugging me towards Riley. My body didn't try to fight it. I walked straight towards her, pushing myself up on the thick railing of the porch so that I was facing her. She didn't looked up, just kept moving her fingers along the grain of the painted wood on the railing next to me. She was standing straight, her eyes pinned to the ocean in the distance.

Riley refused to meet my gaze, even when I pressed her with mine. Slowly, I raised my hand to her face, gently stroking her jawline. It was evening. The sun would be setting in an hour or so. Suddenly, an idea occurred to me, an idea that wasn't technically originally mine. I moved my hand before Riley could swat it away and slid my fingers across her's as they simultaneously traced the wood grain. "Hey, Ry. You wanna grab some food and go have a sunset picnic?"

[/b] I moved my hand away from her's and stood up. Sliding my arms around her waist from behind, I brushed her hair from her shoulders and leaned into her ear. "C'mon, it'll be fun."[/b] I said in a tone of voice that sounded friendly rather than romantic.I felt her shiver violently against me, and whether it was from the cold or my closeness, I didn't know. "I'll be right back."[/b] I whispered, adding more friendliness to my tone.

Slipping my arms out of the holes between her arms and her hips, letting my fingers glide across her hipbones, I walked back into the house. It wasn't anything to brag about, but I threw together a small picnic. Two sandwiches, a bag of chips, and some waters and a blanket into a backpack. I returned to find Riley frozen in the exact position I'd left her. Her eyes darted to me. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand, but the fear in her eyes told me I made a mistake earlier by touching her, so I waved her over, nodding towards the beach.

I knew the way by heart. Countless times had I fled to the lighthouse to think. It was the quietest place in the district. It was where I wanted to be with Riley right now. She'd emptied up about her life, now I wanted to share with her a piece of mine. As it came into view, I pointed at the beam of light, letting Riley's eyes wander out to the ocean before I slipped my fingers into her's. I tugged on her hand pulling her closer to me and walking closer to the lighthouse.

I pulled on Riley's hand until we were running. The white and red striped cylinder that stretched upwards towards the sky like an outstretched finger would only become further and further away from me if we stood around. I put a hand on the small of Riley's back, pushing her in front of me and gently pushing her up the stairs. Towards the top, she tripped, but I snagged her before she fell, my hand reaching around her stomach and pulling her into me. I took her hand in mine and spun her around so that she faced me. "I hope you're not afraid of heights,"[/b] When Riley nodded slowly in response, I placed one of my hands on both sides of her hips and hoisted her up the remaining two stairs, pulling myself up after her.

I gently pushed her inside the top room of the lighthouse, the sun just starting to set over the horizon. Plopping into one of two chairs in the room in which hazy windows made the walls, I opened up the window in front of me and took a load off, leaving Riley standing at the door. She stood there, mouth wide open for at least a minute. Grabbing her hand (the room was small enough I could still reach her from the other side) I pulled her onto my lap. She cringed into me, obviously being this close to the open window wasn't really her thing. "Shh.. Riley it's fine. I won't let you fall."[/b] Now I'm no man of magic, I can't define gravity or anything, but I certainly wasn't letting go of Riley.

I pressed on her head until she rest it against my chest and curled her legs up onto mine. She pulled her knees to her chest and lay her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms loosely around her, running my hands through her hair. She closed her eyes and buried her face in my neck, making squeamish sounds. I held her a bit tighter, but still not tight enough to hurt her bruises. Letting her sit there like that until she calmed down, I started telling her why I brought her here.

"My dad used to bring me here all the time. We'd spend afternoon after afternoon just sitting up here and watching the ocean role. Listen to the wind. He told me that if I listened hard enough, I could hear the dolphins speak underwater. I was always fascinated with dolphins. So I'd stay super quiet and waste away the day up here. We'd go down to the beach and collect shells and make sandcastles"[/b] I stopped for a second, my heart starting to burn. "My dad died when I was thirteen. I've been coming her by myself ever since. It's my quiet place. It's easy to think about him when I'm here and can remember all the good times we had. He got sick, and eventually he couldn't make it up here anymore, then he couldn't even get out of bed. Before he died I remember him telling me to listen to the ocean, that he'd be talking to me. It's stupid, but it's what's got me through these past years."[/b] I knew it wasn't stupid, and I knew I sounded heartless. But the pain hidden deep in my voice was hard to mask around Riley.[/right][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Riley Everfield Test words here. The looming shape of the cabin in my eyes made me feel the need to run away in terror. Even the sight of it was enough to bring the memory of that first day crashing down on my like the weight of the world. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be with HIM, I just wanted to run away from it all. I didn't belong here with Ashton, my family had kicked me out, and I was nothing but a purple and black bruise. Not a single part of my body was free from the visible signs of abuse that had been happening to me for almost ten years. Some of them had been on my body for that long, so often had my father beaten down upon me in that spot that the bruises had no proper time to heal. Every time Ashton looked at me I felt like a freak, like all he could see were the bruises that ran across my body. Sometimes that's how it was, when he looked at me he couldn't see past the bruises on my arms or my shoulder. While I should have taken it as a sign of concern I couldn't help but feel like he was judging me for it. As soon as Ashton entered the house and disappeared into the bedroom I walked out the door and contemplated running away, as far away as I could. I couldn't get far though, not as thin and pathetic as my body was. There was no way I could even make it ten paces into the woods without dropping down to the ground in exhaustion. Especially now of all times, all of the crying I had done earlier had taken it's toll on me and it was taking all of the energy I had just to keep myself standing here. Instead of running I found myself walking around the winding porch of the cabin until I was on the other side of the house looking out across the ocean. It was so free, free and untamed by anyone or anything, why couldn't I be like that, free from everything, without a care in the world. What would it be like if I made my way to the water and lay down, letting the draw of the tide pull me where it will. I wouldn't have to worry about anything if I did that, I would be safe and wouldn't have to answer to anyone if I just let myself be swept away by the tide. My worries wouldn't exist if I could leave this place, all of my pain was from this place, what was keeping me from leaving right now. I reached out and enclosed my fist over the outline of the sun and then pretended to scoop the water of the ocean up in my hand. There was nothing keeping me here, I felt like that little girl again that had been so naive and fooled by her own hopes and dreams. Now those dreams didn't exist though, they had been replaced by a harsh reality. No one loved me, even my own husband's feelings were more pity than love, he couldn't help but think of me as a pathetic little girl. Putting my hands back down to my sides I stared once more out across the ocean in a relative state of peace...until I heard the footsteps of my husband approaching. Absentmindedly I began to trace my fingers along the grain of the wood that separated me from being free, even when I felt his presence next to me I didn't look up or acknowledge him. I hoped maybe if I ignored him that he would leave me alone, that he would understand that I didn't want to be here with him...or anyone. I must have been to subtle though, or maybe he just didn't care, in any event I felt his fingers tracing along my jawline and I froze in a moment of pure panic. I could feel my heart in my chest, and I would swear that he would hear my rapidly fluttering heart as his arms came from behind and wrapped around me. He was so close I could hear his soft breathing in my ears...he was to close...and it took all of my strength not to jab my elbow backwards and force him off of me. Not that he would have felt it, but it may have given me the time I needed to run away, once more I was to weak though, unable to make a decision. I heard his voice but I couldn't make out a single word he said, now when I heard him I thought I was hearing my father's voice, and a fresh wave of panic settled over me. When he finally pulled away from me and rounded the corner back inside I crumpled to the ground and curled my knees up to my chest rocking back and forth mumbling under my breath. Finally I stood back up and resumed my position of the statue that had staired out across the ocean. It was the only thing I could draw comfort from right now, the only thing that promised me freedom. To soon though I heard Ashton's footsteps approaching and this time I turned around to look at him. What I saw wasn't Ashton though...it was my father...and the look in his eyes was the look of a hunter who had found his prey. I shiver ran through me as he looked at me and I at him and grudgingly I followed him when he waved me over. While I followed a few paces behind him I shook my head and began mumbling to myself again about how the person infront of me was Ashton and not my father and Ashton would never hurt me. Everywhere I looked now I saw my father and his hands coming down on my, the look of anger and pleasure in his eyes as he beat down on me. I was going crazy I had finally cracked and Ashton would be there to watch as I crumbled into a million pieces before him. I jumped when I felt Ashton's hand take mine and pull me forward until we were running towards one of the old abandoned light houses that dotted the beaches, and then he pushed me infront of him and I suddenly felt vulnerable. I tried, I really did, but my legs felt like lead as I continued to climb infront of him and as I put my foot onto a ledge I felt myself slip and fall backwards. For only a moment I closed my eyes and welcomed the end, hoping it would be fast and painless, that this was finally how it would end for me. It wasn't meant to last though, I felt Ashton's strong arm grab onto my holding me tightly around my waist to keep me from falling. Part of me longed for him to let go and just let me fall away into oblivion, but another smaller part of me wanted to stay here no matter what it was I was going through. So when he spun me around to face him and said he hoped I wasn't afraid of heights I gave him a weak nod in responce. I don't even know why I nodded though, was I telling him I wasn't afraid of heights or that I was, I was completely out of my mind right now. It was like I was seeing a double world, part of me was seeing Ashton, but when I blinked and looked back at him I saw my father. Even now my father was still torturing me, with or without his physical presence he was going to be in my life, making me miserable. He pushed me infront of him and up the stairs until we finally reached the top of the lighthouse, and what I saw made me stop in place and my jaw drop. Ashton brushed past me and opened up the windows letting the cool ocean breeze blow through and I suddenly felt terribly afraid. I don't know what it was that made me feel this way, was it Ashton I feared or was it being up so high? Nothing made sense to me anymore, what was once black and white was now all blurred and impossible to see. It turns out I didn't have to see though, I just got pulled everywhere and anywhere without anyone considering the fact that I may not want to be doing that. Ashton pulled me into his lap and I knew that I was visibly cringing, my face distorted by the anger and regret that was being pumped through my body. He didn't understand though, he never would, he thought I was cringing because I was afraid of the height. I was cringing because he was touching me again, he never even stopped to ask me if I WANTED him to touch me. My mind wandered to last night when I had curled up with him on the couch to sleep taking comfort in his embrace. That had been my choice though I had wanted to do that...or maybe what I had really imagined was that I was curling up with my father...that he actually loved me. Nothing made any sense to me anymore, my world was torn straight down the middle and I couldn't make sense of anything. How long would it take for Ashton to realize that I was losing it, I had to be honest with myself, I wasn't sane, at least not in the way that most people are. Squeezing my eyes shut I wished for all of this to go away for it to disappear and I could be left alone. Instead I felt Ashton pressing my head against him until I relented and rested my head on his chest. Curling up my legs on his lap I sat there in silence letting the silent cries of my heart tear me to pieces. Nothing was going how I wanted, nothing ever went how I wanted, it was always about what other people wanted from me. So much was expected of me, my father expected me to be a great Career, my mother expected me to be a great housewife, and now Ashton who expected me to be a loving wife. I had already failed my parents and it was only a matter of time before Ashton realized, like everyone else in the world, that I couldn't give him what he wanted. The more I thought the more I felt myself being torn apart, that I wasn't one whole anymore I was two people trying to live one life. A part of me had never grown up, believing that my family loved me and I could still make them happy. While another part knew that my family would never love me, that I was a failure, someone that was impossible to love. Ashton professed love to me but it wasn't me he loved, it was the girl he had in his imagination. I was merely a shadow of what he wanted and longed for. I could heart his voice telling me a story of how he had come here with his father, how this was their special place. Than his father passed away and he would still come here believing that his father would talk to him through the ocean. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore, my heart couldn't take it anymore, I needed to get out of here. I jumped off his lap, tears streaming down my cheeks, and I hit him, Ashton, as hard as I could. I saw blurred images of my father and him blending into one person and I hit harder. I let out a choked sob and crumpled to the floor onto my side, and drawing my knees up to my chest I began to rock back and forth mumbling once again. The world around me spun, images flashing before my eyes of my past, both distant and more recent, and in it all stood Ashton. Or at least what I thought was Ashton, his outline was faded and distorted and he had the same cruel smile on his face as my father as he looked at me with the eyes of a hunter. I squeezed my eyes shut unable to bear it any longer and I screamed and cried with all the energy that was left in me. I couldn't take it anymore...I didn't know what was wrong...I didn't know what was wrong...with me. lyrics

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Graphic courtesy of the amazing Meghan <3

[mcmarti99]

Riley launched off my lap, throwing punches at me like she meant them. I didn't know what it was I did. I tried to share a moment of my childhood with her, and I'd listened so intently to all her stories.. what gave her the excuse to hit me now? Her little fists collided with my chest, with my arms, barely making the slightest indention in my thick muscle. I tried to reach out and grab her wrists, trying to get her to calm down and get back in my lap, but they flew so blindingly fast, I couldn't catch them. Perhaps she had more Career in her than she claimed.

Then she huddled in the corner like the Riley I knew. She hugged her knees to her chest and rocked herself back and forth. She was mumbling something unintelligable. I was about to stand up and go console her, when her gaze drifted to the open window. She was only inches from it. I could see what was drifting through her eyes. She was going to jump.

Before my mind could fully process any other thoughts, my hands shot out and grabbed her anywhere I could get a hold on her. I lunged at her, pushing her onto her back and pressing her wrists to the floor. Placing one of my legs on both sides of her waist, I pinned her with my weight. Her hair became a frazzled mess as she tried to bite me and kick me and shake herself free. I let her fight a moment while I regained myself. I just kept her from committing suicide. My wife, my reason for living, had just tried to escape, not only me, but the world and everything in it. I held both of her wrists in one hand and moved my other to her face. Pressing it onto her forehead so she'd stop knocking her head against the ground, I felt her chest start to heave under my hips. She was shaking with anger, her eyes filled with hatred.

I couldn't hold her here anymore. The guilt that was building inside me was becoming unbearable. But I couldn't let her get up. I could see it now. Her small frame shattering against the hard ground at the bottom of the lighthouse. I shook it off, deciding to deal with the problem at hand. My hand drifted down to her cheek. She watched it glide gently down the side of her face, nothing but searing hate in her gaze. I slid my hand under her back, elevating her hips to meet my own. Slowly, I moved my legs from her sides. Moving one hand under her arm, I latched onto her. "Now, Riley. I'm going to lift you up. Don't try to get away, please. Just let me take you home then you can hit me all you want."

[/b] She nodded. I lifted her limp body from the ground, pushing on her back until she our bodies were touching. Chest to chest, hips to hips.

I bent down to try and secure a hand under her knees. I let my hand drift from her back down to her knees, but the minute my hand neared the waistline of her shorts, she clambered away from me. She made it to the window again, and was leaning out, about to jump, when I pinched a soft spot in her elbow. It was my last resort. I didn't know what else to do. She fell back into me, and I hugged her limp body to me and squeezed her as tight as I could. Screw this romantic sunset shit, I was getting her back to the house, now.

:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:

I had plenty of time to relive what happened at the lighthouse when I was dabbing Riley's head with a wet washcloth, her limp body in the bed, her head in my lap. She had tried to kill herself. I didn't think my dad's story would have that effect on her. In fact, I thought it'd have the exact opposite. I thought I was explaining to her that I couldn't go through it again. But then she'd gone and tried to kill herself. I wanted to shake some sense into her. That was so stupid. But I let her lay on me, and I dabbed her head with a washcloth for at least a solid hour, while thoughts about life without her swirled around me like a tornado, destroying everything in it's path.

Riley started moving, her hand finding mine on the wet cloth on her head. I jumped away, suddenly afraid of the power she had over him. I launched into the corner, hugging my knees to my chest and watching as her eyes scanned the room for me. Anger was plain as day on her face. I recoiled from her gaze, but it only knocked him against the dresser, causing a vase to fall and shatter. Riley's eyes locked on me, and whether or not she knew the power her stare had on me or not, I literally thought she was going to find a way to kill me.[/right][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Riley Everfield Test words here. So many thoughts, so many dreams, they swirled around my head never ceasing to haunt me even when my eyes were closed. I could feel my throat tighten and feel like it was being torn to pieces as I screamed louder and louder until I was sure all of Panem could hear me screaming. Then suddenly it hit me...the remedy for it all...that one chance I had to escape everything and everyone...to escape this world once and for all. I had thought of it once before on the way up here, the way the air had seemed to come and take hold of me pulling me down towards the earth. I didn't even stop to think about what it would feel like, if I would feel anything at all when I hit the ground. All I could think of was the promise...the promise that it would be all over as soon as I hit the ground. My eyes opened and looked at the window intently, I gauged distance and time, and I made my move. Leaping up from the floor I charged at the window and closed my eyes bracing for the sound of shattered glass and the wind blowing through my hair as I dropped down to my immenent doom. It never came though, instead I felt that familiar...and hated touch of Ashton's arms around me. Once more he was coming between what I wanted, he was stopping me from having the one thing that I wanted the most...release. I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing that might get him to put me down and allow me to do what I wanted to do, I fought him. I kicked and I thrashed and I fought him with every ounce of strength I had in me, I surprised even myself with how much energy I was expending to get out of his grasp. No matter how much I struggled though I knew he was stronger and he had the advantage of being on top of me. He pressed my hands down onto the floor and straddled me keeping my thrashing legs behind him. Then as if he just wanted to rub in the fact that he had complete control over me he took both of my thin wrists in one of his hands and pinned them to the floor above my head, and with the other hand tried to cradle my head so my thrashing wouldn't cause me to hurt myself. I hated him for it though, I didn't want him to stop me from hurting myself, I didn't want him to stop me from making MY OWN DECISIONS. Yet here he was, holding me back and holding me down, once more ripping away from me the ability to choose my own destiny. He was robbing me of everything, it was his fault that I had lost everything, it was his fault my parents hated me, it was his fault that I would never have the ability to love who I chose. He was weakening though I could see it, he couldn't bear to keep me like this...it was his greatest weakness. His hand moved from the back of my head and along my cheek and I was powerless to do anything against it but glare with as much hatred as I could muster. That was until I saw my opening, he was going to give me a chance to get a hold of myself and be "responsible". I knew he would let me up and let me go and that would be my chance if I was fast enough to make it to the window. I played innocent, removing all hatred from my eyes and tried to appear repentent for what I had done, and foolishly...stupidly he loosened he grip on me. I made my move, diving for the window in one last effort to throw myself from this lighthouse and end my suffering. I could feel the cool ocean breeze on my face and I leaned out prepared to let myself fall. My eyes closed and I let all of my muscles go slack...and then...the world went black...it was finished...I had done it at last and my suffering was over. ~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~l~ My eyes opened to a blurry world, the feeling of something cool and wet on my forehead and I wondered if this is what the afterlife looked like. If this was all the afterlife was then I was a bit disappointed with the decor...it looked strangely like...OUR CABIN. I opened my eyes completely and stared up at the ceiling feeling my anger and rage return, and slowly I sat up and scanned the room looking for that one person that had ruined it all, that had stripped me of my right to choose once again. Than I found him, huddled up in a corner trying to get as far away from me as possible, and I felt a bit of pride and happiness knowing he feared me at least enough to stay away from me. He had no right to take away my freedoms the way he had, stripping me of my ability to chose. I wasn't a little girl anymore, why couldn't people let me do what I wanted, people never knew when to leave me alone and do as I pleased. Rising stiffly from the bed I walked over to him and brought my hand across his face, and I was pleased to hear the loud smack as it hit him. "You, you took everything from me, why couldn't you just let me go? All I wanted was to escape from all of this...FROM YOU...you took everything from me, I have no freedom...why couldn't you just let me go?" I dropped to the floor and began to cry, tears of hate, love, sorrow spilled forth from my eyes blinding me to the world around me. I wasn't dead, as much as I wished I was, and I couldn't deal with it anymore, I had nothing...even now I couldn't decide whether to hate Ashton...or thank him. lyrics

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[mcmarti99]

Riley's bony hand must have left a mark where she hit me. It felt weird for her to be hitting me, considering I just saved her life, but I took it anyways. In a way, I guessed I deserved it. "You, you took everything from me, why couldn't you just let me go? All I wanted was to escape from all of this...FROM YOU...you took everything from me, I have no freedom...why couldn't you just let me go?" I couldn't help but laugh. I was well beyond letting Riley's words get to me anymore. She was mad at me because I saved her life, because I kept her from doing something she wouldn't have time to regret. What if she'd jumped out that window and lived? Her body beaten and broken, but her heart still beating, her lungs still processing air. Then she'd still be mad at me for taking her somewhere to be treated, just cause that's how Riley was.

There was no way to make her happy. No matter how much I tried to impress her with romantic sunset dinners and candlelit thunderstorms, no matter how many times I let her wear my shirts or picked it up after she covered it in sand, she would never appreciate me. It didn't matter if I listened to her sobs stories about her life before me and promised to keep her safe.

That was what all of this was for right? All the fighting her lengthy uncoordinated limbs as she struck me or dug her nails into the skin on my cheek. It was me keeping my promises, remembering how I felt when I stood up in front of my family and said "I do". And taking that feeling and burying it inside me when I felt abused. Riley thought I was the one hurting her. She cringed from my touch and gave me a look that said I was holding her too tight when my hand was barely touching her. But I'd been beaten down, and pushed to my limits. It was easier for me, because I was accustomed to it, but it still hurt. She'd kicked me, hurt me, and damn near killed me, and I'd done is love her and save her all the time. No matter what.

Thinking all of that, you'd think I'd be mad. You'd think I'd stand up and yell at Riley for being unfair to me. But I didn't. I could have hit her back, but I didn't. That promise, the one I made to her on our first night together, those words I whispered every time she cried, every time I had to pick her back up again, was what was holding me together. It tied me to Riley, ties I'd made too knotted to break. Riley was something important to me, no matter how many times she kicked, scratched, lunged, smacked, or clawed me. Because past all that thick skin Riley saw, I had a heart that was exactly like my father's.

So, I picked Riley up. I undid the knot she'd tied herself into, wiped the sting from my cheek, and set my hands under her arms. Lifting her up so she was standing, I pressed a hand into her back, one of my hands automatically brushing hair from her face. I didn't try to hold her hands or restrain her legs. I didn't hold her to the floor with my weight, and I kept my eyes off that sensitive place I knew if I pinched she'd fall weightlessly into my arms. I looked into her deep eyes, and I spoke to her, in the most gentle way I could muster.

"Riley. You listen to me, okay? You don't get it. You probably will never understand this, but I made a promise to you. You remember it, I've made it more than once, to keep you safe, no matter what. All other factors eliminated, the base of that promise is the strongest part of it. I'm gonna keep you safe, even from yourself. Even if it means taking your choices away from you. And you took comfort in that promise, I remember the way you relaxed when I said it. My dad said the same thing to my mom, and he kept it till the very end, and that's exactly what I plan on doing too."

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I bent down, kissing away a tear that fell onto Riley's nose. My lips drifted downwards, until they were on Riley's. Gently, I applied more pressure to her back, my other hand getting lost in her hair. I tilted my head sideways, I let my lips linger for as long as I could. Because I knew what meant safety for Riley. The safest thing for her, was me.[/right][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Riley Everfield Test words here. If I kept my eyes closed and my head tucked into my small frame I could almost imagine I was dead. The silence around me was what I sort of imagined the afterlife was like, dark and silent, stretching on endlessly before me, no one to take away my freedoms or expect something of me. Infact there was nothing in oblivion, not a single person to tell me anything, no one who loved me or cared about me, just the cold blowing through my body. I realized with a start that the thing...or rather person...that I so desperately wanted...was the person that I hated the most...Ashton. I hated myself for even admitting it, that I missed him...and I hadn't even really left...he was sitting right infront of me. I was more lost now then I was before, I didn't know what to believe anymore, I was more lost now then I ever had been. I was that little child again in the kitchen of my house, no, my old house, expecting my father to help me train, only to find he thought I was a disgrace to him. I was so naive, believing in things that didn't exist, a dream world of happiness and joy. That's what I felt like now, a little girl just learning something, and perhaps that's what I was now, a little girl learning something for the first time. I was learning that sometimes...for your own safety...you had to let go of your freedoms. For the first time I wondered what or who the greatest threat to me was, and it dawned on me that it was me...I was my greatest enemy. All those years of being told that I wasn't good enough had eaten away at my heart until some lifeless, emotionless object sat where my heart belonged. To actually have someone care about me had been to much for my broken heart to handle, it couldn't deal with that new fluttering emotion...love. I had only ever loved one person before this, and they had been taken away from me and cast out of my life probably never to be seen again. Several times my heart has been broken, the some of the broken pieces lost forever each time it was broken. I remember the night of that first terrible day when my life had come crashing down on me, how I had promised myself that I would be able to get through it, I would be able to find a way to earn back my families love. Then there was the first love of my life, the boy who had made me feel like I was walking on the clouds, free from everything...Cade. At even the mere thought of his name, that I had told myself I would forget, I felt all of my walls crumbling, and the tears streeming down my cheeks. I had lost everything that had once mattered to me, my families love, the boy I loved, my freedoms had been stripped from me until I was simply a girl who couldn't think for herself. Right now though I would give anything to stop thinking for myself to tear myself away from the memories and try to forge new happier memories. Now I just wanted someone else to do the thinking for me, to take away these memories and cast them aside, I wanted more than anything to forget. So when I heard Ashton's voice I hung on every word that he said, clinging to them as if they were a lifeline sent out to keep me afloat in the sea that was my memories. He told me of a promise, a promise to protect me and keep me safe, that even if it meant taking away my ability to chose he would protect me. Then he told me how his father had promised his mother that very same thing, to protect her in every way, and he had done just that until he had passed away. Tears stung my eyes and I tried to focus on Ashton's face before me, the way his eyes reflected not rage or ridicule, but unconditional love. After everything that I had done to him, that I had put him through he still loved me. When his face came down and kissed a tear that had fallen onto my nose I almost recoiled away from him, still unsure of how to handle this. The last boy I had kissed had been the love of my life, and when we were separated I had told myself that I would never love anyone as I had loved him. But as soon as I felt Ashton's lips hover briefly over mine before pressing themselves against mine all other thoughts in my mind were erased. He loved me, for better or worse he loved me, despite all of my failings and everything that I had done to him, he still loved me. One single thought lingered at the back of my mind, a question, asking me if I could find it in the tattered remains of my heart to love again, to allow myself to feel heartbrake again should I lose another person that I loved. I didn't have to think long before I came to the answer that I knew had been there all along, the answer that I had tried to bury away...I can. I slipped my hands around to his back and tried to squeeze him closer into my, pressing my lips firmly into his before tentatively slipping my tongue into his mouth. My hands untucked the shirt that he wore and slipped underneath it so I could feel the bear skin of his back. My finger traced over every muscle, moving up his back, all the while my lips were sill locked into his. I wrapped one of my legs around his and balanced myself as I tried to push him backwards up against anything that would allow me to press even further into him. As my hand traveled lower to his hips I felt heat rise to my cheeks and I pulled away from him embarrassed, quickly my hands pulled away from him and I separated my lips from his. I looked up at him in shame and walked back over to the bed, climbing onto it, and taking a seat next to one of the pillows. Grabbing one of them I clutched it to my chest, and tried to slow down my still fluttering heart. What had I done, what was I thinking, I had lost all control over my senses...but that had been the point right. That's what I had been longing for this whole time, to find someone who COULD make me forget. He had made me forget, that was for sure, he had made me forget what dignity was, that I was smarter than that. I coughed a few times and ran my tongue over my lips relishing the still lingering taste of Ashton still on them before I allowed myself to snap back to attention.T-t-thank you...for saving m-m-my life I mean...I-I-I know that you had my b-b-best intrests at heart. I'm s-s-sorry for everything...I shouldn't h-h-have hit you.I mumbled under my breath about how I shouldn't have kissed him that way either or let myself get carried away the way I had, but I couldn't bring myself to to apologize or even talk about it. All I could do was blush and avoid his gaze. lyrics

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[mcmarti99]

Riley was quite possibly the most unpredictable people I've ever met. And maybe that's what I liked about her, how I never knew just what she was gonna do. Well she really surprised me this time. My eyes popped open as she kissed me back, she pressed on my back until I was practically standing on her. My breath shot straight out of my mouth and into her's as her tongue slipped into my mouth. Where in the world had she learned to do that so good? I'd had my fair share of practice, but Riley didn't seem like the relationship type. I shoved the thought away, knowing moments like this didn't happen everyday and I should take advantage of it. But I couldn't even hold in my surprise as she untucked my shirt. Her bony hands traced my spine and followed the outlines of my muscle in my back. It tickled. I was tingly all over. I didn't even have time to think to respond.

My mind was too consumed with the fact that Riley's hands were up my shirt.

She wrapped a leg around mine, trying to push me back against a wall or something. I didn't move. I couldn't. She was kissing me. Was she trying to tell me she was ready to.. well do what normal married couples did? Was she trying to confuse me? Cause it worked. I was so mind-boggled I didn't even realize she'd moved away from me, and I stood there, lips puckered to the air. She'd abandoned me for the bed, and she rocked back and forth, a pillow hugged to her chest.

I tried to regain what little composure I could fake. It didn't seem smart to let her know just how much that shocked me, it made me down right nervous. Was she so filled with desperation for me? It was way out of the ordinary for her. I liked it didn't I? I'd been dreaming of the day when Riley would kiss me, confide in my arms and bury her face in my chest without me holding it there. And now the day had come and I was all sorts of confused. She said something, but she had turned me to stone, and it fell on deaf ears, for statues don't hear.

I suddenly got a wave of confidence so quickly it was almost funny. I came up with a witty response as I usually did, and I felt my heart rate dip back down to normal. Plopping down on the bed next to her, I stretched out, pressing my forearm against my forehead. I flipped over, turning to face her. Her face was covered in curiosity. "So honestly, just cause I've never really asked, am I that bad a kisser? I mean you seem to have it down pretty good, does it feel the same way to you? Like does your heart get really fast and your hands get sweaty and shaky? Do you feel like you might pass out but you can't because I'm the only thing holding you here? Cause... that's how you make me feel." It was chance, and I smiled a smug smile, letting her know all of what I said was meant to be a joke, but it was jokingly real.

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[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/RileyBackground_zps0e2954e1.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Riley Everfield Test words here. Despite my best efforts I couldn't get rid of the blush that I knew was clearly evident on my face, I could feel it's familiar burn heating up my face. So in order to make sure that Ashton didn't see it I lowered my head and tried to keep myself from looking up at him. I can't lie to myself though, I want to feel his lips against mine again, I want to pull him closer to me and never let him go. Is this all out of desperation though, simply another whim of a broken mind trying to find a temporary distraction or is it really that unconditional love that is supposed to come with marriage. That kiss had been more then I had ever hoped to have, the feelings and passion that came from it were feelings I had only experienced once before...and believed I would never feel again. The only way to test it would be to kiss him again and I couldn't do that now...it was to soon. Turns out I didn't have to spend much time alone on my bed because Ashton finally seemed to regain some of his composure and walk over to the bed. He lay down next to me and I did the same, laying out my body next to his, as I listened to what he was telling me. All the feelings he had experienced when he kissed me, asking me what I thought of his kissing, and I felt shocked and excited that the feelings he was describing to me were the exact same feelings that I had felt when I was kissing him. I felt my face burning with happiness, and for the first time in a while I felt my heart longing to love again, longing for Ashton. He really did love me, he really did care about me...I had pushed him away so many times he should hate me, but he still loved me. Maybe, just maybe...I loved him...I was just to afraid to love again, worrying that I would lose another person that I loved. In such close quarters with him I knew I couldn't control myself, that if I continued to see him in my vision my lips would find his again and I might completely lose myself. In order to resist I turned away from him, looking at the small window, the wall, anything to keep my mind off of him. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep myself from giggling as I thought about the kiss we just had, how free I had felt...that it had been my own decision to kiss him like that. Reaching behind me I took his strong arm and wrapped it over my shoulder, and I backed up my body till it was up agianst his strong frame. That had been a bad choice though, my lips were soon hovering over his arm and I was kissing his knuckles and his arm as I backed into him as far as I could go. I relished at the fluttering of my heart the closer I got to him and I let a single thought go through my mind as I lay there with him. Maybe I could love again, no, I definitely could love again, infact I could already feel the myself lowering the walls of my heart to let Ashton in. It was just another choice that I was making, I was making the choice to love him to allow him to do his job as my husband and protect me, even if it meant losing some of my freedoms. I wasn't angry with him anymore, more than anything I wanted him to love me more then he did now, I wanted him to tell me over and over again that he loved him. Then when the day came when I could look him in the face and tell him unconditionally that I love him everything would be perfect. Letting out a small sigh I turned around to look him in the face and gave him a nervous smile that felt stupid on my face. Trying to avoid staring at his lips I stumble through a few sentences hoping he would get what I was trying to say. "Thank you for everything Ashton, I know I've put you through a lot, so much more than I am worthy of. I have hurt you physically and emotionally, and I don't deserve someone as perfect as you. Maybe...maybe one day I'll love you as much as you love me...maybe I won't be so afraid...maybe I can be a real wife to you." I curled up as tight as I could and crawled as close as I could to him resting my head under his chin. Closing my eyes, for the first time in years, I felt safe, safer than I had felt the night before, safer than I have in so long. I felt safe knowing that Ashton would always be here for me when I needed him, that I from this moment on I would try to be there for him. lyrics

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