Going crazy

[Jack Lexington]

MATTHEW DUNHAM - second place of the 2014 pregames

How do you heal when all you want to do is slap yourself and go up the wall because you seem to be the most stupid person in Panem?
For two days I lay in bed claiming that I’m in too much pain to get up whenever my father shows his concerned face. I refuse to eat because there are too many knots in my stomach to fill it. My desperation about my loss is slowly changing into desperation over loosing Kyanite. I’ve done a grand job at pushing her away from me, made her cry and run off.
More and more I wonder whether she was being honest to herself when she claimed that she only wanted me. I’m torn between thinking she’s trying to be nice and actually believing that.
At times I find myself staring at the wall, just to wipe my hand over my face and suddenly start shedding a few tears. Since when have I become a whiner? The past few days have brought out emotions that are stronger than I’ve ever felt before. And it all revolves around her somehow…good and bad. Things were much easier before her.

For hours I study the mobility of my fingers and even notice a slight tingling in the tip of my index finger, yet it doesn’t make me smile.
My leg hurts a little less than three days ago but my right arm is still incredibly painful whenever I bump my elbow into a pillow or shift around carelessly. I’m starting to wonder whether a full cast would have been the better choice.

Once again my father pokes his head in and asks me to get up. “C’mon, Matthew. You’ve been on your back for four days straight. It’s time to move around a bit. Don’t let your muscles deteriorate.” I guess he’s trying to get me there because I’m usually very focussed on staying in shape but today I shrug. “So what?”
“Get up now.” He demands more adamantly but I claim that I’m in too much pain.
“From your head maybe because you sent your girl away.” He remarks sarcastically so I push myself out of my bed a little too fast and position myself in front of him in nothing but my boxers and all those bandages. “That’s none of your business, dad. You’re no relationship expert.” He gives me a strange grin while I’m fuming inside.
“Got you out of bed though.”
He claps me on my good shoulder and leaves. “Lunch is on the table downstairs.”

I do go down to eat that day but I also spend a lot of time thinking about training. When to start again, what people will say, how they will look at me.
I don’t come to a conclusion because my mind wanders back to Kyanite because I miss her so much. What have I done? How can I get her back? Do I really want her back? Why did she leave anyway? All I wanted to tell her was that I don’t want to be her friend. She obviously took that as I don’t want to be with her at all….maybe that is true too.
In despair I run my fingers through my hair but it is gone. Right.

Next thing I know I struggle into some pants jacket and even boots and leave half an hour later. I need to run away…where I don’t know.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen Alba, Alex and I walk in to the house from a morning session at the gym and training hall. Alba's drinking from a bottle of water while Alex is pouring himself a glass of it. Mum and dad don't appear to be in, they must be getting things together for mine and Alex's birthday party. It's not now, but it's soon. Couple days. "Worn out now, put me straight back in those pregames." Alex chuckles at me. I laugh. I really have missed this - being around positive people, friends and family. It's great. You have to be away from the things you love to appreciate them it seems. It is a shame about why I was away though. "Yeah well, don't think you're doing that again." Alba says with a smile. "Nope." I confirm. "You heard mum and dad though. No more messing around with fights. We've got to focus on the big deal now." "But what if..." She begins to speak. "No, it won't happen." She knows what I mean; The Reaping. It just won't, I won't let it. I'd volunteer if she got reaped, I really would. Maybe not for Alex because he can handle himself and would do the same for me. She nods and the conversation passes as I sit on the couch, the kitchen in the same room. I look at the holographic television. Not one Capitolite channel crops up that I enjoy remotely. Usually I would be able to invest at least some time watching the pathetic Capitol-goers flaunt around on catwalks but today it just isn't grabbing my attention. I try, but nothing. I have to do something, I can't just sit and collect dust. "I'm going out." I grab my coat from the peg on the wall. "Right, well be safe." from Alba, "See you later, Ty." from Alex. I walk steadily at a quick pace outside into the cold, which hits against my red t-shirt which I've just begun to protect by zipping up my black hoodie. I could go anywhere. Suddenly, now that I'm out of the hospital, the choice is overwhelming. I haven't been to the bar in a long time though. On the rare occasion that I get served alcohol, I used to go there often to meet with some old friends. Those friends have joined up to the Peacekeeper Academy as they're all eighteen now. Something I hope to do at some point, since it's soon to be my own eighteenth. I open the door to the bar quietly since I don't want much attention, just a drink and a chill. I seat myself on one of the tables by the window that have seat either side after getting a drink that looks like water, but... could possibly be something more alcoholic. I sit and move the place-mat round in circles, waiting for it to jump to life and start talking.

[Jack Lexington]

Step by step I get further away from my home. Thud thud thud, the crutch sounds like a third foot on the snow covered ground. It's just as slippery as a few days ago but my left arm is getting more used to holding it even though two of my fingers don't grip it's handle because they don't function.

What matters is that I'm getting away from home. The cold wind that blows from the west today helps drive me towards town faster. So far my walk is aimless but the further I get the more I want to see her. I can't get her tear stained face out of my mind when she looked at me before she told me that 'I won. She'll go.' I don't call that a win.
My heart virtually aches to see her and tell her that I want her back but I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want me anymore after I hurt her so much. So I tell myself that it is better for both of us.

The thought alone makes me incredibly sad and messes with my head so much that I slip on a patch of ice because I didn't pay attention and hit the ground with my broken arm. Smash, full on onto the black ice.
"Owwww!" That scream must be heard all the way down the street but I can't help it. It hurst almost as much as when it first happened. Clutching my braced arm to my chest I roll onto my back with a grimace on my face that would scare any half decent person far away from me.
Yet an old man, who's witnessed my fall hurries to my aid. His face above mine blocks the snow that is falling down on me and there's so much empathy in his face that I can't deny his helping hand.
"That didn't look good, son." He states in his shaky old voice and, once I'm back on my feet, I notice that he's also holding a walking stick.
"You took a nasty spill." He says and picks up my crutch for me while I'm still panting to deal with the pain.
"Come on, let's walk together." He simply states as if we were old buddies.
I give him a strange look but his distraction is welcome.
"Okay."

Together we make our way down the street when he starts telling me a story about his wife, who sent him shopping in this sort of weather. old man like him. He tells me that it's outrageous but he'd do anything for her and if she wants to cook them both a nice candle light dinner he might as well go get the ingredients.
"So you're still having candle light dinners?" I ask the 70 year old in disbelieve and he laughs and nudges me. "Of course, what do you think, that's what it's all about."
I don't understand what he means "What is what about?" But he clamps me on the shoulder and crosses the street. "My store. Have a good day, young man."
i stand there baffled. he looks so happy. Still happily in love at 70. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling as I watch him enter the old grocery store.

Then I'm left to myself. Oh how I wish I could dare to dream about this but as I told Ky. "I'm not good boyfriend material". What I'm good at is drinking though and the pub is just around the corner.
"I think I need one."



Soon I enter the noise and sweaty warmth of the pub filled with people and booze. I like this place. They're not too particular about kids ages.
Shaking the snow off my brown jacket I limp to the bar and order a beer, then look for a spot to sit.
"Now way." I shake my head when I see the one guy I didn't expect in here: Tyren.
Quickly i down a shot of whiskey, that's supposed to be a quick cure for the pain. With my beer in my 'three fingered' left hand I make my way over and nod at him.
"You don't seem the type." Then I simply sit down in front of him and groan.
"What a shitty day...week."
Maybe he's also here to drown his sorrow and pain. I wouldn't blame him after what I've put him through.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen "No way." He turns and I notice him. I'm shocked to see him out and about, definitely. He downs a shot, which tells me he is hurting like hell. "You don't seem the type. What a shitty day...week." "Yep." He got that right, for himself that is. I am having such a good week. I feel like I'm on cloud nine, I just wish I had people to be here with me who weren't looking at me like I'm broken. "I like these places. Being around people is therapeutic." It is true. Being around people is great. As long as they aren't mean or crude, you're fine. I was planning on just sitting around with my feet up, having a drink and then going home. The plan has changed now thankfully. "Went training today. It's great to be back, you should come along. Alba and Alex wouldn't mind." I hope they wouldn't, that is. I don't know what they think of Matthew. I know that Alex would be alright with it, but Alba is known in our family for her temper. "How are things with you? Are you coping alright?" I take a drink of my 'water' - that is definitely not water by the way it tingles in my mouth. I smirk to myself privately because of it. The deception is perfect in case one of my parent's friends come in.

[Jack Lexington]

I'm not sure why I'm glad to see Tyren here. My plan was to come here and get drunk...alone. Not to talk to anybody because we all know where talking gets me. Nowhere. For some reason I have the feeling that right now I can relate to Tyren. I've injured him so badly that he couldn't leave the hospital for what...two weeks? He had to rethink his whole take on the career program!
With a 'yep' Tyren confirms that the week is shitty. For a moment I blame that on myself. After all I let him down as well. He wanted Mark to loose. So I look into my glass of beer and set it to my lips to have a long swig.

"Went training today. It's great to be back, you should come along. Alba and Alex wouldn't mind." I hear him say and stop drinking.
"You did?" I ask in disbelieve. For some reason I had a picture of him in my mind where he quit the whole thing all together. It's crossed my mind as an option for myself. "I thought you wanted nothing to do with the pregames any more." I admit in a low tone.
He mentions the girl named Alba so finally I let my eyes meet his. "I met your cousin in front of the hospital the other day. She's nice." I'm being polite. Truth is. She hated me but still helped me.

My mind wanders back to the lost fight. Maybe Tyren said he had a bad week because of me. He needed Mark to go down.
"Your bad week is my fault, I know. I should have won." It's old news now. If I remember it right there wasn't a word of blame when he held that IV bag after the fight.
"You didn't say it after the fight but I'm assuming you're just as disappointed as everybody else in me." I don't meet his gaze but keep my eyes trained at the glass.
I ignore his question about 'coping'. I'm sure he doesn't want to hear my self pity.
Instead I run my hand over my buzzed head, that still feels much colder than usual. In the back I can feel the large scab that has formed as my fingers fly over it.
After another drink I start looking around at the crowd. For this time of the day there are way too many people in here. Must be the cold that drives them in here.
A waitress passes our table so I raise my hand and tell her to bring us "Two shots of whiskey." She gives me a long look and asks. "How old are you, love?"
I just tell her "Old enough." which she seems to accept and walks away.
"I have a feeling those last weeks have made me age a couple of years." I admit to Tyren.
"So you're back in the saddle." I sigh heavily. If only I could say the same thing.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen The atmosphere is warm despite the coldness. Everything we seem to talk about brings a bit of reassurance that not everything has gone to shit. The drink in my hand is barely gone, though. "You did?" he replies, and I nod in kind. "I thought you wanted nothing to do with the pregames any more." He's right, I didn't. And I don't, but I will still keep on training - keeping myself in shape. I have a lot of catching up to do, and anything could happen at that Reaping. I'm not letting somebody take my place just because of a couple of scratches. "I met your cousin in front of the hospital the other day. She's nice." I'm genuinely surprised. Alba rarely treats people nicely on first meeting, he must have caught her on a good day. "Eh, she's alright. She's young and wants to be old." He skips over my little question and instantly I can tell that it isn't something that needs talked about. Coping isn't something I would bring up. You don't cope with things here, you are forced through them without choice. That isn't coping, it's enduring. I take a brief glance at his hair - cut very short. It reminds me of Alex, actually. His hair is practically the same unless he grows it out. "Your bad week is my fault, I know. I should have won." I tempt myself with a rebuttal but I decide otherwise. "My week has been fine, seriously. It's on the mend now, that's what matters. All water under the bridge." I take a sip of my drink. The truth is, and I'm terrible at telling it, that I do care about whether he loses or wins. Only because the loss has impacted him this much. If he had won, I would be inclined to believe that things would still be bad. Simply because he seems like that - he cares about things like that, I think anyway. I, on the other hand, don't. Before the pregames I was a bit arrogant, a bit ruthless. I wouldn't think twice about throwing my name a hundred times into the Games. "You didn't say it after the fight but I'm assuming you're just as disappointed as everybody else in me." Now, I'm not as ruthless at all. I've grown a compassion somehow, and it bewilders me to think how I could change over the course of a week. "I'm not disappointed... I spurred you on before the pregames to boost your confidence, that's all. Sure, it would have been decent to have him beat to shit too, but it wouldn't help anything, really. We're the better people in the end." He orders his next drinks. "I have a feeling those last weeks have made me age a couple of years." Tell me about it. I can probably count the amount of times I expected to be in my own house by time I left that hospital. Own house, hell - own kids. I've grown up faster than I thought and I'll be eighteen in a couple of days. The thought excites me, but scares me. To be free from the Games is almost like being free to do what you want in life, without the risk being ran that you would be taken from the District at any moment. "So you're back in the saddle." "Hm. A little bit. I'm only halfway there. I didn't actually... do any training. I just went there to get my bearings again. Alba never used to go with us, but recent events, not even the pregames, have made her wary."

[Jack Lexington]

Tyrens words make me freeze my motion of taking another another sip.
"I'm not disappointed... I spurred you on before the pregames to boost your confidence, that's all. Sure, it would have been decent to have him beat to shit too, but it wouldn't help anything, really. We're the better people in the end."
His confession confuses me. Just like Kyanite he claims that he doesn't really care who won. Both wanted to see me win, both wanted Mark to get a good beating, which I received instead but both claim the don't mind that I lost.

"I can't believe it." I shake my head and lower it to stare at the coaster underneath my glass. I start turning it to one side, then the other. "Kyanite said the same thing. I don't get it. How come you guys don't care?"
My eyes wander back up to search his face for the truth.
"Haven't we all joined the program to win?"
They are turning my whole world upside down. Am I disappointed for nothing?
"I simply don't get it? Why would you train so hard and sign up for the pregames if you don't care if you win or loose."
My gaze has turned dark like the clouds that are travelling fast in the sky today.

He goes on that he only started going to the training center again. "Hm. A little bit. I'm only halfway there. I didn't actually... do any training. I just went there to get my bearings again. Alba never used to go with us, but recent events, not even the pregames, have made her wary."
Again I shake my head at him when the two shots of whiskey arrive.
"Thank you." I tell the waitress, who once again eyes us in a strange way.
Then I take on of the small glasses and push the other one towards Tyren.
"Better than your water."
I hold it up to him before I quickly tip back the bronze liquid and make a face.
"I'm not sure that I'll go back there at all."
Can I share this with him? Nobody ever heard those kind of words from me, out of all people. "I don't know what sense it makes to train for something all the time, just to come out of it like a failure...truth be told hurting you has made me question the whole pregames. What's the point in crippling people like you? I'm out!"
I'm a little surprised at the determination of my own words.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen "I can't believe it." I wish he did, because explaining it will be a difficult task that even I can't talk my way through easily. "Kyanite said the same thing. I don't get it. How come you guys don't care?" Some part of me doesn't believe that he thinks we don't care. I wouldn't have invested this much time if I didn't care. But he knows that. "I do care, just not that you lost. Now, it's about getting you better." "Better than your water." He slides over a small glass of bronze liquid. I am reluctant. I know that if I return home with even the simplest smell of alcohol on my breath, I'd be cast into my bedroom for another week. Alcohol isn't forbidden, it just is when you've just left hospital. He keeps shaking his head at me. "I'm not sure that I'll go back there at all." That's why, then. He doesn't agree that I should go back. I could tell him, but he won't appreciate it, I don't think. I can imagine what I would say though; I want to be a peacekeeper, or a trainer. Either one requires Capitol tutoring. If I do well enough, I can go to the Capitol. If I serve long enough, they'll pay for my house. If I live long enough, I will have a family one day. Two days and I can start training for the Peacekeeper Academy. From there, we may even get shipped off to the Capitol on an exclusive trip. I doubt it, the propaganda is all bullshit anyway. I'm not a child, I can see through the film on the paper. "I don't know what sense it makes to train for something all the time, just to come out of it like a failure...truth be told hurting you has made me question the whole pregames. What's the point in crippling people like you? I'm out!" "I'm training because it keeps me together. I don't care about winning a trophy or two. I may not have counted on it ending like it did. But in reality, it's a learning curb."

[Jack Lexington]

But he knows that. "I do care, just not that you lost. Now, it's about getting you better."
It does make sense and it doesn’t. To me winning is EVERYTHING. Why get better if I just lost the fight of my life. I won’t be reaped and even if I was I couldn’t put up a decent fight in this shape. ‘I’ll never have this chance again. Why get better? To do some street fighting and get arrested for it?”
Tyren trails off in his thoughts. I can see it in the glace over eyes but I don’t care. Instead I drink more beer because it starts giving me a much needed buzz.

While I declare that I don’t want to hurt people like him, he’s got a totally different perspective on things.

"I'm training because it keeps me together. I don't care about winning a trophy or two. I may not have counted on it ending like it did. But in reality, it's a learning curb."
I give him a sour smile over the edge of my almost empty beer mug. “What did you learn? How to hang on by a thread?” It’s all bullshit.
“All I learned is that I could not get the revenge you or Kyanite wanted on Mark. I learned that I missed twice when I simply shouldn’t have. I learned that I let all of you down and I learned how fucking bitter the loss tastes. That’s it.”
Angrily I slam down my beer making some of it spill on the table and earning me a look or two from others.
That’s when some guys in the pub recognize us. >Without asking permission they wander over to our table, clap us on the backs and congratulate us on the games. They cheers sound so wrong to me. I don’t appreciate being congratulated on an ‘almost win’. I keep staring ahead and only once give them a fake smile.
“Thanks. Appreciate it.” My eyes meet Tyrens because he knows what I really think.
One of them asks. “So who of you is going to bring home the victory to our district this year.”
I point to Tyren because clearly I am not.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen “I could not get the revenge you or Kyanite wanted on Mark. I learned that I missed twice when I simply shouldn’t have." Through his anger, my eyes feel like they show the concentration I have on his words. Kyanite. That would be the girl eager to see Matt's final fight in the hostpial. The gents from across the bar approach us. I look to my right, and out of the window whilst they talk to Matt. Attention isn't something I value at all. “Thanks. Appreciate it.” Matt looks at me and I instantly feel the truth in his words - there is none. Fuck off, now, is more like what I hear. “So who of you is going to bring home the victory to our district this year.” Suddenly a chill rises up my spine and grips me by the neck, a thumb on one scar and fingers on the other. Matthew is pointing at me. Why? He beat me. This doesn't make sense. The reaping is soon, but it isn't something I look forward to. In fact, I dread it this time more than any other. Previously, I wanted it. Now, I feel that feeding the monster with my presence would just be pointless. I don't say anything, I just look up at them with a slight bit of fire in my eyes. Back off, they say.

[Jack Lexington]

I figured Tyren would do a little better with the attention of the people but he's even more quiet than I am. I can barely make out a smile on his face.
Soon enough the men who approached us understand that we want to be left alone even though we don't say it.
They only eye Tyren because I pointed at him when asked about a possible victor. He guves me a brief strange look but doesn't say anything.
So they buy us a round of beers and leave.
"Thanks." I mutter, this time with real appreciation.
"I can use another one." Today the alcohol flows and nobody cares. People here must know that we're under age since we took part in the pregames, which were broadcasted in our district. They don't seem to mind though. "At least one good thing came out of those games."
I lift my glass to drink what"s left in it and motion for Tyren. "That and you. I'm glad I got to know you better."
This time my smile is brief but genuine. "I don't have a lot of friends, not real ones any way." I explain. I used to be popular in school but can count my real friend at one hand because most don't want to hang around me. They fear me because I'm mostly stronger and smarter than them but have a bad temper. "Only huge egos can endure me. Guess that's why I don't work out with girls." Blame it on the ego...that's now severly dented.
"What about you, do you have many friends? Girlfriend?" Since we're already on the heavy subjects...I guess the beer has loosened my tongue.
"Is SHE really your cousin?" I tease a little.

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen "I don't have a lot of friends, not real ones any way." Similarly to me, actually. I have friends here and there, but most stopped talking to me after the end of school, which I expected. "Only huge egos can endure me. Guess that's why I don't work out with girls." I think about what I have been like as a partner... "What about you, do you have many friends? Girlfriend?" "Is SHE really your cousin?" ... "..." ... I laugh after a brief silence. I nearly spit some of my drink out, but manage to retain it. "What?!" My laugh comes out more like a chuckle, it's an absurd joke, what is he thinking?!"Mate, course she is. She's like a little sister to me." It makes me wonder actually. She did ask a lot whether Matthew was out of hospital or not, when it might be. She always wanted to pick up my medication for me... Ugh... This is a weird thought... "I did have a girlfriend, but her dad was just... so annoying. He kept stopping her from seeing me. This was a few months ago. Eventually it just didn't feel right, that kind of thing. She was called Milah." I return briefly to the thought of her, but I spare myself any heartache. It was a difficult time that I had best leave behind, since it isn't a possibility of rekindling it. "As for friends... Yeah, they all fucked off after school. None of them keep in touch. My usual group of friends were practically my family anyway. Alex, Joe and Alba. Joe is or was my cousin too." I say was because he's gone missing. Nobody really knows where he is at all. Rumors have started that he's went to District Thirteen in search of treasure, others say he's been killed and tortured. All of which horrify me and my family. "You don't... like Alba, do you?" I say with a raised brow as I sip my drink. Of course, it's an absurd question due to his talk about Kyanite. But... Worth asking since I'm curious as hell. It's my job to protect her after all.

[Jack Lexington]

MATTHEW DUNHAM

For some reason what I said really amused Tyren. It's the first time I've seen him laugh out loud so I give him an amused, quizzical look. Apparently the thought that the hot chick whom I met the other day could be anything more than his cousin is ridiculous.
"What? Just a thought?" To think of anything more within the own family os pretty gross though. I give him that.

My hand reaches for the next glass of beer while I look at the small droplets of condensation on the outside.

"I did have a girlfriend, but her dad was just... so annoying. He kept stopping her from seeing me. This was a few months ago. Eventually it just didn't feel right, that kind of thing. She was called Milah." I listen to him and take another long swig, then roll my neck. The beer is already starting to get to my head, which feels nice. Not so many worries, not so much pain. Just a conversation with a guy I'm starting to like because I understand him.
"Girls are trouble, man." I share my own wisdom. "I just don't get them. Never have, never will." It's a revelation that has long been coming. I thought I'd get Ky but since she walked out on me so easily I'm back to square one.
"Screw them. Maybe I'll become gay." I smile at him with a weird half smile. Of course I know people don't just 'try being gay'. Not out of frustration. It's a calling, which I don't think I have. "At least I understand guys."
Whoa...hold back on the booze, Matt.
"You don't... like Alba, do you?" I hear him question me. Why is he asking this? A barely know her. Plus I was with Kyanite until a few days ago.
"Huh?" I drink some more. "Sure, I mean, man, she picked up my jacket." I shake my head at his train of thought.

Then I lean back against the chair because for the first time in a week I'm somewhat relaxed and feeling not like the biggest joke out there.
"What happened to your cousin...the other one?" That's probably another sad story but why not show some interest?

[Anatra]

Going Crazy Tyren Orca - District Two - Seventeen Casual. It's all casual. I like it. The table feels open and suddenly I grasp the reality that I could stay here all night if I wanted. Maybe I might. "I just don't get them. Never have, never will." Some part of me enjoys the talk about girls. It's not something strange or creepy, it is just a talk. This kind of talk is what makes friendships. Getting to know each other, how each other thinks. It is like making enemies but without the hate, replacing it with joy and happiness. "Screw them. Maybe I'll become gay." I pause and return the weird, half-there smile. "At least I understand guys." "Riiiighht." I release. The opposite sex is a gray area. It isn't frowned upon in my family at all, but I've never thought about it myself - best not to, perhaps. "Sure, I mean, man, she picked up my jacket." I smile before taking a drink again. His humor is nice. It is subtle and unassuming. It doesn't take a lot to understand, like some people. The room is relaxed. The drink is flowing, but it is the light flow that gets you calm. It is good. "What happened to your cousin...the other one?" "Joe?" I take a breath whilst I think of how to word it. "He..." I look around for any inspiration, something to help me describe the situation. It is indescribable. "...There are rumors. Some say he's wandered out into the wilderness. Some say he's been tortured and killed." Both of which hurt me deeply to say. Joe is, or was, like a little brother just as Alba is like my little sister. The four of us, with Alex, made a team. Now, we're odd. And we haven't been the same since. Not a word from him, nothing. "I hate to break the mood." I admit. I do. It was relaxed, I wish bad things like this didn't happen so I wouldn't have to speak about them. I am glad he had asked, though. It helps deal with it, as we rarely speak to each other about it. Mum and Dad didn't want to risk alerting anybody. "He never said anything... He was just gone the next day." This was all before the pregames. Nobody else has really went missing, so he's either dead or out there alone.

[Jack Lexington]

"Riiiighht." My plan to possibly try the same sex only provokes a raise of his brows. I'm not serious anyway. So I smile and shake my head. "No, not really." I become a bit more serious sharing with him that "I though me and Kyanite could work but ...I'm not sure that I could work out with any girl. If not her then who?"
My forehead becomes a million wrinkles because I don't understand how other guys do it.
"How do you do it? How do you get into a chicks brain?"
The beer seems awefully tempting once again and is now reduced to a third when our conversation takes a serious turn.
So his cousin simply disappeared. Didn't say good bye.
"I've heard stories like that before. Seems to happen more in the lower districts. i can see why those poor buggers would run away."
For a moment I feel a hint of sympathy fro the poor people of district 8,9,10..., whom I've seen suffering on TV.
"Who can blame them for trying to come here? I met a guy a couple of months ago...called himself a wanderer. He didn't tell me what district he was from but he wasn't from ours for sure."
Another swig.
"Gay as well.." I smile the same awkward smile. That was the weirdest guy I've ever met.
"What did the peace keepers say? Did you report him missing?"