Animosity (Marree)

[Jack Lexington]

MAtTHEW DUNHAM

It would be a lie to say that I didn't sleep at all that night. I did sleep, pretty early actually because the long way home in the snow took everything out of me. It's only been a few days since the last fight and I'm still working on the blood loss. By the time I made it home my father had almost called the peace keepers to find me.

The lecture that he's trying to give me is lost on me just like the one was that he gave me the night before for getting piss drunk at a pub.

I'm out like a light really fast but in the middle of the night I wake up and can't go back to sleep because Kyanite is on my mind. I remember how fragile she look while she was lying there. So I roll over in bed lifting my left arm to grab my pillow.
I'm still undecided whether it's a good idea to actually be with her because I have a strong feeling that I'm no good for her. I'm leaning more and more towards the idea of letting her be the judge of that despite my shot self confidence. If she really wants a looser the so be it. the question is does she actually want me back?

No matter whether we're going to get back together I care enough for her to be really worried about her health. I don't get a bad conscience a lot...not when I punched that chick in the nose, nor when I shot Jins...
With Ky things are different. I care for her...a lot. I might even have been in love with her or am I still? Is that why I can't stop thinking about her?
Again I roll over in bed and cover my head with the pillow just to wince at the pain that is still radiating from the cut on the back on my head from Mark.

That same thing happens three times that night until I wake up the next morning as if I hadn't slept at all.

Just after breakfast I convince my father to drop me off at Kyanites house on his way to work even though I know that there's a chance I won't be welcome there.

For a moment I stand at the bottom of the stairs waiting for my father to leave and draw my jacket closer around my shoulders.
Once he's gone I step up to the door and knock hard...three times. I hope with all my ,might that it won't be her dad who answers the door.

[*]

One.

Two.

Three.

Each time my fist hits the edge of the couch, I watch my fingers in unison as they fold up and relax. I've been so tense since yesterday with dad, Kya and that jerk of a guy my sister was dating. Life as I know it, is nothing but one roller coaster after another. Getting Kya home was a relief though. Once the released her to be taken home with strict instructions to keep her in bed for at least two days, I agreed. Though, dad would have other thoughts on the situation. Especially when it came to money. That's what we fought over late night when Kya was sleeping in her bed, pulled under by the amount of medication they gave her at the hospital and the comforts of her own bed. Since getting home this morning from the gym, dad finally decided to give me the cold shoulder about what I did for her. His everlasting glare bore into my memories, but I just gave him that same stare back.

Now, as the morning starts to go on without any more drama, I'm actually able to relax. That is until I hear Kya's weak cough again and I take the stares to her room. I've been on edge even though the doctor at the hospital told me she was going to be fine. That's what mom said all the time. "I'll be fine, Jeran. Dont you worry, baby! The rest is just history now. Though, looking inside at Kya, she's still; asleep. Finally resting after such a day yesterday and for once my mind rewinds back to the moment I told her that she was only dreaming. That Matthew wasn't there.

Do I feel guilty? Not really.

Will she hate me if she finds out? Depends on the way she still feels about the guy. I made a silent promise to keep him away. My only question is... for how long? He seems like the determinded kind. He tried so hard to get me to let her see her; to stay with her and even to let him know how she was doing. Will I do any of that? Not likely. Not now that I know Kya will recover. She will keep those thoughts about Matthew for as long as I can help it.

He will not see her.

Downstairs, something catches my ears and I turn from Kya's door, shutting it just to a crack and race downstairs to the door. Who could be here? Gala? My thoughts run to her little friend that I took her to see the other day, and with my hopes, I pray it is her.

"Coming." My voice rings out so that whoever is on the other side of the door will know that I did hear them. My fingers reach for the door and open it and I stand there stunned as ever to see the familiar face of my sister's tormentor. My calm demeanor has suddenly taken a downfall. "What do you want?"

[Day 4: 502]

[Jack Lexington]

Three people could open that door: Ky, who is most likely confined to her bed. Her brother, who hates my gutts and will smash it right in my face. Her father, whom I lectures about being to hard on her. If I take my pick none of the guys would be a goodf option so I can only go over what I want to tell them before they get a chance to push me away.

It's no surprise to see her brother here like yesterday who seems to have taken upon him to finally be a caring brother.
"I want to see how she's doing." The emphasis is on SEE
Then I step forward so he can't really close the door on me unless he wants to physically hurt an injured guy, which might just be his wish.
"I've been pretty worried. How is she today? What did the hospital say?" I want to let Jeran know that I DO care about his sister more than he thinks.
I don't dare to go further inside though without his permission. After all it's B&E if I do. The last thing I need is to get arrested.

[*]

"See how she's doing?" I question him with a question but take it no further than the door that he stepped up to in order to prevent me from shutting in his face. I don't think I can be that horrid to him, after all, he did help me out yesterday, but he'll never hear me say that. For payment, I allow him the access into the house, just beyond the door frame so the house doesn't chill while he's talking. Kya's asleep, so I have no doubts that she won't be listening in around the corner. I step back so that he'll be able to move inward just enough to let the door shut behind him, while I fold my arms up in front me.

"That makes two of us." I simply state to him being worried about her, but his line of questions makes me want to answer them even though I've told myself I wasnt' going to. Then again, I didn't expect he'd be here bright and early, either. With a heavy sigh, I repond to him.

"Said the pnuemonia was a little worse then they expected it to be but it's still not that bad. Got her fever down enough that she didn't have to stay in the hospital overnight, obviously. I brought her home last night." I feel my voice being cold toward him, my eyes stabbing him with this glare of hatred. "Why are you even here? I thought it was you who broke up with her? Usually... we stay away from the ones we break up with, and not try to harrass the family members about them. What's up with you Dunham? Did that guy hit you harder than I thought?"

I point to his head and regain my composure, folding my arms up and listening for any footsteps that might be coming down. Only silence fills my ears. "Thanks for coming, but she's asleep. Maybe you can check back sometime in the future... when she meets someone that can treat her right and with some respect?"

[Words: 344]

[Jack Lexington]

To my surprise Jeran lets me enter the house and closes the door behind me. So I'm almost ready to go up the stairs when he starts talking to me. I do get the stats on her health. That she's got pneumonia is a worry but at least the hospital let her go so I have my hopes up that she'll be okay soon.
"I brought her home last night." Her brother concludes.
"Good." I put a weak smile on my face that doesn't stay there long because the older sibling feels it's necessary to question my motives.
"Why are you even here? I thought it was you who broke up with her? Usually... we stay away from the ones we break up with, and not try to harrass the family members about them. What's up with you Dunham? Did that guy hit you harder than I thought?"
I try to ignore the low blow about my head but reason with him instead.
"I didn't exactly break up with her. I just told her I didn't want any company. As I told you yesterday I figured she'd deserve somebody better...a winner, you know?"
Maybe it's not the smartest thing to tell her brother that I think I'm not the best guy for her because it'll add fuel to his fire but I feel I need to justify my words the other day.

I listen for sounds upstairs like he does and hope that Ky will show her face so I can see that she's alright and maybe even talk to her.
"Thanks for coming, but she's asleep. Maybe you can check back sometime in the future... when she meets someone that can treat her right and with some respect?"
His words hit me like a brick.
I'm not even sure whether I want to try and get back with her but for him to deny me and her that chance makes me get upset. I feel a certain disgust for the brother especially since he suggest that he wants to see her with another guy. That thought really doesn't sit well with me.
My expression becomes cold as I tell him. "If you think you're going to be the one who decides who she's with you're mistaken. I care about your sister and she can make her own choices, I think you know that."
Then it's time for a low blow from me even if it's not a smart choice.
"Since when are you so caring and protective about her? You didn't seem to have a problem to let her sleep at the training center with a newly broken arm!" I swallow the 'jerk' I want to add.
"It's a bit ridiculous that you play Mr. Protective now."

[*]

I may be overstepping my boundaries as a brother, but who wouldn't in my shoes? I'm faced with the guy that obviously doesn't know how to treat women, as I've heard about one of the incidents he caused breaking some girls nose. That's why I automatically thought he had laid a finger on my sister. I wouldn't expect anything less from Dunham, and as I've seen, not even his dad is seen with a woman. So, can my assumptions about him be right? Could what rumors that be lingering around be true about Matthew? I thought so until I learned he was with Kya, though, I still have my doubts. I badger him almost too quickly about why he'd be here and throw in the part about his head. Make him angry. He'll leave. He'll not want to stick around. If he's as pathetic about losing, then his anger will due him just the same. He'll turn his happy ass around and stomp away. Make it loss number two. Just the thought of that has me grinning for reasons that I know Dunham won't understand.

"I didn't exactly break up with her. I just told her I didn' want any company. Here he goes again. Didn't exactly... you can't just ... 'didn't exactly' break up with a girl. Kya's one to know better than to assume things. She's tough and focused. I don't see how she could read anything different from his point of view.

"Better... You're right. She does deserve someone better." I mumble, shake my head, and look off to the side. Now's the time for him to let his anger run away from him. Let him either come at me for a reason to beat him down or for him to stomp away with his tail between his legs. Either way, it'll make me happy. Someone that can treat her right... I purse my lips and stiffen my jaw waiting to see what he will do with that comment. With my arms curled up against my body, my fingers are already ready to ball up and knock the shit out of him. Any minute. Any second, he'll let himself go. Except, I didn't expect this.

"If you think you're going to be the one who decides who she's with you're mistaken. I care about your sister and she can make her own choices, i think you know that." Touche! But I'm not going to just let anyone be with her and especially not this mouthy jerk. Then comes a boulder of a question that comes flying from his mouth with no filter whatsoever. Squinting my eyes, I try to see that flinch... that spark of fire that he's going to throw some kind of physical movement toward me, though no fist; just more words.

"You come to my house to see my sister, and you start questioning my motives about why I'm so protective over her? The day she was born, I had a job to do. Excuse me for acting upon those duties." I start after all of the accusing questions. It's funny. I've never thought about what people on the other side would have thought when I denied her the access to come home after her first fight that resulted in her broken arm. It was dad, basically who had set the ground rules. It was his rule that took over me. I knew better than to question him and I knew if I disobeyed his orders, then Kya would have gotten worse than just sleeping at the gym.

"I was doing her a favor. I told her I would check in on her. I've NEVER strayed away from doing what I was suppose to as a big brother. I PROTECTED her! It might not have been ideal, but you wouldn't understand, Dunham. The training center did her some good. It kept her away from our father." My voice comes out with so much hatred to defend my own reasons as to why I've protected her. Why I told her that what dad said was best because I could only imagine how hard he would be on her that night. A peaceful night at the gym was better than a verbal lashing or worse at home. I close the distance between me and Matthew quickly, grabbing onto his coat collar, with one hand in a balled up fist close to my side. "Do you think you understand now?"

Only then do I realized that I raised my voice a few times, because my breaths are now somewhat heated and deep as I stare into his eyes. He better have gotten my message. My fingers relax against the collar of his coat and I drop my hands away.

"Jer..an?" I turn my head to see Kya peeking around the corner of the living room. Her pale features and the blanket that is cradled against her body makes this cold chill run down my back. Did she see me almost want to hit him? How did I not hear her coming down the stairs? I've been caught redhanded. This can't be good.

[Words: 853 D4]

[Jack Lexington]

"Better... You're right. She does deserve someone better."
I grit my teeth when he throws it back at me because I knew he'd jump on my comment.
I can see the guy is itching to repeat what he did yesterday and for some reason I want to push his buttons now.
He takes my nasty remarks like a man. At least he's good at sucking up crap.
"You come to my house to see my sister, and you start questioning my motives about why I'm so protective over her? The day she was born, I had a job to do. Excuse me for acting upon those duties."
"Funnily enough you didn't when you father was being an ass to her. So you can stand up to someone who's injured but not your own dad. Figured you're a wash cloth." I mutter to myself but loud enough for him to hear. Yes, i want to be nasty to him and share my two cents about his own behavior since he's rubbing mine into my face.
"I was doing her a favor. I told her I would check in on her. I've NEVER strayed away from doing what I was suppose to as a big brother. I PROTECTED her! It might not have been ideal, but you wouldn't understand, Dunham. The training center did her some good. It kept her away from our father." He tries to defend his actions which makes me think their old man is some sort of monster.
"Yet you didn't stay with her like you should have. No, sir. But I did!" I stress this bit now actually getting in his face. There's only a small distance between us. Enough for either one of us to get physical if we wanted to. Next thing I know his hand is on my collar, which irritates me enough to make me grit my teeth. "Do you think you understand now?"
My lips become one thin line before I spit at him.
"I understand that you are a coward."
Just then he let's go so it's not necessary for me to push him away.

Suddenly Kyanite's fragile voice makes both of our angry faces turn towards her.
I can see the confusion in her eyes.
At that moment all my hatred against her brother fades to nothing and changes into insecurity about how to approach her, what to say, what she'll think about me being here.
"Kyanite." The only thing I can say is here name when I see her pale features and messy hair. She looks so fragile compared to her usual self.
"How are you doing?"
I shoot a quick meaningful glance at her brother to let him know that he just lost. I saw her no matter if he wanted me to or not. It also means that one day I'll battle this out with him in the yard.

[*]

With my hands on his jacket collar, I lay it all out for him in detail. He seems to get it other than laying down some unwanted advice and comments. My blood is absolutely boiling at that one comment. Wash cloth? You live in this house with him and you'll understand his need for perfection and if it isn't, he will do whatever it takes to make it so. As I just told you, you wouldn't understand... I argue with him internally, though it never comes out. Talking about what happens behind these doors when it comes to training and our personal lives has been voided by our father.

"Yet you didn't stay with her like you should have. No, sir. But I did!" My mouth drops just slightly and I can feel my nose flare with anger. Did he just say what I think he did? That he stayed with my sister? Even though my hands are on his collar, my fist balled up, I refuse to start a fist fight within my own home. He will get his the next time I see him out and about.

"You didn't..." I'm in complete disbelief but after asking whether he understands me or not, he seems to agree when I take my hands off him and lower my balled up fist. I can control my anger better than that. Instead, it builds up inside of me and it's a good thing because the next moment after him calling me a coward, Kya shows up. Lucky Jerk... if she wasn't here, you'd be dragged out and stoned right now by me.

My sights are on Kya instantly, seeing her stand there looking so confused about what's going on with both of us. She brings the corner of the blanket up to rub at her eyes then, takes two more steps to reveal herself more in front of me and Matthew. How horrible of timing she's got to walk into this kind of mess. Both of us fighting and it's just about her. I can see it in her face. I can see the gears working in her head trying to figure out what's going on.

"What's going on?" Her voice whispers out, and I turn myself forcibly away from Matthew taking several paces toward her and come up next to her as she looks up to me. "Why are you two fighting? Matthew? Your here?"

"He's a jerk. He deserves it." I come out with because right now, she deserves to hear the truth of what's gone on since she came home days ago absolutely broken. I point directly at Matthew, showing her where she went wrong with picking this guy. "He's done nothing but hurt you. You can't expect me to just let him think he's welcomed here? Look at you Kya? You were almost hospitalized because of him."

"Stop it, Jeran. Just stop!" Her voice breaks me out of my rant. That look she's giving me like I've done something wrong. Like I was the one that has hurt her. I throw my hands up, turning around away from her and stare at the couch that I was sitting at before all of this just started happening.

"You want to defend him some more? You want to protect him even when he don't deserve it. Go on. Tell me to leave him alone. Do it, Kya." I stare hard into her half drowsy eyes. The look of the pain medicine that has caused her to slumber so long is so evident in her gaze and in her standing ability. She sways just slightly before I put my hands on her arms to steady her, and I feel the remorse of what I just begged her to do. That was too far on my part. I had gone too far because I just want him gone from her life. "Sorry... I didn't mean... you need to go back and lay down, please, Kya. You're sick."

"NO!" She screams out, making herself begin to cough and she pulls herself out of my grasp. Now, it's my turn to look dumbfounded and I immediately draw my gaze to what she's looking at. Damnit, Kya. Don't you dare listen to him. You're too good for him. I keep my mouth shut. I hold down everything I want to say right now because I can't say it infront of my sister. Not now. Watching her intently, she leans against the wall, staring at Matthew with a sympathetic look.

"Matt...hew, don't do this to me. If you are only here to torment me, please... go." Her voice and facial expressions tells me that she's about to cry. That she's about to succumb to her illness and let it bother her again, but she continues a moment later. I take a step toward her. "... if you want to stay, I won't make you go."

Absolute fire running through my viens.


[Words: 823]

[Jack Lexington]

Before her brother can get more information on the 'staying with her', which I didn't mean in that way but he obviously understood that we spent the night, Kyanite interrupts his rant.
"What's going on?" She demands to know because we've woken her up.
"Why are you two fighting? Matthew? Your here?" As soon as I open my mouth to reply Jeran makes me swallow my words by claiming that I'm a jerk. he points at me with so much hatred in his face that I'm worried he might throw himself on me in her presence. "He's done nothing but hurt you. You can't expect me to just let him think he's welcomed here? Look at you Kya? You were almost hospitalized because of him."
I swallow whatever I wanted to say because he is right. A look of defenselessness washes over my face.
When Ky tells him to stop I feel a weird relief. Does this mean she's actually on my side?
I remain quiet while the two argue but watch with worry how she's starting to sway and has to use the wall as support. her cough sounds aweful and make me cringe. Even her brother tones down his attitude.

Suddenly she rolls her head over and her eyes are on me. This ebautiful dark eyes, that hold a slight glace now. I feel like I'm melting under her gaze now that she's actually talking to me. "Matt...hew, don't do this to me. If you are only here to torment me, please... go."
"I'm not." I don't hesitate to say those words with a gasp and I don't care what Jeran thinks or will do.
"... if you want to stay, I won't make you go." A very brief smile tugs on the corners of my mouth.
"I needed to see you because you're so sick."
Is this the right time to apologize? What should I say? That I want to be with her? I'm not even sure about that myself because I clearly don't deserve her. Plus her brother would kill me...but what do I care about him?
"I'm..I didn't mean for you to get so sick."
That's when I cast a glance at her brother who's face has turned stone cold. It's the kind of look you expect in the arena before you deliver the final blow.
Yet I push past him towards her to have a private word with her.
"Look, Ky. I don't want to cause you any trouble. I just wanted to say...sorry."
Phew. The word's out.
"Your brother didn't want me to see you but I needed to make sure you're getting better." I reach out my hand to touch her arm although I'm not sure whether it's a welcome gesture.

[*]

The moment she asks Matthew if he's there to torment her, I only want to yell out that it was his every intention. He's the last person that I want hanging around our house or Kya and I know if I tell dad what's going on, then he'll make sure to enforce it, one way or another. Kya does everything to apease him. I'm sure if he tells her the way it is, then she'll have no choice but to follow his orders or face the consequences like I did when I back talked him. Straightened my ass up and I've never spoken back to him the moment I picked myself up off that floor. She's never had to endure that and I hoped that she never would, but will I do out of complete selfishness to keep her out of his arms?

Most likely.

Then what Kya says next absolutely pisses me off. She just offered for him to stay here in this house for as long as he wanted to stay. "No!" I come out with quickly but Kya doesn't seem to understand me at all. Either that, or she has refused to listen to me because she's solely focused on the guy standing in front of her. I'm dumbstruck and left without a voice. Now, I guess It's my turn to take a step back and observe what's going on. To make sure that whatever happens, this time I'll be close enough just to deal with him before Kya ends up getting worse. Taking the backseat in all of this, reluctantly, I move away after Matthew shoves his way past me in order to get closer to Kya. You are still going to pay one day, Dunham. When you least expected it. Expect to find me watching your every step. I turn my attention away.

"Matt...hew, don't do this to me. If you are only here to torment me, please... go." I ask him truely wanting to know if that's the only reason he's here. Is he here to rub it in my face now that he knows I'm sick? Does he truely want to see how sick I am? Why of all the times does he show up when I'm at my worst? How could he possibily have known that I was sick... when he showed up. It was all just a dream right? He was never truely here yesterday. Jeran would never lie to me. He told me that I was out of it. Though, right now, I see how Matthew is looking at me and I try to mess with my unkempt hair cause I've done nothing but move in bed for two days.

The only answer I get immediately after asking that was a very quick reply of 'I'm not." So, I continue what I have to say to him. Right now, seeing him here and without the need to tornment me as he just said, makes me wonder why he is here when he clearly didn't want anything to do with me five days ago. I offer for him to stay despite everything Jeran has said to me to convince me to get him to go. He pushes his way through my brother and comes closer to me.

"How did you even know I was sick?" The question comes out cause now I"m starting to belive that what happened yesterday, what I recall in bits and peices was true. He was here at the house. He was sitting beside my bed, holding the cloth to my forehead even though it's just a blurr. I shake my head and turn to meet with my brother's gaze.

"You said he wasn't here..." I turn back to Matthew when he mentions that he didn't mean for me to get sick. I use the blanket to cover my face for a moment, trying to rub some sleep from my eye and even using the wall as a support doesn't keep my legs from feeling so weak.

"Look, Ky. I don't want to cause you any trouble. I just wanted to say ...sorry."

Am I still that sick or did I just hear him apologize? When has that ever happened? What has made him do that? I question him with a confused look on my face. I open my mouth to say something, but I stop because I'm just speecheless right now. Even from behind me, I can hear my brothers exaggerated huff of amazement cause I figured he heard what he just said.

"Seems my brother's been leaving out alot..." I move to cover my cough, feeling my head about to explode. That's when I move from the wall because I can't just simply stand any longer, but I wrap my blanket around my body to sit on the couch. I lean over letting my head rest against the back of the couch. What am I suppose to say now? What am I suppose to do? He apologized. Am I suppose to apologize now? Do I need to? I just want to have his arms around me but it feels awkward for some reason.

"Can you stay a while?" I ask him and from those words, my brother takes his leave from the room. I draw my feet up wards and rest my head on my knees. I don't know if he'll stay but right now, I feel like he would want to since he has come all this way. "Was you really here yesterday with me? It feels... like a dream."


[Words: 923]

[Jack Lexington]

Apparently Jeran had told Kyanite that I wasn't there the day before because she asks him about it. What did he tell her? That I never asked about her nor did I show up?
Or that I'm just a figment of her imagination?
The girl looks confused and somewhat angry.

Against all odds I got the words "I'm sorry across my lips" and she must know how difficult that was for me. I think she can because she looks even more confused now.
Behind her Jeran huffs at my apology but I keep my eyes on her and save the annoyed look for later. I think I'll have to have another word with him about being so high and mighty when he's really not. Looks like we're both just trying to protect her but hurt her instead.
"Seems my brother's been leaving out alot..."
"Yeah, he did." I confirm her suspicion happy to get a jab in on Mr. Overprotective.

Kyanite looks like she's ready to fall over when she decides to sit on the couch in the living room and lean her head against the back. "Can you stay a while?" She asks, which completely takes me by surprise. I expected her to push me away and be angry or at least reserved. Instead she wants me to stay. Since Jeran moves away I follow her to make sure she's fine.
"Sure." I say in as soft of a tone as I can manage but can't resist the urge to shoot him a look when he passes me by.
Was you really here yesterday with me? It feels... like a dream."
"I was." I sit down on the couch next to her because standing around on one leg for such a long time make me uncomfortable.
"You were pretty out of it. You were burning up."
Today she looks a bit better but still fairly pale. As tempting as it would be to touch her I refrain from it. Instead I ask. "Are you getting better?"
For a moment I actually look her in the eye but then back at my hand in the sling. I don't feel like I should actually look at her too long. I've done her wrong by sending her away because of my crappy self esteem.
A long moment passes between us where I start feeling lost because I don't know what to say or do.
So I also lean my back against the sofa. "Your brother came to kick my ass yesterday. I had no idea that you were so sick."
I'm not sure how to adress what happened between us because I still feel like I'm not the right guy for her even though she might want me.
So I don't.
After what seems forever I look over at her and give her a weak smile.

[*]

Curling up on the couch seems be just the thing I was needed. Resting my head on my knees takes away that feeling in my legs and I'm able to completely relax now, if only a little. For reasons that I can't fathom, after the way MAtthew had treated me, I actually put up the offer for him to stay a while; to actually stay, but why? Questions that need answered? Or maybe I've just missed him that much even though I'm getting this awkward feeling in my gut saying that I'm letting him back in my life too soon. Does he even want me or is he just checking on my well-being? The scenario's are too much making me bring the blanket up to my face, moaning a bit to figure this all out. When he confirms that I wasn't dreaming, and that he really was here with me yesterday, I can start peicing together the tidbits of what I remember. His name being said and his voice.

"You were pretty out of it. You were burning up." I nod to him, even though I can still feel, from the pounding in my head, that the fever hasn't truely gone. I know it'll take a day or two before I start feeling up to parr again, but hopefully it won't take too much longer. Feeling this crappy is getting on my nerves. At least, I'm not in bed right now.

"Are you feeling better?" His voice seems sincere, which is a bit daunting cause now I'm starting to wonder if he's only here because of my health that he found out about. He's not mentioned anything else and I'll be damned if I'm going to spout off that I've missed him like crazy though I hate him. Could our relationship really be over? I wrap the blanket around my form tighter when I get a cold chill and close my eyes a moment.

"A little. I'm pretty wiped out. Tired." I state, feeling my eyes collecting sand as I open them. Then between us, the silence is so loud. We've never had this much silence between the two of us. We've never really been this far apart from each other just to sit and stare at each other. What happened? Then a grin comes across my face with what he says next and it was completely out of the blue.

"He did what?" I hide the smile from beneath my blanket for a moment before he mentions that he didn't know I was that sick. Of course, he couldn't know because he never came after me at all nor did he try in those four days.

"It was cold and snowing... What did you expect? That I am indestructible? You and I've learned so many times, that I am not that. Between everything that's gone on lately, It's just not right that being sick would have killed me quicker than Mason or Jins." I bring my head up.

"Why... did you not come to see me sooner? Why did you wait until I was so out of it before you came?"


(522)

[Jack Lexington]

"A little. I'm pretty wiped out. Tired." Kyanite defines her state of health. It's not that hard to tell because she looks it, too. Worse than I've seen her. Poor girl
"Yeah." I simply nod because that's the only thing i can do right now.

The silence and distance between us feels really awkward. Both of us probably want to tell the other one so many things that would just be out of place right now so we remain silent until I tell her about her brothers confrontation.
She seems pretty amused by it. It's nice to see her smile for a change even if it"s due to the fact that Jeran pushed me into a wall. Whatever lightens the mood is appreciated.

Then we're back to what clearly sounds like an accusation to me. "It was cold and snowing... What did you expect? That I am indestructible? You and I've learned so many times, that I am not that. Between everything that's gone on lately, It's just not right that being sick would have killed me quicker than Mason or Jins."
Not Jins, who she hates, nor Mason did this to her but me. I'm supposed to be the one loving her and treating her right because that's what she's done for me.
"I did that. I know."
I lower my gaze because guilt is overwhelming me once again. Why did I not see this coming? After all she's a human being with feelings. Of course she wouldn't just suck my words up and flip me off. She liked me too much for that. Instead she chose to sit out in the freezing weather.

On top of that she asks THE most pressing question. "Why... did you not come to see me sooner? Why did you wait until I was so out of it before you came?"
I gasp because I've thought about a good explanation but couldn't come up with one. So I keep my eyes trained at my hands and reply in a low voice. "I didn't think you'd want to see me because I told you to leave. Thought you were mad."
My chest is getting tight because of my own emotions. I now have to face my own doings.
"I also thought it's better for you if I stay away. I didn't mean to hurt you...didn't think that far."
Biting my lip I think about what Jeran said...that he hopes she'll meet a nice guy who treats her right.
"Jeran thinks you deserve a guy who treats you right."
I'm not able to say that I do as well and that I'm clearly not that guy because I don't want to push her over the edge again.

[*]

Why did you wait? Why didn't you come after me? Why... why... why do you not love me? A flood of questions for in my head after I asked why it took him so long to come to see me. Why he had to find out, after being hunted down by my brother, that I was sick from him? If Jeran had never went to find him, right now, I'd still be asleep, fighting this sickness. Right now, I wouldn't have my heart being torn in two again with that questino that I'm scared of to hear the answer. He gasps. He never looks at me and he keeps his eyes afixed upon his hands. It's almost like he's ashamed of me. Do I really want to know this answer? Do I regret asking him to stay? His answer... Matthew, why do you do this to me?

"I didn't think you'd want to see me because I told you to leave. Thought you were mad." I just sit there for a moment watching him cause I feel like he's got something else he's going to want to say. The burning in my throat comes back. So many times I've felt this burn and each time, I don't want it. The longer Matthew and I are together, it only ends this way. With one of us being mad at each other, though I was never truely mad at him. Just severely hurt and scared for him.

"I also thought it's better for you if I stay away. I didn't mean to hurt you... didn't think that far. Jeran thinks you deserve a guy who treats you right."


I shake my head lightly. I let my eyes linger on him; watching his face and his brows as I try to see what complex emotions he's trying to harbour away from me. It seems as though he's perplexed about this whole situation. Does he feel sorry about it, or is he being sincere? Even after biting his lip, I can't figure it out. It's just like it's hard to do, but why? Why is it hard for him to just say what's really bothering him? Why don't he just officially say it. That HE don't want to be with me. Instead of turning me away each time and now... just say it, Matthew. You don't want to be with me cause that's why you keep pushing me away. Either than, or I should first...

"Matthew, remember when you stole that kiss in the cabin or took that cheap shot on me and you hit me in the shoulder the first time we sparred? Both of those times you pissed me off. And when me and Gala fought and I ended up hurting her? I tried to come to talk to you about what happened and you were mad at me? I was more than upset at you about that. That's the only times I've ever felt that way toward you. There's not much you can do that will make me mad." I shift my legs, and move myself on the couch, extending my legs so my feet touch the ground now. I face the wall in front of me instead of Matthew and keep myself bundled in the blanket.

"As for what happened in the hospital, you were only thinking about yourself. You didn't think that far... because you were too caught up in what happened to you. I understand what it feels like to lose, Matthew. I really do." I put an emphasis on the word 'you' just to show that It's all in 'his' head. Though, what else he said, what Jeran had told him, really makes me wonder what he thinks. Does he feel the same way as my brother? "Do you think Jeran is right? Do you think that he knows who I deserve? Who I need? ...Who I want? He don't know what's best for me. Only I know that..."

The water starts to pool around my eyes and I take just one quick swipe at them. I feel my head starting to pound the longer I sit here trying to come up with answers to the questions that I just threw out to Matthew. Waiting for what I already feel is the end of us. He made it clear the other day he still want's nothing to do with me. Maybe I'm the selfish one. I"m pushing too much to make myself happy. Do I even deserve to be happy?

The rumble of a car pulling into the driveway jarrs me quickly, sending my heart into my throat. I Dad's not suppose to be home. He's suppose to be at work for a little longer. Why's he home so early? JERAN?


(790)

[Jack Lexington]

Kyanite visibly disagrees with me on the 'you deserve better'. I can practically feel her eyes on me digging little holes into my skull. Certainly I'm on trail here.

"Matthew, remember when you stole that kiss in the cabin or took that cheap shot on me and you hit me in the shoulder the first time we sparred? Both of those times you pissed me off. And when me and Gala fought and I ended up hurting her? I tried to come to talk to you about what happened and you were mad at me? I was more than upset at you about that. That's the only times I've ever felt that way toward you. There's not much you can do that will make me mad."
her eyes are off me but her words linger on. She's right. I've given her attitude a few times and she never seems to be put off me for long. Why would loosing a fight bother her?
"I just figured winning was as important to you as it is to me." I explain my point of view not that she's not staring at me anymore.
"I didn't even know HOW important it was to me until the fight against Mark. I so wished that I could have beat him for you, for Tyren...for myself."

"As for what happened in the hospital, you were only thinking about yourself. You didn't think that far... because you were too caught up in what happened to you. I understand what it feels like to lose, Matthew. I really do."
The first part she says is true. I know that but can I admit it? Not really.
"I was thinking about you, too. And no, Ky, you don't understand because none of the fights you were in had that kind of significance. You were never matched with an equal opponent. Gala could have never beat you and Mark was out of your league. You knew the outcome beforehand. I actually stood a chance of bringing this thing home and then...when I really needed to be strong I failed!" My resentment against myself once again gets the better of me rather than listening to her.

For a moment I turn my head to look at her and see how she's struggling with tears, swallowing hard against lumps in her throat. That's when I realize that today is not about me but her so I swallow whatever else I wanted to throw at her and knit my brow.
"Do you think Jeran is right? Do you think that he knows who I deserve? Who I need? ...Who I want? He don't know what's best for me. Only I know that..."
Good question, Ky. I think about it for a moment and when I answer my voice has become soft again.
"I do, Kyanite. You definetly deserve somebody who knows how to treat you right."
The next question that she'll ask is already in my mind.
"I'm not good with girls. Ky, you know that."
I can practically hear her fall apart at my words and they hurt me, too because I want her back even if I don't deserve her.
"You'll have to think long and hard whether you want me. I mean, I'm willing to learn but I'll never be Mr. Nice guy."
Ultimately I leave the choice up to her but for a brief moment I reach across my own lap and place my left hand on her arm.

The sound of an engine makes us all listen up so a moment later my hands back on my own knee and my head turned towards the door.
This is either Jeran or her dad and I don't fancy running into either one of them so I push myself up from the couch and grab the crutch from the side it's leaning against.
"I'd better go before I cause you more trouble."

A few seconds later I'm on my way out but for a moment turn back to her and offer her a slight smile. "Get better soon."
Then I turn towards the hallway but before I can actually exit the sound of a key can be heard. "Shit."