Reaching for You. //Jack (Matthew)

[*]

I don't know how I'll ever start getting used to something I've wanted all along. For people to know that he was mine. To show pride and to be able to say that I am with him, and at the first chance, I go shy. Way to go, Ky. I watch for Matthew's nudge though, as he speaks up so clearly when the nurse seemed to be wanting an answer. I dont' think she was being nosey, but just concerned that I'd have a safe ride home after my brother just burst out of here. I can't help but gloat inside hearing Matthew say that, then reaching his hand out for me. I take it with a new lease on this relationship. Step by step, now...

"Let's go." Walking so near to him, I can already feel myself wanting to float. My heart flutters with the butterflies of this new feeling. It's almost like it's the first time, but in a way it is. He's actually holding my hand in public. He's letting people see that we are not just 'friends'. No. We're more then friends, right? He's my boyfriend. I can't hide the smile that plays on my lips as I move closer to him as we walk.

Outside though, it causes somewhat of a problem as the weather has seemed to turn on our happy moment. No sunshine, but instead rain and man, is it coming down! We make our path to the car in the pouring rain, and soon enough, almost every part of me is soaked when he gets the door open and I slide in pulling the door shut with his aid and in a matter of seconds, Matthew is in the driver's seat and starts it with the heat going. An involentary shiver seems to rack my body when the first waves of heat hit my body, instantly bringing on the chillbumps. Silence seems to ring out except for the pounding rain that hits the window of the car. In my peripherial vision, I notice him turn to me and his voice, for some reason, sings this sweet melody for me.

"Are you okay?" I nod to him, with a smile.

"Of course... I'm wonderful." I can't help but say. HIs hand reaches for mine, and is placed on my hand. Once again, chill bumps prickle my skin, but this time its not from the cold. It's from him. The touch. Just like it used to before hand when he'd touch me. It's invigorating. Can he feel it too?

"I'm glad you and me... we're going to give it another shot."

"I'm sorry, Matthew." The words just pour from my mouth, because the way he says 'we're' makes me realize, I've not said anything on the matter. That I was just as much to blame as he was from what we've been doing to each other. It is needed now, before we go any further. Before he pulls the car out of the parking lot. The darkness looming in my heart needed to get gone for me to even let this moment carry on. "... for what I did to you that day at the party. I was so sure that you were with that girl. I was scared that I'd truly lost you."

[Jack Lexington]

awe, a baby picture

I can feel her hand move a little under mine. It feels so warm and soft. Much softer than my skin.
To my surprise she suddenly apologizes. But what for? I don't know but it seems important so I let my hand drop from the steering wheel.
"... for what I did to you that day at the party. I was so sure that you were with that girl. I was scared that I'd truly lost you."
I'm not quite sure who she's referring to, so I wrinkle my brow.
"What girl? Tara? She's only 13 or so like Gala...you seriously think I'd hook up with her?" The thought seems almost ridiculous although Max seemed to have it taken to heart.
"I only danced with her."

That day at Tyrens birthday party is one of the worst I've ever had with a girl. probably because she's the only one I've ever let into my heart. That's why her words stung so bad. They still do when I think about them and have me worried it will happen again.
"I never want to feel like that again." I admit the truth. I'm sure she knows what I mean because she ended up sitting out on a cold front porch when I pushed her away.
"And I don't want you to feel like that. It was a valuable lesson."
Wow, I sound very adult.

The one thing I don't dare to ask is what happened between her and Max after she told me to get out of her life. So I remain silent and keep my eyes on the empty parking lot and the rain washing over the windshield.
"Let's just move on." I suggest with a quick side glance at her.
Gently I squeeze her hand and then smile a little.
"Where to, boss?"

[*]

With the apology out in the open for what I did to Matthew, he seems to take it in strides. I can see his perplexed brow just a little curious what for that those words came from my lips, but he catches on quickly just a second later. What he says about the girl being only thirteen has me feeling pretty ridiculous right now because her age is really young, but I'd not got to face her up close and whose to say that he wouldn't dig a younger girl?

"I only danced with her." He tells me and for whatever grudge I was holding in my heart from seeing them together seems to just disappear now. How could I have been so stupid? Really? Even if we were fighting and called it off, I still had feelings for him and I can tell he still had those feelings for me when I was with Max. I'm glad nothing ever happened between us.

Everything that happened at the party just seems like a bad dream. Almost like I was in a daze the entire time. Why are we so stubborn? His words seem to dance in my ears and how much I've missed hearing his sweet words. "Me neither." I state.

"And I don't want you to feel like that. It was a valuable lesson." Was he referring to how it affected me when I was done the same way? Though, right now, he's with me and we are clearly together again, so I can only wonder what happened that night after he left the party. Did I hurt you that bad? I let my fingers wrap around his hand as I bring it up close to my face and let my lips linger across his fingers then bring our hands down.

"Lets just move on." I nod gently and with a gentle squeeze of his hand he asks where to go. That question though is ridiculous sounding to me, cause he should already know that answer.

"Take me to the moon and back." I tell him, letting a playful smile grace my lips. It's nice to have him back. Matthew... my boyfriend. The one I've been dreaming of since day one. Leaning my head back against the back of the seat, I allow my eyes to close, still feeling the effects of the two day hospital visit and medicines, but I can't quit smiling all the while. Finally, I come out with a plausible answer to his question. "...as long as we're together, I don't care where we go. Is that alright? I'll let you decide since you've got the keys. I don't have to be home until later. We can always just hang out or something."

[Jack Lexington]

The atmosphere between is light years from what it was the other day at the dance. It's very releiving because the days after the dance where terrible. I was sure that I'd never be with her again but she'd choose Max instead. I still don't dare to ask her what happened between them. Maybe one day I will.

Her comment "Take me to the moon and back." makes me laugh out loud. I actually have to reign myself in so she doesn't think I'm laughing about her.
"I'm sorry, I let my space shuttle at home."

The she gives me her real answer. "...as long as we're together, I don't care where we go. Is that alright? I'll let you decide since you've got the keys. I don't have to be home until later. We can always just hang out or something."
I'm not sure what to do with it.
"If it was my call I'd take you to my place but I think Jeran's expecting you home. I don't want to piss him off again...he'll tear my head off...or yours."
I'm really concerned about her because I don't want her to be in trouble with her family. What I want more is for her to be with me though. Kinda selfish.

I slowly pull out of the parking lot but tell her.
"Your call. You're the one who was in the hospital."
My hand slips back from the stick onto her hand because I miss the warmth of her skin as soon as I move it.

[*]

Apparently, what I said about him taking me to the moon and back was considered hilarious and as such, earns me such a welcomed sound from him. The laughter seems to ring in my ears making me give off a slight chuckle with his and especially when he comments. Then, I start to laugh just a bit more.

"If it was my call I'd take you to my place but I think Jeran's expecting you home. I don't want to piss him off again... he'll tear my head off... or yours." That may be so, but he also said to be home at a reasonable time to rest. Right now, I find that any time is best as long as I get there. Though I turn my head to Matthew as he removes his hand from mine to back out of the parking lot. A chilling feeling prickles my skin where his hand was just at then as if a magnet, he clings back to my hand.

"My call... is your place. At least for a little while. As long as your dad don't mind? But, I doubt that Jeran will really do anything to you or me. He's already told me that from now on, he'll not bother with what happens between us. I think we're pretty much in the clear from him now." I give him an honest smile, though what I failed to mention is that because of Jeran being so pissed, he refuses to have anything to do with our relationship and that includes if somethign bad happens again. Going home right now would only serve to ensure my lockdown in my room when I want nothing but to be with Matthew.

[Jack Lexington]

While I drive Ky tells me where she wants to go, which would have been my choice as well.
"My call... is your place. At least for a little while. As long as your dad don't mind? But, I doubt that Jeran will really do anything to you or me. He's already told me that from now on, he'll not bother with what happens between us. I think we're pretty much in the clear from him now."
The second part sounds strange since he seems a very protective brother, at least when it comes to me.
"I highly doubt that."

Because she's convinced I let it go though. I can't wait to have her at my place anyway where we don't have to worry about anybody else.
"My father's working right now. Nobody's home ,ecxept for a few house spiders."

We keep on driving down the road but I have to slow down because of the limited visibility due to the down pour. "Man, it's pouring now." I state the obvious. At least it's not another snow storm that will leave us frozen and maybe stuck in a pile of snow on the road.

Once we arrive at my home I kill the engine and then tell Kyanite to wait.
I'm really on my best behavior because I unlock the door first just to come back and open the door for her. The rain is still so strong that I can feel it soaking through my jacket.
"C'mon, hurry it's land under."

Inside the warmth of my home greets us so I quickly shut the door behind her but where we stand small puddles of water are forming on the tiles.
I take off my jacket and then offer her to help her out of hers. "Need some help with that? You're soaked." Even her dark hair is hanging is damp strand over her shoulders.

Then I pause for a second with my hand on the soft fabric of her jacket and look at her.
"It's really good to have you back." I feel like my heart is doing small joyful summersaults now that I'm near her again.

[*]

As we drive, the pouring rains seems to be singing me a lullaby. My eyes are somewhat heavy until we reach his place. The thoughts that go through my head when he tells me his dad is at work, is pleasant to say the least. So, we would have the house to ourselves. Just that alone sounds wonderful. No questions. No accusations. Nothing to really bother us as we try to mend and move on with our relationship anew. My heart beats a little faster as we drive but the heavy rain makes me a little uneasy. Too many puddles to drive through and I squeeze his hand gently, letting my index finger move across his skin in a kind of mezmorizing way.

"Wait here." It fully wakes me up when Matthew tells me to wait and I watch as he jumps out of the car and runs through the rain to go unlock the door. A smile plays on my lips cause I've never seen him like this before. Something about him has really changed and I'm really liking what's happened. He returns just a moment later and I pull my jacket over my arm to keep it from getting wet while it's in the brace, but the only thing I didn't expect was having to get a coat with a hood. Lovely. Wet hair.

"C'mon, hurry it's land under." The expression makes me giggle as we race through the rain and he's beside me the whole time making sure I make it without falling behind. I baby my arm for the short run, afraid to really jostle it that much and the moment we're in the house, a nice breeze of warmth graces my face and chill bumps completely cover my arms due to the intense change of weather. Dripping, I start to try to remove my jacket until he is right near me. Somehow, he's fast enough that he's already gotten his off.

"Yeah, a little help will be great." I let him help me out of the jacket. His hands start to tug at the jacket when he stops and looks right into my eyes. That look is stunning and it makes me study his face. His eyes seem to hold that luster I once saw and if feels so much like dejavu right now. Instincts seem to play a part with me right now and my hand reaches up to his face, my thumb stroking his cheek.

"It's nice to be wanted back." A grin appears and I let my hand move down to his neck to pull him in to me just a little more. Even though dropletts of water grace our faces, I let my lips touch his in a slow fashion. It's almost like I'm trying to savor the image and the touch. Then I pull back just a little. "It's nice to have that back as well. No taking that away now, you hear me?"

Then I start pulling on the soaking wet jacket and let him pull it off the rest of the way, letting a shiver come over me. "Got a towel, or a blanket anywhere in this place?"

[Jack Lexington]

I look deep into her eyes because it's something I longed for while I was alone.
Suddenly her hand is on my cheek, then my neck to pull me closer and I let her do it. Right now she could do whatever she wanted with me because I'm overwhelmed by her presence.
"I never thought I'd feel this way about a girl" I admit more openly than ever before when her lips softly grace mine. I want to suck and lick her lips but I hold back because I feel I'd be overwhelming her.
Yet I hold her close after he jacket falls to the floor and feel a subtle shiver shake her body.
"Yeah, we have plenty of blankets."
I smile and run my hand along her scarred cheek without paying attention to it before I walk away to change my own shirt to a dry one and then bring her one of mine along with a blanket.
"Sit by the fire in the living room. It should still be going." I tell her before I help her out of her damp shirt.
"I hate to see you half naked but I have a nice, warm shirt here for you." The smirk on my face has to tell her that I'm teasing her.

Then we walk to the living room which has to be the warmest place in the house and sit down in front of the open fire place that gently crackles.
I drape the blanket around her shoulders and briefly wipe my hand over my wet hair.

For a moment I just sit next to her with my hand on her back. I can't believe this. I've become very soft for this one special girl. Nobody else has ever wrapped me around her finger like this but somehow I don't mind even though it makes me feel vulnerable.
"It's been a few tough days lately...are you okay?"

[*]

"I never thought I'd feel this way about a girl." Why does he make me feel weak in the knees so suddenly? Every time he speaks that way, something just goes off inside of me that makes me appriciate having him back. Is it that longing that I've wanted? It's just little words, gestures, touches that send chills up and down my arm and in my spine. I have no clue if he can feel them, but they run rampant right now as the chill takes over from being wet with rain water. Then he touches my scarred cheek so gently before he turns to leave and grab a blanket. In his absence, I look around his place. How cozy it is. So warm. Welcoming. I'm sure he don't feel this when he comes to my place and as much as I would love to have him at my place, I think he fully understands that we're better off together as long as it's not there.

"Sit by the fire in the living room. It should still be going." His voice startles me when he walks back in and he's already changed into something dry. Although, I've got my bags out in his truck with a few articles of clothing, I'd rather keep my mouth shut right now when he offers up one of his shirts. A tiny smile plays on my lips when he helps me out of my wet shirt, being careful of the brace. Already, I hate the thing, but without it, Matthew's eyes would'nt be looking over my half naked body as he states in a teasing manner about seeing.

His shirt is no where near form fitting like mine are, a little loose against my body but here we are sharing more and more into this relationship, already. When he isn't watching, I lean my cheek into my shoulder and let the scent wash over my senses. It smells like him.

Inside of the livingroom we both sit and he drapes the blanket over my shoulders and his hand touches my back. The silence fills the room except for an occasional crackling or a pop comes from the fireplace. I can't help but lean into him though, letting my eyes close a little and just enjoy what's happening between us.

"I'm doing alright. Each day is a new day, right?" I glance upward to him, letting my eyes meet with his and reach my hand outward for his that I take greedily and cover mine over his. "You know, I'll be turning seventeen soon. Just one more year, if I can wait, I plan on ditching my current living situation as soon as I pass the last reaping. I think the moment I turn eighteen, I'm going to see about doing something with school again. I want to make my mom proud cause I know she would hate to see where I am." An actual statement that I'm actually starting to hate where I am in life. Nothing but pain and long hours. Anyone would get tired of it after a while. I'm also curious what would be happening right now had my mom not died when I was ten; had my father not taken over my life with persuading words and good deeds. Would I be fully enveloped with school? Would I be doing good with grades, training only to a bare nessecity because there would always be a certain amount of girls that would volunteer the moment my name would be called? How different everything would be because meeting Matthew would have never happened. It's a case of 'what if's right now.

"So, what's this idea you mentioned to me in the hospital. You sounded so secretive about it. You can tell me if you want to? I promise not to laugh." I try to him my most serious of faces before I can't hold it anymore. Not in front of him. My expression softens when my eyes lay on the fire again. It's soothing to listen to.

[Jack Lexington]

The way my shirt hangs a little loose around HER shoulders makes me smile. It looks sexy and it's mine. I feel like this is something I wouldn't haven done before but now I'm ready to shared more with her. Be a real boyfriend for a change.
"Looks good on you."

I look into the fire that's pretty low now. Mostly hot red coal and nothing else. So grab a log and throw it on there to keep it going while Ky tells me her plans for the future.
"You know, I'll be turning seventeen soon. Just one more year, if I can wait, I plan on ditching my current living situation as soon as I pass the last reaping. I think the moment I turn eighteen, I'm going to see about doing something with school again. I want to make my mom proud cause I know she would hate to see where I am."
This is new to me. I always thought she's fully behind what her father had planned for her life. Little did I know she felt confined.
"I didn't know that you feel that way." I admit in a quiet tone.
"You think she wouldn't like what you're doing now? What are you going to do then?"
I wonder because we barely talk about these things. I teased her once to become a nurse because it would be handy but that's about it.

I lean my chin on top of her head when she leans it against my shoulder. It feel great to be this close again. It makes me realize what I missed out on in the past weeks.
"What I mentioned at the hospital? It's just an idea...I don't know what to do when my internship ends, just that I don't want to go straight into the company for good. I need to do something else."
For a moment I wonder whether she'll laugh at my idea but knowing Kyanite she won't so I tell her.
"Tyren talked about joining the peace keeper academy. I don't know yet but I might apply as well. I think it could be an adventure." That's all it is for me. I definetly don't want to make it a career. What do you think?"

[*]

"I didn't know that you feel that way. You think she wouldn't like what you're doing now? What are you going to do then?"

I nod my head to him in agreement, an inaudible way of telling him 'no'. I bring a hand up to my face, to take away a droplet of water that wants to cascade down my face from my wet hair. The droplett is removed by my hand and I stare at it for only a moment how it stays on that one spot on my finger. How it dares not move an inch, yet as still as I am, it cowers under my power. Then I drop my hand and the drop is absorbed into the nearest peice of fabric. Matthew's shirt.

"I know she's not happy. She didn't want me to become all of this. This was my father's doing after she passed. Before hand, she didn't even want me to be taught, yet her and my father argued for years about it just because we are a career family. She didn't want her daughter to become like all the other girls. She told him that there would always be females to take my spot, but there was a part of me that wanted to please him to, so that's why I did train a little bit. Besides, it helps against bullies to be able to fight back a little." I tell him when he suddenly puts his chin on the top of my head. "I think... I'm going to look for a place when it gets closer to that time when I need out. Deal with school that way. It'll be hard, I know, but I can do it."

As if the question was just lingering on the tip of my tongue, I finally ask Matthew about what he said at the hospital and away the answer that I know he might share with me. Before hand, he wouldn't even share with me the soft melody of the piano... what makes me think he'll share this bit of info now? Unless, he really has changed.

"Tyren talk about joining the peacekeeper academy. I dont know yet but I might apply as well. I think it could be an adventure. What do you think?" I want to smile. I want to show him something other than curiosity, but the fact that I told him, no - promised him that I wouldn't laugh remains. So, even if I'm happy about what's he's chosen, I dare not smile at all in case he thinks of me making a jest of him. Instead, I nod my head in approval. For a mere moment, I just sit there mulling it all over in my head. If he leave for the training, I'll lose him by my side. I'll lose what I've just gained back. I don't want to feel the tears again. I don't want to know what it's like to have him back, yet be away from him for a while.

It's his life though. It's his decision. I'm to support him and what he wants. I am his girlfriend and that means that I have something that he can't take away from me. That and when he comes home, it will make for the most wonderful of homecomings for him.

"I think that's an amazing idea, Matthew. You should do it. I think the adventure will suit you well. It's so much different than being a career though. Think you'll be able to do it? Like... working with the capitol and everything? Working under their strict rules and stuff." I pause and let nuzzle my face more into him, turning my body more into Matthew. "You'll be gone for quite some time though. I'll miss you while you're gone, if you decide to do it."