That's what friends are for, right? (Anatra)

[Jack Lexington]

MATTHEW DUNHAM

The big, old work truck comes to a halt in front of the new Orca home. It's nice, quite large but not a mansion. Even the gardens look splendid like somebody is taking very dilligent care of them.

"That's your friend's place?" My fathers voice seems a little impressed.
"Yeah, Tyren Orca. He lives here with his family." I explain while I unbuckle myself and let my hand grip the door handle.
"Right, Familiar name." My father nods because a lot of people are familiar with this name in town. The Orcas are a powerful family.
"Be good, boy."
He briefly touches my shoulder in a friendly way before I sigh and nod.
"Ya, dad."
My old man has been a little over protective for the past week since I've been released from the hospital after the incident.
"Call me when you want to be picked up."
I just shake my head and slowly lower myself out of the truck. "I can walk home."

Once his car is out of sight I make my way up to the door of the newly built home and search for the bell. Then I just stand there and wait listening to the sounds coming from the inside.
The woman who opens the door doesn't look familiar but she seems to know me.
"Morning, Matthew." She greets me while behind me rain starts falling on the new lush grass of the garden.
"Is Tyren home?" I ask as pleasantly as I can while I feel she's got something against me because of the pregames, which seems to be the only reason she could know my name.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

Today is quite a dull morning. There's nothing interesting happening. I'm still drowsy from my sleeps. I don't like being like this, but the only cure is the biggest glass of water you can find and the coldest tap available. I'll try it. I head downstairs from my room. The Orca house has three floors. The first is the living room, with the kitchen and dining room in the back. The stairs are in the living room that lead up to the bedrooms and the bathroom. Then another floor above are two more bedrooms. The house isn't particularly decorated, it's more or less a decently well lit modern house. A colour scheme of whites and everything between that and black. Then there's the occasional redness or blueness on furniture. My room is quite decent. Alex and I don't share a room any more, because don't need to. I think the secret reason was because they wanted me to have more space. It's a decently small room. It fits enough for me. A single bed, bedside table, wardrobe and a shelf with everything I need on it. The window is east-facing, and is quite a wide window. There's a few books on the window sill, as though I would actually read them. There's also my shades, the ones I took to the river that time. The window is closed tight, the weather not allowing me to open it.

I pour myself a glass of water and that's when I hear my mum's voice at the door. "Morning, Matthew." She seems to greet him. When I hear his name, I instantly know that it'll be for me. I do fear a little for my mum's opinion on him. She has never fully approved of the friendship I have with him, simply because it's one that is questionable due to the foundations. "Is Tyren home?" He asks, inevitably. She nods her head, looking out to the rain. "Sure. Come in out of the rain." She has an element to her voice that could be measured for her uncertainty to even let him in the house, but she doesn't want him to feel too uncomfortable. She trusts her son's judgement since he is eighteen.

I walk over to the door and my mum heads off to the kitchen. "You okay?" I ask, a bit concerned because I've never seen him at my house before, except my older house actually... that one time. "Didn't expect to see you here. Come on, we'll head upstairs." I tell him, turning on my heel and heading to the stairs. It's a big house with practically most of the family in it. We don't want to have any kind of deep conversation with Alba or somebody around the corner, unintentionally listening in.

[Jack Lexington]

His mother, as I assume, is seizing me up. Her smile doesn't look real but at least she invites me in since the drops falling are quite big and my shirts getting wet.

I'm thankful for Tyren greeting me right after with a big glass of water in his hand.
"You okay?" He asks me as I step inside and take off my wet shoes. I'm not sure whether he's asking physically okay or mentally or whatever so I simply mutter. "Sure." It's not something I want to discuss down here so I'm glas when he offers me to follow him up to his room.

I don't think I've been in this bad of a shape ever, not even after the pregames. The two flights of stairs take me twice as long as usual because I still have the feeling that not enough air is entering my lungs and I virtually have to suck in deep breaths to expand them enough. On top of the stairs I pause for a moment holding on to the wall. Then I shake my head in embarassment. Not too long ago I was able to kick pretty much everbodies ass and now I'd become the joke of the neighborhood if I tried to fight anybody.

I follow him into his room and instantly sit down on his chair next to the desk without asking.Then I look around, checking out his living arrangements. Bed, dresser...desk..the usual. No pictures of any girls or something of that sort.
"Nice place. It's new, isn't it?"
Finally my eyes settle on Tyren who looks like he just got up.
"Did you just wake up?" I try a casual conversation at first.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

"Sure." He tells me. I believe him, I guess. He'll recover, that's as simple as it is I think. Thankfully, I rarely sleep in just my boxers, so he doesn't get to be graced with strangeness of me all exposed and such. Although yeah, I've got nothing to hide my chest or my scars, I've got sweatpants on. I take note of it now that Matt's been around for longer than a minute. I remind myself mentally to put something on when I get up to my room, else there'd be questions asked all over the place. We head on up the stairs and I can hear him further behind me than I'd have expected. I don't make it look like I'm paying attention. It must be quite embarrassing for him. I know that it was embarrassing for me to come home after the pregames. I had to hold onto the banister to get up the stairs. I had to have my meals brought to my room because otherwise I'd end up sleeping on the couch downstairs because of being so tired. I had a lot of help, though. It worries me how Matthew will cope with all this again. He looks worse than he did after the pregames, and he hasn't even lost any fingers this time.
I'll be sure not to make that a joke of the day, to him.

When we get to my room, I take in the environment a little more than usual. I would like to know what the first impressions people would get from this little bedsit. I try to put myself in his shoes. The first thing I'd notice would be the red bed, black pillows. Then maybe he'd see my desk that has all kinds of post-it notes stuck on the shelf that is attached to it and covers half the wall above. Some of them are readable even from here; 'Hospital appointment' - 'Visit Joe' - 'Buy Mother's day gift' - 'Mark's birthday' - I don't know how I feel letting somebody in here now that I see that I have quite a few things that usually I'd be reserved about. My bed isn't made, for starters. "Nice place. It's new, isn't it?" He says as we enter. "Thanks. And yeah, completely new. Thank you, President Snow." I roll my eyes a little, because I didn't mean that at all, but ah well. Maybe that'll bring up the Peacekeeper Academy. I should probably tell him my plans about that, especially if he's considering not going. I know I'd be considering that after our last mission.

He must have noticed the tiredness in my face. "Did you just wake up?" I nod at him with a grin. I sit myself on my bed since he took to my desk's chair. On the walls there's barely anything. It's an emptiness that would usually be filled with posters, or favorite bands, maybe even past victors of the Games. That'd be if I was a teenager. I've decided to keep it simple for now. There's just a few photos on the bedside table. One of me and Alex at our party. One of me when I and Mark were young. Mark's yet another cousin of the family. Much more distant though. Not blood-wise, but by choice. He wanted to be a solid career, and everybody knows what happens to them in the end. They die or they fight. Maybe even die fighting. The last one is of me and some friends in high school. "Yeah... Didn't sleep so good last night. The new house takes a while to get used to. Especially not sharing a room. It's not the same, but it's not at all unpleasant.
Casual conversation isn't why he's here though. He must need something. "Are you sure you're alright? You've never came round before."

[Jack Lexington]

As I wait for Tyren to sit down as well I take another look around and notice the amount of post-its above the desk.
"You sure like your post its." I grin but one of them keeps my attention a little longer. 'Hospital appointment'.
I can only guess he's still having the head aches he's briefly adressed at the river. My doing, I assume. I lower my gaze because I instantly feel guilty. Here we are, friends. One of us gave the other permanent damage, the other did the exact opposite. And it isn't me.

I swallow my comment and wait for Tyren to speak up about his new home.
"Thanks. And yeah, completely new. Thank you, President Snow."
"Snow?" I raise my brows in question because I don't understand what it has to do with the ruler of our country.
"He personally bought you a new house or what?" It's probably a dumb question but I'd assume his dad paid for the house.

In regards to sleeping in he tells me. "Yeah... Didn't sleep so good last night. The new house takes a while to get used to."
He claims that it's the new house but my guess is that the events might keep him up, too.
"Yeah, me, too." I simply allow to slip out. After all he's my friend. Why not share this.
I rub my index finger and thumb over my eyes and blink a few times because I feel as tired as he looks. The pressure helps a little.

"Are you sure you're alright? You've never came round before."
I drop my hand onto my lap and try to sit as straight at possible before I sigh.
"I guess...I'm getting better." I can tell that he's not really buying my story so I shake my head.
"Too slowly for my taste. It still hurts to take deep breaths."
My eyes find him in an almost pleading way...as if he could help me. Since when do I need help from anybody? Plus I have my dad and Ky looking out for me. Why share my load with Tyren?
"That's not what I came here for though."
Again my fingers become more interesting than holding the gaze his dark eyes give me.
"You pulled me up when Jins pushed me over the edge of that roof, you saved Kyanite..."
I think about the pool for a long moment because everything there has become a big blurr. It's something I don't like to remember because it's inevitably connected to all that pain swallowing me whole. Yet I ask.
"Did you pull me out of the pool, too?"
I need to say thank you but those two words just don't seem to cut it.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

"You sure like your post its." I nod at him casually. "Ha, yeah. That's my memory for you. As if I can't remember when my cousin's birthday is..." I see him notice one of them in particular. I can only guess which it is. Hospital appointment. "Don't worry. I'm fine." I say I'm with emphasis. Is he okay? "He personally bought you a new house or what?" I shake my head with a smile because he probably knows I'm only kidding. "The Mayor sometimes assigns bigger families to one house to save space. I'm not complaining." When he tells me he hasn't been sleeping so good either, I know exactly why. I remember after our battle, I couldn't sleep without the medication. It became a dependence. I could've easily have gotten hooked to that stuff. I really could have. I didn't, because of the support around me. I want to be that support for him because otherwise he'll likely end up a broken mess. But he has Kyanite, and that's something I can appreciate as a good source of support.
When I ask him whether he's definitely all right, he gives a very unconvincing answer. "I guess...I'm getting better." It's true that he'll be getting better, but nobody can really be optimistic about something like this. "Too slowly for my taste. It still hurts to take deep breaths." I nod my head at him. He's seen me broken, I hope he isn't ashamed for me to see him that way, too. "Just take it slow, you'll get there. There's no rush." And with that, I'm openly accepting the fact he may not be as present at the Academy as I'd like. Which sways my own motives about it, honestly. It would be strange to say the least... Without my friend in that dorm. Not in the classes, not in the gym when I feel like training again. Being around Alex just isn't pleasant anymore. We're growing apart, and it's frustrating.

"That's not what I came here for though." And with that, his gaze averts from me. I know this look. He did it when he was sat next to me in the hospital. What's he going to say? There was two words he couldn't say that day, and they were I'm sorry. "You pulled me up when Jins pushed me over the edge of that roof, you saved Kyanite..." I hear Jins, and I instantly know that this is a deeper conversation that I expected. Then I hear Kyanite... I don't know how to feel about saving somebody's life. He waits a good moment before speaking again. "Did you pull me out of the pool, too?" I eye him curiously. He's not even looking at me. If somebody saved my life, I'd be on my knees. It goes to show how different him and I are in this regard; he rarely has to thank people. Now it's all happening at once, I feel. "No." I admit. I thought it was just Max that pulled him out, am I wrong?
Alex went back into the building with him. It must have been Alex. That's just... strange. Alex hasn't been a fan of Matthew's, not now at least. I don't know what has changed. It is more like Alex to leave a hopeless case like a knife-wound to the chest. "Who do you think it was?"

There's only one person in my family that looks quite like me, and he wasn't there. Alex is as much as my lookalike as Alba is.

[Jack Lexington]

I can't look him in the eye when I confess that I'm not doing so well yet. For me this is showing weakness. It's a feeling of shame and a bit of defeat I guess even though we 'won' overall. I know Tyren's not a guy to laugh at me or point a finger because he's been there, too. He knows exactly what it feels like, how you just wish to be whole again or simply better.
"Just take it slow, you'll get there. There's no rush." His words prove it. It's amazing. It's the first time I have a friend I can relate to on another level than drinking, training or playing pranks.

So I try to thank him but don't find the words. Instead I ask him whether he pulled me from the pool but he denies it. I was pretty sure it was him but maybe not. "Hm...I thought I heard your voice. I couldn't see much...I mean I was just struggling to hang on...." My eyes were fixed on that dagger stuck in my chest, the blood, the pool, Max's serious face. I cut myself off because the memory is something I don't like to relive. I'm sure Tyren knows where I'm coming from.
"Who do you think it was?"
I sigh heavily and finally let my eyes meet his. "No idea. Your brother?"

For a moment silence falls between us. From downstairs I can hear some voices talking. Maybe his mother.
"The point is, Tyren, that you saved my life and Kyanites."
I swallow hard against the lump in my throat because I've been going back and forth in my head how to say this and which words to use. I suck at this so it's taken me a week to get thr courage together....pathetic. I have enough courage to fight a wild wolf but can't come up with some words.

"I know you don't want to hear this because you made your peace with it but I have to get this off my chest. What happened in the arena was wrong. I was so focussed on winning those pregames, I would have done anything. Heck, I'm not even sure whether I meant to slice your veins or not. I was wrong. I should have accepted defeat instead of doing every fucking thing to win. I'm sorry, my friend." The last two words seems so hypocritical because I still don't understand how he can be my friend after what I did to him.
I push myself out of the chair and turn away from him to look outside at the rain pouring down.
It's heavy and washed the colors right out of the beautiful day.
I hope that my confession won't wash the colors out of our friendship because I value it.
"And then you go and save us. I don't know how to thank you for that...I suck at this."
Biting my lip I keep looking outside because I'm worried what kind of expression I might see on his face.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

"Hm...I thought I heard your voice. I couldn't see much...I mean I was just struggling to hang on...." I look away now. The details are exactly why I didn't find it in me to visit him in the hospital. I even visited Kyanite. To visit Matthew would be different, though. He was so much more badly hurt. I can't stand to see people like that. It shows how ineffective my attempts of helping them have been. If I had not just walked off with Max, Matt would likely have became less than Jins-meat. "No idea. Your brother?" I nod at him. It doesn't really matter who, or how to me. Only that he's fine, and that's he's able to talk about it with me. I'm a little flattered that he'd come all this way to say thank you, if that's what he's trying to do.

"The point is, Tyren, that you saved my life and Kyanites." I look on back at him, a look of eagerness perhaps. I want to know what he's getting at here. I don't like it when people beat around the bush. He looks desperate though, in that chair looking at nothing but his fingers. He looks broken, to me. But this is his attempt at fixing himself. It's a defense mechanism, and I respect that. I've been through it, too. "I know you don't want to hear this because you made your peace with it-" He begins. I look at him with absolute concern. What is he going to say? I have a few inklings. I don't want them though. I don't want any of them to be true. "What happened in the arena was wrong." And with that, I think I can almost hear my blood rushing to my scars as though they were conscious. "I was so focused on winning those pregames, I would have done anything. Heck, I'm not even sure whether I meant to slice your veins or not. I was wrong. I should have accepted defeat instead of doing every fucking thing to win. I'm sorry, my friend."

His outburst takes me back, but not literally. I stand myself up and walk to the window. I have to take this all in. I had so many feelings that he was never truly over the pregames. There has always been that weak link in our friendship - the foundations of which forged it. The fires of battle, one might say. He was right, I had made my peace with it. I won't get angry at him for having feelings, that's stupid. I can't help thinking that we almost had the friendship that would be unbroken. It still is unbroken. I'm not going to cut ties because he said a few things of the past. But my mind wants me to. It's almost like it's wrong to trust him, but I know that I can. Half of me wants to, and the other half doesn't. The half that does is my conscious state. The other, the innate part of me - the instinct. It's only to protect me. I understand myself well, and I don't give in to their pushing thoughts. I can feel that him opening up like this will either make the friendship stronger, or wash it white to a dullness. It all depends on how I react to it. "And then you go and save us. I don't know how to thank you for that... I suck at this." Well, he's right there. He isn't great at it, but that's the charm about it. I won't spend another moment brooding about it. I don't like being slow on my answers. It just shows how non genuine they are.

"You don't have to feel as though you owe me." I say, looking outward at the hills and rolls in the terrain. "I did the exact same thing as you. I fought an enemy-of-the-moment. You just had the better skills." It's a truth. I want him to know that whatever he wants to think about the pregames is fine, as long as he doesn't think I'm innocent in all of it. We did the exact same thing, he just did it better. On my face, he can probably see the deepness of my thoughts. But I'm looking out and the covered sunlight that is a little dim is pressing on my face. "I wouldn't know how to thank somebody, Matthew. Nobody prepares you for these situations. School doesn't tell you about how somebody can be taken away from you just like that. I wouldn't expect anything from you. You know that, right?"

[Jack Lexington]

I'm not looking at him during mz revelation and thatäs good because I wouldnät be able to bare the expression on his face. I can only hope that this will not reck our friendship but I feel it needs to be said in order to move a strange rock that's been standing between us right from the start. I don't think I'm a bad person in general but I've done something bad...not just once. I shot Jins intending to kill him. Maybe that's why he came back so fierce.
Maybe I'm not as good as I'd like to believe. Tyren is though.

My words make him move...literally. He walks to the window that I'm looking out of.
It takes him a while to respond which is almost like torture. Any second he could say 'You're right, I never should have let you in' or 'I'm good with you'.

"You don't have to feel as though you owe me. I did the exact same thing as you. I fought an enemy-of-the-moment. You just had the better skills." He chooses to ignore the arena completely...or is he not? Is this how he explains my doing? I had the better skills?
"Not really, you put an arrow in my arm, leg...I went for a spot that could have been fatal." But perhaps that's what I'm better at. I'm more determined when it comes to fighting.

His eyes are still fixed on the scenery outside when he continues. "I wouldn't know how to thank somebody, Matthew. Nobody prepares you for these situations. School doesn't tell you about how somebody can be taken away from you just like that. I wouldn't expect anything from you. You know that, right?"
I nod at him thinking he'll see it out of the corner of his eye.
"I know but I still need to do it. I owe you more than a thank you. I owe you and the others everything. I won't forget what you did and one day I'll pay that debt, I promise."
It reminds me of former times when somebody would devote his life to another person who saved him. I won't go that far but I will definetly protect him at all costs.
"I'll always have your back, Tyren." This is a promise and won't be taken lightly.
"You'll make a good peace keeper one day." There's a bitter sweet smile on my lips because I'm so much more sure that he's up for the task than I am. Not because he's the better fighter or knows the rules better...not but because he plays by them whereas I barely consider them.

Now that I said what I need to say I search his face from the side but it's hard to tell what's going on inside of him. Tyren hides his emotions well, just like most guys I know. I'd like to know though.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

I can sense the definitive seriousness of the conversation. It's weighing heavily on the sorrowful side, and I can't say that it is something I enjoy. But it has to be said, I feel. There's just too much between us that hasn't necessarily been cleared up. I think that perhaps it was my quickness to forgive that spurred a doubt, or maybe a lack of trust of my actual forgiveness. Now that I've told him that there is nothing to forgive, I feel as though it may start to make more sense perhaps, for him. "Not really, you put an arrow in my arm, leg...I went for a spot that could have been fatal." I turn and nod at him, still without my top on. The seriousness of the conversation completely made me forget to snatch one from my wardrobe.
"I know but I still need to do it. I owe you more than a thank you. I owe you and the others everything. I won't forget what you did and one day I'll pay that debt, I promise." There's a warmth in my heart right now. It's not adoration, love or delight. It's the revel of nerves. I don't know how comfortable most people are when they're having a true heart-to-heart with a friend, but I am all too comfortable. My emotions are in a jar, usually. I don't see the point in telling anybody how I feel. The one time I have, it was an accident. I bottled too much up at the wrong time. That was when Matthew seen me with watering eyes and a bust nose. Any genius though, could see that I have a great deal of sympathy for Matthew. I wish he could understand that the situation doesn't have to be bad. Maybe he does, and that's what he's trying to show me in his own way. I should really learn to listen, rather than point out things to people. He tells me how he owes me more than a thank you. I can't list anything more than a thank you that he could give. Unless he has something else in mind. He says that he will pay the debt, but I don't like that. It's not a deal to help somebody. Not to me. It's a genuine moment. When I nearly threw myself over the edge of the roof in panic, it wasn't because I wanted it back in return. It was because I knew that ultimately, I do really like my friend. He has a place in my long list of family members, and that's a rarity for me. The few friends I have, are friends because they are good people at heart. I've seen that in Matthew on many occasions. He genuinely did start out as a simple friend, in honesty. There was that one thing that tied us at the foot and I did want to run the opposite way. It was scary, being faced with somebody like that who had caused that pain. But I understood, and still do - that it could easily have been the other way round. I can see why he would think that the rift is real, that there is a true fault in our stars, but I believe that the lines are already connected. He just needs to see it, I guess.

"I'll always have your back, Tyren." I look at him. Will he?
Of course he will. I trust that to the core. That warmness in my heart is there for a reason, and it's because he is genuinely the best friend I've met. To have such a person in your life, it doesn't go unnoticed by your emotions. "You'll make a good peacekeeper one day." That makes my heart drop. I look back out of the window and lean on the window sill a bit. I press my forehead against the glass, looking out at the empty fields which end with trees and that river that I do so love. I'm not going to mention that I don't want to be a peacekeeper anymore. I never did, really. I did mention that a few times, but to go to the Peacekeeper Academy was supposed to convince myself otherwise. I'm not dedicating my life to a service I barely understand. I got a shock when I completed my first term there. It was... bad, overall. Punishment, danger. I don't want it. I want to work at my skills and play to my strengths. I belong in a fighting ring, everybody who knows me well knows that I love to fight for the fun of it, not to kill somebody. Maybe that's why I lost during the pregames.

I can feel his eyes on me, though. He wants to know how I feel now that he's said his piece. In honesty, I don't want to tell him. It's not because it is private, it's because I'm reserved about it. But, it's fair if I do. "I believe that." I say, talking about his promise to me. "You're a good person. I can trust you. We know each other inside and out, I think." I wonder if he knows about me though, what I am like. I know it about him, but is that because my judgement is sound? I don't know. "If I was to have anybody at my side, it would be you." I say that, turning to move towards my wardrobe. I pick a simple t-shirt, and stretch to let it run down my body as I pull it over my head. I return to my bed which I just lie on. It's so early, but I'm so tired at the same time. "I don't think I'd make a good peacekeeper." I finally say. I've completely decided against myself. I'm just going to say it, and see what happens. I have to, I feel. "I can hardly handle another mission like that last one. It really scared me." I can't believe I'm being this open. I never talk about what scares me. But, I still have that one recurring nightmare about how I missed Gala when I dove into the water, and instead there's somebody holding me down underwater. I know who that person is, but I don't let my mind ever remind me again. "I don't get scared. You know that. But seeing the people you care about get torn apart, Matt. It's not right. I'm not having any part in being around that every day." I'm being truthful, and honest. Brave, too. I didn't think telling somebody my fears would make them lift, but maybe they are.

[Jack Lexington]

Judging by his posture he does relax a little as I promise to be there for him when he needs me to repay my debt.
At first there's a look that I can't quite interpret but then there's a hint of a smile.
Only until I adress peace keeping. Suddenly that smile is gone but why? Instead he presses his forehead against the window that's cold and stained by rain drops on the outside because the wond blows them against it.
I remember him telling me that he didn't want to become a peace keeper but trainer, which for me falls under the same rules.


"You're a good person. I can trust you. We know each other inside and out, I think." He commends me but I can only shake my head about that because none of it is true.
"Not really." I mutter in my low rasp.
"The only part that's true about that sentence is that you can trust me." I'm pretty sure he's got a faint idea that I'm really not that much of a good person, nor does he know a lot about me. He doesn't know one family member or that my sister walked out on me denying me to meet my nephew. He doesn't know my mother left when I was four or that I've only ever felt hate for girls until I met Kyanite. But I'm not about to tell him all the bullshit that made me who I am...a bit of a loose canon.

"If I was to have anybody at my side, it would be you."
I listen closely as he explains.
"I don't think I'd make a good peacekeeper. I can hardly handle another mission like that last one. It really scared me." There he goes opening up like a book when he doesn't know anything about me. He really must trust me and see me as a good friend.

I just sit there and watch him while he talks because I know what he means and I need to hear him out because this is important.

"I don't get scared. You know that. But seeing the people you care about get torn apart, Matt. It's not right. I'm not having any part in being around that every day."

I'm baffled by his words because I thought he'd go through with it. He's a tough, smart guy and if anybody can do this job right it's him.
His disappointment is so obvious that I wrinkle my brow. "So you don't want to be a peace keeper anymore?"
My face freezes for a moment. I haven't even touched those thoughts for myself yet. I figured it's too fresh and I need some time to take a look at things.

"Then who's going to keep the bad guys from drowning and stabbing people?"
I shake my head at him and push myself up from the chair to step a little closer.

"You're not scared, Tyren. If anybody has it in him to become a good peace keeper and make a difference it's you. You know why?"
I step almost uncomfortably close because I want him to pay full attention.
"Because you have the smarts and you have the heart in the right place."
As I stand so close I look down on him because he's almost a head smaller than I am.
"That's something you have on me, man. I would have killed Jins if I could...not really what a peace keeper should do, is it? I might be a little stronger but I'm not always in controll when I go out and fight. You are."
I tap him on the shoulder and shake my head. "Don't let me down, bro. I need you there with me. I need you to keep me going in the right direction." Does he even know I only started this because he told me he would?
"It's the first time ever I make some good use of my skills and don't you think I got scared, too? What do you think it's like to have a dagger deflate your lung? I got scared shitless! I couldn't fucking breath any more, Tyren! You tell me about getting scared?"
My eyes bore right into them. There's little compassion or remorse left in my expression but determination.
"I need you!"

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

"Not really." He suggests. I can't help but bring myself to indecision. "The only part that's true about that sentence is that you can trust me." I shake my head mentally. He's not right. I know him well. I can bring a good sense of judgement to the table, if he wants me too. He's a tough guy from a not-so-caring family. Any old guy could figure that one out. The way he sees my family, how we're all up tight and comfortable, anybody without that would want to be a part of it, I think. Or envy it. "So you don't want to be a peace keeper anymore?" He asks me. "No." I reply, simply. It's a simple decision for me. I can't stand to be around the things that cause me such pain and anger. It's not normal to have to go through that kind of anguish. I can't stand to think that at every corner, I could be turning up at some other friend's house, or some other family member's house. "Then who's going to keep the bad guys from drowning and stabbing people?"

He stands himself up and whilst I'm sitting on the bed, he towers over me. It's intimidating but his tone of voice suggests otherwise. "I don't-" I begin, but he's eager to continue to convince me. "You're not scared, Tyren. If anybody has it in him to become a good peace keeper and make a difference it's you. You know why?" His words make my mind run circles. He's so good at making me rethink things. It's a little irritating, but at the same time we both know that I won't be doing anything else otherwise. Sitting at home, doing nothing. It's not what anybody needs to let themselves do, really. I've always been taught that. That's when he steps quite close. Almost to a point that I'm concerned. "That's something you have on me, man. I would have killed Jins if I could...not really what a peace keeper should do, is it? I might be a little stronger but I'm not always in control when I go out and fight. You are." The way he is speaking to me, the closeness of him. It is awkward for me. I'm left not knowing what to think about this. Where has all this praise came from? Is it because I saved him? Maybe the clearing of the air, about the pregames, has lead him to think differently about me. I don't know. "Don't let me down, bro. I need you there with me. I need you to keep me going in the right direction." He tapped me on the shoulder, with a shake of his head. The closeness, first, wasn't very welcome. Then the warmness of his words, the compliments and such, were way too convincing. Now, he's making contact with me. Call me paranoid, but emotional Matthew seems to be a different Matthew. "It's the first time ever I make some good use of my skills and don't you think I got scared, too? What do you think it's like to have a dagger deflate your lung? I got scared shitless! I couldn't fucking breath any more, Tyren! You tell me about getting scared?" That's when I realize that his voice is growing a little louder. It's not a soft side I'm seeing, it's a desperate side. He's not being weird, abnormal or maladaptive. He genuinely needs me. He's almost begging. But his words are falling way too short...

I know exactly how it feels to be scared. I'm not innocently naive here. I've been in real danger before. I've nearly fallen from the grip of life before. It's hard for me to think he wouldn't understand that. Being scared at your workplace is pathetic. I'm not allowing myself to be pathetic. Not anymore. His voice is determined, and desperate. He really needs me. He confirms it. "I need you!" And with that I give him a look. He's being very forward about this. This all seemed to come out of nowhere, for me. I didn't expect him to have this much built up about my presence. It must be something else. He didn't seem too interested in the Peacekeeper Academy until I mentioned it, and asked him if he'd like to come along. In fact, he declined. Only turning up on the day, surprising me even. I remember that. He practically tackles me and I fell straight onto the bunk with a lot of laughter. Those were some good times. To think that wasn't so long ago, we seem to be so much older now. But, 'I need you' seems way too much for this simplicity. It's just a course at the Academy. I don't know why he's so dependent on me. Surely, he has others. Vy? He knows her. It's not just because I'm there. Is he that keen on our friendship? He did say he has my back. But why not with this? This is the one thing in the world I don't want to do anymore. I'd rather sit and work in a shop than have to go into that Academy and face the grueling tasks, knowing that nobody can be prepared for what we witnessed. It was almost murder. Worse, when the people actually have to recover. In opinion, of course.

Trying to formulate a decent response, I stand up and push him back a little bit, only lightly and definitely not aggressively. "Easy. I haven't signed the papers yet." I tell him, hoping that maybe he'll calm down. It's not good for him to get worked up at all. I don't want to see him angry, again. It doesn't suit him, to me. I prefer it when we're cal and chilled. "I don't see why any sane person would want to be a peacekeeper. Not anymore. To break all ties with family, for me, is impossible. They tried to teach me that, and it isn't going to work. Not now, not ever. With our friends getting hurt - with you getting hurt, it's just not something I need to see again. I'm sure you can relate. Ever since the pregames we've not been to the career program. It's the same thing, just a different time." I really want to stay, just because he's pleaded so hard. But I honestly don't know whether I'll be able to conquer the inner thought of coming into contact with such an event again. Max, Alex - my family, they could've got hurt. Gala did, Matthew did and Kyanite did. It just goes to show, I can't properly protect anyone. The only good thing I did at that place was grab my best friend before it was too late for him. I wasn't even able to get Jins. The name of which makes my body shiver.

[Jack Lexington]

Emotional streaptease is what you could call this. I don't spill my insides out in front of everybody...I simply don't do that. The only other person who's seen an emotional side that's something other than wild and agressive is Kyanite. And now Tyren. It's embarassing to say the least but I feel I need to let my friend see how I reall feel about him telling me he wants to quit what we started together and could be a very fulfilling destiny.

He gets up and pushes me back a little. I guess I steps too close for him to be comfortable.
"Easy. I haven't signed the papers yet."
That's a start. "Good. Don't." I briefly reply.
"I don't see why any sane person would want to be a peacekeeper. Not anymore. To break all ties with family, for me, is impossible. They tried to teach me that, and it isn't going to work. Not now, not ever." He seems a little desperate and way to adament about his points now. It make me worry that his opinion is made up.
"You knew this before. Plus you want to become a trainer anyway."

Then he rambles on what seems more important right now.
"With our friends getting hurt - with you getting hurt, it's just not something I need to see again. I'm sure you can relate. Ever since the pregames we've not been to the career program. It's the same thing, just a different time."
I gasp at his words because he is right and I had these thoughts, too. I question whether I want to put myself in that sort of danger again but I can't tell him that.
"The training is not what put us in danger. The criminals out there are. It was Jins, not the pk program!"
I can tell that I'm getting pretty worked up now because my breaths are becoming short and hitched while my pulse is speeding up. I feel strongly about this.
"Damn it, Tyren. I'm the one who got hurt. I'm the one who almost lost his girl friend. Why are you such a sissy?" Maybe tackling it from this angle will work?
"C'mon, you helped save us. Look at it from that angle. If it wasn't for you I'd be mush on a parking lot. Who's going to watch my back if you chicken out?" I raise my chin a little triumphantly at y speech.

[Anatra]

---

Tyren Orca

---

"The training is not what put us in danger. The criminals out there are. It was Jins, not the pk program!" He doesn't seems to realize that Tyren doesn't want to be around those criminals. He doesn't want to be a liability against them. That's all he would be. Something to go against a bigger foe just to fail, inevitably. He can fight, sure. But his fighting is broken. It was broken ever since the pregames, he just failed to notice it. The only fight he's won since was with Jeran, Kyanite's brother. And that wasn't ever going to be a losing fight since it was known to Tyren what might happen in that fighting session - the water and lightning. He was prepared for it. It was unfair. Plus, they both scored the same. Every single fight since that one battle with Matthew, he's been unable to properly win against somebody. Even the spar with Matthew, he still technically won even though it ended with blood, which wasn't supposed to be how it was going to happen. And finally with Jins, he wasn't able to even defend his friends. He just ran to the side of those who were already down. He doesn't belong in the peacekeeping squad, hell, he might not even belong in the training routines. He's beginning to think that perhaps training as a medical care worker would even be more beneficial for him. Join with Max, and do some good. There's nothing he'd prefer right now. He'd be out of the danger, and out of the way. He wouldn't have to endure the heartache of not being able to help his friends, because he'd be right there if he was needed - just like Max was. "Damn it, Tyren. I'm the one who got hurt. I'm the one who almost lost his girl friend. Why are you such a sissy?" He's calling me coward, Tyren internally speaks. This is the side of Matthew that Tyren has always feared. The side of him that can tip him over the edge. It's not something he likes to see, and not something he wants in his home right now. He's on the brink of asking him to leave.

"C'mon, you helped save us. Look at it from that angle. If it wasn't for you I'd be mush on a parking lot. Who's going to watch my back if you chicken out?" He thinks he's being good, here. He's not. Go fuck yourself, Matthew, Tyren wants to say to him. He hasn't got the right to dictate how Tyren feels. Tyren's face is not longer sympathetic. It's actually quite pissed off. "I nearly lost people, too!" He snaps back. Speaking mostly of Matthew himself. Tyren seems to believe that Matthew has forgotten that Kyanite is important to not only him. He doesn't own her. "I didn't help. I did save you. You look at it from my angle. I could barely stand after all that. I'm not going back. It took six of us to bring one person down. We had guns."

"And if you think I'm a coward, then clearly you don't have my back." He doesn't seem to understand how hypocritical he's being. Matthew, that is. Tyren saved him, and he says he owes that and more. But now, he won't stick by his side? Tyren can't stand for this. It's his way or the door, right now. Unless some kind of sense can be spoken to him.

[Jack Lexington]

I'm calling him out but get no reaction. Damn, I thought maybe that would work. I'm desperate to keep my friend at my side at the academy. Maybe because I'm not sure that I can go through with it without him there. He's my red line. Not Vy, not Alex and certainly not Jeran. My friend there who keeps my head screwed on straight is Tyren.

I can tell that I'm getting a bit of a reaction judging by how his face becomes hard. I'm yanking his chain by calling him a coward, which he is clearly not.
"I nearly lost people, too!" His voice is rough. I can tell I insulted him. Great job, Matt. Come to apologize and insult your friend instead.
"Yeah?" Of course I know I'm headed in the wrong direction here.
He almost me, put his brother and cousin in danger but what other friends? Does he consider Vy a friend? or Kyanite?

"I didn't help. I did save you. You look at it from my angle. I could barely stand after all that. I'm not going back. It took six of us to bring one person down. We had guns."
"Why couldn't you stand?" I'm confused...was he so exhausted or emotionally drained.
"That's just the point though Tyren. We took him out. If you weren't there, he might have killed one of us and would still be walking around. YOU made a difference in our lifes!" I'm trying to move back in the right direction by pointing out what he did well rather than calling him names.

His voice is almost breaking up because he's so aggrovated. I've taken the wrong approach but what now?
"And if you think I'm a coward, then clearly you don't have my back."
All I can do is lift my hands and shake my head.
"You're not a coward. I shouldn't have said that. You're anything but a coward. I just wish you could see that. You're strong and you kept your calm when I was just ruled by my instincts."

That's when I sit down again because maybe I am the one who should not be going abck to the academy. Not because I'm afraid to get injured again but because I'd make a terrible peace keeper. I'm too impulsive.
I don't share this bit with Tyren though. Instead I look at the long mirror on the wall where I can see my own reflection, slumped in a chair, pale, and breathing hard. Is that what a peace keeper should look like? Am I on the right or wrong track. My eyes find Tyren, who looks like he's ready to kick me out so I bite my lip.
"I'd better go. I wanted to thank you but this is...I don't know...crap."
I just have a way with words.