Rest at Ease ~~~Jack w/ Matthew [+Kyanite]

[*]

Rest at Ease

I can't think. I can't concentrate. I can't even breath properly with the bag on one side of my body and Mira resting comfortably on my other arm. My legs feel like fire the more briskly that I walk through this neighborhood and the town. I only need to go one place and one place is the only place I want to be. I don't know why Jeran didn't want to wait on me to gather my things and collect what I needed for Mira, but I left my things behind and grabbed only what Mira needed. Tears have somehow given my eyes a burning sensation along with the wind that keeps trying to dry them when I walk. There's something bad that I feel deep down and wonder what's going on at the hospital without me there to supervise and make decisions for him. Does his dad know yet?

"Please.. let him be okay." Mira's eyes stare up at me as we walk, but halway there, she found that the walk was to her liking and she sunk into a deep sleep and gave me the opportunity to lay her against my chest to give my arm some needed rest. Her tiny breaths grace my neck as she slumbers, but the dropeltts that fall from my eyes fall onto her sleeve without my ability to wipe them away.

"I'm looking for Matthew Dunham." I tell them at the front dest when my breaths are so ragged and tired and they look at me as if I was the one needing the medical attention.

"Are you family?" The older, more hefty nurse asks me from beyond her classes adn she raises an eyebrow to my appearance and to the baby. How do I get in to see him? Will girlfriend be enough? Without the patience to see if they'll accept 'girlfriend' I suddenly blurt out.

"I"m his fiance. This is his baby. Can I please go back and see him?" I ask her, terrified for the words that might come out of her mouth. My brother had taken him here and he was no where in sight and maybe he justs dropped him off and left to go get Vy?

"He's still being assessed at the moment. He came in in pretty bad shape. Have a seat in the lobby and we'll let you know when you can go back to see him.

I nod.

I turn away from the lady, taking a step backward.

They are still working on him. They are still trying to figure out if he'll live or die. If I was too late to get him help because I didn't have the resources to help. Is this goign to be my mother all over again? Will I be forced to live with myself when someone else I loved died in my presense? I go into the lobby of the waiting room with three other people who look at me, but I do not see them. I don't see anyone. I just see the chair and the floor and Mira's sleeping form. She's holding me together or I'd probaby simply crash to the ground and curl up.

A sneeze awakesn Mira just as I get sat down and her mouth utters a whimper before she settles back against my neck, and her tiny hand grasps my shirt and keeps it in a death grip within her hand. I can't remember how long I'd been sitting here, but my eyes have dried out and glazed over the longer I watch the window and the birds that fly across until one lands on the window sill.

It's brown feathers just flutter with the way it tries to pick something out of it's wing. It's quick movements get passed by me easily until I feel my lids dropping slowly and my mind is finally starting to settle from exhaustion.

"Matthew, please be okay... what's taking so long?" I question the sky and the bird suddenly turns and it's black little eyes turn to me, and it's beak opens to chirp then he flies away.

"Someone here for Matthew Dunham?" The nurse's voice jolts me out of my stupor.

[Jack Lexington]

I'm trying my best to keep it together and not freak out more than I already am but it's hard. I can tell something is wrong and that this might be real serious. For once I'm scared for myself. I need to be a father for my little girl if Kyanite lets me. If I'm too damaged or die I'll leave ...I want to slap myself for these kind of thoughts.

Jeran and I pass the rest of the ride in silence that's only interrupted by my strange breathing sounds.
At the hospital he walks me in and makes sure somebody is taking care of me before he takes off. I thank him and get told to sit in the waiting area. Of course I object and once the woman at the registration has a look at me she allows me to walk into one of the ER rooms.
It still takes a while until someone even talks to me because of the amount of people in here. I guess somebody with a bleeding wound would be treated first.

I lie down on the exam table because most of my strength has left me but that makes things worse. This is the moment when I realize just how lost and alone I feel with my gaze fixed on the white ceiling and lights overhead, all the cabinets containing tubes, syringes, bandages and casts.
I wonder what of these torture instruments they'll shove into me this time. That chest tube last time was aweful and I still have a small scar on the side of my chest from it.
I feel so lonely.
Why did Kyanite not insist on coming? Why did Jeran leave? Is this how little I matter to anyone.
My pale face becomes grave with the thought.

Seemingly a lot later a stressed doctor comes in, shakes my hand and assesses my breathing.
He's disgruntled about his staff not giving me any oxgen sooner, takes some blood, listens to my breathing and feels for sore spots on my chest.
"Did you get hit in the chest?" I nod and grimace.
"And you've had a collapsed lung before?" "Once, I got stabbed."
His expression is stern when he orders some scans.
"We'll have to wait for the pictures. See if your lung collapsed again. It sounds like it."
"Fuck." Escapes me when I remember the procedures and problems last time. "Is this serious? Do I need a tube again?"
"Let's just wait and see." His signs a form.
More scans are ordered for my swollen hand and then he stitches up the inside of my lip with a few stitches- the least of my worries.

Then I wait again , this time in a seat with some oxygen under my nose and a nurse by my side and all the while I just think why it isn't Kyanite who's here with me, giving me some reassurance, maybe holding my hand or something. And the whole time I'm telling myself that it's fine, that I don't need her and that I'm too dependant on her anyway. Yet my heart hopes she'll show up.
The pure oxygen makes me more alert but not necesserily in a good way.



--
The nurse instantly saw the look on the young brunettes face with the baby on her chest.
She stepped closer with a generous smile and cooed at the baby.
"Oh what a darling, only a few days old, isn't she? Are you Mrs. Dunham? C'mon. We're really busy today but you can see him now."

She guides her through the many waiting patients in the waiting area, that just keep filling in. It must be one of the busiest nights that month. Even the hallway of the ER is filled with patients and their dependants in chairs and on beds.

All the way at the far end I sit mostly upright but have my eyes closed because I'm dead tired. There's no way I can sleep in the brightly lit noisy hallway. They've taken my bloody shirt in exchange for a hospital gown.

[*]

Finally to hear someone call for the family of Matthew is both the scariest and the most relieving thing ever. I can only hope that the news is good.I can only wish that my inability to care for him properly hasn't doomed him anymore than it already has. It always goes back to Jins. Why didn't I kill him when I had the chance? The nurse that come over talks to me and talks to Mira in the sweetest tone.

"A little over a week old." I nod and the nurse makes a motion as if to ask if she can touch her and I give her the go ahead. Her fingers touch Mira's feet and she grins widely before stating that I can go back to see Matthew. Instead of agreeing verbally to being 'Mrs. Dunham', I give her a small nod. I am not risking her not letting me see him since we aren't techically married. No where near, but he is the father to Mira. She is his family, so that makes me family.

All along the hallway, I keep staring at the patients that are stuffed into the hallways and their loved ones standing beside them. If Matthew isn't that bad off, will he be out in the hallway with the rest of these that look relatively healthy? That is, until I reach the end of the hallway and see Matthew sitting up slightly in the bed, but his eyes closed and the clothes are different. I feel speechless right now, and Matthew's not looked up to see me.

"Mr. Dunham..." The nurse announces, but I interviene.

"Matthew. Sweetie... how are you? What happened? What did they say?" I bombard him with questions because I can't wait to know what's going on and to know if he'll be okay. He doesn't seem to be having as hard a time at breathing as he was in the house, so is it still that bad? Or have they given him something to help him along? I sit on the edge of the bed with Mira nestled in the crook of my arm and her tiny lips pucker up and make a sucking motion.

[Jack Lexington]

Next to me I can hear the subtle groaning of some other patients. It’s a bit irritating because it’s another thing that keeps me from sleeping a bit and getting out of this worry and pain if only just briefly.
My breathing is bad enough for me to know that the scan won’t show anything good. Plus it hurts.

"Mr. Dunham..." A nurse says so I blink but then I hear a tiny whimper and see my girl.
A relieved smile spreads on my face because I’m moved that she came. I somehow didn’t expect it.

"Matthew. Sweetie... how are you? What happened? What did they say?" She asks one question after the other.

Then she sits down next to me so I can feel the warm skin of her arm against mine. It’s a connection.
Mira is in her arm and so close that I could touch her. So I raise my hand but then drop it in my lap.
“Thanks for coming.”

The nurse stayed close by checking a reading of a tiny monitor that is clipped to my index fingers and shows the oxygen saturation of my blood.
“We’re waiting for the scans to come back. I’ll check. Watch him for a moment, I’m just down the hallway.”

Once she’s gone I take her hand and sigh. “Not feeling so good. It hurts to breathe deeply.”
Then I finally touch Mira’s small hand with my left. “Can I hold her please?”
Maybe she’ll let me under the circumstances? It would mean the world to me right now.
“Are you going to ….” I cut myself off because I wouldn’t be able to handle the answer.
Mira's small hand curls around my finger by instinct. Hopefully she'll be able to continue to do this.
"Don't close me out, please." I avert my gaze.

[Artemis]

After spending 3 days of holding his breath at his son's bedside waiting for him to come out of his coma, Nolan couldn't stand the smell of hospitals; too sterile and devoid of life. And yet he found himself back here, though this time not to accompany Brody to one of his therapy sessions; one of the quarry workers he supervised had been injured on-site, and he (with the help of several other men and women) had taken the man to the hospital.

What Nolan didn't expect to see walking down the halls of the hospital towards the exit was Kyanite bustling past, baby in one arm and not even seeming to notice Nolan walking in the opposite direction. He paused in his tracks, looking to see where she was going in such a hurry; the child in her arms had been awake but hardly made a sound, and she was well enough to be nearly running... she had to be here for someone else.

Nolan turned and walked briskly in the direction Kyanite had gone, nearly losing her around a couple of corners before she walked into one of the rooms where the medical staff kept patients under observations... He'd spent enough time here, now, that Nolan was reasonably well-versed in the layout of the hospital. He peered through the doorway, a little alarmed to see Matthew sprawled out on an exam table looking more pale and frightened and young than Nolan had ever seen him, with Kyanite right beside him. The doctor wasn't in the room to stop Nolan from standing in the doorway, tapping on the frame to announce his presence.

"Not looking so good, kid." He greeted Matthew gently, "Can I come in?"

For all he knew, Matthew's parents could be just around the corner and (understandably) ready to tear the head off of anyone standing between them and their son, and it wasn't his place to intrude unless Matthew wanted him there. If nothing else, knowing how stressful it must be for Kyanite to have a potentially ill or injured boyfriend to worry about while caring for a new baby, he could take Mira off her hands for a while or offer a shoulder to lean on.

Mira made a cooing noise, and Nolan couldn't help himself but notice that one of her tiny hands was curled around Matthew's finger. He looked absolutely awful, but was looking at the baby like he was more concerned about her.

"What happened?"

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke

[*]

"Thanks for coming." Is the first thing out of Matthew's mouth and he doesn't seem all too keen on seeing me. Yes, there is a smile, but it seems as though it's a troubled smile that comes across his face. Is he hurting worse despite how he's trying to hide it? How bad off is he again? Is he going to spent days in this room again? The fear prickles the hair on the back of my neck. I don't like hospitals and doctors anymore. Why did we ever put ourselves in so much pain a few years ago?

Glory? Is it worth it?

All the while, Mira's eyes open slightly, play oppossum in front of her father and then her cheeks move upwards with a tiny grin, but relax a moment later. The nurse, on the other hand, tells me that they are just waiting for the scans, but the scans for what? Is he going to have to have the tube back again? Will Matthew have to endure that tremendous pain again?

With the nodd of my head, the nurse leaves knowing I'm taking good care of him. Just like that, Matthew is needing to be around Mira again. Back at the house, I was afraid to give her to him incase he suddenly passed out on me. He was covered in blood and the situation just didn't seem safe. Not to mention, the fear flowing through my system in the form of complete shock. Mira was the only thing holding me together. She was making me react with a calm demeanor. His hand touches Mira's hand and she grabs his fingers in responce. He asks to hold her a moment later. I nod just as someone raps on the door. My eyes turn to glance toward the man in the doorway that I've gotten close to. Someone that is special to mine and Matthew's life. A father figure that every child would want and need to have in their lives. He takes over where mine is absent due to the wreckless and endangering behavior he possessed.

"Nolan. Yes, of course. Come in." I wonder silently where he came from and how he got here. Better yet, how he knew that Matthew and myself were here. Aside from that, I pass Mira over to Matthew, making sure that he has the strength to hold her and place my hand on his arm and just wait to see the connection that Mira has with him. Matthew's trying to talk to her and she only keeps the grip on his finger and produces a grunt while trying to stretch out in his arms. What all he says, I don't even listen to him because I would never shut him out. Nolan's presence though is great. His presence even makes me feel less tense cause if something happened to Matthew, I know Nolan would be around to help.

"What happened?" He asks. I look to Matthew and then back to Nolan.

"He got jumped. Both him and another. Vy... Jeran's went after her I assume to take care of her." I tell him, while my voice seems a bit far away. It dons on me that Nolan hasn't met Mira yet. A bad situation but a good opportunity. "Nolan, meet Mira." I nod my head toward Mira, but when I notice Matthew, he's got her snuggled up next to him and he looks so overwhelmed with emotions that I just take in the sight with silence and a small grin. He's become one heck of a dad to our little girl.

[Jack Lexington]

I'm so tense right now. Mostly because of fear what might be going wrong inside my body again- completely beyond my controll- but also because I'm in pain each time I draw a deeper breath. So I keep them shallow and quick.It's exhausting and nerve wrecking though.

To have Mira's hand curl around my finger and Kyanite sit next to me is the anchor I need right now and finally she doens't pull my baby girl away from me anymore. Maybe she can forgive me.
Kyanite places our baby in my arms as I sit with my back against the wall. She fits in there like she simply belongs there.
The moment I'm able to hold her I'm overwhelmed with feelings. I want nothing more than to stay in my baby's life and be able to hold her and be there for her.I just hope I can. Who knows why I passed out, who knows what's wrong with me and whether I'll live to see another day. Those are bad thoughts I shouldn't allow but she'sso precious to me that I well up. No tears fall though.
"Thank you, Ky." I whisper.

Out of the blue a deep voice gets our attention. My eyes need a moment to focus because I feel light headed but then I recognise Brody's father, Nolan, who asks to come in.
Before I can even think about it Ky invites him. Obviously she likes the man and I can tell why. He's a good guy, the kind of man you want as a father. Not like mine, who's narrow minded and judgemental, or hers, who's overly hard. Nolan cares. I can see it in his eyes even now.

Concerned he asks what happened and finds out that I got cornered in the bathroom and beaten up while the same happened to our friend upstairs. I hope she's okay.
"Four against me, didn't end well." I sniffle back the tears that have threatened to fall and try to smile at him. After all he's strong, so is his son, even when he thinks he's broken.
"For the others neither."
Silently I hope they got arrested but I have no idea.

Then Mira is introduced. Usually I'd hand her to him but right now I need to hold her myself.
Lowering down my face to her I place a brief kiss on her head. "I love you." I share my secret with her. Her head turns a little but her eyes are closed. There's a tiny smile tugging on her soft lips. Is she smiling at me?
I don't now but I smile back.

Then I look up at Nolan and Kyanite who both give me this anxious look hidden behind a neutral expression.
"Is Brody okay?" Is that why Nolan is here? His son's condition got worse?

That's when footsteps fall against the floor of the long crowded hallway giving away the arrival of a doctor with a nurse in tow.
"Could you wait outside?" He asks Kyanite and Nolan to leave. They look in a hurry- probably due to the load of people coming in tonight.
I hand Mira back to Kyanite and nod at them.
Since the door's not closed I can still see them when they leave the small room. My eyes are glued to them until the doctors voice tears me out of my daze.
"The scans confirm my suspicion. The right side of your lung collapsed again. That's why it's so hard to breath."
At that very moment I feel like I can't breathe at all any more. I'm scared so my eyes dart to Ky again, then Nolan.

He brings the picture up on a screen and even I can see what he means when he points out. "The punch probably damaged some of the scarred area here." he circles the lower part. "Air is now leaking into your chest cavity causing too much pressure from outside and collapsing the right lobe. If the spot doesn't seal itself and we don't intervene you might get too much pressure on your heart."

Did I just say I can't breathe at all? Now is the moment!
I turn as white as the wall behind me. "What do you have to do?"
My hands won't stop shaking even though I burry them under my legs.
"There are different options. One is a chest tube, which you're familiar with. That stays in place for a few days and gives the hole time to seal itself. Or we can go in and seal it up."
As brave as I seem when faced with fierce, maybe even deadly opponents, surgery scares the sht out of me so I shake my head and clearly state. "No! No."
"We can try getting the air out by needle aspiration but that might have to repeated and maybe it's not enough. Take a moment and think about it."
He motions with his head for the door where my family could hear all of it.
"You have 15 minutes."

Then he's gone as fast as he came leaving me sitting completely baffled in my mystery.
What did I tell Brody about not needing CapMed, about sucking it up and that my baby and Ky are worth all of it? I still stand by my word but now I wish I was entitled to those government benefits rather than this butchery.
I burry my face in both hands- the good and the bad one- he didn't even mention. "Fuck this!"

[Artemis]

"Nolan. Yes, of course. Come in." Kyanite invited him in as she put the baby in Matthew's arms.

The variety of emotions on Matthew's face as she did so was unmistakable, and it was a feeling Nolan was intimately familiar with.

"He got jumped." Kyanite went on, "Both him and another. Vy... Jeran's went after her I assume to take care of her."

Nolan didn't know who Vy was, and he had only met Jeran Ruze briefly when he'd come to fetch him to bring Nolan to his sister's bedside when she'd delivered Mira. Either way, two on four wasn't good odds; hopefully Matthew hadn't started this one like the mess he'd gotten himself into the night of Brody's shooting. It didn't seem like it, for how hard he was trying (and failing) to put on a brave face.

"Is Brody okay?" Matthew asked.

"He's fine." Nolan sighed, "I had to take one of my coworkers in for an injury."

As much as he wanted to sit at Matthew's bedside, maybe make a little conversation to comfort the young man and meet the baby, the doctor came bustling back in again looking less than pleased to see more company in the exam room.

"Could you wait outside?"

Matthew looked heartbroken to have to hand Mira back to Kyanite, though they didn't venture any further than right outside the doorway; over the bustle of activity in the hallway, Nolan couldn't hear a thing the doctor was saying. He could see clearly, though, as the color drained from Matthew's face and the flimsy, brave front he put up crumbled as he covered his face with his hands; the doctor strode out, and Nolan didn't wait around to find out if he and Kyanite were allowed back in.

He didn't know what the diagnosis or the options were, but it didn't really matter.

"Matthew," Nolan said gently, sitting next to his hospital bed and smoothing the kid's hair back in the same gesture he'd used to soothe Brody growing up, "Talk to me, kid."

His hands were visibly shaking, and every paternal instinct in Nolan's body demanded that he enclose Matthew in a hug until he calmed down; but he was only a guest, and unless Matthew wanted his company, Nolan wasn't about to make a bad situation worse by overstepping his bounds.

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke
0fbd00 - NPCs

[Jack Lexington]

OOC: Marr isn't well, so I'll answer first.

What I have to take in is almost too much. I don't want to have surgery, nor do I want another tube stuck in the side of my chest, yet my physically poor state and the pain push me to make a decision because I'm unsure how much longer I can handle this.
What the doctor said about my heart getting too much pressure scares the shit out of me, too.

Once he's out the door I'm ready to break down. I just want to curl into a ball and this all to be done.
I look at Kyanite and my baby girl in her arms waiting outside and know I have to make a tough and clever decision. She needs me. I'd like to think so at least. If only someone would tell me what I should do.

Nolan is the first to enter so I try to appear calm and collected. Obviously it's not working because he can read me like a book and even though we barely know each other he's right by my side tugging at the strings of my heart because he's so caring.
"Matthew. Talk to me, kid." His hand is running over my fairly long hair, that's still full of dirt and some blood. But the gesture is so kind, for a moment it feels as if he was MY father.

I can't even look at him right now though. I'm too worried, my breaths even shorter.
So I wait for Kyanite to come and give me her hand before I look up for a brief moment with creased brow.
"The right part of my lung has collapsed again. He said there's some air leaking into the area around it. They need to fix that or it could end badly."
I try not to get too explicit in order not to worry my girl friend.
"He was talking about surgery or a tube or getting that air out with a needle." I shudder at the thought and make a face to hide my true fears.
"All pretty gross options. I think I'll try number three, seems the least painful." Half of my words are barely aduible due to the shallow rapid breathing that doesn't allow me enough air for a real explanation.

For a moment I feel like an idiot whining about needles when Nolans son has just spent months in the hospital and laid up, almost dying because a bullet ripped apart his insides.
Yet my eyes dart to his father for help, for some sort of advice or comfort. The kind my real father never gave to me.

[*]

I hate seeing Matthew in pain. I hate seeing the worry and anxious way that his brows are furrowing as he holds on to Mira like he's just been given a death sentence and this is the last time he'll ever see her. He's just hurt. He'll see her again, but at the same time, there is a bit of calm that comes from him holding her that I can't exactly explain. I can just feel it. I can sense his body relaxing if only a small amount. There's also the fact that when I introduced Nolan and Mira together, he made no movement to hand her over. It hits me that he's in need of the comfort only Mira can provide. Maybe he's realized she's worth living for? Perhaps, being a daddy has finally kicked in and realizes that Mira needs him more than he thinks?

But the footsteps that come next alert us to the staff.

And then the boot.

I half expect Matthew to vouch for me and to tell them to let me stay when they talk to him, but he doesn't. Instead, he passes Mira back to me, however hard it is, and then I slowly step back and then follow Nolan outside the room. Why would Matthew not want me in there with him when they talk? Is there something more that he don't want me to know. Is he going to make it? Will he be okay?

I wish someone would answer it because the only reason to stay strong right now is because of Mira and her alone. I can't fly off the handle anymore. I can't let my emotions get the best of me and cause me to start spouting off the waterworks for things that don't seem to go my way or something that happens that's becoming a slow tragedy. I only need to take a deep breath, and I do. Two or five times before I can get myself to look at Nolan as the voices inside the room talk and very softly do I catch certain words from the dr. He's speaking just loud enough that I can hear what's going on but having a hard time peiceing it together.

"Fuck this!"

The way he curses just makes my blood run cold. Nolan, on the other hand, just takes the initiative to walk right in and start talking to Matthew, but I hang back in the door for a moment and then walk fully in and notice how he's about to start crying from fear. Matthew doesn't cry but if and when he does, you either need to step back and let him blow off his steam, or be there for him. This is one of the times where he needs someone. So, I walk near the bed, and sit down beside him yet again.

My hand reaches out for him. Then the news is explained in a much better way then from trying to overhear it from the outside of the door.

The diagnosis is plainly painful. It seems to be something that is going to haunt him for the rest of his life and I don't want that. What can I do though? Give advice? Be there for him through it all? Care for him...

It's what a girlfriend is suppose to be for and that's my job.

I squeeze his hand and bring it over to my leg and just hold it there. "Lease painful but how successfull will it be Matthew? Will it fix the problem? I know you don't want the chest tube again, but what about the surgery? It shouldn't be that bad. They will put you out while they do the procedure, won't they?" I wonder and note the way his breathing is getting more rapid and harder to manage with. Isn't the oxygen going in his nose enough to help with his breathing?

"Matthew, you are old enough to make your own decision but whatever you decide I will stand behind you, okay? Don't do a quick fix... try to see what procedure will be the most successful, okay? ASk them. They will tell you, or do you want me to?" I kiss Mira's forehead and then slowly place her on Matthew's shoulder, positioning her head just so that she is laying her head in the bend of his neck and she curls up against him. It is my own remedy that I"m trying to get him to calm down. "Hold Mira while I go talk to them okay?"

[Jack Lexington]

It's an aweful situation I'm faced with right now and that I'd love to just pass out on again but I need to handle it. I#d feel incredibly lost if it wasn't for my two girls and one man, who is very quickly grwing on me. Their presence gives me the support I need to see this through even though I'm terrified.
'Suck it up!' I tell myself over and over in my head but have a hard time finding the strength within myself because all I can do is gasp and hope the lightheadedness won't knock me off my feet before I can tell them what I want. I'm desperate. Now I understand what Brody felt like.


"Less painful but how successfull will it be Matthew? Will it fix the problem? I know you don't want the chest tube again, but what about the surgery? It shouldn't be that bad. They will put you out while they do the procedure, won't they?"
My answer is a strong shake of my head. I can't have that,not right now, not so close to the pregames and the reaping. "I don't want anybody to cut me open. Not if there are other options." I protest. By now I'm really having one hell of a time to keep it together. My head would be bright red if it wasn't for the lack of oxygen and the growing pressure on my chest. The wetness in my eyes is also impossible to hide.

The girl by my side keeps a cool, level head despite her usual tendency to dramatize. Funny how she can be my anchor in the worst situations. Even when I screwed up.
"Matthew, you are old enough to make your own decision but whatever you decide I will stand behind you, okay? Don't do a quick fix... try to see what procedure will be the most successful, okay? ASk them. They will tell you, or do you want me to?"
Her words make sense. I should choose the surgery right away but that's just not the way I work.

Just like that she gives me our baby whose head rests softly agains my shoulder. Like a secret remedy she somehow calms me down a little. Maybe it's the fact that Ky's not closing me out of Mira's life because I got involved in a fight again.

I feel her small body snuggle up against the left side of my chest.
But her small weight feels like more pressure when I should have less.
Kyanite says something before she steps outside but I'm barely listening because my vision is getting blotchy again so I lean back sliding further down to get my head lower than my feet, which makes breathing even harder.
My free hand goes to my face to cover it while Mira starts fuzzing and I'm worried she'll slip from my hands.

Nolan has listened to our brief talk but he'sright by my side waiting to help or advice when asked. With unsteady hands I lift Mira off my chest just far enough so he can take her and ask him. "Take her?"
For some reason I feel the need to justify what I'll decide. Maybe I'm looking for some confirmation from him.
"It's right before the reaping. I can't do it now, if I get reaped they'll eat me alive. If the other way works I'll do that." I can barely get 4 words out without gasping and definetly don't have enough for an argument so I placemy hand on his that holds my daughter. "Reason with her, please."

[Artemis]

Matthew was gasping like a fish out of water, and it made Nolan's heart ache to know there wasn't a thing he could do to help; Kyanite, thankfully, was the picture of levelheadedness.

"Less painful but how successful will it be Matthew? Will it fix the problem? I know you don't want the chest tube again, but what about the surgery? It shouldn't be that bad. They will put you out while they do the procedure, won't they?" She asked, to which Matthew vigorously shook his head 'no'.

"I don't want anybody to cut me open. Not if there are other options." He said, and Nolan was strongly reminded of when Brody was young, putting up a fight at the doctor's having to get shots.

His eyes were starting to glass over, and it was obvious Matthew was slowly losing his battle to keep his grip on himself; Nolan didn't interject, as Kyanite got up to talk to the doctor, waiting until she was out of the room until he put his two cents in. The image of Matthew, so young himself and looking even younger in such a vulnerable state, holding his infant daughter was a poignant one; Matthew wasn't even out of his Reaping years,, now with a daughter to take care of, having to make a very frightening decision.

Where in the hell were that boy's parents?

Matthew's hand went up to his face, and Nolan started, settling Mira against her father before she could slip from his grasp.

"Take her?"

Nolan carefully picked Mira up from Matthew's chest, settling the baby into the crook of his arm where she nestled into the blanket she was wrapped in, already drifting off to sleep. His other hand carried on smoothing back Matthew's hair, hoping to calm him down enough to ease his breathing and his mind.

"It's right before the reaping. I can't do it now, if I get reaped they'll eat me alive. If the other way works I'll do that." He gasped, "Reason with her, please."

He looked at Nolan with nothing short of desperation.

"But if it doesn't work, you're going to lose much more time." Nolan replied gently, "You'll know more when Kyanite's talked to the doctors, but I think you need to pick the option that will fix you longer, rather than faster."

Nolan leveled Matthew with an empathetic look, not pausing in stroking the boy's hair.

"I know it's not the easiest choice, but you need to be sure you're making the right one." He looked down at Mira in the crook of his arm, who was very nearly asleep snuggled up to Nolan's chest. "You have more than just yourself to worry about, too."

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke
0fbd00 - NPCs

[Jack Lexington]

If I wasn't so desperate, short breathed and weak I might have been able to make a sensible decision. This way all I know is that I'm not doing well, I can barely hear all of Nolans words because my ears sound like there was a waterfall around the corner. My vision is blurry, too. But I can see the way he looks at Mira, how he holds her and keeps smoothing back my hair. He cares so much.

I'm incredibly thankful that he's here when I'm unable to be strong myself, which is strange because usually I would be embarassed but Nolan has a way with people. Around him I feel I can be myself in any kind of state. I wish it was my father sitting here with me, giving me advice and holding my baby daughter.

I know Nolan wants me to pick the surgery because of our baby. There's a good chance that next time my lung collapses I won't have access to a doctor and then I'm screwed.
My head is spinning with worries and thoughts when another one enters my mind: Money. Who will pay for all of this?
As a career, the center paid for sports injuries, as a pk, CapMed paid but now? I have no income and nothing in the bank.

My hand reaches for his arm to pull him a little closer before my eyes, that I had shut for a moment, flutter open, search for him and I press out. "I can't pay for any of it. The quick fix will have to do."
It's hard to even consider anything when it comes to ones health under the aspect of cash but what can I do?
This is the moment I regret not being a peace keeper anymore.

[*]

With Mira nestled against her father, I set off to do what I could do best. Questions and answers and trying to figure out what to do with someone who was so sick and ill right now that he could barely comprehend the best technique to deal with his situation. He was hesitant to really think at this moment and I honestly have no real say in his care. I am only his girlfriend, the mother to his child, but when it comes to something medically, I have no say. The only thing I have a say in is just to advise him in the right direction. I do wish he would listen more though. I want him to really pay attention. With a half function set of lungs, I go in search of someone more qualified that might be able to help me understand how to help him decide.

My feet move quickly, with my arms wrapped up into my body. My dark eyes searching the hallways for the nurse that had been in there earlier, but there is no sign of her at all. Instead, at the desk is a young girl, barely eighteen if I had to say. "Looking for the nurse that was just in the room with Matthew Dunham."

"Dunham? Sure. Let me find out who and I'll have her paged." She tells me, in a sweet nurturing voice. I can't help but watch her as she flips through the binders until she finds a clipboard and then places it back and picks the phone up. A few moments later, she hangs it up and the lady grins to me.

"She'll be here in a moment. Have a seat in the waiting room please, miss." I do as I'm told, but I don't sit. I barely even stand still because I just keep pacing the floor for at least four minutes before the nurse greets me.

"Ms. Ruze. Hello. Is there something I can help you with?" I nod to her and walk closer to her.

"The procedures. I need to know more about each one of them. I want to help him but he just wants to take the easy way. I'm afraid that he don't know which step to take. What I need to take. He has a brand new daughter. He has me. I don't want this to happen again, because I coudln't even do anything today for him at all. I have no way to get help to him. My brother, the peacekeeper, is the one who brought him in today and that was pure luck."

"Okay. I understand. Sit. Lets talk." She places her hand on my arm and guides me to the corner of the room where we both sit. Her voice demonstrates nothing but a perfectly medical mother, explaining the different procedures and the risks to each.

"... we could do the chest tube again, but we might not have to do it again. If we can just use the needle to extract the air then it'll fix it as well. The doctor may try various inhalation techiniques with oxygen to cause spontaneous re-expansion of the collapsed lung. A small catheter can be placed in the chest and the air removed with a syringe would probably be best though."

She looks at me when I feel the color drain from my face and I take a deep breath. He could be admitted for days again and I might have to deal with the outcome from this if we don't pick the right method. "And the surgery?"

"Only after multiple collapsed lungs do we need to try a chemical or surgical adhesion of the lung to the chest wall. That would be a last resort if it happens again. I could talk to him more if you want me to?"

"No. I'll do it, Nurse Tammy. Thank you." I stand and shake her hand and make my way back to the room and when I walk in, I notice something really isn't right. He's laying back and immediately, my heart jumps becuase I don't see Mira on his chest but soon discover that she's nestled in Nolan's arm. A gentle sigh escapes me and I walk over to Matthew.

"You might be right. It won't be a quick fix, but it may work. The needle to draw out the air might be your best bet, Matthew, but.." I hold off for a moment, because I don't want him to get upset. "The nurse suggested the next time your lungs do this, then surgery might have to take place then because it'll just keep doing it. That or lifestyle changes need to occur." I hint at for one good reason and he should know what that is without me saying.

I try to let the words sink in for Matthew, all the while going to his bedside and taking his hand with my own. I look at him with a kind of gentle expression, a faint smile and I bend down to kiss his cheek. "You'll get through this, Matthew. I won't leave. Okay? I just want you to get better." I kiss his cheek once more and stand back up and then look over to Nolan and flash him a quick, gentle smile.

[Jack Lexington]

Before Nolan can answer me or has a chance to step outside and talk to my girl friend she's back.

I can see her worried glance searching for her baby but when she finds it in Brody's fathers arms she's fine.
As she draws closer I can see her from my position. I try to focus on her, not my hitched breathing or the fear I feel in every fibre of my body.

"You might be right. It won't be a quick fix, but it may work. The needle to draw out the air might be your best bet, Matthew, but.."
A needle in my chest. The thought makes me shudder but at thispoint I just want to be able to breath so I'll do anything. Her 'but' sounds aweful though.
I search her face, worry obscuring my bruised features.
"The nurse suggested the next time your lungs do this, then surgery might have to take place then because it'll just keep doing it. That or lifestyle changes need to occur."
"It's not going..." I run out of air before I can finish my sentence and have to press the oxygen line closer to my nostrils. Right now I feel so damaged I have no way of discussing this.

"What does that mean?" I let my eyes flicker to Nolan because Mira is starting to fuzz, makig small crying noises but he's got her handled. Instinctively he rocks her until she stops.

Then I feel her hand on mine, warm and soft and more reassuring than anything else I can think off. Thank goodness she's keeping a level head because I sure as hell can't right now.
Her kiss on my cheek and her confidence are contagious. "You'll get through this, Matthew. I won't leave. Okay? I just want you to get better."
For some reason Ibelieve her when she says that. She's right. We will get through this." So I nod and squeeze her hand with a slight smile.

While Mira cries again the nurse who was in my room earlier returns to give Kyanite a friendly tap on the shoulder and then comes over to me to check me over.
Her mostly professional behavior gets slighty tainted when she picks up the pace and tells us.
"You need to make a decision now. You're oxygen level is too low."

Of course I know this already, I can feel the weakness and fall outs all over me. So I exchange one more look with the mother of my child and then nod.
"Do the needle."

Once again she casts a glance at Ky as if she was the one to decide and then goes to fetch the doctor.

It only takes a few minutes, that are too short for me to calm down or find the right words for my girl friend and my friends father, who cares enough to stick around while I'm unwell.

I can see her increasing worry. Despite me feeling the same way I reassure her that I'll be okay. "I have to be- for our baby." Nolan can probably relate to that.
"Can you let my dad know?"

I don't get a chance for more because the nurse tell us.
"Ready? I'm going to help you sit up. We need to get to your back."
She more or less forces me to a sitting position. Instantly my vision goes black and I have a hard time just staying where I am while she strips me down.
"Lean forward."
All I know is that I can't see more than a few blotches and don't get near enough air but a ton of pressure on my chest.
"I can't breathe." I panick but a deep male voice assures me. "Yes, you can. Just lean forward and relax."
"I can't..." Where's my father when I need him? At this moment all I know is that I'm terrified...of getting a footlong needle shoved in my ribs, of dying, of leaving Ky and my babdy girl behind...

Something's cold on my back.
'Just breathe...' I think to myself. 'Just breathe...they need you.'
Since when am I this self less? Since when do I care so much about others?

The prick of a needle damn near makes me scream but not a sound can be heard.



OOC: Look at that sweet hair! Long way from the academy. And who's Abel??
Very melodramatic, I know, I know...where are the good times? Let's grow some strong bonds.