Rest at Ease ~~~Jack w/ Matthew [+Kyanite]

[Artemis]

Nolan sighed, knowing the futility of those who needed medical attention but had no way to pay for it; he was fortunate enough not to have had that problem himself in many years (McKenna was as qualified as any doctor at the hospital), but he knew that for many, it was an impossible decision to make.

He stopped smoothing Matthew's hair back as Mira stirred and began to squirm in his arms, letting Kyanite have her moment with Matthew while he soothed the baby; it occurred to him, not for the first time, how very young they were to be having to raise a child of their own, to say nothing of having to deal with Matthew's health problems on top of it. Brody had been unexpected, but Nolan and McKenna had at least had the benefit of being in their mid-20s when he was born, both of them with careers or prospects to keep their tiny family afloat.

Matthew had been right on another count; the Reapings were coming up. Both of Mira's parents were young enough to still be sent to the arena to fight to the death.

It was so unfair.

Mira whimpered; she wasn't wet, and if she was sleepy she had plenty of opportunity to doze off if she wanted. He looked at Kyanite.

"I think she's hungry."

He'd wrangled a son of his own and six nieces; by this point, handling children was a second nature. The nurse that had been tending to Matthew later had returned, and as Nolan settled Mira into her mother's arms she made no attempt to soften the news. Matthew had to make a decision, and he had to make it quick.

"Do the needle."

The nurse left, presumably to fetch an orderly or another nurse; with both his hands now free, Nolan took one of Matthew's in his own to give him something to grip. He didn't have to know the severity of Matthew's condition to know this wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Can you let my dad know?" He asked, his voice small.

Nolan looked helplessly at Kyanite.

"I don't know who his father is," He admitted, "Or where he lives. I can stay with Matthew while they patch him up."

After seeing Brody's raw surgery scars, changing his bandages and taking him to countless follow-up appointments, Nolan was certain there was nothing he couldn't stomach at this point. And even if he couldn't, Nolan would for the sake of not leaving him in the hospital alone when he was so very obviously afraid; the nurse returned, a male orderly in tow, informing him brusquely that Matthew needed to sit up.

Nolan and the orderly pulled Matthew into a sitting position, the pain evident on his face.

"Lean forward."

Matthew more or less fell against Nolan's chest as the nurse pushed him forward; his breathing was ragged and shallow, gasping that he couldn't breathe.

"Yes, you can. Just lean forward and relax." The orderly soothed him.

"I can't..."

The first thing that came into Nolan's mind was that of a much younger Brody, barely knee high and trying (but failing) not to cry at the prospect of having to get a shot, insisting he couldn't; that he wasn't brave enough.

"You can." Nolan had told him, as he did the same to Matthew. "You just have to be strong for a little bit longer."

As much as Nolan thought he could stomach, he wasn't prepared for the size of the needle the nurse was preparing; his hand cupped the back of Matthew's neck, bringing his forehead to rest on Nolan's shoulder where he wouldn't be able to turn and see it.

"Think about Mira. Think about Kyanite."

When Nolan had been caught up in a cave-in several years ago, only the thought of his wife and son powered him through days without food, water or sleep; finding his way out of the mountain, unearthing his coworkers and friends, taking account of the missing and the dead... They had been a very trying, arduous few days. But it was infinitely more painful to imagine never seeing Brody or McKenna's faces again, had made it so much harder to consider giving up when by every right, he could have.

His heart ached for Matthew feeling his entire body tense as the nurse inserted the needle, but he didn't let go.

"You're doing great, Matthew. When it's all over you're going to feel so much better; you just have to be strong for a little bit longer."

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke
0fbd00 - NPCs

[*]

Mira's cries are audible. In Nolan's arms, I know for a fact that Mira is safe despite her uncomfortable hunger that is eating away at her belly. If only she knew what was going on and could wait just a little longer till after this dramatic moment going on to want to feed, then it would be helpful. She doesn't though, and Nolan knows it too so he passes her back to me and I take her in my arms. She doesn't quit fussing, but I do pacify her with my finger and she takes it eagerly. All the while, for the moment, Matthew has given his decision and I look at the nurse expecting her to do what he says. My expression says so too because I nod my head in his direction and then look at Nolan. I can only hope that I have made a right decision to agree with Matthew.

This better not happen again. I don't want it to happen again.

"I have to be - for our baby. Can you let my dad know?" I give Matthew a nod when Nolan turns to me and tells me he don't know how his father is. He even offers to stay with Matthew while they patch him up, but to leave him at a time like this? I can't possibly leave.

"I'll let go tell him when Matthew is stable." I tell Nolan and try to bounce a little to keep Mira from fussing, but her face scrunches up and lets go of my finger, no longer satisfied with the object to suck on. Then the nurses are coming in and helping him sit up.

"Easy breaths, Matthew. Okay? Slow and easy." I coach alongside Nolan who is giving him the courage to defeat this battle. The moment that they go to put the needle in, I feel a jolt of pain in my stomach and I have to take a deep breath, turning my head away for a few moments. Nolan's care for Matthew is remarkable. So, I fight against the sympathy pains and look back at Matthew and reach for his hand.

"Good, Matthew. Good job. Just a few more minutes, okay?" I coax all the while Mira's small voice makes this tiny cry and I have to force myself to leave in the heat of the moment because I'm not sure if the crying is going to bother Matthew.

"I'm going to go feed her. I'll be right back." I tell them both, looking to Nolan and letting my hand touch Matthew's cheek before I walk out. One step out the door and I feel the tears wanting to come to a head. The whole situation is just really difficult to deal with. Here I"ve got a new baby and the father and love of my life is fighting for life in there. Will he ever learn to stay out of fights? What if next time he don't come back? What if the next time, there is no fixing the damage? What if he leaves me and I'm forced to raise this little girl by myself? By the time I reach the end of the hallway and sit down on a set of chairs and get Mira settled to feed, I have to pinch the bridge of my nose to keep myself from getting worked up.

"He's going to be okay. He's got to be. Please, just take his pain away." I mutter to myself, holding Mira and praying.

[Jack Lexington]

I'm just struggling to breath when they force me to sit up, shaking now because I'm weak and afraid. That's when Nolan, not my own father, grabs my hand to offer me mental support, and a shoulder to lean on. Without hesitation I take it. Worrying about my pride is a luxury I can't afford right now. With Brody's father lending a helping hand Kyanite is free to handle our crying baby and step back a little.
I really don't want her to watch this, nor our baby, who's fuzzing. It's costing me the last bit of nerve I have right now.
"Easy breaths, Matthew. Okay? Slow and easy."
I'm really trying but as soon as I feel the needle enter in between my ribs on the right side of my back I just want to yelp but I don't.
Instead I dig my nails into Nolans back and press my forehead against his shoulder letting out a groan when I feel the needle go deeper. It's an aweful thought. What if they pierce my lung again?

Footsteps fall onto the grey Venyl floor when Kyanite leaves telling me she'll be back. Who can blame her. It's probably better this way.
"Hm..." I agree.

"You're doing great, Matthew. When it's all over you're going to feel so much better; you just have to be strong for a little bit longer."
Nolan sounds confident enough to give me a tiny bit of strength while I feel them fiddle around.

To let me know what he's doing the orderly tells me. "We've got the right spot. Can you feel the pressure getting less? I'm inserting a catheter through the needle and drawing it back."
On cue a huge amount of pressure falls from my chest with a slight sound.

I close my eyes and let him know. "Yes."
"Good. Now cough, so your lung expands again."
My fingers grab Nolan's shirt but I can't get myself to cough properly. It sounds like a very awkward weak baby cough because I'm unable to even get all my senses together. All I know is that I'm truly scared.
They order me to cough again, louder this time but the voices become a blurr while I'm hanging on to the man in front of me like he was my life line.

Beeping from a monitor alerts them to rush even more. "Blood pressure's dropping. Prepare an OPA...You have to cough, Matthew."
The urgency in their voices lets me know that this is my last chance. I NEED to do this or something bad...worse will happen. So I force myself with my last bit of will power to inhale deeply and cough like a chain smoker.
There's a sharp stinging pain and then all the air in the world fills my lungs again. I raise one trembling hand to show them my thumb.

"Well done, Matthew. The worst is over." They commend me before taping something to my back and covering my with a thing white sheet.
Slowly but surely my vision and hearing returns and the beeping of the monitor goes back to the same old steady rhythm.

I release a sigh and finally let go of my friends father. "Thank you."
Slowly I lower myself to the side searching the room for my girl friend and baby girl who have completely vanished.

[Artemis]

The hand cupping the back of Matt's neck massaged the tense muscles in what Nolan hoped was a soothing gesture, feeling the kid's nails dig into his back. If he'd been less preoccupied comforting Matthew, Nolan might've been furious that the young man's own father wasn't the one holding his son; the only thing that made his blood boil more was the thought of him being alone. Brody, though he was too proud to admit when he was afraid, had had one or both of his parents on hand when he woke up from his coma and for every follow-up since; there were few things more comforting than having someone you trusted enough to be strong for you, when your own resolve faltered.

But there would be time for Nolan to find out more about Mr. Dunham and his absence later.

"C'mon Matthew, you need to cough." Nolan coaxed as Matthew struggled to do exactly that.

"Blood pressure's dropping. Prepare an OPA... You have to cough, Matthew." The nurse said, with no mistake to be made about the urgency.

Mustering up some shred of strength, Matthew heaved a cough at the same time that Nolan thumped him soundly on the back with the heel of his hand (the same way he'd done more than once when one of his young nieces or Brody was choking on something), forcing out a hard cough, and he sagged against Nolan's chest as his collapsed lung re-inflated.

"You did good. You're okay." Nolan soothed, smoothing back Matthew's hair.

The nurse and orderly set about securing the needle and swathing him in a bedsheet and a backless hospital gown; the orderly double-checked his vitals, the two of them talking to each other using medical jargon that Nolan couldn't hope to understand without McKenna translating everything for him. Matthew pulled away, looking considerably paler but breathing more easily than he had at any point since Nolan had found him.

"Thank you."

Nolan simply nodded, looking towards the door where Kyanite had left with Mira.

"You'll be okay for me to leave and go get them?"

He didn't particularly want to leave Matthew alone, but if his girlfriend and baby's presence brought him any comfort, he wasn't one to deny him.

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke
0fbd00 - NPCs

[Jack Lexington]

I feel so drained and weak that I'm incredibly grateful when Nolan let's me sink to my side because even sitting up is too much now. At least my lungs fully fill up with the much needed air again making my chest rise and fall with every breath.
For a moment I close my eyes and try to relax and let the fear roll off my shoulders that had almost paralyzed me.

Nolan asks whether he can go and get Kaynite but I don't react for a moment because I don't know if it's a good idea. Ky left for a reason- either she couldn't stomach the procedure or didn't want Mira in there. Either way she wanted to be out of the room.

Now I'm getting covered with a sheet and the orderly rubs my shoulder.
"How are you doing? Better? Can you hear me?"
I just nod in response because speaking seems to much effort for a second.

The only thing I want to make sure is that Nolan knows how much I appreciate what he just did. I barely know the man but he had my back...or front in this case. He's everything my father would never want to be: Generous, supporting, strong, yet caring.

"I know my own dad would have send me through this alone. He doesn't want to see or accept any weakness and has no idea how to handle feelings."
Did I just say that out loud?

I open my eyes to see Nolan looking back at me. I must have.
So I offer him a weak smile. "Thanks for being here."

With that I let him go and get the girls if they want to come back.

The nurse informs me. "We'll keep you under observation to see whether the hole is sealing itself or we'll have to take measures. I'll be back later to check on you. Ring the bell if anything changes."
A button on a cable is placed in my hand.

[Artemis]

Nolan had to get up from his place sitting on the bed across from Matthew to help the orderly lay him down on his side without jostling the needle, taking a moment to unfold the blanket at the foot of the bed and tuck it around the kid's body, and smooth his hair back away from his face. This wasn't the least bit unlike the care he took of Brody when his surgery scars were still raw and incredibly tender, helping his son lie down and sit up again to keep from aggravating them; he didn't know if Matthew was going to have to be bandaged and re-bandaged once they removed the needle, but with Kyanite's hands visibly full with the baby, he had the niggling suspicion he'd be involved in that too, if they wanted his help.

"How are you doing? Better? Can you hear me?"

Matthew only nodded tiredly, hearing but not really seeming to be listening. They sat there for a moment in relieved, almost companionable silence with the nurse and orderly's bustling as background noise before Matthew spoke again, his voice faint and wheezing.

"I know my own dad would have send me through this alone." He said quietly, and Nolan sincerely hoped it didn't show on his face as his blood began to boil at the thought of a parent abandoning their child when they needed them the most. "He doesn't want to see or accept any weakness and has no idea how to handle feelings."

Well... it explained an awful lot about Matthew himself; Nolan hadn't forgotten that lost, almost longing expression on his face when Brody had first brought him home, and Matthew had witnessed his friend's relationship with his father. Nolan couldn't even begin to imagine letting Brody fend for himself, let alone when his impossibly deep well of bravery finally dried up. He didn't know where Matthew's mother was, but this didn't seem like the time or the place to bring it up; they could worry about Matthew's irresponsible, selfish parents later.

It explained a lot of things about McKenna too, he supposed. His own wife's upbringing had been cold and clinical at best, but she had tried valiantly (she still was) to learn warmth and compassion and loving touches for the sake of their son.

"That's a shame." He replied soberly, unable to think of what else to say.

If Nolan got his hands on Matthew's father, they were going to have some words.

"Thanks for being here."

Nolan nodded in quiet response, swallowing feeling a lump rise in his throat. Matthew looked like he'd just been deigned worthy of some great gift, when all Nolan had really extended to him was what he considered basic human decency. Tucking Matthew's hair behind his ear, Nolan stood up.

"I'll go find Kyanite and Mira. I'll be back."

With the nurse and orderly taking care of Matthew, it seemed Matthew would be safe enough to leave alone so he could find the other two parts of their little family. Nolan found them a ways down the hallway, Kyanite sitting on a bench with a now-content Mira swathed in blankets, gurgling and cooing contentedly. Nolan sat down beside them, sitting for a while in silence watching Mira's big blue eyes looking at Kyanite, then at him, then around the hallway as best she could, and then back to Kyanite again. One chubby fist was curled around her mother's finger, the other grasping the hem of her blanket and flailing her arm as if she were attempting to escape.

"Matthew's stable now," He said finally, "I think it'd make him feel better if you want in and saw him."

He looked at her in earnest.

"You two doing alright?"

Nolan didn't doubt that Matthew loved his daughter, he would recognize the look he gave the baby from anywhere; but Matthew didn't seem to realize until it was too late how much his actions came back to bite the two of them in the ass, especially in this case with him hospitalized and having no way to pay for his care. What in the world had Matthew even been up to when this happened? Kyanite didn't look any worse for wear, so Nolan sorely doubted this was some accident that had occurred at home.

c44462 - Kyanite Ruze
1979e6 - Matthew Dunham
bb7d00 - Nolan O'Rourke
0fbd00 - NPCs

[*]

I don't want to know what's going on in the room where Matthew is having that proceedure done. The thought of it all has decided to turn my stomach, but it isn't just the proceedure that is doing that. It's also the thought that It might happen again and then where would we be? How can I live with someone whose luck is so horrible that the next time, his death just might occur. How many times can one person survive hell and come back from it? Over and over and over again....

When will he be safe and when will I believe that he will remain safe? I want a gaurenteed answer right now, but the only thing I get is the suckling noises that Mira makes when she feeds and that moan of exhaustion from such a task. "Good girl, little one." I talk to her and she stares up at me with curious eyes that start to fall under the spell. It don't last long once I move her to my shoulder and burp her. She becomes a little more active, but content with her full tummy. Once again, I hold her in my arms and rest a little and then my eyes catch sight of the man that's more of a father figure than my own and Matthew's put together. That's the kind of man I want Matthew to be for Mira, but I know Matthew is his own person. Matthew is learning though, slowly, that much I can tell. Recent events though do have me uneasy about the future.

I can't help but notice when Nolan escapes the tension filled room. I see him out of the corner of my eye coming over and sitting beside me though no words will be extracted from my lips. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to react to him and to what happened to Matthew. My mind won't stop running.

"Matthew's stable now. I think it'd mae him feel better if you went in and saw him." I nod my head and just keep looking down to Mira and notice how her eyes are afixed on me. I smile at her, a hurtful type of smile, but a smile none the less.

"You two doing alright?" He questions and I finally shake my head. The dam of tears that I try to keep at bay well up and I close them in attempts to keep them from spilling over, but it don't help the two that fall from effort.

"No. I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all Nolan. I'm scared to death. I was freaking out and I was terrified he was going to die and he don't understand what it feels like to watch all of that happening and not being able to help him. How it felt when my brother took off with him to the hospital and left me alone to only imagine the next time I saw him was going to be in a casket or something." The words flow from my mouth and my chest moves at uneven paces with the amount of emotion pouring out to the man beside me. "It isn't fair, Nolan. I don't want him to die. I want him to stay safe. I don't want Mira to grow up without a father and he keeps..."

I try to hold my breath because I have to remember a few of the times were because we fought. Because of something I had done. "I feel like... lost." I stand up and hug Mira and start to walk to the door and wiping away the tears that keep welling up. Only when I reach his door do I stop and turn to Nolan. "When are things going to get easier?"

[Artemis]

More or less as Nolan had expected, as soon as the question about how she was filled the air, Kyanite's eyes filled with tears in spite of her best efforts to hide the fact. He wasn't shy this time about putting his arm around her, the way he wanted to when he'd first met the girl outside of Brody's hospital bed, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

"No. I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all Nolan." She replied, breath hitching trying to swallow the urge to cry, "I'm scared to death. I was freaking out and I was terrified he was going to die and he don't understand what it feels like to watch all of that happening and not being able to help him. How it felt when my brother took off with him to the hospital and left me alone to only imagine the next time I saw him was going to be in a casket or something."

It took a moment for Nolan to process it all, with how fast Kyanite was talking; it was obvious this was something she had been waiting for a while to get off her chest, and he was quite possibly the first person Kyanite had confided this to. He didn't blame her; god knows how afraid he had been when McKenna was going through her grueling physical therapy after the cave-in that broke her back, that she wouldn't be able to walk again.

Nolan had at least known she would live; Kyanite hadn't had that benefit, and on top of the fact had Mira to worry about.

"It isn't fair, Nolan. I don't want him to die. I want him to stay safe. I don't want Mira to grow up without a father and he keeps..."

He sighed. Nolan knew precisely how impulsive and infuriating teenage boys could be; Matthew had a good heart, but his youth and inexperience showed greatly. He didn't know what had put Matthew in this state to begin with, but by Kyanite's testimony, it didn't sound good.

"I know," He replied gently, still rubbing her shoulder, "And you're very brave for sticking by him when things have gotten hard."

For a moment he was quiet, carefully considering his next words. Nolan cared for Kyanite and Matthew both as if they were his own children (and being accepted as Mira's surrogate grandfather brought him a joy he never thought he'd know with his only son still with 16 years left in the military); but as much as he wanted to see the two of them have the happiness he had found with McKenna and Brody, Nolan was too old to ignore the fact that such things just didn't always pan out that way.

"I don't presume to know how the relationship between you two is," He started, "Or how you communicate. But it's not selfish for you to think of your own needs; it's fine and well for you to worry about Matthew, but you can't help him if you don't take care of yourself."

He had no parallel to draw between Kyanite and himself or anyone in his family, but it was a lesson he'd tried many times to teach both to his nieces and many of his coworkers who sought his advice, many of them his own age. Especially with a baby depending on her and Matthew, it became all the more important.

"I'm guessing this isn't the first time."

"I feel like... lost."

Kyanite sniffled, standing up and walking with purpose towards Matthew's door. She paused, just out of view of the door, before turning back to face Nolan.

"When are things going to get easier?"

She sounded as lost as she felt, and Nolan was sorry that he didn't have all of the answers she was looking for.

"When one or both of you comes to a decision." He replied helplessly, "But that's something you need to work out between yourselves."

[Jack Lexington]

At first I just lay on my side trying to calm down and relax because the worst is over...for now. I try to feel the spot on my back that still has something taped to it. I'm not sure whether the needle is still in there or a tube or whatever. I doubt they closed it all up if pressure could be building again. With my hand I can only feel gauze and I'm too exhausted to do aerobics and too worried to actually ask the question.

All I know is that I can finally breathe again and am supposed to cough. So I do. But it hurts a little.

Silently I lay there ready to give in to my need for sleep. If only Kyanite would come back with Mira before I pass out. I just want to tell her that I'm fine and love her. She looked so freaked out but at the time I couldn't comfort her.

Outside in the hallway I can hear voices and of course I recognise hers. I'm almost holding my breath to hear what she's saying and whether her footsteps lead her inside this small, sterile room again.
It's an effort but I lift my head and look for her.

[*]

Standing outside Matthew's hospital room has my heart thumping so loudly in my ears that I can barely hear Nolan's voice. However, the responces are duely noted. Nothing ever happens when there is one side to the other. I know that and for what's going on, I know that Matthew and I have some things to work out between the two of us. Right now, I just want to make sure he's okay. What happens after today will come to a talk.

My hand keeps a hold on Mira, and the other on the door as I start to get an emotion closely related to fear. Would he be awake? Would he be sleeping or in worse condition when I walk in? The proceedure they just done was too much for me to watch as much as I probably needed to stay, but Mira's hunger also gave me a moment to myself. Whispered words of healing came after that and before I go in, I have to stare over to Nolan again.

"Will you give me a minute with him?" I ask him, practically pleading with him to give me a few moments with Matthew. Then again, having Nolan for company would be good to have that father figure to help out. I sigh, wondering when my feet would start to move inside the room and with one giant, gentle breath inward, I hug Mira tighter to my person and go in.

"Sweetie?" I coo outward to Matthew as I instantly see him laying there on the bed and looking so pitiful and weak. The essense of the man that I love is laying there with so many pieces of medical equipment hooked up to him and it just don't look right. Not right at all. He's suppose to be up and around. He's suppose to be helping me with Mira and coo'ing to her and making her smile. I bite back a flood of fear as I go to stand beside the bed and my hand instantly reaches down to gather his hand in mine. I squeeze his fingers and smile to him.

"How you doing? How you feeling?" I ask without any knowledge if he'll be able to really talk or respond much. "I'm so sorry that you're in here."

[Jack Lexington]

It takes her a while but out of the corner of my eye I can finally see her enter again. She comes towards me slowly- too slow- but she might be insecure. Who can blame her. If I had a choice I'd up an leave but right now I'm too spent and sore and honestly. I'm scared shitless still because of what happened.

"Sweetie?" She says and I can finally see Kyanite. She's holding our daughter tight to her body. All that I could have lost. But I didn't. They're right here, which makes my pale lips curl into a smile.

All her emotions show in her eyes that start to well up making me regret I wished for her to come into my room again. It's really hard on her, I can see.

She forces a smile on her face and takes my hand, which I squeeze instantly and pull her a little closer to have her right beside me.
My blue eyes, one still swollen, settle on Mira for a moment who's blinking her own set of baby blues and seemingly looking back at me. Does she recognise me? I don't know but I smile anyway.
With her comes all the peace I can get in a moment like this.

"How you doing? How you feeling?" She asks curious to know how I am.
I draw in a deeper breath to respond which makes me cough and cringe because it not only send sharp pain through my lungs but also aggrovates the bruised ribs.
"Better. I can breathe properly now." I finally state.
"And whacked. Like a bus hit me." I smile at her weakly in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'm so sorry that you're in here."Her eyes well up again so I reach for her hand again to squeeze it because her cheek istoo far away.
"Don't be. They helped me. It's all good. It's over now, Ky."

My voice sounds strangely raw.
I'm not sure what will happen now. Only that I'm exhausted.
"Stay a moment." I beg but my eyes are already closing on me. So I let them. Sleep is probably good.
"I love you." I mutter before I drift off to sleep.

Not even five minutes later the nurse from before comes back into the small room pausing momentarily when she sees Kyanite and her baby.
"Hard, isn't it?" She sympathizes before she flips back the thin sheet and peeks at the small plastic container that the tiny tube, that is still stuck in my back leads into. There's only a small amount of fluid inside. No bubbling.
"Looks good. Maybe the hole will seal itself. We'll keep an eye on him. Leave your contact number here so we can reach you. If you don't hear anything from us you can come and oick your husband up in the morning."

With that she more or less shoed Kyanite outside and closed the door.