saying goodbye.— [sofia one-shot (final day of fair)]

[Deleted]

The county fair didn't exactly go how I expected, though it wasn't a bad thing. So many unexpected things happened. So many things went wrong. And yet, so much went right. It was the last day of the fair, the day we head home. And, I found it difficult to leave. I couldn't figure out why, but part of me wanted to stay.

When trying to figure it out, it hit me. Suddenly I was back in Papas cabin the day I spoke with Lorenzo for the first time. I saw the flag and the kettle on the stove. And I remembered what I thought. Izars have a way of making places their home. And in just a few weeks, this little district was starting to feel like home. Maybe it's because of how similar it felt to Eleven. Or maybe it's because of the people I have to leave behind.

Day one I thought I was going to ride a bull. I thought I'd somehow prove something by doing it. At first, I didn't know what I was proving. Was I proving my bravery? Or perhaps my strength? No, I wasn't proving any of that. I was trying to prove that I deserved to be Raquel Izars sister. Even if it wasn't a conscious effort, that's what I was doing. There's no avoiding it.

Raquel is the bravest and strongest person I had ever met. When I was younger, Papa used to compare me to her. Luckily, he realised how much it bugged me. Being compared to Raquel would be an honor. But it was one I was undeserving of. It made me feel guilty, it made me feel like I had all of these expectations. Even if Papa didn't say it anymore, I had already internalised some of those expectations. I just wanted to prove something to Raquel, to everyone. Maybe that's why I failed.

At the shooting range, I did so much better. And maybe that was because I genuinely wanted to do it. Not to prove anything to myself. Not to show I was or wasn't like Raquel. I did it entirely for Sofia, for fun. And maybe that was why I was like Raquel. Maybe it was what Papa saw in both us. Courageousness. I had never even touched a gun before then, but I took a leap of faith and look what happened. I did pretty damn good for a salon owner who showed up with hair done, makeup done, even my nails done.

And of course, there was meeting Lorenzo. Part of me wondered if he was what made me want to stay. I hoped he was the reason. I hoped he wasn't the reason. I had called him a bimbo when speaking to Mateo. I didn't think our date was serious. I didn't take him serious. But then, on the date, I felt something. Nothing profound, not some movie moment where I thought he was the one. It was probably just a hint of puppy-love. But it's been so long I almost forgot what even childish crushes felt like.

I wasn't planning to write to him after I got home, but I felt like I should now. We were just going to be friends. That was it, just friends. But, maybe being friends with him would be good, for both of us. We balanced each other out well. He was soft, he was sweet and funny and could make me smile. I could be a bit... rough. But I was also independent and I was willing to fight for what I needed, what I wanted, what was right. Maybe we were just what the other one needed in a friend.

I took a deep breath as I sat on a log near the now-extinguished bonfire one last time. I silently said goodbye to District Ten. A silent goodbye to the bull who bested me. A silent goodbye to Chiquita's siblings who found their own homes. A silent goodbye to Lorenzo. And hopefully, a silent goodbye to the part of me that wanted to desperately to be like Raquel. Then again, maybe that last one was too much to ask for. And then, I got onto the train. As we left, I watched out the windows as District Ten faded into nothingness. Goodbye, my second home.

[ 716 words ]