dancing on the razor's edge {flynn/aurora}

[k!ah]

On the train I sit in one of the chairs, fingers digging into expensive leather I wait for the door to slide open. My heart raced in my chest, and beads of sweat formed on my brow and coated my palms. As the ceremony came to an end I had barely heard anything. And then in the justice building the reality set in, my mother and father rushing into the room with tears in their eyes. Instantly Mum had pulled me into her arms, holding me tightly against her.

"I'm trying to understand why you did it," she whispered against the crown of my head. "I know you are for Nina... But- But Aurora why did you do this?" She unwraps her arms from around me, kneeling before me and looking up at me with glassy, tear-filled eyes, eyes that were identical to my own. "Aurora... I- I'm not ready to lose you," her voice breaks and my father places a hand between her shoulder blades.

"I didn't mean to hurt you guys. Honestly. I- I just couldn't- she would have been murdered... and... and after everything she has done for me- for us... I," my voice breaks and suddenly I feel so small, fighting the urge to crawl into my mother's arms because was here because of a decision I made. "Mum, she would have died," I reach out for her wrist, pulling her closer to me. "She would have died." I don't think I fully understood the weight behind the decision I made today. I don't think I would understand until I stood in the arena and the world turned to shit around me.

Tears run down my cheek and she pulls me back into her arms, running a soothing hand comfortingly up and down my back. "Oh, honey." She doesn't say much after that, just sat with me until a peacekeeper knocked on the door mumbling that time was up and that the train was to depart shortly. As she pulls away she brushes a kiss on my brow my father wrapping an arm around my shoulder. He hadn't said a word since entering the room, leaving the room as silently as he had entered. Mum pauses, looking over her shoulder I would see the hurt and the frustration that danced in the depths of her sapphire orbs.

"I love you honey," is all she says, the door closing quietly behind her.

The carriage door slides open and the memories of early today dissipate and I am on my feet, arms across my chest ready for a fight. "Flynn," I start as he enters the car, "look I don't have to explain myself."

[ griffin ]

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

FLYNN GARNER
YEAR OF THE 89TH

This is the first reaping that one of my sister’s is in. After the bombings and Robin, I would not be surprised about the rumors of the Capitol’s rigged reapings to tear apart victors. There have been so many victor relatives, it cannot be a coincidence. I have the anxiety of that and the anxiety of a repeat of last year. Still, Teddy Ursa is quiet as ever on the stage. So incredibly numb to everything. I do not ever want to get like that. It is not human. It is not right. I will remember them all. Their faces. Their names and their stories. And the exact way that they all die.

I can never get used to standing on the stage every year, faces staring up and me. Their faces will age over the years, the young ones will move to the back to make room for the next crop for the Capitol to play with. The club are slowly moving further and further back. Just three or four more years. Just Six years for Dorothy but there is still the whole near decade for my youngest sister to go through. The club know never to volunteer. Never to do what I did. There will never be a dare like that. We swore to it.

"Aurora Emerson"

But Aurora is not in the club. She is a different type of a friend. She doesn’t know the rules.

I just can’t look at her without frowning as she walks up to the stage. ”What are you doing?” I mouth at her. I can’t do this. Why has she done this to me?

It is only when I am escorted to the train station that I can finally confront Aurora about volunteering. All the questions have been building up and all I can see in my head is Robin’s death with Aurora’s face instead of his. I am preparing myself for the worst. It is only going to be in a few weeks. No, it’s not!

”But you owe me a explanation Aurora!” I slam the sliding carriage door behind me. ”You saw what happened to Robin. What were you thinking?” I don’t know where to go, where to stand or to even sit at the table with her. I just pace up and down the carriage. ”You can’t do this Aurora. You are so stupid!” Maybe it’s the sweat from my brow that is drowning my eyes or I have finally cracked and the tears are on show for the cameras once again.

[k!ah]

The sound of the door slamming forces me to flinch, the bravado I wore slipping slightly. When I first met him, the slamming of a door would have sent a wave of satisfaction through me, but now, as I look at his face, I feel my cheeks flush and my lips purse defiantly. I felt like a child who was about to get scolded- and perhaps that is exactly what was about to occur.

”But you owe me an explanation Aurora!” Deep down I knew he was right. I did owe him some sort of excuse for me being here when I had watched him over the last year. Watched how tormented he had been at the loss of his tributes, especially Robin. I guess if I were to put myself in his shoes I would be demanding an answer too. But I was a stubborn, petty girl and I felt my resistance levels growing, my arms tightening against my chest.

He's pacing now, and I throw myself back into the armchair, throwing one leg over the other. ”You saw what happened to Robin. What were you thinking?”

I was saving my sister's life, I want to scream at him, but bite my tongue, staring up at him as he reaches the end of the car, spinning to march back down towards me, only to repeat the process.

”You can’t do this Aurora."

"It's too late for that," I mumble under my breath as he rounds on me once again.

"You are so stupid!”

That's when I get mad, pushing myself to my feet I round on him, anger rushing through me as I close the distance between us, not giving him room to escape. "I am not stupid!" I growl, "I am not-" it's only then, when I am a foot away, that I notice the tears that had begun to well, the anger that surged within faltering. My glare softens and I back away a step, maybe pushing him away was the wrong move to make. Maybe it was in my best interest to open up to him, even if the result was him simply not hating me.

I didn't want him to hate me. Not after everything that we had gone through, overcome to get where we were now.

"Flynn- I- I had to protect her. Nina. I only did what I had to do," I pause, a sigh escaping my lips as I slide down into the armchair closest to me. "She's like a sister to me... And she would never even have a chance at surviving in the arena. I only did what you did a couple of years ago, saved my family."

[ griffin ]

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

FLYNN GARNER
YEAR OF THE 89TH

There are not enough tables in this carriage for me to flip. There is not enough floor space for me to keep pacing. There is just not enough time for me to comprehend that an actual friend is about to go into the arena, by their own choice. I thought I would be the perfect example of why not to volunteer. It is not like I have been living the typical luxurious victor life, I am back at school!

Aurora pounces with the familiar aggressive stance, forcing my pacing to end. I know she will not be afraid to fire a fist straight into my eye, but I am probably the only person on this train who will spend every hour over the next few days that we have trying to help her. I pull my crossed arms tight against my chest, my gaze low as we are just a short foot stood away from each other.

”- I only did what you did a couple of years ago, saved my family." I have set everything in stone now, laying out a trend that has proven to be successful by the unlikely thirteen-year-old. But how many of the hundreds of tributes that have volunteered done it to save someone else, and failed? I was just lucky. It was just luck. Nothing else but luck.

”But now who is going to save you, Aurora?” I surrender to one of the leather seats, snatching a napkin from the table before sitting down. One napkin is not enough to dry my cheeks, it is too early for me to hold onto composure. I am young, naïve and emotional. That’s going to be my excuse every year that there is another Robin…another Aurora. ”You are not indestructible just because you can’t feel pain.”

There have been a few days where she has not been there in class, admitted to the hospital for one reason or another. We have spoken about her condition before, the research books have nothing. No breakthroughs. Though what a life that is, one where there is no such thing as pain… ”You will feel a lot of things in that arena, a lot more worse than a stinging wound or an aching knee! I just can’t believe this. I can’t lose you.” I am back in the usual position, face buried in the table. I am breaking already but I need to toss aside this selfish tantrum and try and help her. Try harder than I did for the first two.

[k!ah]

”But now who is going to save you, Aurora?” He asks, falling into one of the chairs and I stare at him wordlessly, my mouth opening and closing looking for an answer that we both knew I wouldn't find. When I had taken Nina's hand in mine I had not thought about who would save me because I think I knew that I would not be saved. I think I knew the moment I took that step forward that it was signing the death certificate that would be handed to my parents as a coffin that was too small was lowered into my grave.

"I don't know," my voice is quiet, small as I take the seat next to him as he dabs his cheeks with a napkin, an attempt to dry cheeks that would not dry due to the fresh wave of tears that ran down them. Watching him I felt my own eyes begin to well with tears, my throat closing as I fought back a cry, that would show him just how scared I was when I needed to show him that I was strong. Refusing to allow him to see how scared I was, especially when it was my fault that he was hurting and that he would no doubt feel a lot more pain before this was over.

”You are not indestructible just because you can’t feel pain.” No, I wasn't and I had the scars to prove it, the burns that covered my palms were a constant reminder that even though I wouldn't feel the pain, my body was not indestructible, but more fragile than those around me. Mum and dad had spent years wrapping me in bubble wrap, terrified that I would become a statistic and find an early grave... and I guess maybe they were right to be, seeing I was on the train to my execution.

Head buried in his arms his next words cause my bravado to crack, a whine escaping my lips as I fought back tears, "I just can’t believe this. I can’t lose you.” A tear runs down my cheek and I hastily wipe it away, rubbing at my eyes and taking deep breathes until I felt myself become in control once again.

"Flynn," I say, my voice breaking on his name, my eyes glues to my hands that that were tightly balled in my lap. "I am sorry. I am so sorry- I never wanted to hurt you. Your friendship means so much to me." And it did, for so long, I pushed and pushed at people, never letting them closer than arm's length. I was that weird kid covered in bruises, always in the hospital. So as a defensive strategy, I lashed out with my words and a sharp attitude.

"Please don't be mad at me."

[ griffin ]

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

FLYNN GARNER
YEAR OF THE 89TH

”It is hard not to be mad at you when you’re sat here.” It is not like all those times that she got me into detention with Mrs Baxter or when I was late to classes because she had something to show me down the hallway. ”None of this is a schoolyard game, It is all real. There is no sugar cream coating about the Hunger Games, even if the Capitol folks you are about to meet say so. Every moment from now is real.”

I peel my face from the table, there is a tiny puddle of a tears on the surface, and I am sure if I was wearing some kind of eye make up right now it would be completely ruined. I can spend the next few days sulking or I can help Aurora. I have learned from what I did with Robin. What I did wrong with Robin. I can do better; I have no choice but to do better.

”Just promise now that you will listen too everything me and Teddy tell you. We are the only help you are gonna get” I snatch another napkin, wiping away the remnants of my emotions that have stained the table, making way for the strategy that is slowly building in my head. ”What even are you good at? Other than getting yourself into trouble?”