the start of the end.— [abel/katelyn]

[Deleted]

Numb.

I felt numb. After the initial adrenaline of volunteering and saying goodbye to my family had passed, all that was left was a sense of numbness. I was really walking onto the train. Leaving behind my district, everything I had ever known. I was leaving my family, my friends, my entire life behind. Because even if I won, I knew my life wouldn't be the same after. I'd have to be a fool to believe that.

When we first got on the train, I stayed with everyone else. But then the numbness was starting to become too much to handle. It was like there was a fog over my vision, making it impossible to focus on anything. And as the victors and my partner spoke, I could tell what they were talking but it all sounded like gibberish. It was almost like I was under water. I was drowning, and no one around me could tell. I was in a trance.

I suddenly got up, I needed to figure things out. I needed to be alone. Suddenly I couldn't stand any of their voices. Without saying anything, I left the compartment and started heading through the train. I only went a couple compartments down, just so I didn't get myself lost and I sat down. I held my face in my hands. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or scream or both. But, I didn't do either. After all, I had no one to blame but myself.

Six looked like he wanted to cry from the moment his name was called. And he had a right to cry, fate had chosen him to die. But I didn't have that luxury, I made my own bed. And I didn't know why. In the Justice Building, Prop scolded me. I made up an excuse about how I'd live and he'd die. But how could I be so certain? Because of a theory I had about God? That's all it was, a theory. And I might die over it.

I needed to figure out some sort of plan and I needed to figure it out quick. I told Prop I'd come back. And embarrassing my dad by volunteering just to die first would be the worst thing I could do. And Cain, he'd be disappointed in me too. I couldn't disappoint them. But, I wasn't exactly the biggest guy out there. Sure, I'm athletic. But, look at my physique versus the guy who killed Six last year - Julian Le Roux. He'd probably kill me too if he wasn't dead. I just had to figure things out.

I was so lost in my worries and panic, I didn't realise I wasn't alone in the compartment after a moment. My head was still in my hands as I tried to keep my breathing even. I wasn't going to cry. Even if no one else was around to see it, O'Malley men weren't supposed to cry. Yes, I cried after Six died, but even then I waited until I was alone in my room. I muttered to myself, trying to pull myself together.

"C'mon Abel, grow the fuck up and calm down..."

[ table by griffin ]

[charade]

k a t e l y n .

Darker times will come and go
Times you need to see her smile
And mothers' hands are warm and mild

Somehow, the annual stress of attending the games had not gotten to her this year. Katelyn wasn’t sure if was because she’d finally made her peace with everything she’d gone through, because she was in love, because she knew what happiness was at last or some combination of the three. In any case, it was a wonderful feeling. Still, her heart went out to the tributes.

Especially Abel.

Katelyn wondered briefly if the Capitol had finally tired of whittling away the Izar clan and had set their sights on the O’Malley’s. Underdogs from impoverished districts made great drama for television, as long as they didn’t win. History repeated itself, and perhaps they were now torturing Kassandra with a family she couldn’t save, much as they’d done to Katelyn herself.

The boy had entered the car she was in with a face crinkled with emotion he was trying to hold in. They rarely managed to do that. Katelyn’d buried enough tributes over the years to know that. He was muttering reassurances to himself in an attempt to stay calm. Admirable. Keeping a level head was the first step towards getting home. Too many tributes had lost themselves, or tried to be something they were not before cracking under the pressure.

“It’s okay to not be okay, Abel. I’m not going to judge you for it. My name's Katelyn Persimmon.”

It was surreal really, to be talking to a tribute too young to remember when she was a hellraiser. Back when she’d guided Kirito and Harbinger home in consecutive years. As far as kids these days were probably concerned, she was just that blond victor that had been the district’s first one in decades. The one who ran a bakery. Or maybe kids his age read the tabloids and knew about the engagement with Opal Shore. She wanted to shake her head. How was it that the 69th had been twenty years ago when she remembered the snowflakes and the blood like it was yesterday?

She supposed the boy was brave; volunteering for a cousin was something she could understand a lot more than just volunteering for a stranger to chase fame and glory. It was likely that the full weight of his decision was hitting him now. She glanced down at her arms, and the names that were tattooed there. All of The tributes from her games. Around her neck were the names of the three lives she had taken.

Chaske Parks, Dillon Hartman and Margaret Dubois.

She still carried their memories. But she was no longer haunted by their ghosts. Perhaps that was a part of getting older too. Laying those things to rest. It had taken her years to be able to do that, but she thankful she did. “Do you want to talk about it? That’s what I’m here for. To listen and offer guidance.” Maybe a few other things too; she’d stopped bringing fudge to the train a few years ago, but there were plenty of other desserts she was well versed in. A moment later and she’d taken the tin out of her bag.

“Would you like a slice of cherry pie?”

[Deleted]

I didn't even realise Katelyn was in here until she spoke. And when she did speak, I froze. Suddenly I felt exposed. Like I had shown some sort of weakness, even if it was to be expected in my position. I couldn't stand the thought of that. Weakness was frowned upon back home. I needed to be strong for my siblings and my parents. I slowly lifted my head out of my hands and cleared my throat, my facial expression being forced to a neutral one.

"Except I'm perfectly okay, Katelyn. Judgement or not."

I forced a polite smile to my face, the type of smile used when starting a new job or meeting new people. A very fake, type of a smile. A smile I had learned to master over the years. Yet, I was worried this time it wouldn't be enough. She had seen me just a moment ago. Scared. I was still scared, no matter how much I tried to hide it. No matter how good I was at hiding my emotions, my eyes would always give it away.

"It's a pleasure to meet you though. I'd introduce myself, but you obviously already know who I am."

Despite me insisting I was okay, she continued on, offering to talk things out. Maybe talking things out would help. Maybe for once in my life I could stop holding things in. Talking to my mom about stuff just always somehow led back to the Bible instead of whatever I was dealing with. Cain would just laugh and think I was joking. And talking to my dad? About emotions? That would end poorly, so I never even bothered trying that route.

But, I didn't want to talk things out yet anyway. She claimed I could trust her, but I wasn't convinced. Maybe if I had a reason to trust her, but for now I kept myself guarded. Though, her mentioning pie got my attention. I had a relatively healthy diet, at least based off of what we could afford. Sweets were a rarity - not because of cost but rather because of health. And some pie sounded nice, sounded comforting. A way for comfort without ever having to ask for help.

"There's nothing to talk about. I chose to be here, that's all there is to it. But, I'd like a slice of pie if you don't mind."

Out of Cain and I, I was always the quieter one. I remember Prop used to joke I was just his shadow. And honestly, he wasn't wrong. When I spoke, I was usually straightforward and to the point. Unless, after thinking things out, it was smarter to beat around the bush. For example, when dealing with Pa it was a lot of the times safer to avoid giving him direct answers - especially if it was because I was doing something I shouldn't have been.

"Thank you, Katelyn. At home, my dad wants us to eat healthy. Especially those of us planning to be Peacekeepers."

[ table by griffin ]