genesis 4:1-16 {cain&abel jb}

[bailee]

CAIN.

Amongst the many things racing through my brain after this mornings events unfolded, the number one thing was how I planned on beating the shit out of Prop O'Malley the next time I saw him.

In front of the looming doors of the Justice Building, I crossed my arms as I let out a large huff, the hairs sticking to my sweating forehead taking caution to the wind as a Peacekeeper instructed me on how my visit with my little brother was going to go. I absent-mindedly nodded along as he lectured me on the rules and regulations of the Justice Building. 

For the life of me, I could not understand what possessed Abel to volunteer for Prop. Abel wasn't the type of boy to make some great noble sacrifice - especially not for someone like Prop, who made his dislike for his cousins very known, especially myself. I had my reservations about him even following my lead in heading off to becoming a Peacekeeper - as much as I loved my little brother, he was a wallflower. Someone who blended in with the crowd. A follower. 

Something within him had changed, and I had an inkling that dear cousin Prop may have had something to do with it. 

The Peacekeeper finished his lecture and opened the doors, allowing me to step in and feel the cool air of imminent death that loomed over Abel. His expression was impenetrable - I could not sense any thought behind his mind, what impulsive decision drove him to volunteering, why any of us were in the situation we were. Frusturation grew within me - I felt powerless.

Instead of watching Prop die like fate should have intended, I would be watching my little brother enter a death pit, and there was nothing I could do about it. For the first time in my life, I thought maybe we didn't have any control over our destinies. I couldn't turn back time to stop Abel from volunteering. Here he was - the tribute of District Eleven, Capitol bound.

He likely would never end up making it to Peacekeeper training with me now.

"You are the dumbest motherfucker I know," I told him, my arms still crossed as my brow furrowed. "What the fuck did Prop ever do to make him deserving of your noble sacrifice?"

[Deleted]

I was starting to believe that Cain might not show up to say goodbye. Prop and Hook had already come and gone. So when I heard the door open once again, I thought it was going to be yet another cousin. I hoped it was Ma, Pa, or Cain. But, so far my hopes had led to disappointment previously. I ended up having arguments with both Prop and Hook, they both seemed so grateful I saved his life. Then they wonder why our sides of the family don't get along.

When I saw that it was in fact Cain, my eyes lit up a bit. He hadn't forgotten about me after all. He looked stressed to say the least. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I expected to see him beaming with pride that I volunteered. But instead, he looked angry and stressed. It reminded me of Prop, though I knew that even on a good day Cain didn't want compared to him - let alone today of all days.

You are the dumbest motherfucker I know.

Ouch. That one hurt me to hear. I was expecting something else. Some sort of congratulations, or maybe him wishing me luck. I know our family isn't big on hugs, but even that would have been better than what he said. I frowned slightly, but I tried not to let my disappointment show too much. I thought he'd be proud of me. I thought I was finally proving myself to him and Pa. This wasn't supposed to happen.

What the fuck did Prop ever do to make him deserving of your noble sacrifice?

The sarcasm and malice towards Prop in his voice was palpable. I wanted to explain myself, but I knew that Cain wouldn't understand. Though, I couldn't lie to him. Yes I lied to Prop and Hook, but this was different. Cain was my brother, my role model, the person I've looked up to for as long as I could remember. I didn't want my last conversation with him to be filled with lies.

"You're going to think this sounds stupid... but I might as well explain myself, Cain. I didn't volunteer for Prop, I volunteered for our family as a whole. Six died because God deemed it so. Six died because our cousins, our aunt, and our uncle have lost their way. When Winger O'Malley died, that's when our family got started on this path, right?"

I took a deep breath, to let what I was saying so far sink in and to make sure that Cain was still following along.

"And since we've been on this path, the O'Malleys have been safe. We were chosen by God to be Peacekeepers, Cain. And then our aunt and uncle messed it all up and boom, two of our cousins picked in a row. God is killing them until they repent. Yet, I have nothing to repent for. God chose me to volunteer and to live to show them the right way. We both know I wasn't meant to be a Peacekeeper, because God chose me to win the Game instead. If I didn't volunteer, our cousins would keep dying one by one. What if it wasn't Prop? What if it was one of the little ones like Eleven or Scrum?"


That was the most I've said at once in a while, but I felt like it needed to be said. I gave Cain a hug, which I didn't often do. But I needed a hug from him. Maybe it would just piss him off more or be a sign of weakness, but I didn't care. I needed it, and I was going to be leaving soon. There was nothing either of us could do about it regardless. I had made my bed and now I must lie in it.

"I wouldn't give up my life for Prop. I know I can win it. You believe I can, don't you?"

[ table by griffin ]

[bailee]

CAIN.

If Abel was right about anything, it was that he sounded goddamn stupid.

To me, there was no other option other than being a Peacekeeper. My older sibling had just finished their training. Expectant eyes looked to me to be the next in line, to continue my father's legacy. It was a fate I had long come to terms with - in fact, accepted it with open arms.

I had a feeling Abel's impulsivity in volunteering in Prop's place may have had something to do with his refusal to accept his. Abel has always been a follower - picking up on my language, my posture, my habits, my actions. He's always said he's wanted to be a Peacekeeper - but did he really? Or was it just him convincing himself that he wanted to be in order to feel accepted?

His words - we had lost our paths. We had, but God had nothing to do with it. As Cliff O'Malley would always put it - Marcellus O'Malley wasn't bred the same way our family was. Their paths were the humble farmers - the types who served God in the most modest and conservative way possible. Our family were strong - we were the strong ones, the outspoken ones, the ones who fought for what was right and didn't take no for an answer.

God doesn't determine our fate. We do. 

But perhaps Abel had spent too much time around our weird lil' cousin Scrum. He felt he was being a martyr - doing a service to God by volunteering.

Yeah. He had definitely spent too much time around our cousins. And now the damage was irreversible, and I was going to watch my little brother die just like I watched my little cousin Six die last year.

Abel took me in his embrace, and I wrapped my arms around him, but I couldn't muster the energy to apply pressure to let him know that I was there, that I would reassure him.

He was being stupid, and he deserved to know it.

"You don't actually believe in any of that horseshit, do you?" I backed away from him, the tone in my tone rude and accusatory. "You think because you're not cut out to be a Peacekeeper you're prophesized to be a fucking victor?"

I cleared my throat and continued. "You think you have a chance at becoming a victor? C'mon, even someone to the likes of Prop could have their leg broken by a victor and you think you have a chance."

"I love you to pieces, brother, but be realistic. God chose Prop for a reason. And now I have to watch you die for him. How fucking unfair."

I backed even further away from Abel. One thing Abel knew was that I wasn't afraid to give him a reality check. 

The poor kid is gonna be scared shitless now.

[Deleted]

"Cain I... no, don't say that..."

I felt a panic enter me that I had never felt before. This was worse than anything Pa had ever made me feel. No matter how drunk or mean he was, Pa had never terrified me the way that Cain just had. He sounded so sure. His voice was confident as he foretold my death. As though there were no other option except for me dying. I didn't know what to think, how to feel. I felt my world crumbling around me.

You think you have a chance at becoming a victor?

I had a feeling enter me I had never felt before. Suddenly my chest felt tight and it was like my throat was closing, as if I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was going on as I started taking short, quick breath. My panic was increasing by the second and I could feel the walls of the Justice Building closing in on me - forming my coffin. I suddenly leaned against the wall for support, as though I was too weak to stand. Later I would find out I had a panic attack, but at the moment? I had no clue what was happening, it had never happened before.

I love you to pieces, brother, but be realistic.

I tried to calm myself, knowing that this would be just as bad in Pa's mind as crying would be, but the panic wouldn't stop coming. My vocal cords felt tense, making it near impossible to speak. But, I had to get the words out as my hands began to shake like a leaf. Was I dying? Was the fear of what Cain told me enough to kill me? Would they make Prop go in regardless if I died right here? Finally, I spoke, my voice tight.

"Cain.. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I don't know what's happenin', but I can do it! I won't die- I won't die- You were supposed to be proud, why aren't you proud!? You and Pa were finally going to be proud!"

That was all I managed to get out before speaking became to hard again. My head suddenly felt like it was pounding. I managed to stop leaning against the wall and instead held my head in my hands. I told myself to just breathe and I forced deep breaths in and out, though the choking feeling wouldn't subside. I told myself no matter what I couldn't cry here. That would just be proving Cain right. And he wasn't, I was going to live. Even if he didn't believe in me.

[ table by griffin ]