underdog's bite :: laurence jb

[Deleted]

I don't know if I'm ready to meet our next victor. 

Nah, I'm lying, that kid looks about as scrawny as I am. Part of me shrunk when I heard the volunteer, I'm one of few living tributes you know? It never leaves the back of my mind, I'm with my uncle in the back of the crowd with the rest of the adults. When I say I'm not the only one who gasped I'm not lying -- what the hell is this kid thinking? 

That's the first thing I thought, at least. I had just started settling back into my heels, it wasn't Jasper or Jimmy, it wasn't Norbert or a Pepperwood. My boxes were ticked eight seconds before the plot twist. 

Honestly, I don't even know if it was that long! 

There's not much family in the hall for this kid, and I know that feeling. Stings a bit, something that lingers in the back of your head when you're in there. I don't wait around after the p.k. unlocks the door for me, "five minutes, yeah?"

"Six now."

"Impressive," a whole sixty seconds more. I'm already grinning as I walk through the door, tossing my old polaroid camera at the kid in front of me. "Laurence, right? Now, what do you think you're doin', bud?" And I think I get it, a bit more than I wish. I heard about this kid's mother a while back, the man I bought my goats from asked if I had money to spare. 

I didn't, our penchants don't work that way. 

Still, all the money I've got is what comes from my farm. Best thing I can offer is a beat up decade old camera. 

"You can keep that if you want by the way," the film's already replaced. Just like with Oberon - I can't tell if it's a good luck charm or not. Ob found himself backstabbed dead in an early grave (literally) and I didn't exactly come back in one piece with it myself. 

And so I'm looking at this Laurence kid holding it - third times the charm, yeah? 

---

[ arx!! ]

[arx!!]

laurence woodruff.

I don't know how to tell him that he makes me angry. And that I don't think I can fix it and that I don't think he can fix it, no matter how many times I remind myself that he's done all this before, that he's died, that he may not be a victor but everyone in District 10 looks at him as if he were at least adjacent to that, and I know my Mom would be disappointed in me for acting without thinking, but he's smiling so wide it makes my fucking face hurt and I had someone three times my size bash mine in yesterday.

So, yeah, when he tosses this camera at me and decides 'bud' is what he's gonna call me when he's asking me- why? -as if the answer wasn't the most obvious fucking thing in the world?

He pisses me off. He makes me so fucking mad, madder than hell and lately, saying things loudly has made me feel a lot better than when I'm sitting around and thinking, thinking, always fucking thinking.

Never doing. Always sitting around and waiting and watching and sitting by and never saying a fucking thing because it's all hopeless, right?

"Why's everybody so fucking okay with it?" I shout, shoving his camera into his chest.

"Why are all of you so okay with it?"

I curse under my breath except I hear it bounce around some of the empty hallways. I pause to take an extra breath so I can force the rest of my words.

"I'm so sick of losing."

And I have to yank the camera away from him again because I don't want to stand there waiting for him to take it back when my voice just cracked and the tears are starting to well up again.

"Whatever." I huff, waving him off and walking myself toward the train.

"Thanks for the-" I mutter the rest to myself and try not to get angry all over again.

"Useless piece of complicated plastic."

So maybe I do know how to tell him that he makes me angry. But I think if he asked me why I'd have to take a swing at him.

No shot I'd tell him it's because I want what he has.

"though the tongue tastes good my grammar's falling from the cheeks."

♪

@fabulousraven