last words from a sewn mouth | cecily's interview

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

5f cecily deerling | interview ;

set the scene — the infamous rebel has finally made her public debut. there are snide comments both spoken to her face, and whispered out of earshot. the media has already picked apart the footage of her escape attempt. it's quite strange, how disgraceful it is to run away from an untimely death. she has no choice in this, and she wonders bleakly if she ever will. when they finally loosen the shackles around her wrists, it feels a little like freedom. like she has regained control of her hands, and if she dared, she could steal the sun.

she likes to think she could.

until the rawness of it starts to sink in, and the pain hurts so deeply that it can only try to numb itself. the cage door opens, and she leaves with her hair in neat waves, and a sad smile on her face, outlined in red. she has received instructions to be on her best behavior, and that alone is enough to make her want to start running again. she's in uncharted territory now. the battle has ended, but she's missed her chance to wave a white flag. everything is ruined, and stained, and she feels nothing like herself.

"what do you say?" her eyes meet gavin's as they are escorted down a long hall, shoulders brushing in the quiet. "should we make a run for the roof?" she whispers it, and winks for good measure. the war has ended, and this is what they're left with. having hope feels a lot like holding glass. but she is free of her chains, and that's something worth celebrating. so she smiles, and hooks her pinkie with his. the audience cheers, and the crescendo swallows all else.

it's a kind of drowning.

---

name: cecily deerling
district: five
age: eighteen

I must say, your District made quite the splash at the Tribute Parade. Tell us what you were feeling up there! Confident, nervous, excited?

"Nervous, obviously." The coldness of her words seems more severe in this light, like the audience is desperate for a reason to hate her. "But, uh, yeah. The dress was really pretty. But I'm not fond of crowds, so I can't lie and say I'm particularly ecstatic."

How confident do you feel about the games now that you've seen your Training Score?

"I got a Two. Out of Twelve." She shrugs, defeated in the way that she can't even bring herself to care anymore. "What else is there to say? Don't place your bets on me."

What about the other tributes? Intimidating? Interesting? Irritating?

"I don't know them." Her jaw tightens, voice sharp and precise. "Gavin's cool. Bit of a brat, but," she smiles in the sisterly way she had always felt jealous of. "He's my friend. And I'm grateful he took a chance on me."

What has impressed you most about the Capitol since you've been here?

"The security is great." She quirks an eyebrow, almost daring them to challenge her. "I feel incredibly safe in the Capitol."

Tell us what a typical day in your shoes is like back home. Do you work? Do you have any hobbies or secret talents?

"I've always been an introvert. Not a lot of talent, just book smarts." She glances at her heels, wills time to move faster. "I read, and I keep to myself. This whole experience has been very nostalgic for me."

What about romance? Cute as you are, I bet there is someone back home waiting, right?

"No." Her mind flashes back, thinks of his arms around her and the terrifying realization that they've never even had their first kiss. Never might stay never*. And they can't know his part in her crime. "I'm not interested in any of that."

And your family. Sensitive subject, I'm sure, but... could you tell us about them?

"I live with my aunt. My father was never in the picture, and Mom died a couple years back." She feels lonely in a way that sinks beneath the surface. "I guess it's just me now. Is what it is."

I want to know: What is it that you'll be fighting for in that arena? What is it you want to get back home to?

"I'll fight." The silence is a wound opening up. It bleeds. "And that's enough."

I'm afraid we're almost out of time. Parting words to the crowd? The tributes? Your friends and family back home?

"See you on the other side." Scary as it might be. It's waiting for her either way.

( tell me, cecily deerling,
do you regret what you've done?

never.* )