embers of hell {Maddox vs Cecily Day 7}

[Knuckles]

It's loud, almost like a thunder crashing through the sky, but what follows is different. For the first time Maddox sees the forcefield surrounding the arena. Seeing it is strange, knowing that they're held in like a caged animal makes it near impossible to breathe, but that is the purpose. Being trapped inside the walls of this terrible place until only one remains. It's all part of the game. Everyone is playing even those who think they're innocent.

A heavy sigh leaves their chest as they throw the tarp out on the ground again. The rain hasn't stopped, the wind is terrible, and now the only thing on their mind is making it through the night. As soon as the tarp hits the ground, Maddox wraps themself inside it. Of course, it doesn't do much to shield them from the rain, but it is better than being drenched head to toe, and who knows, maybe it'll give them a chance to sleep.

They almost miss the anthem, but their eyes turn towards the sky to see the faces of the four fallen. Only one hurts the most. Losing a piece of home is never fun, yet they know it had to happen, and at least it wasn't them making the kill. This offers the chance to focus on themself completely without worrying about someone else. District Ten is counting on them, and Maddox doesn't want to let them down.

This game is coming to an end, and they know what must be done.

Maddox tucks themself away into the tarp resting next to a tree. It doesn't offer much in terms of shielding them from the elements, but at least it'll keep them somewhat dry until morning.

The next morning brings pain. A dried, cracked tongue sticks to the roof of their mouth, and they know they desperately need something to drink. They know it is important to taste the water hiding in their bag. It would be easy to do it now, but at the moment the only thing on their mind is making it to a new location. Staying still for too long is dangerous. Moving around is dangerous.

Living in this stupid arena is dangerous.

Soon the greenery of the area before slowly fades away into the background, and Maddox finds themself standing on these gentle rolling hills. It's almost sad. Trees are dead. They're falling apart, and the volcanic ash makes it near impossible to breathe. Something terrible happened here, and it's still alive and breathing.

This place offers no place to hide, and Maddox wants to turn around and run the other way, but maybe this is what they want. The Gamemakers know everything. They know what happens before it happens.

Everything always happens for a reason, but why?

Why were they chosen?

Why do they have to face this alone?

Maddox barely has any friends back home, and being alone in this place is killing their mind. It's hard not to think about the reaping day when they finally gave the world their name, but the face of their parents, Ma and Pa staring at them wondering what their precious child had done.

They didn't even come to say goodbye.

What if this is goodbye?

The grip around the spear tightens, and for a moment it feels as though the little world they've been living in is going to explode.

Everything happens for a reason.

It's hard to stand. It's hard to move. Hard to think, but they're here fighting another day, and all they desire is to make it home to share with the world that it is okay to be different when nobody else thinks so.

But how?

A pause is all it takes, and that is when they see her. Someone is coming, and they're going to be right upon them within a matter of seconds. There isn't any place to hide. It's clear the only option is to fight, to figure out if they have the strength to survive.

This is more than trying to find their way in life.

It's about showing Ma and Pa that their precious child is capable of standing their ground.

All it takes is a deep inhale, and then as they exhale, Maddox raises the spear and charges. Fear will only hold them back while stupidity carries them forward. They only hope the rain doesn't drag them down to the pits of hell forever.

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with spear
u6dNppXQz4spear
{ 3126 -- Shallow Cut on Back -- 4.0 damage }

spear

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

"Listen to me."

Her spear collides, and there are sparks.

"I'm coming for you."

But the cruel thing about fire is that it goes out. For a moment, when everything is taken from her, she's terrified of it. Gavin's corpse is held in her embrace, embers kissing snow, and she can't stop herself from staring at the wall of flames where Aneesa and Sasha have been erased from her life. She doesn't know what to do now that she can't reach for them. Can't hear them. Can't see them.

Then the forcefield ripples, and the machine steps through. In her sleep, hours after the end, she remembers the way all the wreckage had been reflected across its face. A grave reminder that as much as she wants to blame the Capitol for her tragedies, the blood is on her hands — the blood will always be on her hands. She speaks like her words have enough power to rip through the barrier, drives her weapon through steel, all the while pretending that she can still face the Capitol on her own.

Under a cloud of smoke, she clutches to Gavin, tracing the lines of his constellation with teary eyes. In the night sky, she could find him anywhere. She can hear the whir of a hovercraft, approaching over the trees, and she tries to make her peace with the knowledge that this might be the last time she ever sees him. Part of her wants to damn it all, and just keep fighting. What else is there to lose? And how is she supposed to let him go?

Rationally, she knows that she is a flight risk — a risk that has been monitored, and confirmed as a real and present danger. If the gamemakers have their way, Cecily Deerling will die in the cage she tried so desperately to break.

Selfishly, she knows that she cannot accept that — even as she stares at the dying inferno, the skeleton of a burnt out car emerging from the blaze, watching ashes dance on the wind. Even traumatized, she wants to live.

Even coming to terms with being a failure, a bad omen, she tries to convince herself that there's still something to fight for. In the rearview mirror — a pretty memory, sunlight washing over her, Sasha in the driver's seat — death stares at her. She's a kid, and she's scared, and within that terror she goes and kills all of her friends. Because she was willing to do anything. No matter the cost.

Her fingers curl around strands of dark hair, she presses her forehead to her best friend's chest and pretends like his heart will start beating again. Pretend like she's not the one who stopped it. Gasping out, bloodshot eyes and trembling hands, she scolds herself for ever believing she could save them. There is nothing in this arena that is not made of suffering. What is she to do? Start his heart, swear to protect him, and watch him die again?

Over and over. A promise that never stops breaking.

That second explosion. That last bullet.

Should have been hers.

Grabbing her things, holding her tongue and choking down all the soft words she wants to say to herself through him, she makes her peace with knowing he got the last word between him — he deserves more, will always deserve more, but she is tired and hopeless and doesn't know how to give him that. All of it was love. Now, all of it is loss.

One last glance over her shoulder, she regards the place where her hope will remain buried forever. A scar across the earth, a ruin of her own making. Somehow, she finds a way to hold back her tears. Reaching out her hand, grasping cold air, she tries to find comfort in having nothing. In knowing that she had been so lucky to have something, even if fleeting.

The day yields to night, and Cecily stands firm against the paranoia. Wrapping her tarp around her shoulders, fleeing to the warmest spot she can find in the downpour, she eventually comes to a stop and rests her face against her knees. There's no reason to find shelter. The rain feels thinner across the dunes, kissing the sand and rising as mist as quickly as they embrace. The elements are the least of her worries, anyway.

At any moment, a creature sent by the Capitol could lunge from the shadows and finish her off, or a stranger she never got the chance to meet. So many dangers. All so familiar.

Minutes after waking from a rough night of sleep, blinking raw eyes to gaze at a blistering sun behind dark clouds, a drizzle still falling from the sky — she tries to traverse the vast nothingness, the warm sand beneath her boots, and the emptiness that sinks so deeply inside of herself. This part isn't graceful. None of it is.

But when she stumbles into another tribute, her only instinct is to throw her hands up, not even thinking to thrust out with her spear. The mistake is not made twice, and quicker than she can manage to dodge, a sharp edge is dragged across her back. She hisses out in pain, moving a few steps ahead and dropping her bag from off her shoulder. She can't name this person, and when she stares into their eyes, a ruthless enemy is not what she sees.

Just someone who wants to survive.

Perhaps it's comforting, or perhaps it's cruel irony.

"I need you to know that there's no other option than this." Cecily glances at the weapon in her hand, and the choice she has to make. The one that was made for her. "I can't run, and even if I could, I know that you can't let me walk away." Ever the martyr, she tries to justify her murder for them. If they need the reason. "I can't die in here." She thinks of the seven lives standing between her and freedom.

Escape feels impossible, and yet.

It wasn't always.

"I'm sorry. You're in my way."

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
pDFE6wHRyxspear
( miss )

accuracy | day seven

spear
( Deep Gash on Left Bicep, 8 damage + 1 strength [9] )

spear·spear

[Knuckles]

With only a handful of people left in the games, Maddox knows what needs to be done, and they understand that it is time to fully finish what they've started. Fighting is instinct, it comes naturally, but at the moment, they can't even seem to hold the spear correctly. It is easy to run, to find a place that can give them the advantage, yet they know it will never do any good. The only possible thing to do right now is to stand firm, to not back down. It is a challenge only the strong can follow through with.

For a moment, they listen as the words fall from her lips, and the words are very true. There isn't a choice. There is no other options. They must fight to the death, and maybe just maybe, Maddox can survive.

She's right. She can't run, because they would chase her. They would find a way to make it, to live another day, and this tribute is standing in their way, but Maddox knows they are standing in the way of those still living.

Nobody wants to die in here. They want to say, but it seems as though forming those simple words has become impossible. Maybe it's because of what comes next. It almost feels as though she's apologizing for something nobody is sorry for.

Why apologize?

So many times sorry fails to cover the reality of it all.

Sorry wouldn't bring back Arthur or anyone else who has died in this godforsaken game. Sorry will never undo the pain families are suffering from the loss of their children if they even care about them. Sorry will never undo the agony of metal tips slicing through skin causing bloodshed.

No.

It won't fix anything.

Blood gushes from the laceration across their arm, and they bite back the scream begging to escape. Screaming will never do any good. Not in this game.

"You're right. There is no other option than this."

Maddox takes a step forward hoisting the spear into the air.

"And if you did run, I would follow you."

It might lead to a trap, but they don't know that.

"You say you can't die in here, but the truth is, you can."

A sinister grin spreads across their face as they move into attacking position.

"You're in my way, and I'm going to move you whether you like it or not."

They would offer an apology, yet it wouldn't change anything. All that matters is living another day because they want to see just one more sunrise instead of burning in the fiery pits of hell forever.

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with spear
G21h|R1C_qspear
{ 3195 -- Shallow Cut on Back of Head -- 4.5 damage }

spear

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

"I'm going to move you whether you like it or not."

Cecily doesn't take the harsh words personally, but despite herself, a scoff leaves her lips. It's not a hateful sound, but there's an undertone of bitterness to it. Melancholy. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter, and they both know it. She's sorry, and they're merciless, and the ending of this story has already been told. There's an unbreakable barrier waiting at the end of this road. She glances up at the forcefield in the distance, shimmering at the edges, and she smiles. Flames flicker in her memories.

"Okay, then." Her voice is soft, shoulders squared and arms spread wide in invitation. Her strength is gentle — her spirit is broken into pieces. But there is nothing in her that knows how to yield. If this is where it stops, where her feet run out of ground, then she has already proven that she will do everything in her power to fight against fate. She considers accepting it, she has always considered accepting it, a bullet for safe keeping.

In the back of her mind.

Always.

But now that everything is gone, and all she has left is her own stubborn hope — gambling her life doesn't seem all that bad. The bets are already in, the Capitol has willed her death into existence, and all she's wasting are minutes. Seconds. Time without them, without him, without the comfort of knowing that she might someday forgive herself. The horror that now that she's started to run, there's nowhere to stop that won't cause her pain. She's so afraid of hurting.

A scream echoes in her mind. Her friends are dead, and it feels like her heart has been ripped from her chest. What makes pain real? Her scars are shallow, save for the deep cut hidden by her wet hair, dark strands slowly catching the cold wind. There's an ache that radiates from within her, but she can't point it out. It's not a wound that she can cover. It bleeds, and there is nothing she can do. Except for this.

"Let's see how that works out for you."

Grunting with all of her rage, and quiet fear, she lunges to the side as soon as the other tribute lashes out with their own spear. The point of it sends an echo of pain shooting though the slash on her scalp, just a hot throb of pain before it settles into a sharp needle, soaked in numbing medication. It hurts, and will continue to hurt, but she's felt a lot worse. She swings her weapon up as she finds her footing in her new position, catching it in a two handed grip. There's no going back from this. That will never be an option.

As much as she would give anything to take the hands of time, and walk back a few paces. Tell her friends that she loves them, and that she's sorry, but she can't save them. She'd treasure however long they had left. She would be content. She tells herself this.

And she strikes to kill.

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
3eKEMUg6lyspear
( Stabbed in Stomach, 9.5 + 1 strength [10.5] )

spear

[Knuckles]

It was stupid to think they even stood a chance at winning when everything is going against them. Whether it's from wrong movements, or holding the weapon wrong, or other tributes simply out maneuvering them. Yet hope still lingers in the back of their mind because anything can happen. Fates can change in the blink of an eye, and Maddox knows and understands this, but at the same time, they know when they should run away.

Every fiber of their being begs them to find a place to run and hide; however, it wouldn't make a difference. They know how this will end. Either they will die at the hands of this girl, or they will stand victorious to survive another day. They have the will to survive, but nothing is going their way. Nothing will chance what has to happen.

The moment their name was called, the moment they stepped onto that stage back in district ten, Maddox knew making it home alive was unlikely to happen.

So much for moving her out of the way.

Where am I going wrong?

Someone once said relaxing would help control the motions of the weapon. It is important to extend it as a limb. Like it's part of the body.

But I don't understand how.

Maybe that's the problem, and they stood still lost in thought too long, and they fold in on themself as the tip of the spear plunges into them. Blood trickles between their fingers as they place a hand on the gaping hole. It hurts.

Tears spring to their eyes. For the first time, Maddox is glad the rain is there because nobody will ever know. The pain is hidden behind the rain. Silent screams are lost before they have a chance to even exit their lips.

A sunrise seems so far away.

Maybe mocking that kid's god the other day is coming back to haunt them. Maybe Abel had it all right from the beginning, and this god of his is lingering with a vengeance. Karma always comes around, and for the first time Maddox wonders if that is where they've made the mistake.

Nobody is perfect.

Everyone is guilty of something.

Is it wrong that I don't want to die?

Nobody wants to die.

Maybe it's simply letting go of the weight of the world for doing what they had to do. Killing is part of the game, and feeling terrible for the blood on their hands will never fix what has been done. All they can do now is move forward.

Let go of the pain.

Forgive yourself.

They take a deep breath, and in that moment, they turn back towards their opponent wondering if they have what it takes.

Let go of the fear.

Let go of the pain.

Let go.

Let go.

A soft exhale leaves their lips, and Maddox readies themself once more.

"Those were just practice shots." The words are quiet. "But I am ready now."

I just hope I'm not too late.

A simple movement of the hand, and Maddox tosses the spear to the ground. It has failed them, but the bat is calling for them. This is a dance to the death where only one will succeed.

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with razor-wired bat {spiked blunt}
9q64kdXomLspiked blunt
{ 14112 -- BROKEN LEFT COLLAR BONE -- 6.5 damage + 1 strength }

spiked blunt

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

"Those were just practice shots."

Their spear hits the ground,
a bat wrapped in razor wire taking its place.

"But I am ready now."

Cecily's weapon exits the tribute's stomach as quickly as it entered, and their jagged fury slams into her chest at full force, knocking her backwards. She gasps, so loudly and unwillingly that she feels sick. Deep within herself. The fear curls in on itself, begs her to run, almost tricking her to believe that will ever be an option again.

Her features shift, agony bleeding into rage, not looking very different at all. She will never be more furious than this. She will never be more sad. She stares at her final moment, eyes locked, and she refuses to accept the inevitable. These are metaphors becoming real. What's a bone shattering to a shattering soul?

She'd do anything.

She's already proven that.

"Good for you." The softness of her voice takes a sharp edge, forcing herself to recognize that she already knows what will happen if she tries to flee. They said they would chase her, and if she hopes to survive, that means they can't live. She frees a hand to push her hair out of her face, trying to tuck it underneath the back of her shirt. If this is what it must come to, the least she can do is look them in the face.

She sighs, securing her grip on her spear once more, circling around her enemy as they begin a dance made to end. Only one of them standing. "I'm not ready." It sounds like she should be ashamed, but she says this without remorse. "For a couple things, at least." The idea of dying chills her to the core. There is nothing in her that will ever be prepared for that. And killing someone, well. She's already faced that.

If she must do it again, then so be it.

When she attacks, it hurts her, too. Aftershock in the marrow.

"But it is what it is, yeah?"

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
8_NJ8FKOXcspear
( Deep Gash on Back, 8.5 + 1 strength [9.5] )

spear

[Knuckles]

For a moment, they stand still as a crunch echoes through the air, and the vibrations shoot up their hand. This isn't what they wanted. It's never what they asked for, yet Maddox knows it's what must be done.

This entire game is cruel. It's terrible, and they had no choice but to play. Maybe that's where they went wrong. So many people fear what the Capitol will do to them if they rebel and choose not to play - I could.

But family.

Even though their family doesn't understand, them, Maddox knows that they aren't deserving of any retaliation. Despite all the pain they've caused, despite the emotional turmoil their parents put them through, Maddox still cares.

Is it wrong? Is it wrong to care for them even though they spent years making sure Maddox lived a life as their daughter instead of their child? Is it wrong?

I want to see them again.

Focusing is hard, and maybe that is why this tribute is winning. Maybe it's why Maddox is getting tired and is about to fall over as blood gushes from various locations across their body.

"I'm not ready."

Nobody is ever ready to die or to kill someone regardless of what they may say. Nobody wants the blood on their hands. Nobody wants to stare death in the eye.

"But it is what it is, yeah?"

Of course. They have no other options. They have no way to stand a chance in this terrible world. They have no way to escape except to bend their knee and bow down to the Capitol. But I will not bow.

In life or in death, Maddox knows standing tall is the only option. They know that it is important to fight for what they believe in. What am I fighting for now?

"Yeah. It is what it is." All it will take is one good swing while they're dancing around. One good swing and the crown will fall. One good swing is all they need, and at this moment, they don't know if they can.

"Unless we make it something else."

A soft grin replaces the one they had before.

"We're in charge of what we do."

So why are we giving in?

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with razor-wired bat {spiked blunt}
5DFqc3_rXuspiked blunt
{ 14172 -- GASH/BRUISED RIGHT ARM -- 3.0 damage }

spiked blunt

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

"We're in charge of what we do."

She glances down at a spear streaked in blood, a white knuckle grip. When they put it like that, it's a little cruel. Cecily glances over her shoulder, even knowing that looking away is a risk she cannot afford, even knowing that she really doesn't care. Let her turn back around, and find a blade soaring towards her heart. Watch her grab it from the air.

Watch her be brave.

A tear slides down her cheek in defiance, a blue ripple running across the forcefield, and fire rises in her all her fondest memories. She remembers the weight of Gavin's body, shifting her weapon like it's a practiced art, trying to convince herself that any of this is easy. That she's not in shock, and eventually, if she ever gets her stubborn way, she won't be devastated. Knowing she already is.

And isn't that the funniest part?

So afraid of hurting, she goes and risks worse.

Death looms just out of view, fingertips tracing the scar on the back of her head, sending throbs of pain through her body. Loud enough to break through the adrenaline in flashes, quiet explosions, an echo of pain she'll never be able to forget. She folds it into her being, lacing grief with all of her hope. It's a double edged sword. She's not afraid to bleed.

Life, survival, peace — the currency will always be blood.

Cecily's face is washed clean by the rain, but in her hair, and under her nails, and seeped into her clothes. All of her sacrifices have been paid. She remembers seeing Sasha in the driver's seat, eyes meeting through the car window. She remembers how saving Aneesa had been all it took to keep her courage alive. Now she's gone, and her bravery feels halved.

"I know." Her voice is rough, a strain between emotional and indifferent. There's a kindness in her that wants to kill itself, to distract itself from the fact that it wants terrible things, and will do terrible things in return. But her friends died last night, and the gamemakers sent a robot to kill her, so there's only so much she can hold back.

A stubborn kid pretending she can still get her way.

Acting like her happiest ending hasn't already been consumed by flames.

Where does it go after this? She thinks of the target across her back, the sharp edge of razor wire digging into her arm, and considers the grim reality that she might always be unhappy. She remembers all of the quiet moments that built her life, and how lucky she was to experience them. They were good. She will treasure them. She will mourn them.

Let this be the eulogy.

"This is what I choose.
I'm getting out of here."

Wherever that leads.

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
4p1KvsWoSLspear
( Shallow Cut on Left Forearm -- 3.5 damage )

spear

[Knuckles]

For a moment, Maddox feels as though they've touched a nerve, yet it's simply a false hope in the midst of a terrible reality. They both know what has to happen, and even though neither want to die, one will, and the other will reign supreme.

But they're tired. It's hard to stand when their body is telling every muscle to go to sleep. Focusing is a challenge when the world is spinning rapidly around them as they dance continues on. Between the dehydration and the loss of blood, Maddox knows they're running out of time, and it is happening quick.

"I know."

It's almost impossible to tell where this is going despite the tiny voice in the back of their mind telling them now is the moment. Strike while she's not expecting it. The desire is there, but Maddox refuses to take the cowards way out. Nobody deserves to be kicked to the curb especially now. The world is cruel, and it was only a matter of time before this moment came as the number of living dwindle more and more each day.

"This is what I choose. I'm getting out of here."

Maddox takes a step back avoiding the brunt force of the spear again. Learning through life is important. Every day they strive to learn something new, something different, and what they've learned today is that when faced with life or death anyone will do whatever they can in order to survive.

Yet they stumble as their foot steps awkwardly, and they tumble towards the ground. If it wasn't for the bat, they would've face planted. But they climb back on their feet, and they move around listening to the song the rain and wind sings. It howls through their ears, and it gives them the beat they need to follow.

She leaves me with no choice.

"You'll escape when your cannon sounds." Their words are calm, and for the first time since they've met, Maddox drops their guard slightly because nobody is ever free until they die. "I'm going to win this."

Winning doesn't mean wearing a crown.

No.

It's finding a freedom they've never had before.

"Whether I have the crown or not."

Death is calling, and Maddox is ready to answer.

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with razor-wired bat {spiked blunt}
3pmpVw9SX3spiked blunt
{ 14082 -- BROKEN LEFT COLLAR BONE -- 6.5 damage + 1 strength }

spiked blunt

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

"You'll escape when your cannon sounds."

There's an echo that goes on forever;
and then it ends. It always ends.

"I'm going to win this."

Equally matched, equally stubborn, Cecily stares at willpower wrapped in razor wire — and she swallows, fingers tightening around her spear. For all the reasons to give up, the sentence of death by a thousand cuts, there's nothing in her that knows how to back down. Even staring into burning eyes, knowing that the flames will haunt her always, she doesn't move.

It'll take a lot more than that.

Raise the earth, and call down the flood.

"Whether I have the crown or not."

They dance through the crescendo of music — wind crying out over the rain, quiet sunlight threatening to break through the dark haze of clouds in the sky. And yet, in the distance, in those terrible shades of blue; that's the end. She's already been there, heard the way the world can shatter around her, felt the vibrations of her own undoing move through her.

Heartbeat. Breathe.

This is living in the aftermath — this is the hurt she's fighting to keep.

"It'd be nice if things worked out the way we wanted them to." She's not trying to sound hateful. If anything, her sadness is the most apparent emotion in her voice. Even though she's made the choice to be ruthless, to survive by any means necessary, that doesn't mean any of it is easy for her. The truth is, they're just two kids in way over their heads, and what will happen here goes so much deeper than wanting.

It's a need. It's a fear. It's the prize.

There's blood on the gold laurel crown.

"But they don't, do they?" It's a question for them to share — an answer that will evade them equally, now and until the end of time. Her ears are still ringing, but if she strains them, just beneath the hum, she can hear the ticking. Some metaphorical clock trying to force her to come to terms with her own morality. She has no control. In this arena, they're all trapped. Her tragedy is theirs.

But the mistakes are hers. She has to own them.

Even when they crash against her chest, a jagged wave that cuts into an existing wound, breaking something that is already shattered. There's a crack, and she falls to one knee, nearly sliding down the side of the dune. But she holds her ground as best she can, struggling to keep from collapsing against the sand. This isn't how it ends; she doesn't get a say.

She's lying under the stars, and her friends are lying there with her, and she locks eyes with each of them in turn. The fields stretch on for miles, volcanic ash giving way to spring flowers, grass so high they can feel it tickling their fingertips as they walk. Forward, and never backwards, ever closer to the horizon. This is what they fought for. The sun rises, and the truth is a difficult thing to accept.

They lost.

She's losing.

But she finds her way to her feet again, stares up at someone who refuses to stand down, and it all feels familiar in the worst way. "Keep your crown, then." She hefts her weapon, eyes locked on a thing she is not allowed to have. The cage door is welded shut. She remembers the feeling of gunpowder between her fingers, and how there was a time when she thought she could do anything. Gavin smiles in her memory. "They can bury you in it."

And like fire, Cecily will steal what she cannot have.

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
4wQeEbss3Lspear
( Deep Gash on Left Bicep, 8 + 1 strength [9] )

spear

[Knuckles]

Every fiber of their being trembles making it impossible to hold themself steady. Spots flicker before their eyes, and it feels as though everything is turning gray. Colors mean nothing anymore as they chase all hope away replacing it with dread, sorrow, and fear. And despite it feeling so warm, Maddox can't stop the shivers rippling through their body.

Out of the corner of their eye, they see the angel of death beckoning them to come. In death is freedom nobody can have inside this world. It's simply an eternal sleep from one world as they transition to the next.

---

"Ma, are you proud of me?"

"Mel, honey, I'm always proud of you."

"What about Pa?"

"We're all proud of you, Mel."

"It's Maddox. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"You will always be Melanie, and it is foolish to think otherwise."

"I just want to be me! That's all I want."

"I want to be me, but even that is too much to ask."

---

It always was too much to ask, and for the longest time Maddox accepted they'd always be the daughter their parents yearned for. But now, now that they're fighting and trying to find ways to live, they understand that there is more to life than trying to please others. There is more than simply giving in so their parents are proud.

"It'd be nice if things worked out the way we wanted them to."

It would be nice, but life is unfair. Life doesn't care if people live or die. Life is cruel, and it snatches those who love life the most.

I just want to be me.

Nobody back home understands what it feels like. They'll never understand the pain Maddox carries with them every single day, and for the first time, they realize that they don't have to try to hide away who they are.

But nobody cares.

Nobody will ever care.

Even in death because it offers freedom, and maybe they'll find the perfect life they desire in some world beyond the sky if it even exists. Abel talked about a god, and Maddox can't help but wonder if there is a god.

---

"Ma, would you miss me if I died?"

"Mel, what kind of question is that?"

"Would you still call me Melanie despite everything I've told you?"

"You are Melanie. What are you talking about?"

"I've told you, it's Maddox."

"Why do you insist that?"

"Because I am Maddox. I am not Melanie."

---

Maybe a god would save me and give me the life I've always wanted. Abel seemed content with knowing that a god could save him. But how? Why would any god let this happen?

"But they don't, do they?"

Maddox tries to speak through the pain as the world keeps fading in and out. It hurts to breathe, they're suffocating as death presses firmly against their neck.

During the reaping, they were afraid - who wouldn't be? Being sentenced to die is harsh, but hope lingered. The possibility of making it home alive kept them going, but now it's gone, taken away, stripped from them in the blink of an eye.

I can barely hold my head up.

Strength is something they never had, and all their life they spent running away from the pain, from everything because pleasing others was more important. Through it all, they forgot to take care of themself, and this is where they are. A new adventure is about to begin, and it offers the chance to make up for all the mistakes made in the past.

"Keep your crown, then. They can bury you in it."

Standing is hard, and their knees wobble weakly. This is what dying feels like, but instead of showing fear, Maddox smiles.

---

"Ma? Pa? I'm scared"

"We're right here. It's okay. We know you're afraid."

"I don't think I can do it. I don't think I'll make it home."

"You're strong. Do your best."

"Are you proud of me?"

"We are proud of you, Maddox. We are proud of you."

"I'm sorry. I don't know if I can."

"Just do your best. Find the strength. Be proud of yourself.

"I am proud of myself."

"Never give up. Stay strong."

"Ma? Pa? I love you."

"We love you too."

"Until we meet again."

---

"I don't think you understand." Maddox hoists the bat up once more. "Death gives me freedom, and that freedom is a win." But the bat is heavy, and it is hard to hold steady, but I have to try. "I'll proudly be buried with my crown." Whether that comes today or tomorrow or in several years.

I just hope I made my family proud.

---

"I am me, and that is all I ever wanted."

"You are you, and we are proud of you."

[ made by kaitlin ]

Maddox attacks Cecily with razor-wired bat {spiked blunt}
u7N2pyTg6Ospiked blunt
{ 14064 -- BROKEN RIGHT FOOT -- 6.5 damage + strength }

spiked blunt

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

" i never had the courage of my convictions
as long as danger is near
and it's just around the corner, darling
'cause it lives in me
no, i could never give you peace "

— taylor swift, peace



cecily deerling —

She strikes with all of her strength, spear cutting clean across the tribute's arm — and she hopes to break them, knowing that they refuse to bend to the pressure she applies. She gives everything. All she has left. It all feels very nostalgic. Cecily glances down at her hands gripped around the polearm, at the red line of blood dripping down the side of the weapon.

It's like a stain.

It's like a sacrifice.

She remembers staring up at the forcefield, remembers the way she had been so sure that she could tear it all down. The memory lurches a few paces too many forward, flashing in her mind like a bomb going off. Like a gunshot in the night; sinking inside of her like the weight of holding her best friend as he died. Like freedom was so close, and then the smoke cleared.

And now they're gone, and still, she is trying to make her peace with that. Because even knowing it's pointless, staring up at a thunder clap in human form, tasting iron in her mouth and feeling a wave of white hot agony rip through her, she has to try. It settles inside of her marrow, beats in sync with her heart, makes her feel so terribly brave and afraid.

Her highest point bleeds into the lowest.

miles away,

the sunroof is open, and fingertips reach for the sky;
hope plays on the radio like a melody,
like the ending of a movie that doesn't

fade to black —

"take me anywhere but home."

in the rearview mirror,
a ghost smiles

But the tires come to a screeching halt, and the world around her shifts. "I don't think you understand." She tries to secure her footing, staring up at a storm in human skin, lifting a bat wrapped in barbed wire like it's an executioner's blade. Of course, she's terrified. It's a familiar feeling. "Death gives me freedom, and that freedom is a win." She's been here before. Grappled with this same existential crisis.

They're bleeding out.

This is an ending that requires an audience.

"I'll proudly be buried with my crown."

They slam their weapon down on Cecily's foot with all the force to shatter another bone, sending her toppling over the edge and rolling gracelessly down the dune's side. She crashes against her shoulder, tries to tone out the aftershocks of pain firing through her nerves, sparking like electricity between her synapses. It's hard to breathe, hard to see, harder still to speak. "What's—" and her voice is quiet, too raw for the question.

She swallows hard, and she exhales her fear. Staring up at the stranger, her fingertips tremble around her spear, not entirely sure she'll be strong enough to lift it, but so desperate to try. "What's your name?" So sure that they deserve better, too selfish to give them that, too kind to be merciless. All of her most gentle moments are made of sharp edges, and this is what remains. It's silent before the lightning flashes.

"Congratulations are in order."

And she strikes, and she aims for the end.

( cecily attacks maddox ; spear )
0n7SLT98Imspear
( Deep Gash on Stomach, 9 damage )

spear