don't say goodbye.— [hermes/bear]

[Deleted]

I had to hold myself back the other night. Hold myself back from making anything between Bear and us official. He said he loved me, and of course I loved him back. He was my best friend. I can't remember a time before him. After all, he's always been the boy right next door. The boy who was always there for me. Even though I was going to be so far away in the Capitol - he was going to be there for me. For my family when I wasn't. And I wanted to thank him for it.

Last night when I met him at our usual spot I told him to come over for lunch at 1:00 pm. It was a couple minutes until and I was finally finishing up my preparations. I had been saving up money for something, even if I didn't know what. This seemed like a good time to use some of it. Make a filling meal for the two of us, and of course my family later tonight. But for now it would just be the two of us. My family knowing about us would only complicate things, they might not let me leave for the Capitol if they knew.

Young Love in Panem.

How ridiculous. But, they wanted to pay us and that's all that really matters, isn't it? And if they're going to pay anyone it should be someone who needs it. Not some career kid who spent their whole life with a silver spoon in their mouth. After all, this games has shown the difference between struggling and training. Look at how quick almost all of the careers died except that Nixie chick. Look at how far Cedric and Sinead made it. I feel like their deaths were planned. Capitol got tired of watching us poor people make something of ourselves.

The menu for lunch was a stew with bread. I bought the bread, but I made the stew myself. I may not be the best cook, but flavour isn't what we look for around here. Flavour won't keep you alive. We look for filling, warm, and relatively healthy. Stew checked all of those boxes. I filled up two small bowls with stew and stored the rest for later. I didn't want to get tempted and not leave any for the rest of my family.

I then split the bread between the two of us and got the spread I made. It's sort of like jam. I picked some berries from around the district and mashed them up until it became a paste. It was quick to do, but it took a lot of berries. This way though, the bread tastes better and it'll cover up some of the staleness of it. I tried to get fresher bread, but I'm not a millionaire. This would have to do.

I waited for Bear to come as I began to pace back and forth. The ring in my pocket felt like a boulder. What if he wasn't coming? What if he forgot? What if he was really mad at me for doing the show? I knew he was probably running a little late. Maybe he was helping one of his siblings with something or having a talk with his Ma or finishing up one of those jobs. When I have money, he'll never have to risk his life in one of those jobs again. I'll make sure of it.

[k!ah]

b e a r .

I don't knock before I enter his house, my lips pulled back into a wide smile. The other night I had finally been able to admit to Hermes that I was in love with him and that I had been in love with him for as long as I could remember and never had I imagined that he would say those three little words back. Not meaning them in the way that he did. But my fears had been put to rest when he utter those words and I had felt like my heart was about to explode.

He loved me.

He loved me.

I had wanted to kiss him then, but I had been too scared to move, too scared to say anything just in case I scared him and I broke the fragile bond that had just formed between us. But as I move through the kitchen, stopping in front of the boy who seemed to pace with a nervousness that I was not used to, I take his face gently between my hands. Last night I had held back, I think we both had, but today I throw all caution to the wind, smiling widely at Hermes before I lean in and press my lips to his.

"Hi," I say as I pull back, taking his hand in mine. "I've always wanted to do that, you know."

[Deleted]

I didn't hear him come in, but when I noticed him walking towards me I stopped pacing. Before I had the time to say anything he kissed me. And instantly I kissed back, one hand going into his hair and the other on his waist. He wasn't the first person I had ever kissed, but he was the first person I had ever kissed that I loved. And that made a difference. It felt different.

When he pulled away he told me he always wanted to do it, and I couldn't help but grin, "I know, I'm pretty damn kissable - hope all of those careers can stay away from me. The hardest part is not going to be mentioning you. I think there's something in the contract about that and we all know I'm such a rule follower."

I took his hand in mine and led him to the table, pulling 0ut a chair for him, "For lunch today we have stew and bread with homemade jam, well district 12 jam. I know I'm not the best cook in the world, but I hope you enjoy it Bear. The only rule is neither of us says goodbye. Because this isn't goodbye, it's just until we see each other again. When I have money. And we can get a house together."

[ 219 words ]

[k!ah]

b e a r .

He kissed me back instantly, his hands on my body and I couldn't help but moan against his lips. I had dreamt about the day he kissed me back like that, and it was nothing to physically feeling his lips against mine, knowing that this was more than just physical touch. He's grinning as we pull away, just as widely as myself I didn't think anything could cause the smile to slip, "I know, I'm pretty damn kissable," he teases and I begin to nod my agreement, but then he mentions young love and instantly I feel a wave of jealousy surge through me.

I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to leave me, not when we had just started this new path in our relationship. I was scared that him leaving, so early would turn whatever this is into a fling, and not something long term. "The hardest part is not going to be mentioning you." He continues and I find myself wondering if he was going to kiss someone else, if he was going to look at them the way he was looking at me now.

Shaking my head I force myself to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I had told him that I was okay with this. So I would pretend to be, right until the moment he stepped into that train.

Hand in hand he leads he towards the table which had quite the spread. Homemade jam and spread across bread had my mouth salivated. This isn't goodbye, he reminds me and I smile at him, squeezing his hand as I take a seat across from him. "This looks amazing Hermes! Did you make that jam yourself?"

[Deleted]

Once he got all seated, I took my seat across from him and started eating right away. I was hungry from having to smell it all the entire time I was cooking. I think I was most excited for the food in the Capitol.  Not just the good taste of it, but the amount of it. I couldn't remember what a full stomach felt like, I wasn't sure if I ever had a full stomach even as a child. I can't imagine what it feel like not to have a lingering feeling of hunger. I hoped Bear would never have to have that feeling again. Or Ma. Or Pa. Or Laverna.

When he questioned me, my mouth was full of bread but I nodded and responded anyway, "Yeah! But I'm not sure if it's real jam or not. It's really just berries I found growing around the district all mashed up.  But it tastes good on the bread, doesn't it? Now do you want your surprise before you finish eating or after?"

You could argue telling him about the surprise made it not a surprise, but he didn't know what it was - hopefully. He was being super cool about the whole Young Love in Panem thing and I wanted to make sure he knew I loved him, even when the cameras made him doubt it. I knew I was going to love him from beginning to end. And he trusted me. That was the best part of it all.

[ 250 words ]