soup's on [o'malley dinner]

[kap]

"Do I remind you of
Someone you never met
A lonely silhouette"

-----

I'd been that shoulder to cry on when Six died. Now, I was here in case anyone needed it with Abel. I knew he wasn't a sibling of mine, but he was my cousin, so I still understood the need to mourn. I'd convinced some of the family to come together for a dinner with the extended family after Abel died, as a way of helping everyone cope. I wasn't sure how well it was going to go, but I figured it was worth a shot.

"Dinner's ready!" I announced as I put the last of the food that I'd made with Fly's help onto the buffet-sized table. We had a big enough home to host the extended family, given the size of our own immediate family. That was helpful, at least.

Family members were to sit wherever they'd like, and mingle with whoever they wanted to. I just wanted us all to celebrate Abel's life, rather than continuing to mourn so heavily that we couldn't function. I hoped that was what he would have wanted.

-----

lyrics: "Amaryllis" by Shinedown

[Deleted]

The thing about the dinner being hosted at my house was that I didn't have a choice in not going. I didn't want to see them. Not that I didn't love my cousins, but because it was my fault. it was my fault there was one less of them. It was my fault that they had to grieve. It was my fault that there was a pit in their chest, a hole in their heart where Abel should be. I remember that feeling from when Six died, I still carry it with me. I don't think it ever gets better, you just get used to it.

I hoped that Cain didn't show up. I knew he wanted to kick my ass, beat me into a bloody pulp because of Abel dying in my place. And the thing is, I'd let him. I hear people say it's not my fault he died. But he volunteered for me. He died instead of me. God chose me, if you believe in that shit, and he took my punishment instead. How could I not feel guilty when there's no one else to blame but me?

When Hook called out for dinner, I went and got a bowl. She was the main reason I showed my face here instead of locking myself up in my bedroom. She was trying to do something nice for Abel, trying to be a good cousin. And we were both adults now. One of us was liable to move out eventually. I wanted to spend time with her while I could. Because you never know when someone will be ripped away from you. A spear to the throat, a bullet to the back, or a name pulled out of a big glass bowl.

[ 291 words ]

[ table by tom ]

[kap]

F L Y
O ' M A L L E Y

.

I always try to help where I can. I've said it before: I want to be a hero. I want to help people live their lives as comfortably and safely as they can. Abel was a hero when he volunteered for Prop. Maybe one day I'll volunteer for one of my sisters or something. That would be heroic, right? Although, Hook always tells me that I'm never allowed to volunteer.

We were having family over for dinner at our house tonight. I wasn't sure whether I was looking forward to seeing everyone or if I was nervous. I suppose it was a bit of a mix of both. It was a strange feeling to be excited and nervous at the same time.

Hook told us dinner was ready and I got a plate. I got my food right after Prop, and decided to say something to check in on him while I started to put mashed potatoes onto my plate.

"How are you doing, Prop? Are you okay?" I asked him. He was my big brother and I cared about him, but I knew he didn't see this the same way I did. He didn't see Abel as a hero. He saw himself as a villain.

~


"And though I'm told I'll never fly
That doesn't mean that I won't try"

lyrics: "Superhero" by Tim McMorris

[Deleted]

I hadn't thought a lot about Abel dying recently. I tried not to, I tried not to with Six either. It just made me sad to think about. And I don't think either of them would want to be remembered the way that they died. Six wouldn't want remembered with a spear in him bleeding in the rain. Abel wouldn't want remembered crying as he waited to get shot. That wasn't them.

Six was happy, he was happy. And he was really nice! So that's how I try to remember him. I remember the time I fell and skinned my knee and he helped me clean and bandage it up. I remember the time that magazines said that Lorenzo Emberstatt had a girlfriend and so I cried for like a day until he reminded me that I've never met Lorenzo Emberstatt and we probably wouldn't work out anyway.

As for Abel? I don't know how he would have wanted to be remembered. I know he wouldn't want to be remembered like that. And I hope his family knows that too. I hope Cain remembers all of the time that they spent together. I hope Noah remembers the way Abel made him smile. When Hook called for dinner, I was playing go-fish with some of my siblings. When they got up to get food, I may have peeked at their cards a little bit.

[ 231 words ]

[ 🌼]

[Deleted]

M A R C E L L U S    O ' M A L L E Y

When Hook told me her idea, I told her I would have to discuss it with her mother first. Of course I love my brother and his family. I always want to see them, especially since I know Cliff's wife had been taking Abel's death extra hard. I remember when he was a little kid, Cain would be playing with Prop but Abel would be clinging to his mom. His mom would ask if he wanted to play with the other kids and he'd just shake his head and hold onto her.

I had written Cliff letters. Letters explaining my grief. Letters wishing Abel well. Pieces of my soul I had yet to bear, things someone would never understand until they lost a child. But, he never responded. Maybe he never even opened them. i can't fault him regardless. We all grieve differently. And the pain of burying your own child is one I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, let alone my older brother.

When Hook finished her meal, I didn't go for it right away. There were usually seventeen of us total before Six passed, and now with the addition of Cliff and his family there were even more mouths to feed. My rule generally was I didn't eat firsts until people started getting ready for seconds. I wanted to make sure my family had enough.

I hear what people say about us. We shelter our kids, we treat it like a cult, I'm a horrible father, I'm a DILF - whatever that means. But I love my children. And is it not love to want to see them go on the right path and follow God? Yes, sometimes I have had to be a bit hard on them to set them back on the path. But it's only because I love them. Four didn't understand that.

[ 306 words ]

[Deleted]

Fly was a good kid, even if there was still a lot she didn't understand yet. She was young, she still had time to learn. There were some lessons I hoped she never had to learn too. I knew she saw what Abel did has noble rather than foolish. I knew she saw me as someone who was saved rather than an accidental villain. But she didn't understand it. I shouldn't have even been alive this games. I should have volunteered for Six last year.

But how do I tell her that? How do I tell her it's my fault her brother and now her cousin are both dead? That I should be dead instead of them? I can't tell her. I'm not brave enough nor strong enough to, as much as I would like to pretend that I am. So when she asked if I was okay, I did all that I could do to soothe both her and myself. I lied. I lied right to her face without a moment of hesitation.

I forced a smile to make it easier to lie through my teeth, "Of course I'm alright, Fly. You don't need to worry so much about me kid. I miss Abel, but I'm okay. Now, do you want a dinner roll with that? I can grab you one real quick."


Change the subject to something else, anything but how you killed Abel.

[ 233 words ]

[ table by tom ]

[kap]

F L Y
O ' M A L L E Y

.

Prop told me he was okay. I believed him. He must've been doing better than I thought he was. He seemed to me, outwardly, like he was struggling, but if he said he was okay, I was going to believe him. I didn't think my brother would lie to my face, not even if it was just to make me feel better. I trusted that he'd be honest with me if something was wrong.

He told me that I didn't need to worry about him so much, but even if he told me he was okay, I'd worry. I'd worry that he'd start to get upset again, if he wasn't now. I was worried that he'd need someone to cry to, and that for some reason, he wouldn't come to me. I just wanted to be there for him if he needed it.

"Okay, if you're saying you're okay then I believe you," I told him with a soft smile. "And sure, I'll take that dinner roll. Maybe you and I could each take an extra one, too. For Six and Abel..." I said the last part of that quietly. For Six and Abel. It sounded strange, but I wanted to act as if they were there. It just made me feel better, because even if Prop felt okay, I didn't.

~


"And though I'm told I'll never fly
That doesn't mean that I won't try"

lyrics: "Superhero" by Tim McMorris

[bailee]

cliff o'malley.

It takes a lot of convincing for Cliff O'Malley to finally face his brother's family. His wife begged, pleaded, said that it would give the family a sense of normalcy. Letters from Marcellus scattered across the kitchen table, unopened. They have been piling since Abel first volunteered - letters enscribed for Cliff in Marcellus' handwriting. It wasn't that Cliff didn't appreciate the sentiment - it was that he couldn't bare reading the sympathies from his little brother. Their father had always taught that to be a man was to hide how you feel - the patriarch of the family was always to be the strongest, no matter what. Opening those letters would be like opening a gateway to all the grief Cliff had been hiding deep inside his belly, the emotions that were bound to unwind and explode, like a beacon of light that just got brighter and brighter, trying to blind him.

Cliff knew eventually he would have to face Marcellus eventually. That's why when him and his family walked into his younger brother's home, he avoided eye contact completely with him, as if the more he avoided Marcellus the less he had to confront the viciousness of his own grief.

As his wife greeted her in-laws, he stole a glance at his little brother. 

"Sorry we're late," he grunted.