india krigel. d4. re-sub.

[✨ zozo.]

born '68. one two three. forgotten daughter. career turned exy star. old bio.

[✨ zozo.]

mouthful of white hot fire, tongue coated in poison, ragged nails painted in my own blood; there’s a hunger in me, something vicious a thirst to be celestial, godly, divine– and yet. - (x)

[✨ zozo.]

So I dyed my hair brunette in a fit of nervous rage right before my first game of the season. I regretted it the minute I took the towel off of my head. My Dad's done nothing good for me in twenty-two years except give me my siblings and this last name, and yet I still cried a stupid amount of tears feeling like I'd betrayed him. How fucked up is that? He still has such a chokehold on me. I know Leo's shaken him off and Arie never really cared in the first place, but somehow Leon Krigel's still got his hand wrapped around my throat without knowing who the fuck I am. I built so much of my identity around being a Krigel. I look just like him, even more than Leon - and blonde roots proved it. But the kids on the field were giving me grief last season like they had in the training centres and I'd just had enough of it, you know? I forgot that my last name is still stamped in bold letters across my back, but I guess I thought if I was a brunette they'd cut it out. So I'm sitting there in the bathroom, Mom's favourite towel stained beyond ruin and my hair is no longer the colour of sand. And I know damn well that it won't make a difference, that they'll just make even more fun of me now, and the realisation that I'm so cut up over betraying my Dad for dying my hair a different colour and he doesn't even know when my birthday is. Now I just look like Mom. Fuck. So I do what I do best - get angry. I set the towel on fire outside in the pit we used to toast marshmallows over when we were kids and stormed off, damp hair and dye stains at my temples, to my favourite place in Four. It's right at the top of this cliff, nearly always deserted. I used to watch older kids jump off in the storms when the water raged and I felt so drawn to it. One time I jumped off myself and almost drowned, so I've taken to just sitting up at the very top and staring out at the ocean, watching the fisherman come and go with the tide. It's so quiet, save for the howling wind on breezy days, and the closest I can ever come to peace. No distractions, no noise, no expectations. It's just me and the sea and my thoughts. The wind dries my hair. I know I look like a stranger, a new washed-up Career kid come to replace India Krigel sitting cross-legged on the bank in the long grass. Mom's been trying to get me into therapy since I was four years old but I always kicked up a fuss. Who knew that this alone time was just as good? I've been so loud my entire life, so full of wildfire with nothing left to burn but those around me. It took a while for me to understand, to see myself through other people's eyes. But in the quiet I can close my own eyes and breathe, letting grey clouds wash over me and feel a spitting of rain tickle my scalp from above. The first time I came here, Leo had cut me open on the sandy floor of the district tournament after I begged him to let me win the day before. After that day, being carried away on a stretcher with morphine being pumped into me and a gasping in oxygen from a mask I knew things would never be the same. Between us, between Arie and I. I ruined one relationship and healed another, and in the beginning I spent more time with Arie to spite my brother - but I learned a lot from her. How to take a moment to just breathe. To find the good in things. To look further than our name, to find something I actually enjoyed doing, to be satisfied with the mundane and simple. Arie was the one who first told me about the Exy tryouts, who suggested in her sing-song voice that I'd be perfect for it. I'm not perfect, and I don't think I'll ever be truly satisfied with what I have and who I am - but it's a start. Being a good sister to her is a start. Seeing the good she sees in me, even after I gave her so much hell in our first seventeen years, and giving it back tenfold. But Leo - that one he did all by himself. So I sat up here, bandaged and bruised, scars healing and inner wounds ripping open all at once. I'm petty, and spiteful, and I hold a grudge like a motherfucker - but it's true. It wasn't all me that day. Maybe I dyed my hair to separate me from him. So much of my life was us, and Arie - but we were a duo first. He's blonde like Arie, like Dad, and he always got the most of the little Leon Krigel ever gave us. But he loved being a Perch just as much - so I'm angry, still. I beat him to it, dark hair like Mom. Like Grandma and Grandpa. Just to say I did it first. Just to say I won. When I think of that day, of how pivotal both losses were, the injuries still hurt. It's a flare of anger, hot and bitter. Then comes the stinging pang of regret right between my ribcage, always there. Always demanding. It twists tears from my eyes and makes me question everything I've ever done. Everything I am. Sometimes I think I should have volunteered. Sometimes I think I should change my name to India Perch. Sometimes I think I should quit Exy altogether and save myself the heartache that comes with not being good enough. Sometimes I think I should move out of Mom's house. Sometimes I think I should break into Dad's empty house in the Victor's Village and make it my own. Sometimes I think I should get on a train without telling anyone - not even Arie - and disappear. Sometimes I think I should've driven my spear straight into Leo's chest at the District Four tournament all those years ago. Sometimes I think I should jump off this cliff and let the tide swallow me whole. And sometimes I just look out to the storming ocean and s c r e a m.

[✨ zozo.]

umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars] eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

shes. SO! COMPETITIVE???? sjfjdjddjsifkfkfkgkf
outstanding update to an amazing character x