the devil's in the fine print // avriel & archie

[fox]

A R C H I M E D E S

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LOL TOP FIVE DID I DIE OR SOMETHING

Am I living in a nightmare.

It's like stab an intern in the leg! That's talent or something.

I throw a knife and the judges just nut!

Sitting backstage when the results are announced, cameras panning over to the contestants, and I'm just over here, thinking about slapping myself in the face to make sure this isn't a drug-induced haze. This is like some kind of convoluted dream that barely makes sense – physics? She's out the window. Reason? She's gone to get milk.

One of the producers shakes our hand, says something about mentors, and now I'm floating out of the studio, Archie Jr. under my arm. The city lights hit my eyes like a blazing sun, and I almost get run over by some kid on an electric scooter.

🐠 🐠 🐠

Three days later, and I'm back here, dragged outta my home. The training center gave me the week off, my therapist said I probably don't even need her anymore. Then the intern billed me for his hospital fees, and reporters kept knocking on my door to get a word until I started shooting arrows out my window. Stay off the lawn kids!

The practice room is set up with more knives and targets than they have in the training center. Another person in a headset is talking to me, and I'm nodding along, tying together the drawstrings of my sweater until they're done with the spiel – "So about that kid I hit; isn't that like covered or something? Do I really have to pay for that?"

But there's a distraction and there's Avriel walking in and I always remember tribs by the money I bet on them. What was he? A thousand dollars? Whatever.

There must be at least one sane person left.

So I make a beeline for him, moving with purpose until that emo kid is right in front of me.

"Hello. Can you slap me."

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"easy violence"

The train ticket showed up on the front porch a week ago in an envelope stapled to the front of an information packet reading URGENT in angry red letters.

Avriel had used it as a coaster for three days before finally opening it. He figured if he ignored it long enough, the urgency would slip away. Then the phone call from Gloria had come, with it the command to go to the Capitol out of games week and mentor on some game show.

"No thank-you," he'd said politely and hung up.

The peacekeeper escort at four this morning had been overkill in Avriel's opinion but he's no expert. He left Scout still asleep on his windowsill and went along quietly. The train was quiet without his usual escort and that was almost nice for a moment. The sun rose as he travelled, lighting up endless planes of sparkling, untouched snow. They flew through the districts without stopping and Avriel watched blurry faces stare at them as they went by.

And forgot for a moment where he was going.

The gates to the capitol opened as the train pulled near and that familiar feeling of dread settled like a cat on his chest. No matter the fact that it's been a year and a half since he came here, expecting to die, he still feels it.

The peacekeepers escort him all the way to where Gloria waits for him at Saturn City before they finally leave him be. Avriel gives Gloria a little wave as they walk up, "Hey," he says.

"You're late," she says.

"Yeah, I didn't want to come," he says.

She considers this for a moment and then shrugs. Avriel follows her inside and up a flight of stairs, then down a hall. "In there," she says to him, "That's where your contestant is waiting."

As she walks away, Avriel realizes that it would have been good to read the information packet they'd sent him on the train ride in. Now he's face to face with this strange man and he doesn't actually know why.

"Hello. Can you slap me," he says.

Avriel does him one better and punches him in the jaw.

[fox]

A   R   C   H   I   E

Avriel punches me in the face!

The burst of pain tells me it's not a dream, physics of a fist grounded in reality.

"Fuck." Fuck, this kid really just tried to unhinge my jaw – guess that's what I get for asking to eat shit. I touch my face lightly, fingerprints echoing an ache that colours me in. I stare at him.

"Bruh, I appreciate you, but you could've gone a little lighter–" I can taste blood when I speak, ears ringing faintly like seven a.m. alarms from dreamland.

The production assistant comes between us, shock and horror dripping from his face like a scream queen audition and he's pushing us apart now. We're suddenly backdrop to people in the studio frantically talking into devices, the camera girl and sound guy making eye contact, still frozen in their places, an intern in the middle of handing out coffee orders, craning his neck over to watch us in glee.

Can't a man get punched in peace.

Shit, how does this make sense.

Fuck, I can't make top five, are you kidding me. I've been sick of performing since I started all those years ago, paid off all my debts finally, and how did I fuck up my own retirement?

Now there's ice packs being shoved into my arms, a makeup brush dunked in powder running over my jaw, but I'm about to dip on this whole stupid thing. Shaking off the hands around me, I unmic myself, tugging on the tangle of wires until it comes off, dropping it on the floor.

"Um, I need to use the bathroom."

But the PA isn't listening so a lil louder – "RIPRED, I need to pEE–" People back off "–god, thank you."

Turning around, and I search for Av in the sudden frenzy because I'm gonna do him a favour since he did me a solid, even though he kinda tried to kill me. "And Avriel has to come with."

I TRIED AND NOW I'M GETTING OLDER.

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"easy violence"

The connection echoes up to his elbow, then his shoulder and Avriel grimaces slightly as he wrings his fist out beside him. For a moment, the room is silent, shocked still, everyone holding a collective breath.

"Fuck."

A person in a headset frantically slides in between Avriel and Archie as if they're throwing themselves in front of a bullet. The camera person looks busy behind the camera, glancing away when Avriel's blank stare falls on them. A kid with a tray of drinks is slowly but surely pouring a coffee onto the floor while he gapes and absolutely everybody is looking at him.

Avriel looks away, back at the guy who asked him to hit him. His skin, mottled red from Avriel's fist is already starting to puff up. People are now shoving ice packs into his arms and holding them against his cheek for him. One little punch and it's like Avriel tried to murder him or something. Well he shouldn't have asked to get hit if he couldn't take a goddamn punch so Avriel chalks it up to not his fault.

Kind of wild to watch the room flutter over something he's done. For months now he's just resigned himself to his fate and played the good little victor as best he can. Nothing good's come of it, just opportunities like this one. Maybe they all forgot that there's a reason he made it out of that arena alive, his bite's far more brutal than his bark will ever be.

As the people in the room fret over the other guy, some kid holds an ice pack out to Avriel, arms shaking, timid. For a moment he forgot what it was like to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, trodding through a field of rabbits and for just a second, Avriel's ashamed for causing a scene. He takes the ice pack and presses it against sore knuckles. "Thanks," he says with a little nod.

"And Avriel has to come with."

He looks up to see slap happy staring at him along with everyone else in the room. Somewhere in all of that, the guy lost his mic to the floor and that one kid with the floor latte has now got a mop and bucket instead.

"I don't have to pee," Avriel says, "Besides, I think you can probably handle it alone, it was just one little punch."

Then it dawns on him. This stranger is trying to rescue him from this stupid little moment. Seems odd, especially after Avriel just decked him, but if all this is an elaborate trap, it's pretty fucking dumb. Avriel has no reason not to trust him and an out's an out.

"I mean, I need to pee, so bad" he says and turns to the kid who handed him the ice pack. "Bathroom?" he asks.

The kid points at a set of double doors across the room. Avriel hands the ice pack back to them and then starts walking across the floor.

"C'mon, Slappy," he says, hooking a finger over his shoulder at him.

[fox]

A   R   C   H   I   E

"C'mon, Slappy."

Fun, that's me!

Heading towards the double doors, our steps are being echoed by a softer pair. Turn around, and there's the kid with the iced coffees, trailing behind us timidly, mop still in his hands. He drops it when we make eye contact, wooden handle banging on the floor.

"Oh, um, they just sent me along to make sure you guys find the bathroom alright…"

Ripred. He looks like he's gonna pass away.

Guess it would be kinda funny to get caught in the middle of a brawl in the bathroom between a victor and the guy who accidentally stabbed an intern. But he's got nothing to worry about! Sheesh, I'm not gonna hurt this kid – can't afford another hospital bill on my paycheck.

Or can I??

I gotta do the math.

Out in the hall, there's like a hundred people with places to go between door to door. Some are holding costumes on hangers, some with marquee signs, boxes of camera lenses, multicoloured bulbs. A few steps in, and a steel beam on someone's shoulder swings towards my head.

I duck.

I guess it's just instinct.

Maybe I should've just let it take me out?

For real, a coma doesn't sound so bad right now. It's kinda just like taking one of those naps where you meant to wake up in an hour, but suddenly it’s three a.m. and you have no idea what day it is anymore. Like, I need to send my ass back to bed. Why am I still on PGT, you know? Haha. Ha. God, I'm living in a nightmare.

Finally, finally, we've made it to the bathroom. But the intern's still here, standing around and fiddling with his hands in this long, awkward pause before he speaks up. "I-I have to walk you guys back."

I look at Av, look back at the kid, look at Av again and wonder if we're thinking the same thing, but this guy's got the face of a hunk of stone. Shit, I've had pet rocks that had more expressive features than Avriel. I lean in towards the intern.

"Are you gonna watch us pee too, or are you good?"

"I'll wait outside." The kid squeaks out.

Amazing. Incredible. I open the door, gesture towards the inside with a bow like it's the venue of the century. "After you."

And when the door shuts, I turn to my newest partner in crime, face still burning violently from his fist but hey that's life – "Alright bro, how are we gonna lose the kid."

I TRIED AND NOW I'M GETTING OLDER.