loving memories.— [lottie/peter]

[Deleted]

P  E  T  E  R    W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

Flynn was right about one thing.

I needed to come home, that was my top priority. In the grand scheme of things, nothing else mattered. In each sunrise I've seen from the windows of the Training Center, I saw a crown in the golden sky. My crown. A crown that 89 people had worn before me, the thing that turned kids from the districts immortal. The thing that would take me home, the thing that would allow me to live. The thing I'd have to kill for.

That was the hardest part - coming to terms with the fact I'd have to kill.

It was especially hard whenever I saw people who had lost family in the Hunger Games before. Now when I looked at Lottie Bellisario in the Training Center, I  could only think of one thing. Gabriel back in the Justice Building. Him hugging me as tight as he could, shaking almost. He tried his hardest not to cry as he told me he didn't want me to go. Was that her last year? If she had any living siblings was that them now? Unlikely. But, Gabriel refused to go away. I thought if maybe if I talked to her, Gabriel would leave.

I knew what it was, it was the guilt. I felt guilty about the idea killing her. I remember how broken up Nina seemed about Aurora's death. How broken Teddy was even now. I wanted to make people happy, to help them. Maybe if I checked on her, helped her with her brother's death, I'd feel less guilty about having to kill her. Or at least I could lie to myself about it easier.

I went over to her and gave her a soft smile, "Hey Lottie, right? Mind going for a walk with me through the center and talking a bit? It's a little crowded in here and I've been wanting to get to know you better."

Love Bellisario didn't seem like the friendliest guy, but maybe she'd go for it. Talking about hard stuff was even harder with an audience or in a louder room. I'm sure we could find somewhere quiet, somewhere with just the two of us (and probably some Peacekeepers) before I got into the heavy shit. Maybe bonding with people wasn't my smartest move. Maybe having a heart wasn't my smartest move either. But Teddy was kind even in his Games, and he's still alive.

I wanted to win to preserve what was important to me. To preserve the love within my family. To preserve a happy life for my future son, for Luca. To preserve everything I've built up and worked towards. I've worked so hard towards a career as a teacher. I've worked to be kind, and to help people even when others have not been kind to me. I've worked to be optimistic even when it gets hard. I couldn't lose all of that.

If these games destroy everything I am at my core, does it really matter if I win?

If I became a monster, would my family look at me the same? Would I be able to love Luca as much as I do now? Would I even care to visit Four after he was born? What if I killed myself so much I didn't even want to teach anymore? I still needed to retain my humanity. If I didn't, all of the pain and suffering I was sure to endure would be for nothing. Even if I died, I wanted to die being myself. And myself was someone who cared about others.

[ 591 words ]
[ table by pogue ]

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

It was a blessing and a curse.

Having a name that other people recognize came with its privileges, but it also came with its downfalls. Everyone knew who she was. And if they didn't, they at least knew she was important. And if they didn't know, someone would always be sure to tell them.

The whispers always varied. Good, bad, indifferent. It mostly depended on their feelings bout Love. Some people hated him, some people loved him, and she was sure some people ultimately forgot who he was. But it shouldn't matter, Lottie was nothing like Love.

At least that's what she told herself to help her sleep better at night.

Today at the training center was no different from the last. Eyes followed her with every move she made. Some seemed to be staring in awe, others in maybe disgust or just plain hatred, and others who seemed to just be staring in curiosity. It used to bother her, it happened a lot in the District since Love died, but she has taught herself how to ignore it.

But here everything seemed just a little different.

Regardless, Charlotte held her head high and dismissed the wandering eyes. She floated through her stations, showing off gracefully and did her best at each one.

Which of course was nothing short of perfection.

Her final knife flew from her hand and hit the dumb square in the chest with a loud thunk. She was just about to turn and get another set when a voice spoke directly beside her. She looked up and there was the boy from Six.

"Hey Lottie, right? Mind going for a walk with me through the center and talking a bit? It's a little crowded in here and I've been wanting to get to know you better.

"Sure," she said returning his smile. "I could use a break." The truth was she had no time for breaks, but mother would have beaten her silly if she had declined his offer. Her whole life she was taught proper manners, and unfortunately it included rarely saying no when someone asked you for a simple task. So, she placed the knives she had picked up back down and joined the boy.

Maybe he could be useful.

She doubted it, but maybe this walk would be her biggest blessing for the day.

[Deleted]

P  E  T  E  R    W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

I was honestly a little surprised when she said yes. Not because of who she was, but because of her family. Love didn't seem like the friendliest guy in the world when he was in the Hunger Games and I've heard rumors about the Bellisario family. But regardless of her brother or family or gossip, she had agreed to go on a walk with me. Now I just had to figure out where I was going from here.

My smile brightened a bit as I lead her out of the room and into the hall, "Anywhere specific you want to go? There's kind of a cool rooftop I hung out with Talon with one night, but it probably doesn't look at cool during the day time. Or do you just want to get lost together?"

I continued walking as I awaited her response. Maybe I should have known where we were going before I invited her on the walk, but maybe this was a good thing to. If she had a specific place in mind it was probably somewhere she felt comfortable or at least somewhat safe. If it was somewhere familiar she might be more apt to talk about any emotions bothering her.

Back when the bullying was bad, I saw a therapist for a little bit from the school. My favorite days were the days we went for a walk outside the building around campus instead of being cooped up in her little office. And she could tell I was more talkative, more relaxed outside so she did it more and more often. And for a little bit I considered being a therapist rather than a teacher. But, I ended up deciding on being a teacher regardless.

Now I just wanted to survive long enough to meet Luca. But, I could still try to help people until then. Maybe it didn't matter if I helped Charlotte considering she had to die regardless. But it just felt more peaceful this way. Getting out any last thoughts, settling emotions. I knew if I die I want to die without any regrets. But if I die in the Arena, I will always regret never meeting Luca. And I knew there was a chance she'd always die with some sort of regret in that arena no matter what myself or anyone else did. But at least I could comfort her about Love.

[ 396 words ]
[ table by pogue ]