equilibrium // peter & esther

[ali]

You really know how to make me cry
When you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Fallin' into your ocean eyes

Tick.

In the Capitol, sleep was not so much a fickle friend. Esther had spent the first night wide awake in bed and the following morning Sparky had- in perhaps the most intelligent words to fall out of their mouth- suggested a sleeping pill. They were of course, given out as yet another carrot on the stick. Giving a view of how the other half lived before in roughly two weeks, would be snatched out away from them. Tonight however, Esther just stared at the single pill that had been lain out for her on a silver dish as if it were the most prized item of a six course meal.

And yet she felt no desire to take it.

With a small sigh and shrug, she pushed off the bed and crossed the silent apartment. Atticus and Sierra were probably fast asleep and neon warmth of the glow of the capitol cast through the large open windows of the apartment like a forgotten sunrise; if Esther had watched the sunset from the balcony she might have considered if they had been plunged into an eternal twilight. Moving slowly, she crept to the elevator, calling it down. Instincitively she rubbed her arms, despite the fact she had not felt warmth like this in the seventeen winters she had spent in the slums of Three.

As the empty lift opened up before her, she stepped inside and closed her eyes, allowing the sinking feeling of the lift wash over her. It didn't take long for her to reach the training floor and she stepped out into the silent empty room- she was about to make a bee line for the chemical table when she realised there was a shadow mirroring her steps out of one of the other lifts. Esther turned, her eyes wide, like a white rabbit caught in the headlights.

lyrics: ocean eyes by Billie Eilish

[Deleted]

P E T E R    W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

The first night was better than the second night.

Writing that letter after the Opening Ceremony had helped a even if I hadn’t given it to Teddy yet. I kept it under my pillow at night and whenever I left I took it with me. I refused to let anything happen to it. It was a comfort, definitely. In it was my humanity - what was left of it at least. It was a reminder of what I was fighting for. The advice I wrote in it was starting to benefit me more than it would Luca. But it wasn’t enough now.

In my dreams I was back in the Justice Building. I was looking at myself in the mirror and then bashing my head into it. I was back in that dark place again. When I woke up with a start I instantly went to the nearest mirror and checked the cut in my forehead. I moved my hair out of the way to get a good look at it. It was small, but it was there. It felt like it was bleeding again, but that was probably just my nerves from the nightmares.

I needed to get out of here.

I knew I’d never be able to leave the Training Center itself, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t leave my room. I went to Teddy’s room first. When I knocked on the door it was soft. Loud enough he could hear if he was awake but that wouldn’t wake him if he was a light sleeper. I waited. And nothing happened. I didn’t feel comfortable enough with Flynn to approach him, so I decided to go for a walk.

The reason that Teddy was comforting was that he was a reminder of my life before yesterday, before the reaping. I talked to him a lot. About my life, about school, about bad days, and about good days. That’s why Luca was a comfort too. Everyday I tried to talk to Sabrina about updates, even if they were small. But I have other things from my old life too. Things like chemistry.

When I first met Teddy, I was on my way to school early. Two days a week I had extra chemistry early in the morning. The other three days I still showed up to just do my own experiments or talk with my chemistry teacher. Maybe that could help me, I did see some chemicals earlier in the day. Even if I was limited, it was still me being back in my element.

Though I guess I wasn’t the only one looking for some late night chemistry. As I got out of the elevator and headed towards the chemicals, so did someone else. I paused, then offered her a smile, “Hey, isn’t it a little bit late for some training? Or are you just trying to get some extra credit done?”

[ 477 words ]
[ table by pogue ]

[ali]

You really know how to make me cry
When you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Fallin' into your ocean eyes

Esther had once had friends.

Once upon a time, she had been an overly confident girl, bright and shining like a sun. However like everything in the Universe, she had begun a journey into chaos that was unescapable. She had begun to flicker and fluctuate, shed the very outer shell of her being, stardust shedding from her until she was left nothing but a husk of the person she was once before. Esther was not quite there yet, not at the point of no return but she had lost enough of herself to now be alone, wandering through the universe in an eternal celestial dance until the end came. 

She had lost all ability to make friends, she was painfully shy. When her gaze met the strangers she physically recoiled, taking a step back, bringing her hands together. Nervously she wrang them, tugging at her own skin on the back of her palm as she felt herself getting smaller and smaller until she felt tiny and the stranger was towering over her- she was viewing an exagerated version of reality in which every other person was a monster and she was her prey. 

The echo of the person Esther had once been reached forward and Esther felt the pounding of her heart steady slightly. Blinking her brow furrowed. Her lips parted to say something in response to the strangers comment, but she found herself tongue tied. She paused, folding her arms across her chest to hug herself tightly. Her brow furrowed more, her frown tightening. "....well I could ask you the same thing..." she asked quietly.

lyrics: ocean eyes by Billie Eilish

[Deleted]

P E T E R    W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

She was quiet, and I felt bad. Did I hurt her feelings? I didn't mean to do that! I was just trying to be funny, not upset her. She responded that she could ask me the same thing so with that I responded with a small chuckle. And then I gave her a slight smile, hoping it would raise the mood a bit, "You're right, Esther, right? I'm Peter... well, don't let me interrupt you. I promise I don't bite."

I gave her a little wink when I said that. Sure this might come off as flirting, but that definitely wasn't my intention. I was someone who liked to make friends. And I definitely had some shy ones. Shy people were kind of like cats. They weren't like dogs that would become your best friend immediately. It took time. A pet here, a chin scratch there. If you went too fast they'd either run or claw the fuck out of you. I was letting her warm up to me.

I turned and continued towards the chemicals. And then I realised I didn't even know what I wanted to do. And just blindly playing with chemicals was never a good idea. Maybe this was a good time to get to know her. After all, the first time Nina and I really talked was when we were lab partners in school, "Anything in particular you were hoping to do? I might be able to help, if you'll let me that is. You probably don't need my help, but if you'll have me I'd be happy to help."

If she didn't want my help, I'd drop it. You can't force people into talking or being your friends. She seemed scared almost, and forcing myself into her life would only cement that fear. It made me worry for her. What happened in her life to make her so scared? Even when I had issues with getting bullied I never had that much fear as she does. I wanted to help her, but I knew it was too late to now.

[ 343 words ]
[ table by pogue ]