my girlfriend loves my racecar bed / wolf & axel

[calla]

Sweet digs, man.

A guy could get used to a place like this, really. Dunno what I did to deserve getting picked right out the gate, but I gave Wolfgang a fist bump in front of the cameras in appreciation. Homies gotta help the homies? I'm not afraid of a little smooch, every time I think about the guy now I just think of cotton candy - and that shit's bangin'.

So, yeah, Wolf's a real one.

(What even is an Enterprise though??)

But the ROOM dude. Gigantic. Incredible. Colourful?

The curtains alone kinda look like they cost more than my entire life and I'm trying not to think about it too hard. Consumerism and all that. There's a gum-ball machine in the corner and I crank that sucker at least ten times. I've got a rainbow in my palm when I turn around and I end up sniping a red one at Wolf from across the room, watch it bounce off his shoulder and land on the floor, rolling under the bed in a really sad way.

Those judges were right dude, I can't aim for shit.

Haha whatever!

I stuff a purple and a green gum-ball in my mouth - gurple? Preen? I dunno, I'm not a architect.

My tongue tastes like watermelon and not-grape when I flop down on the giant bed like a giant starfish. Feels like I'm floating on a marshmallow. I hold my hands out, jaw locking already damn, revealing the gummy treasures to Wolf.

"Wan' wuhn?"

[ 💌 ]

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

The penthouse is kind of fucking cool. Axel heads right over to a gumball machine but Wolf is caught up by the view out the window. The lake this place sits in the middle of is lit up by a bunch of floating paper lanterns. It's the nicest thing he's ever seen.

He leans against the glass, watching as the lights move further and further away. There's this strangeness growing in the pit of his stomach, a seed taking root and the roots pushing through his muscle and veins and skin, he curls his fingers up tight into his palms.

Something bounces off his shoulder, hackles raised, he turns on one heel and glares on instinct, mouth already forming around Caelum's name. Then he remembers that his older brother isn't here, it's just him and a stranger and a room with a bed that's too big.

He slips his hand into his pocket and wraps his fingers around the half-empty carton of cigarettes still in there instead. They're a little squished, he's pretty sure that came from all the kissing. They won't taste as good as gumballs do.

Wolf turns the knob on the gumball machine and a little yellow one, bright like sunshine, spits out. He pops it in his mouth and synthetic flavour floods him. Instant relief.

Axel looks like he doesn't have a care in the world and Wolfgang knows he's going grey before thirty. Maybe this was a mistake. He falls on the bed beside Axel though anyway, rests his head on his flung out arm and the familiarity makes his skin crawl a little.

Is this right?

He turns his head to look at Axel who reveals a mouth full of bubble gum.

"Tempting," Wolfgang says. The moment is easy enough. It doesn't have to be more than this, right?

"Axel I got a question."

He bites his lip a little and then winces. It still stings, still feels like someone's punched him a little too hard in the mouth and if this is what kissing does maybe it's a bad idea in general. Maybe Wolf's not made for stuff like this, maybe coming here was a bad idea.

He stares at Axel a moment too long, teeth holding his words back. Wolf's always been a little bit reckless, first to touch the sharpest edges as if he can build up an immunity to pain.

"Do you like that I chose you?"

[ 💌 ]

[calla]

Wolf doesn't want any of the gumballs - that's probably a good call, they're getting kinda warm now. I start throwing them one by one into the little bin by the side of the bed (most make it!!) and there's a rainbow stain left on my palm from the coatings. It kinda looks like a messed up tattoo and stare at it for a second.

Weird.

I'm about to ask Wolf if I should get a tattoo like that except when I look over at him he's making a weird face. Annisa makes that face sometimes when she's being particularly testy, so even though his hair's tickling my arm, I stay still.

"Axel I got a question."

Oh god am I about to kicked out?

Maybe Wolf thought I was someone else when he picked me - Beatrice? That's close enough, right? She's more of a Morrisen than I am, probably would've been the better choice; she's got a lot more connections than I do, she's better at training than I am - I flunked out! What kind of career flunks out of career training?

I do this gross sort of nervous laugh and get rid of the stupid gumballs in my mouth (stupid).

"Shoot."

"Do you like that I chose you?"

I blink at the side of his head like it's a trick question.

"I- yeah?" Is this a prank? Are there cameras in here? "Dude, yeah."

Too earnest? I mean, look at this room though! Even the guest room at Annie's isn't this big.

"I probably woulda had to room with my cousin otherwise - how weird would that be?"

Except everyone likes Bea. She's like. Picture perfect or something. She's the District's favourite the same way Anton is dad's favourite. I think about standing on that talent show stage and having the most depressing revelation of my life to the tune of a kazoo. None of them even knew I was there. Life's crazy, dude.

I shrug the arm under Wolf's head, look at the rainbow mess on my hand again and try to find the ink blot in it. "You're cool man, don't worry about it."

And then I get really stupid again, it's an occupational hazard - there's a dog in the red and blue of my palm and I think it's supposed to represent the family disappointment - "Do you like that you chose me?"

[ 💌 ]

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

Axel laughs and the creature that was clawing through the lining of Wolfgang's stomach finally settles. Kaleidoscopes of sound all slide into place with this reassuring click and he's content even before the other boy answers him.

"Dude, yeah."

Does everyone from Four move like this? Slow and steady like the tide and the cascading sound of rocks running over other rocks as they're dragged back out to sea.

Laughter that slides everything back into place and makes him feel okay again.

Wolfgang believes him.

When Axel speaks it doesn't feel like there's a double meaning behind his words and that's different for him. He's spent a lifetime trying to decipher all the veiled messages that hide behind his family's teeth. Talking to his dad makes him feel like he's being promised it isn't raining so he doesn't need a jacket all while getting soaked to the bone.

And it isn't okay to disagree so he just lets himself get drenched and then wrings his socks out later.

"Nah someone else woulda got you if I didn't," Wolf says and blows a bubble with the yellow bubblegum in his mouth. It gets big enough to block out his vision before it pops and a thin layer falls over his nose. He pulls the mess back in with his tongue.

For just a moment, part of him wishes that Axel was happy to be with him just because. No one ever has been before though so why should he expect a stranger to be?

"Do you like that you chose me?"

Wolfgang's brain stops for a second.

Tries to boot back up.

"Huh?" he asks, stupidly.

A blush spreads across his cheeks, so hot that he can feel it and Wolfgang rolls to hide it in a panic. Skin, hot against Axel's shoulder instead of his arm, stupid. That's fucking stupid. He was supposed to go the other way, roll right off the bed and out the door.

He's going to bite through his lip or something, he's chewing on it so hard. His thoughts are racing too quick, he doesn't have a hope in hell of catching even one of them, Wolf's all on his own here.

The only thought he can land on is that quiet moment during the contest when Axel had held him and everything else seemed to just fade away. Here in the crook of his arm, it's like he's been taken somewhere else again. No penthouse suit, no cameras, no pressure. That safe feeling's back, Axel smells like bubblegum and something else underneath, he can't place it, it's just too different to what he's used to. Fresh and familiar all at once.

"Yeah," he mumbles finally into the fabric of Axel's shirt, "Of course, easiest decision I've ever had to make."

It doesn't mean anything though right?

It's just a game.

So why is his heart trying to leave his body through his goddamned throat?

[ 💌 ]

[calla]

There's a spot on the ceiling that looks exactly like the dog on my hand.

Sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out.

The whole ceiling's got this kind of marble texture to it, it moves when you look at it, and there's a dog in the design right there. That's gotta be some kind of omen. There's a connection between the ceiling and my hand and the dog and the gumballs and I'm gonna figure out what it is, swear.

I wonder what it feels like to spiral. Everybody's inadequate when everybody's at rock bottom, right? It's not that I think I'm a bad person, it's just that sometimes I don't think I'm a person person.

Maybe I'm the dog?

I'm in contemplation. Future career path: philosopher. Wolf does a barrel roll onto me and then all thoughts of Archimedes leave me, I guess we're cuddling now. That's chill! There's nothing wrong with a little cuddling between the homies.

Homies don't judge other homies so I point at the ceiling, eye it suspiciously, mutter, "S'that look like a dog to you?"

Except then I remember that Wolf isn't really looking, he's trying to suffocate himself in my shirt, so I just let my hand drop and wonder whether I'll be implicated in manslaughter if he really does manage to smother himself. Should I be pulling him up? He's warm though, and it's kinda nice. Like a weighted blanket.

"Easiest decision I've ever had to make." Wolf eventually says into my shoulder and half of me's real glad he's still breathing.

The other half goes all mushy - "Aww, thanks man."

Nothing like some praise to soothe a little self-deprecation. I dunno how to deal with the mushy feely, so usually I just don't. Have a breakdown, call it a day! I wrap my other arm around him and squeeze tight just once. He's like a shifty cotton candy coloured teddy bear. Or a cute little racoon sitting outside your door at night - if you're cold, he's cold, let him in!

What a cool dude.

The lights dim in the room suddenly - is it really that late? I never had a curfew as a kid, it's weird as hell to have one now.

"I'm not tired yet, let's play a game."

I poke at Wolf until he looks up like a grump little gopher.

"Two truths and a lie - you gotta guess which ones are which." Easy, yeah? "I'll go first."

We barely even know each other and dude's already lying in my arms, it'll be a good bonding sesh! Dad used to always say that life's short and you have to make connections, but I actually think that life is terribly, incessantly long and you need to just always find something to pass the time. I stare at the dog again and try to think of something good.

"One - my eyes are green." Nice try - I close them real quick and slap my hand over so he can't cheat.

"Two - " I say it to where Wolf kinda was but now my hand's covering my eyes so I could also just be talking to the wall, "My cousin's a victor"

I imagine a drumroll in my head.

"And three - " Play it cool, play it cool. "I can jump six feet straight up."

[ 💌 ]