the risk i took was calculated || storm + av, 91st train

[lance]

s t o r m .

There's a disconnect, sorta, in the Justice Building. Ma, Pa, each and every one of his siblings - why were their faces so somber? Why did they not trust him when he said he could do this? That he was doing this for a reason? He supposed that was the drawback of keeping secrets - it was impossible to expect the rest of his family to stay caught up on the same story if he read fifty pages ahead all on his own.

And for a moment there, the seeds of doubt had taken root deep in his psyche, the anxieties and fears that had very nearly led him to avoid volunteering entirely once again sinking their claws into his confidence. Even as he said goodbye to his family, one by one ("Why are you so sad? I'll be back in a few weeks anyway!"), he didn't quite get it. Was it because Fleur had volunteered, and had failed to come back? Was it because Nowles had been thrust into an arena practically made for her, and had died anyway? Storm was more prepared than that. More eager, more willing, and as sad as the loss of his cousins were, they'd shown him what to expect, too.

Besides. Each of his elder siblings had already gone through similar trials. What made him so different? Why couldn't he prove himself too, in his own way?

For a moment there, it seemed that the seeds of doubt would bloom and he'd second-guess and self-sabotage himself all the way to the Capitol.

And then? Well, and then, he found the dessert buffet.

He's not sure how long it takes, really, for Avriel to find him, only that he's on his fourth slice of an absolutely delicious chocolate cake that would have given his mother fits if she saw him so much as look at by the time the Victor makes his presence known. In a different situation, perhaps, Storm would no doubt find himself mollified at being in the mere presence of the boy who had come home in place of his cousin, but at this point, there's already chocolate smearing his lips and the sugar rush has already hit him and well, fears and worries are kind of the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"DUDE!" he all but shouts at Avriel in his excitement, and not even the unexpected volume nor the voice crack can do much more than bring a pink tinge to his cheeks, so heavily has his sheer delight overwhelmed the possibility for other emotions to surface. "Is this seriously what you get to eat every day as a Victor? That's so wicked!" He shoves what remains of slice number four into his mouth without waiting for a response. "No wndrmph-" he attempts, cheeks bulging, before common sense and fourteen years worth of table manners reemerge and force him to chew and swallow before speaking again. "No wonder so many kids volunteer if this is what they get to indulge on!"

Back home, Storm would have waited patiently, albeit reluctantly, for each of his family members to finish their first servings before asking for seconds. But this wasn't home. Storm was days away from his own version of Night and Eve's trial, and, well, he was going to fucking enjoy it.

So, shoving the last gasp of his table manners back down into the void where it belonged, he barely spared a glance in Avriel's direction before moving to cut himself a fifth slice.

elegant

[✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]

a v r i e l .

"i'm no good at this,
i'm fuckin' up."

No TV in his train car this year. There's a faint outline on the wall around a dark spot where the sun faded everything else around it, but no new TV.

Guess he deserves that.

Avriel flexes his hand out of habit, muscle still sometimes tight from the shards of glass they'd had to pick out of his fist last year.

"Anger issues are common in his kind," Gloria had advised the train's staff over the mess, "Think nothing of it."

His suitcase sits on the edge of the single bed and there's a bottle of water on the windowsill with a little paper cup beside it. A small card stands open to the left of the set-up. Avriel picks it up.

"Welcome Back," he mumbles, then drops the card flat back down on the sill.

He knows this time, he can't get attached.

It was something he thought he'd already learned with Zane and Aneesa but he'd gone ahead and let Oswald and Nowles sneak under his skin anyway. It'd been a mistake, they'd both died on him. Two more kids to pop up in his dreams, two more deaths for his brain to warp into his fault.

And there's only so much more weight he can bear.

Avriel sighs and sits down heavily on the bed. Scout uses the opportunity to crawl out of his pocket. The Kodama straightens, rattles its head briefly like a dog shaking off water and then points at its mouth.

"When we start moving, we'll eat okay?" Avriel says.

Carly and Storm will still be in the Justice building saying their goodbyes for at least another ten minutes and he doesn't want to be standing there awkwardly in the main car just waiting for them.

Scout sits down to wait and Avriel leans back against the wall, his eyes on that empty square on the wall, gaze dull.

There's this tight feeling in the back of his throat, a heat behind his eyes the he's been trying to ignore since he left home this morning. It pulls at him, screams at him to stand up and take his suitcase and step off the train before it leaves the station.

stay.

He shuts his eyes against it. That's not an option. Even if he promises himself he'll hold them at arm's length, Avriel won't leave his tributes to the wolves.

If they find their end in the arena, he won't let them die thinking that no one was on their side. He'll do what he can because it's the least he can do.

The thought of that is somehow unbearable to him.

The train lurches forward sometime later and Avriel opens his eyes. The world is speeding by quickly out the window to his right but the sights through it are so familiar now, there's no wonder to the speed anymore.

The novelty has long worn off. All it does is put miles between him and everything that he cares about.

Soft tugging on his sleeve. Avriel glances down at Scout and the kodama points at its mouth again.

"Yeah," he says, "We'll go."

It always takes a moment to get used to the motion of the train again. The oddity of it still gets him. He's spent his whole life walking everywhere, it's hard to connect the concept that they're hurtling along at a mile a minute now. Avriel moves slowly down the train, stubbornly walking back in the direction of Nine even as the train takes him away from his district.

But there's no sadness this time. He knows he's going to be home again soon.

He slides open the door to the dining hall and there's Storm Adroxis, inhaling food, like someone's going to take it out of his mouth before he can chew. Avriel stands there for a moment. He's not afraid of the Adroxis family. Like most kids in Nine he grew up on stories of Babe Adroxis and his escapades.

But he knows they'd rather have had Fleur home over him and it's only been a year since Nowles died under his watch.

It occurs to him only now that Storm might hate him.

The kid's eyes land on him and Avriel freezes, fumbling to gauge the way Storm feels about him by eye contact alone. Unfortunately, Avriel can barely understand his own feelings, let alone others.

"Uhh, yeah, I guess," Avriel says, a little thrown by Storm's enthusiasm. Fleur had been reserved, Nowles almost disdainful. Storm, despite his name, seems like a ray of fucking sunshine. Doesn't change the fact that he volunteered though, even after watching two of his cousins die in the past three years.

Kid's got to be unstable.

He walks over to the table and Scout slips off his shoulder to land on the table. Avriel picks a cookie up and drops it over the Kodama's head before picking up a strawberry for himself.

Storm is working on another sweet already and Avriel watches him out of the corner of his eye, half-concerned, half in awe over his appetite.

"They don't feed you at the Adroxis house or something?" he asks, twirling the stem of the strawberry between his fingers.