find our sisters | {elvena}

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

I'm fully aware that I'm an ugly crier, okay? Like, that's already reason enough for me to keep some distance when I'm upset, but I also just don't like for people to know when I'm, like, emotional and shit because they take advantage of that shit. And this place is- this place puts a bitch through the ringer, let me tell you. I've shared my blood with those girls, and I know we'd all choose each other over anyone else in the arena, but I also know we'll each choose ourselves when there's no one else left except the four of us. I can't risk giving them any ammunition now, because they might use it to shoot me in a week.

I pull out the ouija board from my orange purse and set it gently onto the rocky bottom of the path, and wipe away the stream of tears pouring down my cheeks.

When I was a little girl and my older sister wasn't a crackhead yet, we used to climb into our grandparents' attic and call ghosts and shit all the time during the summers. It's a nice memory, if nothing else. I hear footsteps, and look back to find Elvena, who is already right next to me before I've realized she's there.

"Jesus fuckin- We gotta get you a bell or something."

I pat the empty space across the board from me.

"Sit. Let's talk to some dead people."

I don't know whether Elvena is checking on a friend, or an ally, or a number. I guess it doesn't matter much to me, in the end, as long as I feel like I have someone in this moment. Shit, dude. Even seeing that she's willing to sit down in front of me is almost enough to push the tears back up to the surface. I sniffle and blink them away, shaking away my sadness with my shoulders and forcing a smile.

I go through the motions, recite the words, circle the loose rock we're using in place of an actual planchette in the right direction, and with my eyes closed, I can hear my grandma's record player downstairs and my sister doing a cheesy spooky accent and me, a little girl who didn't know how fucked the world was yet, giggling and laughing. When I open them, I'm back here, where everything burns.

"Are there any spirits here with us tonight?" I raise a suspicious brow. Nothing happens at first, and then the rock begins to move.

"C-E-C-I-L-Y," I recite, a look of confusion darting to Elvena. I know I'm not the one moving it, so why the hell does she want to talk to some irrelevant bitch from Five who died like three or four years ago? But, whatever, I go along with it.

She's the girl whose entire alliance died during some kind of camera glitch, but, there were rumors of course. Anytime something runs less than smoothly in Panem, there are rumors.

"Okay..." I continue, "What really happened to your alliance then?"