what, like it's hard?? ☺ councillor endy
Jan 13, 2023 22:42:03 GMT -5
Post by calla on Jan 13, 2023 22:42:03 GMT -5
e n d y !
d i s t r i c t 5 l i a s o n
☺ ☺ ☺
d i s t r i c t 5 l i a s o n
☺ ☺ ☺
The call comes at like four in the morning. I'm in someone's Saturn Strip penthouse, curled up on the kitchen island with a frying pan as a pillow. There's still some stirfry in there - nice, breakfast!
"Sweetie, so you got the job!!" Says my voicemail because it took me five minutes to eat and then another fifteen to find the phone and actually fish it out of the jacuzzi.
And that strikes me as funny right away because I'm pretty sure my New Year's resolution was to not get a job.
Apparently Mom sent my resume in to a bunch of places, which I already know is fake because hello. I'm very much against resumes, thank you. She probably slipped a cheque into each one too, heaven forbid someone get in on their own merit right? Not when you can get a building or something named after you in the process.
So it's disgusting early, almost nine am and I end up in a board meeting surrounded by about seven of the most surliest people I've ever seen in my life.
Turns out the job is the motherfucking High Council.
"Hey is there, like, a manual for this?'
The faces all get a little bit surlier.
"Y'all mind if I smoke?"
"Thank you for finally coming in Mr. Knightly." One of the faces says. Yeah, sure. No problem.
In my defence, the mailing address that I put on forms and shit isn't my actual mailing address - what kind of nerd puts their own address on those?? So I didn't get any of the notices they sent. Or any of the urgent memos.
Oops!
"We appreciate your time." If only her face was clued in to that fact. "It's not entirely public knowledge at this point, but the previous liaison for District 5 contracted the Rose Plague through, er, close contact with one of the farm animal during one of those wellness excursions. Meditation, goat yoga, stuff like that."
She slides the report over across the long table. A big blue-raspberry bubblegum vape cloud hangs between us.
"HE [REDACTED] A GOAT??"
I choke on a lungful of blue dye number 4.
"We're working on a more suitable way to break it to the public."
"Yeah, no shit."
"We're also looking to make a few changing to the District. We've receiving an industry push, a focus on energy and chemical refinement."
"'Kay."
Except they're all looking at me.
"We were… hoping for an opinion, Mr. Knightly. This is one of the things you'll have to sign off on."
"Oh, uh. Energy's cool? Batteries. Y'know. Very energetic."
If they wanted my autograph that bad though, they could've just asked.
"How old are you? One of them demands flatly.
I shoot him the finger guns, "Twenty-one. My birthday was last month if you're planning a belated party."
Half the faces at the table suddenly get this look on their faces like they've just shit themselves.
I wonder idly if Mom put the wrong number down on my faux-resume. Hopefully she didn't embellish too much, y'know? It's not like I've actually got experience in this haha. I go to fish a little.
"My, uh, record isn't gonna be a problem, right?"
"The background check said you didn't have a criminal record-"
"Yeah, technically that's my mom's. She's the one who got in trouble for the whole Archytas thing. I just got kicked out. None of it was my fault, the judge said so."
"Is it too late to call Lochlan back?" One of them mutters to another.
"Dude, I'm right here."
"...Dude". He echoes. Dumbfounded.
Ok, boomer. It's language. Dude's never been called Dude before?
"Maybe, Mr. Knightly, we can set you up an appointment with Mr. Lochlan? He has the proper experience, perhaps he can help you ease into your new position."
"Okay well, I'm going to a music festival this weekend." I kick off and spin a 360 in the chair. Puff again. "So..."
"We can work around your schedule." But the skin around her eyes gets a little tighter.
"What about that Zeus guy? At least he seems like fun."
"Mr. Lochlan has experience with District 5-"
"Yeah but I'm pretty sure their Mayor just fucking died so like, the whole place is getting an overhaul, right? Out with the old and all that."
Besides, isn't Hades, like, forty or something? Blech.
Actually I think the whole table could use some revamping. I don't spot a wrinkle below thirty here.
"We'll work something out." The lady says tersely.
"You'll also need a PR team." The guy at the end says, "Evidently."
And that's big talk from a guy who looks like he just stepped out of an edition of Panem's Worst Plastic Surgeries.
"Yeah don't worry, I can handle that. I've got just the bitch."
"Sweetie, so you got the job!!" Says my voicemail because it took me five minutes to eat and then another fifteen to find the phone and actually fish it out of the jacuzzi.
And that strikes me as funny right away because I'm pretty sure my New Year's resolution was to not get a job.
Apparently Mom sent my resume in to a bunch of places, which I already know is fake because hello. I'm very much against resumes, thank you. She probably slipped a cheque into each one too, heaven forbid someone get in on their own merit right? Not when you can get a building or something named after you in the process.
So it's disgusting early, almost nine am and I end up in a board meeting surrounded by about seven of the most surliest people I've ever seen in my life.
Turns out the job is the motherfucking High Council.
"Hey is there, like, a manual for this?'
The faces all get a little bit surlier.
"Y'all mind if I smoke?"
"Thank you for finally coming in Mr. Knightly." One of the faces says. Yeah, sure. No problem.
In my defence, the mailing address that I put on forms and shit isn't my actual mailing address - what kind of nerd puts their own address on those?? So I didn't get any of the notices they sent. Or any of the urgent memos.
Oops!
"We appreciate your time." If only her face was clued in to that fact. "It's not entirely public knowledge at this point, but the previous liaison for District 5 contracted the Rose Plague through, er, close contact with one of the farm animal during one of those wellness excursions. Meditation, goat yoga, stuff like that."
She slides the report over across the long table. A big blue-raspberry bubblegum vape cloud hangs between us.
"HE [REDACTED] A GOAT??"
I choke on a lungful of blue dye number 4.
"We're working on a more suitable way to break it to the public."
"Yeah, no shit."
"We're also looking to make a few changing to the District. We've receiving an industry push, a focus on energy and chemical refinement."
"'Kay."
Except they're all looking at me.
"We were… hoping for an opinion, Mr. Knightly. This is one of the things you'll have to sign off on."
"Oh, uh. Energy's cool? Batteries. Y'know. Very energetic."
If they wanted my autograph that bad though, they could've just asked.
"How old are you? One of them demands flatly.
I shoot him the finger guns, "Twenty-one. My birthday was last month if you're planning a belated party."
Half the faces at the table suddenly get this look on their faces like they've just shit themselves.
I wonder idly if Mom put the wrong number down on my faux-resume. Hopefully she didn't embellish too much, y'know? It's not like I've actually got experience in this haha. I go to fish a little.
"My, uh, record isn't gonna be a problem, right?"
"The background check said you didn't have a criminal record-"
"Yeah, technically that's my mom's. She's the one who got in trouble for the whole Archytas thing. I just got kicked out. None of it was my fault, the judge said so."
"Is it too late to call Lochlan back?" One of them mutters to another.
"Dude, I'm right here."
"...Dude". He echoes. Dumbfounded.
Ok, boomer. It's language. Dude's never been called Dude before?
"Maybe, Mr. Knightly, we can set you up an appointment with Mr. Lochlan? He has the proper experience, perhaps he can help you ease into your new position."
"Okay well, I'm going to a music festival this weekend." I kick off and spin a 360 in the chair. Puff again. "So..."
"We can work around your schedule." But the skin around her eyes gets a little tighter.
"What about that Zeus guy? At least he seems like fun."
"Mr. Lochlan has experience with District 5-"
"Yeah but I'm pretty sure their Mayor just fucking died so like, the whole place is getting an overhaul, right? Out with the old and all that."
Besides, isn't Hades, like, forty or something? Blech.
Actually I think the whole table could use some revamping. I don't spot a wrinkle below thirty here.
"We'll work something out." The lady says tersely.
"You'll also need a PR team." The guy at the end says, "Evidently."
And that's big talk from a guy who looks like he just stepped out of an edition of Panem's Worst Plastic Surgeries.
"Yeah don't worry, I can handle that. I've got just the bitch."
