just answers [johnny&flynn] 93rd

[gamemaker ☢️ ivan korsch]

It has been nearly two weeks but I can still feel the handcuffs on my wrists and the numbing pressure points on my butt as the peacekeepers held me for half a day. Now it sounds like my grandpa will have to live out his days the same way, all contact lost for a man I once admired. My last memory of him will be holding a needle to my neck.All of this to drop on the family not even a few weeks before another reaping. They have already taken one of my cousins. Testimonies have been taken from every single one of us, let’s hope our denial on our grandpa’s hobbies is enough to protect us from another punishment.

My life is just one big punishment right now. The mysterious guy I have fallen for, now fallen into the same pit as my grandpa. Maybe I should have known that Johnny was hiding something from me. Maybe I should have just given the keepers his name when they questioned me, not that keeping him a secret saved his ass. A liar and a criminal. Why does my life just suck so much that everything I touch turns out to be sour or destined for death anyway?

Maybe becoming a recluse will be the best for everyone.

Back into my usual spot on the stage, next to my ageing neighbor whose company I am slowly growing to enjoy as I age with him. I have packed five years of experiencing this alongside him, now I understand why he is like he is. Doesn’t mean I am not going to lose my shit when something goes wrong though, not with two sisters with years of reapings left between them. Not with the drop in reputation on my family’s name because of my grandpa’s antics. Not when District Six is still being spat on because of the plague. This year is going to be a big media clean up, I wonder how the Capitol is going to look at me after what has happened in the past two weeks. I just hope those names are strangers. That the tributes stick to the textbook and cause no quakes to make Mayor Parson Cham shit himself over Six’s reputation.

”Johnny Scaletta!”

Fuck. Fuck!

An obvious fix. An obvious meddling. This is Johnny’s punishment. This is my punishment!

An awkward silence drops a wire across the newly refurbished District Square that has been built outside the new hospital. The wire wraps and twists around my neck. My feet shuffle and I cannot stand still, turning my back to the crowd and then looking at Teddy directly in his eyes. Johnny is not here, a regiment of peacekeepers disappear off as I assume they are picking him up from the cells. Nobody knows about us. I have not had the chance to tell anyone about us. But is there really still an us after what has happened? Damn, now I have the chance to question him. This is so fucked up.
”I can’t do this again, Teddy. I know who they are collecting.” I whisper to my neighbor as I try my hardest not to look at the guy I had just confessed my feelings too just a short few weeks ago as he is marched up onto the stage.

I make sure I am the first person to board the train, a whole hour before the planned departure. There is no point in saying goodbye to my family. Silence has held the doors shut in my house since grandpa’s arrest and if my parents’ marriage survives this, then I am betting my life savings on Johnny Scaletta surviving his punishment. The lounge carriage is my solitude for a solid hour as I rest my head against the window letting my mind wander, once again lost on what I should do exactly.

Do I fight to keep Johnny alive? Or do I let him face his punishment?

For the sake of my family’s reputation and for my own feelings, I have publicly condemned my grandpa’s actions. A last minute forced speech for all the media to see. What makes Johnny immune to my condemnation?

Maybe that cute face of his and his messy hair. His strength. His cheekiness. His cockiness that makes me blush… But he killed people! And so have I! FUCK!

My peace is murdered by the presence of the others that board the train. I get up from the leather couch, waiting for the face that I am conflicted on punching or kissing right now to step on board. It is not long before the unkempt scruffy looking douchebag shows himself.

I don’t wait to grab his wrist and drag him to the next empty carriage, it is the bathroom carriage but it will do. I let the electric doors slide shut behind us before letting out the undesirable words that have piled up inside me since I learnt Johnny had been arrested. ”WHY DID YOU NEVER FUCKING TELL ME?” Once again I do not have the strength to look him in the eye, instead turning my back as I shout and pace up and down near the porcelain bath tub. ”What exactly did you do for my grandpa? And why? Just tell me everything, Johnny!”

Rave

[lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah]

There is no family to see me off. No family that cared anyways. Ma was probably off her face, dad was a nameless man, mostly because Ma could barely remember the names of her children let alone the men that found themselves in her bed. My sisters... I don't even remember the last time I saw them- I knew that Sandy had gotten herself arrested a few years back. And Betty? She had tried to set her life on the right path, found a clueless man to marry, and started popping out babies. Needless to say, she wanted nothing to do with us.

The room they stuff me into is silent, windows bolted shut- I know this because as soon as the doors closed behind me I had tested them, eager to escape the death sentence I had just been charged with. Defeated, I fall into one of the sofas that decorated the room, keenly aware of just how clean it was, suddenly aware of the smell that was drifting from my armpits. "Hey! Hey!" I yell from my seated spot on the couch, waiting for the door to open a sliver, and a face to peak in.

"I need the bathroom, surely using the bathroom is allowed? Or is the valued tribute from six supposed to shit himself on this couch?" After a moment of hesitation, the door opens wider and he signals for me to follow him a couple of doors down to the right. "I need a clean shirt- also some soap, one that smells like sandalwood." Each demand has the scowl on the peacekeepers face growing, but as the bathroom is locked behind me I hear footsteps fade. Shrugging off my shirt I grab a generous handful of paper towels, running them under the tap to saturate them.

A knock on the door is followed by a shirt and a bar of plain scentless soap is tossed at my feet. "You have 5 minutes," they grunt as the door is slammed behind me.

"You have 5 minutes!" I mock, rolling my eyes as I snatch up the soap and aggressively rub it on the soaking-wet towels. Quickly I wipe down the essentials. Pits, tits, and bits are something that my mum used to say to me and my sisters when she wasn't off her face on whatever drugs she could get her hands on that day. A mantra that I follow to this day. Once satisfied I slip off the clean, worn shirt that had been supplied.

Suddenly the peacekeeper is knocking on the door, it was time to board the train.

I hadn't seen Flynn yet, he had disappeared before I had even turned around, the space next to Teddy had been empty as I was escorted to my holding area. I was anxious to see him, what had Mr. Garner told him? What hadn't he told him? What had happened on the day of his arrest? I had only heard the whispers, and rumors that were carried on the wind. Had Mr. Garner threatened Flynn and his sisters? I wouldn't put it passed the man. He would do anything to protect his secrets- I knew that better than most.

As soon as my entourage enter the train we are faced with Flynn Garner. And he didn't look too happy.

"Flynn-"

Suddenly the young victor has me by the wrist, dragging me through the main carriage until he finds the first door before shoving me in, and closing the door behind us. As soon as the room is sealed shut he explodes, his voice filling the small bathroom. ”WHY DID YOU NEVER FUCKING TELL ME?” He yells, pacing the small room, but still refusing to look me in the eye. ”What exactly did you do for my grandpa? And why? Just tell me everything, Johnny!”

He didn't know. He mustn't have spoken to his grandfather yet as I did not doubt that the man would have held nothing back, telling Flynn about everything I had done. Perhaps he would have even fabricated the severity of my crimes, using the pathetic little criminal he had hired as a space goat to take the fall, to reduce the amount of damage that he, himself, would have to take.

"Flynn," I say quietly, for the first time since I met him, my face didn't carry its characteristic grin. "Flynn look at me, damn it!" I cry, grabbing hold of his shoulder in an attempt to get him to see me. "There is a lot about me, about my past that you don't know- that no one knows. I didn't grow up in a loving household. I didn't have a family, sisters, or grandparents, to support me. I was on my own. It was just me. I did what I had to do to survive. And I won't apologise for that." I pause, releasing his shoulders and taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub, running a hand roughly through dirty hair. "I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks... and I made a mistake, one that landed me in Mr. Garner's employment."

It had been stupid of me. Danny, one of the kids who I used to team up with to carry out our runs, had ensured me that the trip to Mr. Garner's lab to steal some of the expensive pharmaceuticals he was producing would go without a hitch. Only his recon had been incorrect and he had missed an integral layer of security that had sent me right into the hands of Declan Garner. The man had done his research on me because he knew my past, the crimes on my name, and my family and he used that to control me.

And I had let him.

[gamemaker ☢️ ivan korsch]

Not long ago, I was begging to be swallowed up by Johnny Scaletta. Now I just want to grab his hair and shove his face into the toilet, maybe even flush it afterwards. Seems like the typical bully move that the big kids used to do to the Dares Club back in the day but damn, karma. Here I am willing to inflict Karma’s deeds. Even if I deserve them myself. Secrets have gotten between us before but something as big as this, surely it should have been something that Johnny thought worthy of sharing with me.

You know, Hey Flynn, your grandpa is running illegal secret experiments on people and is killing his subjects. A peacekeeper released the possible number of victims to my father, triple figures. How long had he been doing this to get that many? And how many did Johnny help with?

Dammit Johnny! There are too many questions.

I tug away from his grip on my shoulders, once again turning my back on the guy that I crave deep down. I am punishing myself by denying him but it is for my own good, it is for the good of Johnny’s punishment because that is all he deserves right now. Instead, I just cross my arms tight against my chest, pretending to look out of the privacy window but all I can see through the obscured glass is the reflection of Johnny on the bathroom. Damn, I cannot rid him from my view or my thoughts.

”Damn you Johnny!” His cries are enough to send tears to my own cheeks but I do not give him pity or comfort. I just wipe my own tears as he explains his misfortunes and reasons for ending up employed by my grandpa. Not everyone has been so lucky to have a fortunate upbringing like I have. Even my friends, like Jodie but it doesn’t matter. It does not always define a person. It does not mean they have to carry on living their life that way.

”You are better than your upbringing Johnny but I don’t care about that right now.” It is the lies that is tearing us apart. The secrecy that his holding me at the window right now. Everyone has their faults but honesty seems like the biggest hurdle between us. ”You must have known what you were doing was wrong, that is why you never told me! You still pursued me despite knowing what you were doing with my grandpa. Not that I even know the details because you won’t tell me!”

I huff and shake my head, now turning to face the bastard with the most stern and angriest looking face of disapproval I can make. Then all the anxieties start to take control as they try to piece together the truth. ”Were you just trying to seduce me so you could use me for one of grandpa’s experiments? Was any of this even real?” Fuck, this really does hurt me. Please tell me what i say is not the truth. Please Johnny.

Rave

[lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah]

”Damn, you Johnny!” Tears form in the corner of Flynn's eyes and I watch as they slip down his cheeks. Flynn wipes them away so quickly, as though he refused to allow himself to cry. It hurt to see him like this. To see him so distressed over the secrets that lingered between us. And I wanted to tell him the truth, to tell him everything, but I couldn't- I couldn't because I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't because the less he knew the better protected he would be, not just by the law, but also by his grandfather. I couldn't because even though the old man was in custody, I was still scared of him and what he could do to me. I couldn't because I was scared that he would forever look at me differently, kind of like how he was glaring at me now with tear-stained cheeks.

”You are better than your upbringing Johnny but I don’t care about that right now-"

"How do you know that!?" I bite back, because how the hell did he know? He had no idea what it was like growing up in a home not knowing when and if you would be eating dinner that night. He had no idea what it was like to be so desperate for warm clothing in the winter that you had no choice but to take it from those more fortunate. Maybe it was unfair of me, maybe I was just being overly sensitive because I hadn't slept properly for two weeks, or because I was on a one-way trip to a shallow grave, but his words almost felt patronising.

"You must have known what you were doing was wrong," of course I knew that! But it was either that or locked away in a cell to rot. And I choose the version of freedom that kept me shackled to a sociopath, because at least then I could live. "You still pursued me despite knowing what you were doing with my grandpa. Not that I even know the details because you won’t tell me!” He was looking at me with an expression that made my fists clench into tight balls. It wasn't the anger that got to me. The anger I could understand. It was the disapproval.

I was never going to be enough for him, was I?

"Don't be so naive Flynn, this isn't about you! It's not so simple as just telling my boss's grandson, who I was secretly- what dating?- about the shady shit that was happening in his basement. You couldn't even bring yourself to tell anyone about me! Hell, just being seen in public with me was enough to have you cringing!" It was the first time I had ever said the words out loud and that filled the space between us. Flynn wasn't being honest with himself, he was embarrassed by me- he wanted me but only when it was just the two of us. When he could hide me away from the public eye, from his own fucking family.

"I pursued you because I liked you!"

”Were you just trying to seduce me so you could use me for one of grandpa’s experiments? Was any of this even real?”

Are you fucking kidding me?

This time it was me who saw red, frustration, and annoyance forcing me to sigh with exasperation. I was exhausted.

"Seriously? Do I look like someone who would seduce another because I was told too?"

I jump up from my spot on the tub, arms crossed defensively across my chest. "I told you that day, in front of your house, that I wasn't here to play fucking games. To waste time. And I meant it. I still do mean it. The work I was doing for your grandfather has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about you."

I was skirting around the main elephant in the room, I knew it and Flynn sure as hell did.

[gamemaker ☢️ ivan korsch]

I am on over boil right now. Is Johnny really trying to hand it all back to me? Really? When he was the one that knew all along. That still tried to twist with my emotions despite knowing that one day this would all come out and topple everything that is between us. If only I did not go to the factory that day. If only I never met him. At least my heart would not be getting crushed right now.

Over two weeks ago I was floating in ecstasy. A first kiss followed by dozens, a final acceptance of my feelings and I admitted to myself that I had fallen for Johnny. I did not know how to tell everyone else though. I never wanted to keep a secret. It is not like I have done this before. He kept secrets from me! A short time and just one day has turned it into a ruin.

Now I am on the train with Johnny, his sentence has been read. Five years have finally taught me that no matter how many plans or strategies I plant into their minds, it is up to them to survive. To face or accept their sentence. I lead Aurora. I lead Quinn. Now my punishment is to lead Johnny. The first person I have ever felt so alive with. Now my grandpa and the Capitol has torched me once again, reasons I will never know. I can keep punishing myself and Johnny or I can just face the reality that is to come. Maybe I can just dump him on Teddy, focus on Ama and never look Johnny in the eye again.

How forgiving can I really be? Nobody has ever tested me like this before. But I crave him...Fuck! He is literally a criminal, Flynn!

”You know he literally threatened my life when the peacekeepers raided the factory? He put my sisters in the hospital. They even arrested me!” I pace again but my tone is a little settled, my face relaxed from the disapproval. ”The peacekeepers interrogated me, I could have told them all about you and how you did a job for my grandpa but I didn’t. I never once mentioned your name.”

I crave him. Even through the lingering stench of his body odour that is filling the room and my nostrils. I exhale. Forgiveness is not complete just yet but reality has to be faced. I grab a hold of the chest of Johnny’s clothes. ”I am not forgiving you for this but I need to work on saving your ass again. If it really deserves to be saved.” I shove the taller boy towards the bath, letting go of his clothes so that he falls backwards into the dry tub. ”But first, you need a wash.”

Rave

[lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah]

Flynn was conflicted. It was written so clearly across his face as he debated whether or not he could forgive me. He was missing details, details that I held close to my chest as I watched his internal battle. I should tell him. Just fix it so that I could salvage whatever was left between us. But Declan Garner was not someone that I was willing to mess with- but was he really a threat when in just a matter of days I could be dead? Were these secrets really worth losing something that meant so much to me?

Why was I still letting the man control my life?

I had such little time left, it would be stupid to waste it.

But it hurt when Flynn looked at me like I was worth as much as the dirt he walked on. It reminded me of how his grandfather had first looked at me, like I was worthless, a criminal, and nothing more. But unlike his grandfather, when Flynn looked at me there was something else there, something that made me want to trust him. Because deep down I knew that he didn't think I was a worthless piece of shit. He was confused, lost, and desperate for answers. Because underneath all these messy emotions, I saw the eyes of the boy who begged me to kiss him again, who opened up his heart and let me in. Those eyes that I loved so much.

Flynn was pacing again, the tension in the room palpable. ”You know he literally threatened my life when the peacekeepers raided the factory? He put my sisters in the hospital. They even arrested me!”

So the rumours were true. Declan Garner cared more about the illegal experiments going undercover than his own Grandchildren. It was sick and twisted, but not surprising. I had known the man for years and I had watched his obsession grow. He was insatiable in his need to find the answers. To create the ultimate- whatever the fuck it was that he was manufacturing. I was never allowed to ask questions, that was not in my job description.

He mentions that during his interrogation he neglected to mention my name, confirming that Mr. Garner had wasted no time in throwing me under the bus. Maybe keeping the truth from Flynn was part of Mr. Garner's game, proving that even with the growing distance between us I was still nothing but a rat caught in his claws. Maybe by keeping quiet was a mistake. Maybe I wasn't protecting Flynn as much as I was protecting myself.

Ugh, this was just one big fucking mess.

I was not usually the relationship kind of guy. I was the kind of guy who liked to flirt, mess around and have some fun. I was the guy who never called back. Yeah, that ass hole. But there was something about Flynn Garner. And each time we parted, I was always left wanting more. Which was so fucking annoying right about now because it left plenty of room to get hurt. Something that was easily avoided when you never let anyone close enough to get hurt. It was so stupid of me to allow myself to catch feelings for a boy like Flynn Garner. So fucking stupid.

And yet here we stood, both a raging storm of emotions, of anger and frustration and hurt.

And despite all of that I still wanted-

Suddenly hands grab me before shoving me and I am sent flat on my ass into the belly of the tub. ”I am not forgiving you for this but I need to work on saving your ass again. If it really deserves to be saved. But first, you need a wash.” I look up at him from my place in the tub, my shock quickly turning into embarrassment because I did not doubt that I smelt like a teenage boy who refused to wear deodorant or shower.

"Fine," I say as I slip off my boots and socks, throwing them onto the floor as I watched Flynn. My shirt goes next and I toss it next to my shoes. "You can stay if you want," I say with a grin, because despite everything that was happening I couldn't stop myself, and I wanted a distraction. Even if the distraction I needed came from the one that I was needing to be distracted from.

[gamemaker ☢️ ivan korsch]

All of this started with one dare. Of course, I regret telling Tommy to climb onto the roof, he would be alive right now. Everyone I killed in the arena would be alive right now. Aurora would have never volunteered. Quinn may have never been reaped. Johnny would not be sat in the bottom of a tub right now. I am finding it difficult to balance the positives and negatives of being a victor. Surely, I would have still become a doctor? I would have had more time to train to be one at least. Maybe Grandpa would have not continued his experiments as he wouldn’t have got the share of my winnings.

District Six may not have been bombed. My home may not have been the epicentre of a major plague. Fuck. What good really came out of Flynn Garner becoming a victor? Six years later and it is not really cutting it, even my parents are close to filing divorce papers.

”Whatever my grandpa did to you, I am sorry. I just wish you were more honest and I promise I will be too.” Remaining bitter with Johnny is not going to help save him, it really took him being reaped for be to drop the bomb of emotions on him. I had every chance possible to visit him in the holding centre but I spent fourteen days moping about. Like I always do. Secluded to a room with a frown and pulling my hair out. I am sure I will be doing the same when Johnny enters the arena.

It takes a lot of strength not to continuing standing and staring at Johnny as he strips off. Even amongst the poignant smell of his body, my eyes admire his shirtless chest. The ever so familiar burning cheeks make their arrival and a warmth fills the rest of my body. No. I am not done punishing just yet! He cannot get away so easily.

”You are not off the hook just yet Johnny!” Oh don’t tempt me. I hit the metal handle of the bathroom door, peeling my eyes away from him before he strips down further. ”I will go and find you some clean clothes. Don’t be long, we have a lot to do!”

Rave