washing away the guilt | slay [day 2]
Mar 3, 2023 11:49:17 GMT -5
Post by d7m fraser birk ♚ frankel on Mar 3, 2023 11:49:17 GMT -5
The weight of Duke is still there. An awkward few seconds where I was just staring down my spear, the spiked edge instantly absorbing an entire life. I did not scream when I drove the spear forward without a single thought. I did not scream when I gracelessly pulled my weapon from Duke’s skull. I am screaming now, minutes after the moment and yards away from where it happened.
Not one thought and I just ended it for Duke with just a simple retaliation. It is called survival instincts, but should I be feeling guilty for just simply surviving?
This should have been one of my reasons for not escaping. This was always going to be on the map to a place far from home. Now it has happened, and I cannot stop screaming.
The Brains, Svet has strayed. Tending to unfinished business with Dyno Moreno. Poor Heart and Courage are left to watch me pace, my sack hanging off my bag and the spear still between my fingers in the exact same spot that they were when I killed.
”I was just trying to help myself. I-I was literally drowning, it all just happened so quickly.” Water still runs from my hair, the sodden clothes dripping and leaving a trail on the earth as I continue my back and forth pacing. I cannot find a way to settle myself, this is not something I have ever thought to prepare for. Even in the training center, the guilt of murder is not a training station. It is not a life lesson to be taught by parents so I cannot blame them either.
”What am I meant to do? We have just left him lying there. His blood is still fresh on my spear…” That realization makes me stop and stab the end of the spear into the pond. An attempt to rinse away any trace of Duke along with my guilt.
Not one thought and I just ended it for Duke with just a simple retaliation. It is called survival instincts, but should I be feeling guilty for just simply surviving?
This should have been one of my reasons for not escaping. This was always going to be on the map to a place far from home. Now it has happened, and I cannot stop screaming.
The Brains, Svet has strayed. Tending to unfinished business with Dyno Moreno. Poor Heart and Courage are left to watch me pace, my sack hanging off my bag and the spear still between my fingers in the exact same spot that they were when I killed.
”I was just trying to help myself. I-I was literally drowning, it all just happened so quickly.” Water still runs from my hair, the sodden clothes dripping and leaving a trail on the earth as I continue my back and forth pacing. I cannot find a way to settle myself, this is not something I have ever thought to prepare for. Even in the training center, the guilt of murder is not a training station. It is not a life lesson to be taught by parents so I cannot blame them either.
”What am I meant to do? We have just left him lying there. His blood is still fresh on my spear…” That realization makes me stop and stab the end of the spear into the pond. An attempt to rinse away any trace of Duke along with my guilt.
Pogue
