Midnights become my afternoon//Xaa&Luna

[Hafen d4 ⚓︎ minie]

The night was cold without Will to keep me warm. Whatever, who needed her, if the others have survived the nights without a human blanket than I could withgo my luxury I took for granted. I guess this is what roughing it must feel like. Poverty was something I could never possibly get used to; it was unbecoming of me.

Even I must admit that it was foolish of me to think that a girl from twelve would have been my comfort in the arena. She did not understand the world the way I thought I could force her too. She would have never fitted in with my understanding of the inner works of the earth we roam. She was simple and could not understand that there was no such thing as black and white. She had to go, better now than later on when I could have lost myself to her simplicity or dare I even say, grow a conscious. She could have been the death of me.

Yet her I lied.

Wide awake.

With an unnerving feeling in my stomach as if I just got hit with the bullet train from one all the way to the capitol. I did not understand what the feeling was. I was just beginning to comprehend the sober difference between contentment and anger. Rage was familiar, it was a feeling that had fueled me for a long time. Whether that was lack of control over my own life or the little things that would set me off because I wanted to pick a fight. I wanted to feel the rage.

Maybe that is why I decided to pick a fight with Will. It was easier to be angry at her than to like her. Liking her would mean I would have to admit that I was vulnerable, and gods are not supposed to have an Achillies heel.

My body tossed and turned as I tried my very best to find a comfortable position to let myself fall asleep, but my mind was awake from the racing thoughts.

Table by Dars

[ryan]

you had survived to live another day. you are slightly confused and mostly thankful that you had just done enough to avoid any major injury.

you licked your wounds just long enough before the whole area had become a panic state. you didnt even know what to make of it. will had gone off some sort of deep end, and before you knew it, she was gone. she wandered into the forest with little care for you or anyone else. you could see the hurt in xaa's eyes when you tried to make eye contact with her. but as soon as you got the hint that she did not want any sort of attention brought to herself, you looked away.

you thought it was best to leave it at that.

however, around the time you had to take over watch, you had stood there simply trying to focus on what you could. you had took a deep breath, the anthem had already played, the girl from nine, quentin, thats all you recognized right away. you sighed for a moment, happy that you all survived.

then you heard rustling behind the trees. your spear had already been in your hand, and you move towards the rustling. when you step past the trees, you look down and notice that it is just xaa, and she is constantly moving.

"do you want to talk about it xaa?" you can tell that is obviously what needs to happen here. "its pretty clear that you do." you smirk for a moment before putting the blunt end of your spear in the ground and rest your hand on the dull end. "though, if you do, lets step away, let tommy sleep at the very least."

[Hafen d4 ⚓︎ minie]

”Do you want to talk about it? It’s pretty clear that you do”

I look up to Luna leaning onto her spear staring down on me. Does she really expect me to strip down and bare all my feelings to her? I thought we already crossed a line when she got me to admit that there were feelings in the first place. Why would she want to embarrass me any further, I got walked out on by girl from district twelve. I offered her the time of her life, for whatever little was left of it and the ungrateful bitch walked out.

Anger.

I labelled the emotion running ramped causing my insomnia. At least it was only anger, I think. There was nothing I wanted less than to feel whatever it was people usually feel when they go through a breakup. Was this it? Was my first ever breakup actually televised on live TV? Just fucking great, actually this could be fucking great. I sat up as my mind reexamined the pieces on the board. I wanted people to pity me, I wanted the capitol elite to see me as a devoted daughter just doing her best to come home. A girl from one that tragically fell for the girl from twelve and despite her very best efforts, she tossed all of my help to the trash. I needed them to see me as the victim here and paint Will as the apostatizing heartless bitch.

Sorry Will, it’s nothing personal.

Sadness.

The emotion I now needed to channel. I took a deep breath and imagined someone broke into my house and stabbed my lovely little pet snakes. It did not take long for the tears to start forming in my eyes. Not enough that I was ugly crying, God that would be a disaster. An elegant stream of a single tear running down my right cheek whilst the water works in my left eye held back.

"What I want is a line up my nose and bottle in my hand. I cannot believe that I let myself be blindsided by her. I built her up, I gave her every advantage she could have hoped for, and she just left me like I was nothing. That is what I get for doing charity work." I got up and walked off a bit further away from Will’s sleeping district partner. At least the medic knew better than to cross me.

Table by Dars