i used to be seventeen — inga & kaatje / jb

[lucius branwen / 10 — fox]

Her sister is dead, her brother is dead.

The blood’s old. The blood’s stale. The blood’s only worthy if it is seen.

Now, Inga goes to shed her own.

The air inside the building is motionless, the corridors in dark wood and shell-coloured marble. She still remembers coming here for Will. She still remembers screaming at him for leaving.

Sixteen, and hadn’t even gone to his trial yet. Reluctant to hurt the smallest thing. She was so furious, and he was so calm when they were saying goodbye. And maybe she knew, and maybe he knew, he was not going to survive.

He could not live though.

They understood that. Not with their name.

The blood’s old. The blood’s rotten. What is tradition but some fetid thing inside them. What killed Inta but their mother, and her mother before that.

And what killed Will? Maybe that softness. Maybe that goodness. Shouldn’t be allowed with their inheritance. He always had to die, the way he was. It was in the beat of his wrists.

Kaatje’s not angry this time. Or maybe she’s been angry for so long, this feels like the default. All things crash and turn in her, like the ocean, endless, forever, no other way it’s ever been. She’s coughing up salt from her lungs, and the burn doesn’t even hurt anymore.

The keepers open the door, and her cousin’s in the little room.

They grew up together but also didn’t. Not like Hans and Inta. Not like Vincent and Willem. Someone already shared Inga’s birth year. Her mirror was Lieke, and Kaatje always preferred it that way. Never liked being watched.

She leans against the wall across from her, crossing her arms. The wood’s cool against her shoulder blades.

But sometimes, Inga’s just like her.

She told Will before he left, you do not have to be good. But you have to come back. She doesn’t need to say that here.

“Bit stupid with the business going on,” She intones instead. “Couldn’t have waited another year for Attis Murdock to die?”

What she means is she doesn’t want Inga to leave them too.