the ghosts that haunt my dreams { flynn x nanette }

[lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah]

n a n e t t e .


*   *   *

The sound of the ocean calls my name and for a moment it feels like I am home. The air is clean, and it wraps itself around me like a gentle embrace. I lean into it, my lips pulling back into a small smile, my eyes closed tightly as I inhale and smell the sea, as I taste the salt in their air. There were no remnants of the shit hole that had claimed my life in this air, it was pure, free of pollution and toxins that had so desperate tried to end my life. In the end all it had taken was a blind kid with a trigger happy finger.

I could still feel the heat of Castor Fosse's hate and distrust as he aimed his gun at my head. My death was an execution, over in the blink of an eye.

I push the thoughts as gentle embrace of the breeze that had wrapped itself around my body becomes firmer, almost as though it can detect the directions of my thoughts and was eager for them to shift. "I'm okay," I whisper as I open my eyes and watch as the waves crash into the shore. This used to me mum's and I's favourite spot. On the nights when the cancer's symptoms were at there worst we would huddle under a blanket and listen and watch the ocean until her breathes turned steady and sleep carried her away. I used to argue with her at first that it was foolish and reckless for her to be out here exposed to the elements that would no doubt bringer her closer to deaths door faster than I was ready...

But it had made her happy, to be out here, the ocean, my hold. She used to tell me that this was all she needed to die happy.

My smile falters for a moment and I swallow hard. I hadn't been here for her the moment her sickness had taken her. I should have been there to hold her as her body lost its fight. To wrap her in a warm solid embrace as the ocean carried her away into the after life... But I was already dead, so perhaps my absence could be forgive.

Behind me the sound of foot steps muffled by the sand has me flicking my gaze over my shoulder. Instantly I feel my body freeze. My heart skips a beat a moment before it begins to pour as wild as the waves during a winter storm. Turning around I come face to face with a boy who had become more than just an ally, or a friend. Blood we may not share, but our bond was forged on something stronger than just survival and seeing him before me as my cheeks dampening.

Flynn.

Looking into his eyes I found my heart had begun to fracture. The ghost in his eyes made the purple bags beneath them too dark. They looked older. Too old.

I take a step forward, reaching for him as I pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Hello Flynn," I murmur as my grip around him tightens. I remember the last time I saw him, his body covered in blood and gaping wounds. The name Lorraine Gaultier flashes through my mind and I small smile plays on my lips, "did you kill the bitch?"

[☢️]

f l y n n .


*   *   *

Whatever this is, it is stronger. Strong enough to help you sleep one more night in Six before getting back onto the train. It is a cure for whatever is raging inside.

They hold so many cures, all forged in this District and then taken away along with the brain that helped discover it. There must be a cure out there for Andal, but you’ve already told the world that you do not want to be a doctor anymore. Not fit enough. Never been fit enough. Always so hasty at making decisions. It is too late to retract it now. Not too late to try and help Andal though. But another day.

You’re drifting away…

It doesn’t matter now because this dose is strong. It drifts you away. You’re floating. There’s no mattress under you, just sand and an ocean that washes over your feet.

Wherever this is, it feels familiar. It is like the beach you spent weeks on after the Eighty-Ninth games, after Aurora’s death. A place that Annie showed you, a new paradise that after so many years has just been reserved for your dreams. Like right now. There are no beaches in Six. Not physically anyway, the morphling likes to persuade some that they exist just like whatever they gave you is now.

It is quiet here; all you can hear is the tide continuously shaking hands with the beach. There’s a science behind the ocean that you haven’t quite cracked yet. It is to do with the power of the moon. Astronomy only ever got touched on in school, you were just force-fed chemistry and biology and only the important parts of physics. Interesting that something millions of miles away has so much power over a body of water.

You look at yourself in the reflection of a pool of water in the middle of the sand. It is thirteen-year-old Flynn looking back up at you, but his eyes have been through the same eight years of hell as the present day you.

”Hello Flynn,” That is a voice you’ve not heard in a long time. You’re not even sure if it sounds exactly as what is used to do. Your memories of Nanette Carter are fading, it’ll soon be ten years since Lorraine showed you the mobile phone that confirmed your ally’s death. Did she even look like the girl you’re looking at right now? There are pictures of her somewhere, but you can’t compare them in a dream.

”Yes, they’re all dead.” Nanette pulls you in, a hug that feels so real, you hope you don’t wake up at the wrong time. ”It is just me left, I am the only one…” You let go of each other. She looks so alive, you’re fortunate to have never been there for her death but it has been replayed on screens to you over the years. ”Is your mom here? I met your brother but I was too late to meet your mom…”

[lionel estrada d5 ᥫ᭡ kiah]

n a n e t t e .


*   *   *

He feels so small in my arms and for a moment I am dragged back into the arena, holding him tight as her cried into my dirty uniform. Holding him tight as he fought to hold himself together, as he fought not to fall apart and break in my arms. I remember thinking back then that I would give up everything it if meant him making it home. I remember how much I had hated him for volunteering to be there, and how quickly that had faded into a love that I held onto so tightly because he had become more to me than just an ally. He had become my bother and it had hurt my heart to know how much he was hurting.

”Yes, they’re all dead.” He says into my shoulder and there is something so broken in his voice. I pull him closer, wrapping my arms so tightly around him as I rest my chin on the crown of his head. ”It is just me left, I am the only one…” Despite the pain in his voice, the way it cracks on whatever was so broken within him... I cannot help but smile a little because if they were all dead that means he lived. And that means I didn't die for nothing. My vision blurs and when he moves to pull out of my grip I hold onto him tighter for a moment before releasing him.

”Is your mom here? I met your brother but I was too late to meet your mom…”

My smile slips for a moment and I reach out the grasp his hand, squeezing it tightly for a moment. "She's here," I say softly as I break his gaze to look out over the ocean. "This was her favourite place, you know," my smile grows again as I step close to the ocean dragging Flynn along with me. "The sounds of the ocean, the feeling of the wind against your skin... it makes you feel so free," I glance over to him before I take a seat in the sand, tugging him down until he sits beside me. "We would sit here and watch the ocean until the sun disappeared under the horizon and for a while it would feel like there was no one else in the world but me and her and the ocean."

Staring out into the ocean I close my eyes enjoying the feeling of the wind against my face. "How was he?" I ask quietly. I was so mad at him for leaving us. But... But now he was alone and... and I knew that he would be falling apart. And I didnt know what to make of that because there was nothing that I could do for him.

I clear my throat, shaking my head a little before I squeeze Flynn's hand again. "Don't worry about that," I say with a small frown as I look back at Flynn. "How are you? You look... Your eyes," I say quietly my eyes studying his own. "Whats happened Flynn?" How can I help you?