inbetweeners - d12, train

[xov thao 12b [Bella]]

X O V t h a o

Seconds after Xov’s parents were ushered out of the room, the Peacekeepers were leading her to the train. They didn’t waste time rounding these kids up, that was certain. Their grip on both her biceps as she was led out of the room was courteous enough to be even more unnecessary, because she followed without argument. To think about the death that might await her on the other side felt like a curse in itself, so instead she thought about how she had never been on a train before.

Once she was on the train, she was free to roam, or as free as she could be under the circumstances. Another in-between place, not really a place, though at least it smelled better than the Justice Building. Her steps felt uncertain on the patterned carpet as she traversed the narrow hallways, looking for the room where she was supposed to meet her “team.”

When she found it, the compartment door slid open at the slightest touch, causing her to jump. Xov entered cautiously and took a seat near the window. She was the first one there, and hoped she hadn’t somehow picked the wrong place.

This was another world from the rustic cottage along the river where she’d grown up. One of those high-speed trains that probably went a hundred miles an hour, although Xov couldn’t even begin to picture how fast that was. Her closest reference was… a bicycle, maybe? She and her siblings had always biked or walked everywhere.

Brakes screeching as they lifted, the train rolled into motion. As she saw it all pass by in a blur, Xov considered how strange it was that her whole life had taken place within such a small piece of the earth. It had never occurred to her to seek out the rest of it, almost like Twelve was the whole world for the Thaos.

Niam said their ancestors, nomads, had settled in Twelve because it had everything—the mountains, rivers, rich soil, and plentiful fish. Back then, over a hundred years ago, it was a place to build a family—a place they had chosen. Now, well. Not so much. She wondered if her great-great-grandparents had wept when the first Hunger Games was announced. If they were weeping now for their most unfortunate grandchild.

”Don’t cry for me, grandmother, grandfather, lest your tears drown me before the others kill me.” she muttered, breaking the silence. She had learned from her mother to speak succinctly to the dead.

If Xov won, she could see all of Panem. Maybe she could even see the place where her people had supposedly come out of the ocean all those years ago. She wasn’t sure what her chances were, but she refused to believe she was the worst-off of the lot. They were all survivors in Twelve. Had to be.

Almost as if she’d summoned him with the thought, her fellow survivor had arrived at the compartment door, which slid open with an airy hiss. She craned her neck to look at Juno, who easily had five inches on her. Remembering the troubled look on his face when his name had been called, Xov suddenly felt the urge to comfort him, even though she knew any friendship under these circumstances would be complicated at best. Still, she had promised her parents she would find friends, and this seemed like the safest place to start. Close to home. Loneliness is a call for evil, she had been warned.

”Careful not to stand in a doorway,” she cautioned him. ”Your soul might forget whether you were going in or out, and it might choose the wrong direction.” It was something her father used to say. Then she smiled hopefully and patted the seat across from her. ”I’m Xov. It’s nice to meet you.”

[Python]

j u n o
b r i m s t o n e.

His own focus surprised him. His life was collapsing before his eyes, happiness siphoned from his mother's tears and his father's furrowed brow. Yet he did not shed a tear or feel any rage. Calloused hands gripped his shoulders tight when his father said his goodbyes and good lucks. His own embrace around his mother was strong but tender. She had always been a sturdy woman, but tragedy like this had never struck the family before. The devastation in her sobs was unbearable, yet Juno stood calmly and firmly. He was surprised at himself. A little frightened, in fact. Perhaps it was shock, or perhaps the reality hadn't sunken in yet, but he found himself staring off into space on the train rather than suffering a mental breakdown.

He was worried about his damn cats of all things. Mama would take good care of them, but that wouldn't quell their separation anxiety. He believed cats loved and missed like any human being. His absence would be noticed, and that hurt him the most.

Sitting would only allow this thoughts to consume him. Usually silence was his peace, but it was so goddamn loud in this train he had to get rid of it. He was at risk of a migraine otherwise.

He opened the compartment door, shocked to see a familiar face waiting. "Careful not to stand in a doorway,” she warned, ”Your soul might forget whether you were going in or out, and it might choose the wrong direction."

What an odd phrase, like something a wise old grandfather would say. Those were some of Juno's favorite types of people - they always had something heartfelt to say, and it was always somehow true. He often had to wait years to understand why.

"Is that what souls do? Wander off at a moment's notice?" He said, welcoming the distraction of his district partner. She also seemed surprisingly calm, which made him feel a little less insane. "Likewise, Xov. I'm Juno, but you can call me J if you want."

[Cato]

I try to put on a brave face, but this morning has been the worst morning ever, and I spent most of other consoling Ishizu while trying to remain strong myself. Mom died early this morning, and I feel helpless. I've had to do some talking around, but one of Ishizu's friend's parents are willing to watch her while I'm gone to the Capitol. That is, if she isn't reaped. I am afraid since this is her first reaping, but I'm also hopeful that she'll be okay. It's selfish of me to want someone else other than her to be reaped, but I feel it's only natural at this point. I help her get ready, and together we march to the district square, and I breathe a sigh of relief when her name isn't called. This is my first year being a mentor, but at least Ishizu is safe, and I know she'll be taken care of while I'm away.

"Ishizu, be good for them. I'll be back in a couple weeks." I give her a hug, and I stand and look at the crowd before turning back to her. "I love you, sis. I'll see you soon." I tell her goodbye as tears stream down my face. This year is hard. I make my way towards the train, and I climb into a car. It's different seeing it from this perspective, and I really feel I'm not in any shape to mentor a couple of teens. Hopefully Nico and Stella and the others can help as I really need their help right now. It's hard to leave Ishizu behind knowing she's going to have to deal with the death of our mom by herself. She didn't get much of a chance to cry today, but maybe it's for the best. I take another moment to freshen myself up in the mirror before I think of even walking through the train. I have to be confident. I know they need me.

I wipe my eyes, and I splash some water in my face, and once I feel I'm presentable, I leave the restroom with the intention of joining the tributes. Xov and Juno. I want to know their names, to show that I care, that I'm going to try to help. But I don't know what I can do. I take a deep breath as I walk into the room where they are, and I hear them introducing themselves. I look at the two of them and nod my head. "Hello, I'm Marik. I'll try to make your stay as easy for you as I can, but it's not going to be easy, really." I've never learned how to properly talk to new tributes. Something is better than nothing. "I don't have all the answers, but I'll do what I can to assist you both." It's nerve wracking, but I can't be silent despite wanting to.

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[xov thao 12b [Bella]]

X O V t h a o

"Likewise, Xov. I'm Juno, but you can call me J if you want."

Xov smiled, warmed by his permission for familiarity. "Is that what your friends call you? In that case, I'm happy to call you J."

It felt strange to meet someone new after such a heavy goodbye. Almost like the universe only allowed her to know a finite number of people, and she'd needed to make space. But she was soothed by his politeness and the soft hush of the moving train.

"And no, they don't just wander off willy-nilly. It might run away if you get too scared, though. It helps if you tie it on. I can do it for you, if you like." Xov motioned in a ring around her left wrist with her right pointer finger, demonstrating as she spoke. She knew that it might sound like nonsense to someone outside her family, but under the circumstances, she thought they both needed all the help they could get. From the new world and the old.

Xov's people believed that unborn babies watched the world from above, and came down to be born when they were ready. They chose their lives because they could already see what would happen in it--past, present, and future. In your soul, the soul of a baby, everything that would ever happen to you had already happened, and you already knew all the people you would ever meet--except you couldn't remember. Otherwise there would be nothing left to learn.

She wondered why the baby in the sky had chosen to someday meet Juno, but knew that only time would reveal the answer.

The compartment door opened again, and Marik Shadow, their mentor, walked in. Seeing him was like seeing someone step out of a film, although she knew he wasn't much older than she was. He had probably sat right where she was sitting, just one year prior. He introduced himself, as if anyone from Twelve could have mistaken him from anyone else.

"I'll try to make your stay as easy for you as I can, but it's not going to be easy, really." Xov nodded. At least he was being honest with them. But the fact that he was even standing here, a reminder that tributes from Twelve were nothing to scoff at, was somewhat reassuring. Also, he was sober, which she knew couldn't be said for some of the other mentors.

"I don't have all the answers, but I'll do what I can to assist you both."

"Thanks for coming through for us," Xov said, and really meant it. It couldn't be easy for him, having just recently escaped from the Games with his life.

It felt too soon after saying goodbye to talk strategy. But Xov had so many questions and so very little time to learn the answers. Even if she did, it wouldn't guarantee her survival. But before that gong sounded, she needed to have every tool she could under her belt--their mentor being fresh out of the arena could be their greatest learning asset.

But it also made her feel a bit guilty to ask the question that had really been eating at her since the conversation with her parents.

"Sorry if this is too forward, but...What was it like?" she asked. "Having to--you know...kill people?"

[Cato]

I'm not sure exactly how to be a mentor. It's not something they teach us once we win, at least in my experience, but this is my first year, and I want to make sure I'm doing the absolute best that I can. I want them to know that I care, yet I'm afraid that if I care too much, it'll only end in pain. It has to be hard to bring home a tribute alive. It has to be, but I have to give it my all. They need me, and it's important that I provide for them and give them what I can. I don't know how much that is, though. In fact, I'm just now entering into my adult life, and I'm never going to make sense of what has happened. How can I make up for everything? All I care about at this moment is trying to succeed.

"Sorry if this is too forward, but...What was it like? Having to--you know...kill people?" I lower my gaze and take a deep breath. It's hard to explain. Hard to do anything at the moment right now, but this is a question I don't know how to answer. It hurts taking the life of another. It destroys a soul. It tears apart what keeps someone human, but the tether never snapped for me because my mind was always focused on getting home to my sister and mother. I fought for them. I did the best I could. I tried my best, and I was afraid they'd hate me forever, but Ishizu was so excited to see me. That's what kept me going, but how can I explain this? How can I make them understand how difficult it is? I don't know if I ever can. It's almost impossible.

"Well, killing isn't easy." I look at the floor because I can't look at anyone else. I can't even look out the window. I killed six people, and I would do it over and over again because I am alive. The biggest thing is I learned to forgive myself. I learned to let go of what held me back. "It can tear apart your soul." I rub my eyes and look at the trees. Everything hurts. Everything comes crashing down, and I never thought that it would. "The first time was horrible, and I spent so long being angry at myself, but I had something that kept me going. I promised myself I would repent once I made it home. I forgave myself, and it's so difficult to do." I take another breath and return my gaze. "You have to find what you're fighting for and hold onto it because that's what will keep you going."


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