angels in real-time. xov&ines, day6.

[Cait]

INES IZAR

“Don’t stop.”

The sentiment is redundant. Xovvy’s grip is steel tight – there’s nowhere for me to go except with her. She could be taking me to the furthest corner of the Arena where she can slaughter me in cold blood, away from the prying gazes of bloodthirsty Careers like Lucky, and I wouldn’t stop her. Couldn’t stop her, even with the alarm bells working overtime in my head, warning me, begging me to wake up.

I’m a disappointment to everyone. Names float by – Nekane, Maggie, Harley, Felicity. Yani. All of these strong-willed women that have come and gone, that I’ve been trying to emanate just to get away from myself, but I keep failing every step of the way.

We stop, finally, and only then do I register the thinning of the air and the change in terrain underfoot. The water we once stood fighting in is now miles away, out of reach, as we stand side by side on the top of the cliff.

I register a lot of things at once.

I see the absence of Felicity’s body, and let the pain of the moment burn along all the nerve endings in my body. I want to feel every pang of loss and guilt so that the memory is forever embedded in my subconscious. She settles next to Harley. It feels both right and wrong at the same time.

I see Lucky washing away blood in the water to my left, and I see five tiny figures battling in the water to my right.

Maggie is the easiest to spot. After five days of sharing warmth, fighting the same enemies and simply trying to stay out of the way, you learn the shape of someone’s shadow. I feel my breath catch as she absorbs a wayward blade, only letting myself exhale when she returns fire easily. Don’t stop, it’s the theme of the day.

“Are you hurt?” I force myself to look away as Lionel slices his way towards Axyl just in time to see Xovvy reaching for my hand, but too late to stop her making contact. Sitting as still as a statue, I warily let her take her time to thoroughly inspect my exposed arms, my wet face, passing over the tears drying on my cheeks. I nod my head, mute. Unscathed, on the outside – she won’t find any wounds to patch. If only she could repair the deeper scars on my heart.

I know she’s on the verge of breaking, too – I’ve seen that misty glaze in her eyes in my own reflection too many times to count. And right on cue, tiny puddles start to form at the corners of her eyes. I wipe the fluid away with the gentlest of touches before they can spill. We’re soft, and scared, and standing on shaky ground. I keep one eye on her face, one eye on Maggie’s blood-stained weapon far below.

“Xovvy?” My voice cracks around the word, dried up from fear and exhaustion. I force myself to take a sip of water, taking my time to swirl the liquid around in my mouth before swallowing and trying to speak again. “Why are you helping me?”

[august vance d7b [Bella]]

⤜ x o v - ♥ - t h a o ⟶

They ran, their feet pushing through sand until it turned into rock, where they rushed to gain the higher ground. ”Don’t stop," Ines urged, and Xov realized she didn’t have to hold her wrist so tightly, dragging like she was. Pink marks sketched her nervousness where her fingers released.

At the top of the hill, her limbs felt so heavy she dropped her pack and weapons in a heap on the ground, bloodied pike clanging to the side.

”Are you hurt?” she asked, reaching for Ines’s hand, pulling her arm straight to check for cuts and bruises. Eyebrows knitted together, her brown eyes quivered left and right, catching the way Ines’s hair was tangled in the wind, the grains of sand still stuck to her knees, but thankfully no battle scars.

Still Ines nodded, tears glinting in the sunlight in the corners of her eyes. Xov stared back, confused for a second—does she know there’s not a scratch on her? Is she just in shock?

Oh, she thought when it hit her. Deeper wounds were the only thing she could mean. The honesty of Ines’s gentle nod made her shudder, and suddenly her heaviness felt so much more real. They were both carrying something too big for their shoulders. She wondered how many faces Ines saw when she closed her eyes at night, if she was able to close them at all.

”Me too,” she confided, barely audible, eyes filling with tears again. Ines touched a finger ever-so-gently to her lower eyelid, just before they could tumble down her cheeks. Catching her grief, holding it for her. She swallowed hard, her throat scratchy from the sand and sea spray.

The warmth in her cheeks was overwhelming, and she had to look away, busying her thoughts with the scene unfolding in the distance. Axyl, Lionel, Marceline, Rhys, and the girl from Two who she couldn’t name. The distant figures oozed red into the sand as they circled each other, but Lionel and Marceline looked especially rough. Hal should have never left her alone like that, but then again, he was not Juno or Marcus, she thought.

”Xovvy? Why are you helping me?”

The nickname had sounded like venom coming out of Lucky’s mouth, but Ines said it so honestly, it was impossible to be offended.

”It’s Xov,” she corrected patiently. ”You were Marcus’s district partner, right?”

The beach below their cliff barely showed any sign of the snow that had been there for days, but the shape of everything–the water against the shore, the sharp, rocky edges–brought the images back into her mind like a movie. She could picture them where they had all stood as if watching from above. Lucky in the front, Gunner and Xylia close behind. Xov charging forward, bravely or stupidly, but mostly ignored by them. Marcus taking a bullet to the shoulder, stubbornly refusing to move. Juno defending them both with his sword and his words.

Then Marcus, blood erupting from his wounds, lying motionless in the snow.

The scene’s play-by-play poured out of her lungs like a confession. ”I watched them kill him. Lucky, Xylia, and Gunner. Two days ago, on that beach. Gunner shot him, and I screamed for him to run. I begged him. But he just stood there. I think when they saw he was trying to protect me, they all just swarmed him. He said, ‘It’s better me than her.’” The words tasted bitter, curling her mouth into a frown.

”I didn’t want to see Lucky kill you too.” Xov turned to look at Ines again, her face tired and severe. It sounded reasonable enough when she tried to explain it now, but in the moment, it had been like a reflex, like gasping for air after being stuck underwater for a long time. When she saw Ines hiding behind that rock, not a hint of malice in her eyes, she saw someone who wasn’t a threat, and more, who might have been an ally.

”Were you and Felicity together? I mean…do you have someone…?”

She didn’t know how to say it. Or maybe forming a proper question would have made her feel too vulnerable to the possible alternative. More alone.

Will you please stay with me?

[Cait]

INES IZAR

“It’s Xov.” My eyes fly open, shock registering in them as the neural links in my brain start to re-wire, trying to reconcile with a new person’s name to learn. I feel stupid for making the assumption in the heat of battle – because of course Lucky would have given her a name other than her own. He’d never respect either of us enough to call us by our real names. It all comes together, puzzle pieces sliding into place.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur, heat rising into my cheeks. “I didn’t learn anyone’s names. I thought it would be easier like that.” But maybe that makes me just as bad as Lucky. I shudder at the thought.

“You were Marcus’s district partner, right?”

Marcus. A name I do remember – one of the only ones I allowed to stay with me since the beginning. The train memory steps forward. I see Marcus in a burnt orange glow, telling me I have a chance. Harbinger, too, the Rhodes name proving as steadfast and determined as the Izars. It’s not hard to visualise Marcus standing strong in front of Xov as she recounts the events of two days ago: the sacrificial lamb, unflinching in the face of death.

“I didn’t want to see Lucky kill you too.” I wonder how it must feel for her, to see a girl swathed in the colours of Marcus, as defenceless and fearful as she likely was herself only days ago. Does she see me as a friend, or simply a debt to pay? Had it been choice or instinct that made her decide to shield me? And where did that leave us now?

I sit in my silence, listening to her grief unfold. I nod my head; I think I understand.

“Were you and Felicity together? I mean… do you have someone…?”

There’s a cluster of rocks in my stomach; I keep swallowing more, getting weighed down by the granite every time I breathe, every time her name is brought back to life. I remember the way it felt to see her standing beside Lionel, wondering how we could both fit into her life in the Arena.

I want to confide in Xov about the kindness Felicity offered to a girl she barely knew, but more than that, I don’t want to voice these hidden fears. I don’t want to give them even more leverage over me.

“No, we weren’t… together. I don’t know. We were sort of friends? I know it sounds stupid.” But it’s not to me. The dark cloud of anxiety creeps closer, blocking out the harsh sun. I know it won’t leave – not now, maybe never – but for a few moments, with her, the colours came back.

Boom.

The cannon shocks us both, even though it shouldn’t. I turn back in time to watch Maggie drive the end of her glaive into the belly of the girl that killed Azure all those moons ago. Somewhere in my veins, I feel a soft sighing relief that fights against the nausea rising in my throat.

The fight dissipates almost immediately with the boys scurrying away, grains of sand flying around in their wake. Maggie pauses to survey her surroundings, head glancing around, searching for something unseen. I hold my breath in anticipation, wondering whether she’ll look up and see me. Wondering if I still trust her to protect me now that we’re both killers, both so close to the end.

But she doesn’t look up. She barely looks back at the girl she’s just murdered. It’s only forwards from here. You need to do the same.

“I was with Maggie. She’s probably the only reason I’m still alive.” I look back at Xov, knowing she might be the only person in here that could relate. “I guess she’s not coming back for me, though.” It had been bound to happen. Maggie might be loyal, to an extent, but she was too smart for living in the past. I could only pray that, now that we were separated, it would stay that way forevermore.

“It’s probably for the best.” I let the words sit between us, the unspoken meaning in them crystal clear – we should split up, too. At this stage of the Games, alliances are forgotten, and the company you keep is the company that will slit your throat in a matter of hours. We both realise it – even I’m smart enough to accept this new, tragic reality.

And yet, we don’t move.

Not for a while, anyway.

I think a stronger girl would walk away before the strands of our existence became too tightly intertwined; but I think a smarter girl would know that it’s already too late to remain separated.

And so, for a while, we sit together, knowing it can’t last, no, but giving each other this one final kindness, swallowing the sweetness of the moment like it’s sugar water and we are nothing more than starved bees, desperately trying not to die out.