Molly Songlark (D 9)

[dustymew]

Name: Molly Grace Songlark
Age: 14
Gender: Female
District/Area: District 9
Appearance:

Molly has pale white skin, with freckles dotting her face and nose. She has dark red almost blood like colored hair. Her eyes are greyish blue with a hint of green in them. Small for her age.
She doesn't have many clothes, and travels light. She wears a faded blue tank top that has a green leaf pressed into the fabric on the upper left corner. She has a pair of dark blue sweatpants she wears, but those got so badly burned she wears a pair of faded camo capris.
she wears a neckless made of dried berries and the shells of diffrent nuts.
Her body shape is thin, yet she Is rather strong.. even for her age.

Personality:

Molly is very mature for her age. She is also a smart mouth. Her hunting skills are good for her, being a young teen. She can be kind at times, but only when she isn't hunting. Then... she's mean.
She will spare no lives when hunting or fighting.
Molly loves to explore, read, swim, climb, and hunt. She dreams of exploring the outside of Panem, also known as North america.

History:

Molly was born on June 10th. She remebers little about her mamma and papa, as they died when they went out of grounds. When her parents died she was raised by her older brother (npc 'taren'). Her brother
She went to the district school and still does. When she hunts, she trades her kill for money, her brother does the same. She keeps Every other Kill for her and her brother. She has to kill 4 times a day in order to have money and food.
Her brother is mostly working in a butcher shop, for little pay. He often takes trades from his sister, or Molly will take it to the local market and trade there.
Her Hunting skills can get a bit messy at times, she normaly does a clean shot throught the jaw socket. Her main weapon is a long jagged knife with a gold handle that belonged to her father.

Codeword: Muttation
Comments/Other:

I would like Molly to be in the hunger games. but i'm still not certain.

[Deleted]

Hey Dusty!

Just a couple of things:

-- For her appearance, could you please elaborate more on her body? Just mention stuff like if she's muscular and strong or super thin and weak or something like that. It comes in handy for the Hunger Games. =] Oh, and does she have any scars since she hunts a lot?

-- Her personality sort of contradicts itself. In particular, the parts where she's "sweet and caring" and "forgets who her friends are," so please clarify that? Also, how is she around her brother? And does she ever "get" any of the guys at her school?

-- History just needs to be lengthened more. So I'd like to know about her brother and how he and Molly got along without their parents, like how old he is, how they got through financially, and where they live/lived. Is he a good hunter too? Just give me more about their lifestyle -- I'm intrigued.

-- The codeword is slightly off. You're just missing two letters but you're quite close and probably can guess it. :/

That's it. It looks like a lot, but I'd like more length which = knowing more about Molly. =]

Thanks!

Saph

[dustymew]

HI! i've updated it with more info... i hope this gets me in!

[dustymew]

oh and I am in the works of drawing out what molly looks like.. i just can't for the life of me figure out how to get it on here.

[Prince Inigo]

Hey there. ^^ Welcome to the site! Your application is still a bit short for standards, but I'll provide some tips on how to get your character accepted.

Please break up your potential paragraphs by a line break. It just makes it easier for others to read; and, when you RP, making it easy for others to read is of the importance. :3

I'll ask for one or two minor flaws that are considered generally flaws. (Like acne, teeth problems; not like freckles and subjective flaws). Scars don't count unless you describe them as disgusting. To keep in mind.

Also, as for her strong body, I'd think most of the children in the District would be trained by parents and siblings. They would perhaps have more experience than your character, as they were guided by older figures than just a brother. Maybe some were trained by grandparents. We also have to remember that the other families would be hunting more often and just generally more to fill the stomachs of three, four, five, and up people. Unless she's pumping iron (which would not be popular in District 9 because they are a poorer District and muscle-building is of no real concern for them), I'd perhaps put she's considerably weaker than other children but strong enough to efficiently do her hunting duties. It would kind of give her a flaw, in that she probably couldn't wrestle another girl that was trained by parents or hunting for a family of five, for example.

You need to elaborate on the Personality, because some concepts seem contradictory. I can understand that she could be mean because of potential competition while she's hunting, but it's extreme for any character to be able to willingly kill others just for hunting. Without a good explanation, that is. Or that is how I'm reading it from your sentences here.

She can be kind at times, but only when she isn't hunting. Then... she's mean.
She will spare no lives when hunting or fighting.

Without a good explanation, it seems... too sudden. Too abrupt. She's kind... but not when hunting or fighting? And this part where she's not kind does not let others live? That doesn't seem kind at all. I think you're trying to wrap this bit of Personality to the setting of the Hunger Games (that her kindness could be used to her advantage and her killing attitude makes it ideal for the Hunger Games if she got in). So please either explain better on this part or fix it.

Otherwise, you need to expand the Personality overall. It's much too short, as we ask for three paragraphs for Personality. (Five sentences, at least, for each paragraph).

Your History also is rather short and a bit riddled with grammatical mistakes and spelling errors (I'd suggest to put this in a word document and have it help); but, other than those, I have a particular problem with this:

She has to kill 4 times a day in order to have money and food.

It's not easy to do intense exertion in a day. Assuming we're talking about a two hours or three of a hunting period, that's extremely harsh on a 14-year old body, which is still growing. I also have a feeling that there wouldn't be enough time for this, considering that she has to break for body rest and food. There probably is six hours for school (or more); and, hunting is not easy in of itself. Hunters have to think about not startling animals, being able to shoot correctly, skinning, possibly tanning, traps, and all that stuff. It's very time-consuming for just one hunting period; it's intense; her body should probably be stiffening up and hard to move for a while. I'd rather you cut this down to one long hunting period (including time where she has to drag kills back home) and have her stop for the night. She's probably going to be sore even if she's done the exercise a lot.

Lastly, we changed our codeword with the new rules. Please read the new ones and find the codeword in there.

Please modify your post with changes and reply to the thread notifying that you made changes. Thanks. ^^

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