Re: Pita "Pi" Plerusque; District 10

[haley]

Appearance- The first thing you will notice about Pita is her striking green eyes. Her eyes, the color of an emerald are v-shaped at the corners. Apart from her eyes is her hair. The red hair isn't fiery, and it isn't dull. Her hair falls in slight waves below her shoulders. Most days, she wears her hair down after pulling a comb through it. She didn't mean to have bangs, although her hair just sort of grew in that way. Her hair is usually very tangly and gets in the way.

Pita has pale skin and a rosy glow to her cheeks. Her lips are the color of pink westerland roses. When it comes to fashion, I wouldn't say Pita is your "go-to girl". She usually throws on whatever is clean and fits. She doesn't wear makeup, unless she is going to the reaping. but even then, she wears the very bare minimum.

Pita has a long, skinny face, that goes along with her body. She is small in height, but also s slim and doesn't weigh a lot.


Personality- Pita is shy and timid, and she usually won't talk unless someone talks to her first. When asked to introduce herself she'll tell you that her name is Pita Plerusque, but she prefers to be called Pi for short. Another thing about Pi is that when she trusts someone she opens up completely, and will tell them anything and everything. As long as no one backstabs her, she can be very loyal. She is a good listener, but she is very stubborn, refusing to give up on her thoughts.

If Pi thinks something is right, then she will stick with it ,and refuses to change her mind. Pi is easy going, and won't hurt anyone unless they hurt her first. She is quite and hates bullying and killing. Pita is unable to laugh at herself, she only gets embarrassed. She's one of those people you expect to follow things, not lead them. Pi's always in a good mood, and she won't let anything small ruin her day. Pi is very loving, and almost instantly starts to fall in love with anything with a heart, whether an animal, or a new gadget.

Pi has very keen senses, except for smelling things. She can't smell things until it is a few feet in front of her. Pi loves to run around, and she is always lively. She skips around her district, with a smile on her face. She loves to be outside in the warm sunshine. Pi is really capable of handling things, especially sad emotions. She keeps her feelings to herself, only showing them to whom she is closest to, which is only a few people.

History- When Pi was only a little girl, she had a fight with her sister Cosette, and they no longer talk. Neither of them can remember why they fought, but then again neither of them wants to be the first to say "i'm sorry," and forget it. They fume over silly things now. Pi lives in a house with three sisters, her mom, and her dad. Her youngest sister, Julia, just turned 12. Her oldest sisters Cosette, and Samantha are 20 and 21.

Pita was supposed to be a twin, but her mother lost Pi's twin due to a miscarriage. Her mother never quite got over it, although it was 18 years ago. Before the death of Pita's sister her mother was a happy, bubbly, out-going woman. Now she just sits in her rocking chair staring at the walls, crying. Pita thinks she will never truly fall in love, although she wants that to change. Pi wants to have someone to tell everything to, someone to love her, someone to look up to, and not have to be carrying the burden herself.

Pita has this phobia for spiders. I mean, whenever she sees one she screams and runs up a tree. Sometimes after seeing a spider, Pita will faint. She got her phobia a long time ago, when she was about 7, but she remembers it like it was yesterday. One day, after waking up from a nap, Pi saw a spider crawling up her leg, she stood up, screamed and fainted. Now every so often she gets mild amnesia from hitting her head on concrete from when she fainted. She has slight forgetfulness from the smallest of injuries, like not remembering what they had for dinner last night or bring a certain book to school.

[cameron]

Hi again, Haley. :)

First off, you once again just have the bare minimum for each section. I would like you to add a bit more. Everything is very non-descriptive, and we all want to know what your character is like.

In the appearance, the statement about her eyes is a generalization, which we try to avoid when writing. If some creepy pervert saw Pi, I'm sure he'd see something other than her eyes first. (Just an example.) So, find another way to describe her eyes, please^^

Also in the appearance, she has now flaws. Please add several small flaws or one large one. Note that scars do not count, because some find those attractive and they are not natural.

Personality has no flaws, really, either. Give her something that makes her tick. Also, the fear of spiders needs to be explained in the history. Other than that, she seems rather Sue-ish. Try to fix her up a bit. Read these guides if you need some help.

Add another paragraph or so to the history. I don't really know what your character's life is like with the current draft. Add the explanation for her fear of spiders, and maybe another one or two. Also, maybe add another factor to her mother's depression.. Seems rather unrealistic to me.

When you're done, respond back here. :)

EDIT: Ohlookit, a Thundy said the same things I did xD

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[Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]]

Your character seems like a Mary-Sue to me. HERE and HERE are guides about Mary-Sues. Things to look for are some aspects of her appearance (striking green eyes, lack of flaws) and lack of flaws in her personality, plus some common Mary-Sue traits that are included in Phunke's guide. Make sure to read both of them and edit your bio accordingly.

I find it difficult to imagine that her mother never got over the fact that she lost one of her unborn children. It might bother her some, but 18 years? It doesn't seem likely.

I think that's it. Post here when you're done editing. xD

EDIT: Oops, Cam started reviewing as I was making this post. Even so, make sure to do what I said along with his instructions.

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[Prince Inigo]

I'd just like to note that the girl in your picture is Molly Quinn, and she is used in the FC by someone else. While I haven't seen the user in a while, I'd just like to warn that if you're planning to use this picture a lot, you might get asked why you're using her when she's not under your name in the FC. It might just be best to base your character off her - Molly Quinn's - looks, making sure to change some things.

One thing to ask, while you're making changes:

Now every so often she gets mild amnesia from hitting her head on concrete from when she fainted.

What kind of amnesia do you mean? It's kind of vague to just say 'amnesia', because there are a few types out there. Please research more into that. ^^

Welcome to the site!

[haley]

Her flaw in her appearance is her messy hair, and in her personality it is her timidness and stubbornness. I also edited some other things.

[haley]

Do you want me to get a new picture? Instead of Molly Quin?

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]

That would probably be wise. Just edit the pic and I'll look at it. =)

Messy hair isn't necessarily a flaw. In fact, some people just don't care about it so it doesn't really detract from her appearance.

Timidity in this case isn't actually a flaw. In fact, I think most people have cases like this. An example of when it would be a flaw is when her timidity reaches the point that she pushes herself away.

I think there is so much more you can add to the history. Do you want to expand on her school life? Her life becoming a teen? You can use these daily events as part of your bio as well. Think happy thoughts while you're writing the history. You'd be surprised what you can come up with on happy events.

Reply back when you have made the edits.