//Ending\\With//A\\Bang//---->[Semper|Hayley]

[∂αмєη]

Lane Fox Ralyks
My record should be top secret, but here.

Lane's Writing : : :
Lane's Speech : : : E65C00
Other Speech : : : A89070

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I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
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Nothing can mend a heart snapped in two. It stays that way for never, truly nothing you can do. You can try all you want, your efforts not enough, pain being the only thing felt. Oh, the same can happen to everybody, love or hatred the cause. Ultimately it must be the same effect. One must die for the other to feel the same pain, oh how agonizingly true that would be. It's never seen until it's gone, the love or the pain that one felt for you. And god dammit, it hurts like hell. Nothing you can ever fucking do about it because then you are selfish, trying your hardest to get the one you love to be yours, when you know they also care for somebody else. The pain you feel is worse than physical pain. It's one of heart break, destruction, lost love, nights of tears and days of sorrow.

I thought I had it handled. I really did. Fucking stupid to think that. She's younger, better looking than me, a lot less notorious with the officials and well, just generally a better person. Sure, she probably wouldn't eat the same things he did. Yeah, she probably wouldn't hunt down somebody for a great dinner out. But overall, she's got to be better right? No. I can't even think of that. Him leaving. I can't even imagine seeing his back as he passed through the doorway of my life, leaving me to rot without the proper attention I needed. Ha. Attention. Coming from me, that's a word I never wanted to say. I hated having any attention. It meant I could be caught by those pitiful dogs. Coming from him though, attention was all I wanted.

Bear Keeni. Did you know he is 6'6'' with dark brown eyes that seem to speak to your soul directly? That's the one guy who can make me speak. Well, I usually do speak to anybody. Those who get to close just end up with a damn knife in their neck. Except for Keeni. I said from the beginning that it was because we both shared the same interest in 'food'. Still, to this day I think that played a big part but not all of it. Definately not all of it. The other part was love. Pfft, listen to me now. Going on about love. I know nothing about it. I killed my damn parents and every friend I ever made. That's fucking love alright. Love of insanity. Love of pain. Love of death. His wonky, that's for sure. Makes no sense to even the smartest of the world.

Love. Ha. I always laugh at that damn word. You see people in love, walking hand in hand, hypothetically heart in heart. Oh, how poetic is that? Damn. This is really getting cheesy. When I think of love, I think of somebody who you can trust your whole life with. Not somebody who gives you warmth during the nights, experience sexually or the ones that you can still taste on your lips the next day. No. When I think of love, I think of somebody who you can't live without it. They are your heart and if they left, you'd be nothing but a lifeless cask. That's me every time I see them together. But I can't do anything to break either of their hearts.

Izabella Ayone. I would normally hate the one that seems to take away the one person I fucking love but I can't ever hate her. Because I care for her too, more than a lot of people. She has been there too, listening, giving advice, being advice. The alcohol, the drugs, the sex, the killings. Nothing ever takes it away though. It all comes back harder the next day. Whiskey, vodka, wine, beer. I drink and drink but nothing helps. Painkillers, morphling, weed, cigarettes. They all go away to fast. Izabella. Oh Izabella. And then the killing. That's fun. Yeah, sure- ah screw it, I'm a total mess!

My knuckles are white now. The bottle is tightly held in my hands, taking all the blood out of it. Great. Lose all my blood first. I pop the top off, tossing in a pill. Seventeen. Three more. That's usually not good right? They recommend twenty in a month. Yeah, should be freaking awesome. The buzz will be incredible for moments and slowly...slowly...slow. Slowly. That's a funny word. Sloooowwwwwwwlly. Slowly? That means it's moving slow right? What...Things start getting darker. The pain hits suddenly, tearing at everything that makes me unique. I yell out in pain, hoping that will startle my neighbors enough to have them find me and report me dead. The screams increase in volume, higher, louder, faster, stronger. Pain. Death. Love. Ha! Love. Fuck love. Fuck Bear. All of them. They made me like this.

And suddenly I'm gone, falling into the darkness of certain death.

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How could this happen to me?
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[semper]

bear Keeni

I never would have thought that it would come down to this. The two people that I like -- no, "like" is an understatement. The two people that I really like were tearing at me the way that two obnoxious kids fought over a teddy bear; each one pulling on an arm, harder and harder until finally the teddy bear just rips in half. The only thing was, they weren't fighting over me -- hell, I don't even know why we were fighting. Suddenly we were at each other's throats, you know? I just... I just don't know why.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. You know why? I met a girl the other day -- Izabella Ayone -- a real sweet girl. I mean... really sweet. But that's really only because male/female is natural, right? And since I'm bisexual, I guess it's only expected that... that.... just forget it. This is the whole reason I was out in the back of the house I shared with my sister. The snow was coming down fairly hard, piling up on the ground and hiding everything underneath it. My feet sunk down about an inch or two as I headed around back to the trees behind the house, each step carrying me further and further from everything. I needed to get away from it all; everything was just piling up on top of me and I couldn't handle it. Lane Fox Ralyks was my brother, basically; like a blood brother. He was my jerky buddy -- no one on the face of this damn planet could replace him. So why was I so frustrated? Earlier, Lane had told me that he wanted to go back to District 4 to "return a favor", as he had put it, to the Peacekeeper Cassius Clayburn, or whatever his name was. I just couldn't understand why he wanted to go turn himself in so badly all of a sudden. He had also said that Clayburn helped him stay under the radar, so... I doubt I should have hard feelings towards the Peacekeeper. I mean, he had helped keep Lane safe, so I couldn't blame him for anything. But no matter how hard I tried to convince Lane he didn't need to go and leave us all behind, nothing seemed to change his mind. So what use is it?

No matter which way I tried to pull, it seemed that I just grew more distant from the other person. The more time I spent with Izabella the more I felt like I was neglecting Lane and vice versa. But then there was also the problem of people blaming themselves for all this screw-up between us. Izabella thought it was her fault because she says things started going downhill when she first met me. I told her that it wasn't her fault, but she didn't believe me. Then Lane said how he didn't really have any reason to stay here since I had spent a few nights with Izabella. Just my luck.

Fucking hell, why was this so difficult? Ever since Lane announced he was leaving, I've been a train wreck. If I hadn't gone off with Iza, then I never would've made him feel like an afterthought. But if I never went off with Iza, well... things never would have happen. I would've never realized how much I enjoyed the love of a lady. Then Lane never would've thought I was abandoning him. And now that he was leaving.... I couldn't set things right. I couldn't change the past and correct the very stupid mistakes I made that resulted in the two people I loved to look at me with such a different judgment that I can't stand it.

Standing in the edge of the nearby forest, I was already covered in goosebumps even though I'd only been out there about fifteen minutes. Lane had said to go over to his house around this time of the night and to bring some Peacekeepers, but how the hell could I do that to my brother? I couldn't turn him in -- I just couldn't. This was completely my fault that he was leaving; I was at the center of this whole mess. If I was out of the equation, then Lane would be safe and Izabella wouldn't feel like a third wheel.

My hand reached down to my side, fingers gripping onto the hilt of my serrated knife as I pulled it out, setting the sharp tip on a fingertip on my free hand. If I ended it right here, right now, I believe that things will be better. I wouldn't be caught in the middle of a situation I couldn't fix; no one would be frustrated or leaving or feeling awkward. Lane wouldn't be sent off to the Detention Center to be Avoxed for wiping out an entire Peacekeeper unit and Izabella wouldn't have to choose between us if it ever came down to it. I've seen the way she looks at him -- I know they're both in love, too. My feeling was that if I allowed things to continue their course, it'd be even harder for me to let go. I didn't want to end up caught between Lane and Izabella if things between them got really serious.

Holding the blade vertical, I examined the one edge of it that resembled the teeth of a saw. How quickly it had torn through the flesh of others -- how quickly could it tear through my own body? I didn't quite want to end it all quickly, so a stab anywhere should do just fine; I wanted a slow death anyways; leaves me some time to think about death or whatever. Funny how things turn out: this blade had always been by my side, defending me and helping me find dinner; but now it would be my way of demise. I turned the blade over in my hand, watching the very dim light of night glint off the sleek black metal. Such a sinister looking piece of steel... I always did wonder what it would feel like to be on the opposite end of the blade, and soon I would know.

Placing the tip of the blade against my lower ribcage, I leveled out the knife and gripped the hilt tightly with a trembling hand. All it would take would be to just stab it right into me -- to get it over with. Things would be better without me since there would be no tense atmosphere between the two people I love most. This... this would be for the better, right? I sure as hell hoped so. I was willing to do anything for Lane and Izabella, and if I thought that killing myself would end the tension in this situation, then I was going to try it. Screw the consequences.

Tightening the grip on the hilt, I shut my eyes and set my jaw. Now or never... now or never. It'll keep Lane from going to the Detention center and getting Avoxed; just do it. I took a deep breath and shoved the serrated blade through my skin, yelping as it tore the muscle and tendons underneath, puncturing everything in its path because it felt as though my entire torso felt on fire. Every breath I took expanded my ribcage and sent a new shock wave of raw, burning agony through me, almost to the point that I began to wish I hadn't stabbed myself. But this is what I had wanted; there was no going back. If this didn't work, then, well.... let's just hope it works.

Unsteady on my legs, I stumbled backwards against a tree, leaning against it for support. My hand, shaking more wildly than I had ever seen before, gradually lost its grip on the hilt as my knees buckled; I slid down the trunk until I was sitting at its base, my head resting back against the bark as I struggled to breathe. Warm crimson was running down my stomach from the stab, but it actually made me feel a little less stressed. Finally, in the midst of all of this, I could think clearly. Blood pooled in my mouth so I weakly spit it out onto the snow, though droplets of the red slid down my chin. Everything was slipping from me too fast: my vision, my sense of feeling in the cold, my consciousness -- everything. I grit my teeth together while resting my head back against the tree trunk again, trying to steady my breathing.

This was going to work. I was going to pass away quietly in the red-stained snow and stay there until some lucky bastard came and discovered my corpse here. Heh, maybe someone would even eat me. A weak smile drew across my reddened mouth at the sheer irony of the thought. That would be the day, wouldn't it?

As I fell from consciousness, I could only force myself to believe that this would help break the fight.

No... there was no way in hell I was gonna hand over my best friend.....





This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

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[Hayley]

~íՀɑБҽӀӀɑ ɑվօղҽ~
ժíՏԵɾíϲԵ օղҽ

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Ugh. I'm still trying to figure out what possesed Daddy to drag me here with him. Apparently he thought we could "spend some time together." Pfft. Please. The last time I saw him was as we were getting off the plane. Some dad I have. 

Yeah, I know he has a big-shot Capitol job. So what? I'm still a person. Really, I'm still a teenager. Only nineteen. I have needs just like any other person. I guess that's why I met them. I guess thats why I like them. Heck, I may even love them. 

"Them" is Bear and Lane. Bear Keeni. Lane Ralyks. I don't know what possesed me to hang around both of them. They were both gross and smelled kinda funny. Of course, that's because they're cannibals. Cannibals always smell weird, apparently. 

Bear Keeni. The first one. I really don't remember all the details of how and where I met him. All I remember was the hatred. Oh man, we hated each other. There were times when all I wanted to do was slap the shit out of him. Most likely, he wanted to do the same thing  There was never a real connection. Things just kind of happened. And when they happened, our lives just went on fast-forward. Somehow I ended up running into him time and time again. Running into is right. Without my shoes on, he's almost a foot taller than me. As time went on and the meetings got more frequent we learned things about each other. Some how these frequent visits turned into nights spent together. Man, those were a hell of a lot of fun. Then, I needed out. It was getting too serious. I told him I loved him so he would go away, out of my life. It didn't work. He just said it back. My first reaction was to think that it was the kuru getting to his head because I am unloveable. I was proved wrong. Again and again, I tried to make him mad, trying to get away before we were together. I wasnt quick enough. As I tried pulling away I noticed the little things. His dark brown eyes, the way I felt when I heard his voice, I realized the horrible truth. I loved him. I actually loved an actual person. That just couldn't do. 

Lane Ralyks. Different altogether when compared to Bear. I really truly hated him. Especially in the beginning. God, I hated that man! He was arrogant, selfish, and thought he could just go around threatning people. He's even slapped me before. Twice. Just the thought of him made me truly sick to my stomach. Somehow things changed. Oh hey guess what? We hooked up, too  he was frightened the whole time. It's like he thought Bear was going to come in and eat him if he caught Lane and I making out. Please, all I could do was assure him that Bear wouldn't randomly walk in. Then I got myself all messed up once more. Yet another beautiful male tells me he loves me. Of course I had to say it back. He would have left if I didn't. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew I meant it, though. After that he asked me to be his girlfriend. Couldn't turn down that offer now could I? This next part is the part where I really worry about my sanity. He told Bear he was leaving. That he was going to District Four to turn himself in. That he was done running. I realized something about myself that day. I'm not as apathetic as people say I am. I do care when I feel like it. Bear was broken. Lane was his literal other half. Oh, what about poor little old me? I came in second for both of them. Yeah, I was a hot commodity, but they were obviously together before I came into their lives and ruined them. It really was all my fault that they were feeling this way. 

I had to stop Lane and Bear before they did anything drastic. If I'd learned anything over the time I've spent with both of them, cannibals are impatient. It seemed as if I was learning something. Realizing something. I think I loved them both. OMG Bella! You can't love two people! Well, apparently you can. Just in different ways. Bear was...for lack of a better word, a sex buddy. Yeah, we did some stuff, but I never expected it to turn into something. Lane was...I still don't know. He seems like he really truly cares about me. He's willing to give up so much just to be with me. That's a new experience. Most guys just want to get the girl. That's it. When you have two people that seem like they actually love you, it becomes hard to decipher what is real and what isn't. What if one doesn't really love you, let alone like you? What if they're just trying to take advantage of you? Yeah, that's happened to me before. Guys will tell you they love you just to take advantage of that slight vulnerability. After a while, though, you start to wonder. Do they really love you? After years of experience with guys you still never know. Mostly because guys are horrible creatures, but that's besides the point. 

As I walk down the streets of the grimy district I look around at the malnourished children and the adults shot up with morphling. It's all I can do not to puke or laugh so I hurry to a house I've visted many times in my stay here. Bear's house. The one he shares with his sister. It's not too far from where I am now. I scurry along the snow covered dirt streets trying to keep warm. 

I knock on the front door but nobody answers. His little sister, who I haven't met yet, doesn't answer. Its still light out but she's not there. He's probably not expecting anyone because I wasnt supposed to come until later tonight. But the door is rarely locked unless he's out somewhere. Somewhere finding...dinner. He hadn't 'eaten' in a while, at least to the best of my knowledge. He knew I didn't like it. I try turning the knob and the door swings open on its hinges. A cold winter breeze flows through the house and there's no sound. It's empty. 

I jump at least a foot off the ground when I hear a scream of pain. No, its not pain. It sounds more like pure agony. And it's close. My heart starts beating wildly. Where did it come from? The geels on my boots make a clacking sound against the hard floor as I hurry out the back door. And then I see him by the trees bleeding profusely. Bear. 

I grip the door frame looking for something to steady myself with. He's just lying there slumped back on one of the numerous trees. Blood is quickly flowing from his side where he's holding a knife in himself. A moment later he leans over and spits crimson liquid into the formerly clean, white snow. I close my eyes and try to block out what I'm seeing. I don't know many people who have to see this kind of horrific scene in their lifetimes. I can't just stand here and do nothing. Sure, the old Izabella Ayone would've just walked away and never look back. But Bear's different. I have to help him. I'm pretty sure there's not much I can do, but something is better than nothing. 

My footprints in the thick snow show my path to him. The bloodstained snow around Bear's limp body makes me sick to my stomach. I pick up one of his arms only to have it fall back to his body. I have to get him somewhere. Anywhere. But where? Lane. He's the only one who could probably get him the help he needs. But how the hell am I supposed to drag a 6'6" monster of a person through the streets? I almost sit down in the snow but I remember that it has pools of blood. And I'd mess up my clothes. Oh, Bear, why do you do these things to yourself?

I seriously need to get him some help, but Im no assitance in that department. If I called some of Daddy's people they'd figure out where I've been and Daddy Definetly wouldnt approve. That or he just won't pay attention. There's a wheelbarrow across the road, but I'm not strong enough to push an empty wheelbarrow let alone one with a huge guy in it. Down the roads there are some guys huddled in a circle, but they look like they're doing drugs or something. Cross them off the list. But what if I could just find one normal looking person to help me out? Is that really such a difficult task? Apparently, in District Six, it is. What if I just went to find Lane? I can't just leave Bear here, though. I guess I'll just have to. 

I run back in the house, grab a blanket, run back outside, and put it over Bear. I hope nobody noticies that a half-dead guy is underneath it. Lane really can't live that far away from here. Yeah, Ive been there once, I just can't remember exactly where it is. It's a small district and most of the houses are i. The same area. Can't be too difficult, can it? Knowing my luck it probably is. 

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Down the street and up that path. Thats the route I take to the apartment building he lives in. As I head up the stairs, my heave heeled boots make a clomping sound, and I bet every person can hear it as my feet hit each wooden step. Around the corner and there it is. His door. I knock once more but as my fist hits the door it just swings open. I didn't have to turn the knob or anything. 

Oh damn.

Is everybody in the hellhole of a district attempting suicide today?!?! Lane's slumped in the corner with that bottle of pills in his hand. I scurry over and tug at his arm. Nothing. I tap his foot with my shoe, but still nothing. Finally, I just start kicking him. Why? Why? Why is my enyire world crashing around me today? I sit on the floor with a hollow thud and bury my head in my hands. What kind of shit have you gotten yourself into, Izabella Ayone?

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[∂αмєη]

L A N E x F O X x R A L Y K S

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They say your life flashes before your eyes like a movie or a play. Act One begins, your birth starting out your whole life. Then you move onto Act Two. It all happens in sequences, your brain filing each moment like it was a huge computer like the Capitol has. I would've actually liked to see it play before my eyes, showing me every good thing I did or every mistake I made. I'd get to see my regrets, the days I wish I could repeat and all past acquaintances. I'd get to remember all of my kills, remember all of my Peacekeeper missions. Although, I'd remember Bear more. Bear would be one of the biggest regrets. Except, your life doesn't flash before your eyes. Instead, you see what could've happened. At least, that's what happened for me. Maybe it was the drugs that were affecting how my mind was working but I still saw each thing as it passed in front of my eyes.

The bright green grass sways with the wind, the smells of the forest filling my nose. The large axe hangs over my shoulder, not covered in blood like it used to be, but covered in various wood-chippings. Now my nose is filled with the smell of burning wood, obviously coming from the log cabin that seemed to just appear in front of me. Then there's the smell of hot dogs cooking on the fire. The burning of the meat makes my mouth water. Wait. Normal food is actually getting my saliva?

I take a step closer, travelling a few yards with that one step. I turn back, looking at my original spot that is quite a distance from here to make with one step. Turning back to the door, my hand twists the knob, pushing in the wooden door. The smells smash into me, almost knocking me over. It's like they are actual physical objects, trying to cause pain for me. I would've let the pain overcome me when she comes into view. 'Izabella?' I say, my voice sounding deeper and rougher. Almost angelic.

'Daddy!' The high-pitched shout echoes around the room. DADDY? I turn to the sound, watching as a blonde haired child runs up to me, jumping into my arms. But those are my eyes. I'm certain of that. I turn to look at Bella, who's watching me from a stove. 'Welcome home sweetie. Reilly missed you.' Reilly? Is she...mine? 'I'm baking you something special. Some hot dogs. I know you like them.' I'm eating hot dogs. Does that mean I gave it up? All the cannibalism. I make my way over to Bella, placing Reilly on the ground. My arms wrap around her waist, hers around my neck. I pull her closer, pressing my lips against hers, feeling her warm breath fill my mouth.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. I turn around, keeping my hands around Bella, to see Bear standing in the door way. 'UNCLE BEAR!' Uncle!? What's going on? He makes his way to Izabella in a few steps, pushing me out of the way. Suddenly the colors change, the furniture switching around. 'Hey hun. So, when are we having the wedding?' Bear asks, his eyes watching Izabella intently. 'Wedding? But I'm married to her, right?' I question, looking in their faces for the answer. 'Uh, no man. You're only here on vacation. You live in District 6, remember?' So, where am I? And why did I just imagine that I was married. What's going on? 'Bear, look, I can finally swallow the jerky without having an issue.' She smiles, putting a piece in her mouth. They kiss.

Then things change again, this time for the worse. The smell of blood is all I can smell. It smells good though. And there's Bear, eating from one body. 'Hey, Lane, over here.' I smile. Good, we're friends. Then I see the ring on his hand, which brings my attention to mine. Same one on the same finger. Bear and me? And then it changes, this time being in a jail cell. 'Life sucks, doesn't it Lane?' Cassius. Then it changes. Stained Transactions. Then it changes. Living alone. Then it changes. Changes. Changes! And suddenly, there's Bear, a knife in his stomach while he lays in the snow. 'Lane.' 'Lane! Wake u-'

I bolt up from my laying down position, letting out a loud shout. My breaths come out quickly and short, now now now now now. My heart's racing a million miles a minute, pushing faster, harder, stronger each second. My eyes search the room for Bear. I had asked him to help me, yet he is no where near. But she is. 'Bella!' I shout, hopping to my feet. I clear the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her. "Don't ever let Bear talk you into trying human. You look so gross with that diet." I sigh, thanking that I'm still alive. But the silence tells me something happened. And I have a feeling that it's what I saw last.

I bolt out the door, directing myself towards Bear's house. The buildings fly by, making me dizzy. I forget that the drugs aren't fully out of my system yet. Still fighting to bring me down. But there's the door, and there's the house and there's the tree and there's my best friend. I pick up my speed to finish off the distance, sliding in the snow to a stop. "BEAR!" I shout, grabbing hold of his hand. There's dried blood on it already. I know he's almost gone. Almost leaving this world. Leaving me alone. Isn't that what I was trying to do? I tried to pussy out of facing things like a man. I tried to do what any normal Panem citizen would do. Not what Lane would do. Now, that changes. Now, I pursue what I want. And if I can't get it, life moves on. No more will things be all about me.

And that's why I flip him over, exposing his pale face. I press my lips against his, but not like that. My breath explodes into his mouth, and my hands begin pumping on his chest. Live! I yell. My cold fingers slowly begin to grab the blanket, tying it around the wound to apply pressure. "It'll be alright Bear!" I shout, continuing with the CPR. Then I lean down slowly, gently kissing his forehead. "Please. Be alright for me."

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[semper]

[flashback]

I was lying in bed, partially under the covers, just staring up at the ceiling one night. Earlier that day was the first time I had ever tasted human flesh, and I could still taste the bitter, copper-like tang of the blood. The muscle was like biting into a sandwich filled with layers and layers of meat, but I think that, along with some of the tendons -- although quite chewy -- were the best parts. It's like when you find an oyster in a chicken; that little piece of meat is just so tender you wouldn't believe it. Well, that's what human flesh is like sometimes: so tender it's like you're eating chicken.

"Bear?"

I turned my head, seeing my little sister standing beside my bed. Sheesh, she's quite the stealthy one -- I hadn't even heard her come in or hear squeaking floorboards.

She had one little fist up near her mouth, eyes wide, a frightened look on her face and she looked like she was shaking. "What is it, Gerya?" I asked quietly (not that I needed to be hushed; our parents were off screwing people), confused as to why she was in my room. "I had a really bad nightmare..." She said in a hoarse whisper. "These people came into our house, and... and... they killed mom and dad, th-then they killed you, and then they were chasing me around the house with knives--" I cut her off by scooting over a little and patting the bed beside me. Gerya didn't hesitate a second; she hopped up onto the bed and curled into a ball beside me, shivering against my bare skin. Damn, she really must be freaked out. She whimpered quietly as I pulled a portion of the covers over her little body. "Can you keep a promise?" As much as I didn't want to admit it, the terrified tone in her voice was nipping at my heart strings.

"Yeah..."

"Don't ever chase people with knives. If they're like me, they'll cry and be really scared. Please don't ever hurt people like me. Please don't ever."

I couldn't really say anything. What was I supposed to tell her when there was a freshly buried body in the back yard and the flesh digesting in my stomach? I couldn't promise her that -- I just couldn't keep my word. The bloodstains on the bed underneath where I was laying proved that I enjoyed what I did to my first victim. Who's to say I won't do it again?

"Promise me, Bear. Please?"

The anxiety in her voice was just awful to hear. I couldn't bear to not ease her mind when she was this psychologically unstable. "I promise, Gerya." She seemed to relax a little when I told her that. Nuzzling her face against my bare shoulder, I felt her eyelashes brush me gently as she closed her eyes, the warm breath coming from her nose slowing in terms of tempo.

There's nothing wrong in terms of lying to ease someone's suffering, is there? I didn't want to let my own little sister down.... she's still the only one that I'll willing get close to without the intentions of hurting or eating or burying in the back yard. I couldn't really stand to see her all shaken up like this, so I had to lie to calm her down.

Is lying really all that bad when it's to help someone?


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I think it was a summer day when I first met Lane Fox Ralyks. Shiep didn't know what I was doing; this was back in the early days of Stained Transactions. I guess you could say I was abusing my powers by just going around and searching for someone I thought fit to be in our new group. That was when I met him. I don't quite remember the exact circumstances, but I remember the first connection I made with him: cannibalism. Normally I wouldn't be so gung-ho about it, but something about him made me jump the gun and offer him a spot in ST. From there, things just escalated; we began going on hunting sprees together and having jerky and basically just being murderous cannibals. I could trust him with anything I had or wanted to tell him--


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Standing outside the orphanage, I looked at the front door, seeing Shiep and the caretaker, who was looking at me strangely.

"He's..... he's my friend!" Shiep exclaimed, trying to smooth things over. I don't think it was working, though -- the lady seemed to still be suspicious of me. I tried to smile as kindly as I could, but it must've come off as a smirk since I don't usually smile in a friendly way. It felt awkward.

"I'm sorry to show up so suddenly," I said, "I was j--"

[end flashback]
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[imagining]

I don't know where I am.... everything around me is so.... off. I'm standing in the woods in the middle of the night, and it had just started snowing. There was absolutely no wind so the tree limbs loomed eerily still above me. No one else was around -- I knew there was no one else on the face of the planet. It was just me.

I stood still, shivering in fear rather than cold. My senses were disoriented; where the hell was I? I didn't recognize any of these trees or land features... I was horribly lost.

Suddenly I took off running as fast as I could, ducking my head to avoid branches and hurtling over logs and shrubs as though Lucifer himself was after me. I don't know why I was so panicked, but something --

[/i] something -- was after me. I could feel hot air running down my back as I bolted, but my foot snagged on a root and I crashed into the frozen ground, a sharp rock jabbing into the center of my lower ribcage. I yelped, and suddenly there was a pair of hands grabbing onto my jacket and flipping me over harshly.

Lane...? Was he was one chasing me? I could've sworn I was alone....

But there's something wrong with him -- something horribly off. Behind his beautiful blue eyes there's a sort of anger you'd compare to a wildfire just scorching an entire forest. There was no trace of affable emotion on his face, either. Almost as if he was a slate wiped clean of chalk.

"Lane? Are you alright?" I ask him, but he didn't answer. His foot suddenly came down on my chest, pinning me to the ground. But you know what was weird? Instead of air being forced out of my lungs, oxygen went in, filling nearly the entire capacity of my lungs. My mouth opened to question him again, but Lane lifted his foot and quickly slammed it down on my chest repeatedly, putting immense pressure on my ribs.

Why was he doing this? Oh Ripred, it hurt like hell. What had I done to him?

I had stabbed myself.

Maybe I did deserve to have my ribs splinter. But why was Lane so mad? I had never seen him like this before. It was frustrating, really, to not know what was going on with my best friend.

Every now and then the same event with air filling my lungs instead of exiting happened, confusing me further. I could feel the beginnings of bruises underneath my skin and the strain my bones were in. Lane's kicks were just too much for me, keeping my body pinned on the ground as the snow continued to fall. Oh Ripred... oh Ripred...[/color]

[/imagining]

"Lane...."

[imagining]

I don't know why my voice came out incredibly hoarse and quiet. All Lane had hit was my chest, but it hurt so much more than it probably should have; but why was my voice so scratchy?

My limbs were as heavy as dead weights, making me immobile. Not that I could move, anyways; the pain in my chest was so abnormally intense that it was taking my breath away, leaving me gasping.

Lane knelt down, looming over me with a predatory look in his eyes. The surrounding atmosphere tensed and I cringed and shut my eyes tightly as he raised his hand. There was a very gentle pressure on my forehead, and when I opened my eyes, Lane was up and walking away. Iza stood next to a nearby tree, arms crossed over her chest most likely to shield herself from the cold. When he reached her he lightly held onto her arm, turning a reluctant Iza around and began heading off into the forest together without a single word.

Was I dead? No, I was still breathing... but why couldn't I get up? I turned my head, watching the retreating silhouettes, trying to call out to them.

[/imagining]

"Lane...... Iza....."

[imagining]

But again, my voice was hardly above a weak whisper. I had to go after them, but my limbs were unresponsive. My frustration was mounting as I tensed every muscle I could, trying to turn over so I could get up, but my brain appeared to be disconnected to my body. Fucking hell, what was wrong?! I had to go with them and figure out why Lane had been so... so angry all of a sudden, but I couldn't.

Maybe I really was dead.

[/imagining]
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[Hayley]

Im sitting in a room made up of only big white walls. In the halls, there are people looking through the big window and door. They have no idea what we're here for. He dragged me here. I didnt even want to come. It's my first time here. He's been here a few times in the past year and would always ask me to come along. I always declined, saying the place smelled like antiseptic and it made me dizzy. Truth is, I was scared. Of her, of that prison. It all scared me. 

So this morning, when Jermair said he was going to see Mother, he just picked me up and took me out the door. I stopped kicking and screaming once we got out of the door. I didnt want the neighbors to think I was some demonic child from hell. He set me down on the sidewalk, grabbed my hand, and pulled me down the street to where we are now. The asylum. 

A few words of greeting from the workers to Jermair were exchanged. They had no idea who I was which worked for me.  I wanted nothing to do with that woman, let alone be associated with her. 

All that brings us to where we are now. Her so-called room. Pft. More like a prison cell. The bright white walls blind me, and so do the sheets that cover her emaciated body. It serves her right to be here. She tried to kill us! Somewhere along the way, Jermair forgave her. I dont know how. 

[flashback inside flashback]

He was out front with that witch of a girlfriend. She'd been taking him from me. Jermair was my big brother. He was supposed to be playing with me, not her. I stared out the window at him holding her on the sidewalk, whispering in her ear. I had my arms crossed over the chest of my dull orange sundress. Go get a room! Seriously. Who just stands out front of their house hugging like that? Public displays of affection are so gross. 

I was not jealous. If I said anything, people would think I was jealous of that...witch. I was not jealous. I was just angry. Angry at her, angry at him, angry at me, angry at my life. 

I skip downstairs, just in case any of the Avoxes are around. As soon as I reach the kitchen, I check to make sure the coast is clear. Most of the servants are out in the yard. I hope. My hands rummage through the huge drawers, some above my eyelevel, until I find my desired item. Without paying attetntion, I run back up the stairs to my room where I look out the window. Theyre still standing out there. Where else would they go? I roll my eyes as waves of nausea roll throughout my body. Those two were sickening me. 

My fingers pop the large panel into my hands and I fling it on my large feather bed behind me. I grip the butter knife and throw it through where the panel used to be. I laugh gleefully as the blade implants itself in her shoulderblade, and she screams in pain. Perfect. Quickly, the panel is popped back in place as I hurry down the stairs and out the front door. 

"What happened?" I inquire in my most innocent, but worried voice. All hell is about to break loose. Suddenly, Mother comes running from the house weilding her own knife, as she most likely heard the scream as well. Her hair was messy and her eyes had a wild look in them. Jermair and I had seen that look before. She was going to do something and it wasnt going to be good. 

Her teeth bared at the three of us, the knife held above her head, mother ran towards us. Jermair's girlfriend was on the ground holding her shoulder are crying. Still perfect. I feel myself being lifted from the ground into Jer's arms. My head turns and I see that Mother has stopped running, but is instead wildly screaming at the girl. I hide my face in Jermair's soft cotton shirt so he can't see the smile spreading across my face. 

[/flashback inside flashback]

Her deeper, scratchy voice intimidates me. 

"Izabella? Is that my daughter, Izabella?" I cross my arms over my chest as Jermair nudges me forward.

"Yeah," I quickly respond, making my eyes wander around the room away from her. A throaty laugh comes from her direction. This isnt right. I cant be here. I cant be here. 

The door opens upon contact and flies open. My flat ballet-like shoes make a pittering noise against the pristine white linoleum floor as I fly down the hallway. I collect glimpses of the doctors and guards' quizzical expressions as my small thirteen-year-old hands hit the last white door and I run down the street, never to be seen again by the workers of the asylum.

He bolts up from his laying position, letting out a loud shout and scaring me half to death in the process. His breaths are coming out quickly and short, which cannot be good. Lane's eyes quickly search the room, and he suddenly jumps up, exclaiming "Bella!" He clears the distance between us and wraps his arms around my waist. 

"Don't ever let Bear talk you into trying human. You look so gross with that diet." Lane sighs. Im puzzled by his words. Why would Bear ever talk me into trying human? Is he talking about the jerky that they share. That stuff looks and smells gross, so why in the hell would I try and eat it?! By thinking about his words so long, I must be silent. I really dont know what he's looking for me to say. Maybe for me to shout 'Lane!' or something of the sort. Im really relieved to know he's alive, I really am. But Im just not into that whole 'shouting of each other's names' thing. 

Lane suddenly lets go of me and bolts out the door, flinging the door to the point of almost breaking. Its only then that I can form the words that have been running through my mind. 

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

A man pokes his head out of the door next door and stares at me with wide eyes. Normally, I'd be semi polite and apologetic about it, but right now, Im mixed up in some weird shit and I don't give a damn what people think. 

"What?" I say pointedly, "Havent you ever seen a beautiful girl yelling at a guy before? Damn, man, get with the times." And then Im off. 

Great! Im running back down the same path I came. I still can't believe Lane just left like that. Yeah, I know he loves Bear and all, but what am I? I grilled cheese sandwich? And furthermore, these heels are not working out for me. But Izabella, why don't you just wear flat shoes for a change? Yeah, I'll wear flat shoes when the president does a backflip off off the steps of the Justice Building wearing a pink tutu and white gossamer wings. It really isnt that far of a distance, but these shoes are killing me. But I have toget to Bear. As I jog down the dirt roads, I weigh my options. Im so leaning towards just stopping, but then I finally just stop thinking about myself for once. I have to get to Lane and Bear. Hopefully theyre still in the same place. 

*****************

As I come back to the woods ehind Bear's house I see Lane leaning down to Bear's mouth for a kiss. Oh my god. Is he dead? Is Lane kissing him goodbye or something? I stop dead in my tracks, as I feel slightly dizzy. Then I see Lane's hands pumping against Bear's chest and I breath a sigh of relief. CPR, thank god. I run the last length and sit with my knees in the snow next to Lane. My hand brushes back hair from Bear's forehead. 

"Please be okay, Bear."

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