Breaking Promises [closed]

[Stare]

When darkness falls,
You can see the stars.
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I found the hole in the fence a few weeks ago. A large bush that leans against the chains that have locked me in this place for as long as I can remember hides the promise of escape easily, and I never would have found it if I hadn't dropped my knife into the leaves. It was big, too. Big enough for me to crawl through without having the cold metal even brush against me. My heart ached, for I wanted so badly to just leave and never look back, but I knew that I couldn't do that without supplies. So I marked it with a large gash in the still damp earth, and left. Perhaps it was more than lack of provisions, but also lack of heart. District Nine had always been my home, and I had always loved it, despite the fact that the rate of crime has always been high, and the people are far from kind. I knew that I couldn't just leave like that, and never come back. Not that suddenly. No, I would have to warm up to the idea.

I had to get back into hunting again. Any time I didn't spend begging on the streets, I spent either killing an unfortunate animal, or making deals in the darkest streets, trading a rabbit for money while hunched behind a dumpster. Ever since our industry took a rapid swing, people have been uncomfortable. We have always lived with meat, but now, to get something from the store instead of fresh? It didn't seem to make sense. So there are a small handful of us who still sneak, undetected, though the woods, hunting and snaring animals. After all, we were born and raised to hunt, not work in a factory. A hunting felt more comfortable in my hand than a flower when I was younger. My parents were so proud. How could I give that up, just because the Capitol tells me to?

I stuff another item into my backpack, glaring around at this old shack that Flight and I stumbled upon not too long ago. There will be no Capitol and no rules where I'm heading. Finally, I will know what freedom tastes like. In the past, when I was younger, I got glimpses of it when I hunted outside, at night. But that was a lifetime ago, when I was a different person. Things went downhill from there, and I was scarred for life because of what I saw and what I've gone through. This district has been playing with my sanity for too long, and I took it too far that night. It replays in ever nightmare I have. Those poor kids, huddling behind their mother as I towered over them, voices that never ceased whispering in my head of how powerful I was, and Flight with blood pouring down half her face as she tried to save me. And, of course, it was all my fault. There was not a single other person I can blame for the events of that night.

And all to find my mother, who is probably dead anyway. Yet another thing I can blame myself for. I searched for her, too. I asked people about her, but they just stared at me in hate, recognizing the girl with the midnight eyes who caused that woman so much pain. I should have never left to hunt that night. I should have never agreed to join the rebels when Ari asked. I should have never gone on that roof that night, because that was when it all started. The end of my beautiful world began with a fall, and ended with me here, preparing to leave District Nine. Forever.

How did it all come to this? What happened that caused all of my pain? I grab a book on edible plants that I bought with the money I earned earlier this week and push it into my backpack. I made friends who I began to depend on. The same story repeats in my head. I avoided people for all of my life, and then... I ruined everything. Scarred myself for life. Why would I do something so stupid? Did I not remember what happened the last time I tried to make friends? But it is human nature to want someone else in your life that you know you can depend on. I didn't want to carry the burdens of my life all on my own. It's easier to hold with others helping me. But then I left, and it all crashed down on top of me, crushing anything I had left in me.

I used to be different. Right after a joined the rebels, I became a bright girl, who was excited and shy, and loved the night. A girl who was mysterious, and kept secrets, but never her own. A girl who wanted to help others. She liked to climb trees up to the highest point, and stare. She liked to star gaze, and play on the roof, even after she hurt herself. She loved to practice with knives, throwing them again and again. She was kind, but not very confident. She loved to day dream. She had friends. Two close ones, actually. Jasik and Flight. Maybe she would consider Ari her friend. She liked to spend summer nights walking through the woods, under the moonlight. Silence was her best friend. Sometimes, she could be a little odd, and overreacted to things. She was uncomfortable around a lot of people. But she was Luna, a unique girl who loved the world.

And then she turned into me.

Helpless. Hopeless. Paranoid. Insane? Cold. Angry. Confused. Dead. What happened to me? When the voices left, they called me beautiful, but I am not anymore. Perhaps I used to be, when I was sixteen and almost free and happy, but now I'm just a tangled up mess who needs to get away from this place. People used to see me as the strong, steady girl who walked right in between her dreams in reality. Now I am the broken girl who has lost her mind and hurt her mother. I threatened an innocent family. They no that there is no saving me now. I am trapped in disaster and insanity. Will I ever go back to being normal? I can hope, right? Hope that one day, that girl will be me again, and...

No. Hope is what got me into this. I'll be like this until the day I die.

Will it be hard to leave? Of course. I have friends here, and possibly a family member. But where is Jasik? I don't even know. We haven't seen each other in such a long time, it wouldn't matter anyway. My mother? I don't know where she is, either. Probably dead. If not, then suffering a great deal in a place that I can't find her. And Flight? The sun. The sun who is losing her radiance. Although I don't know exactly where she is at this moment, I know where to find her. And I will never seek her help again. Not after what happened. Not after she got hurt because of me. She's my best friend though, and it will be hard for me to leave her behind. Of course, she has no idea. I would never tell her about this. This has nothing to do with her. It's about me, for once in my life. I care about myself, too. And I have to get out of here without anyone knowing. I must disappear without a trace.

I swing my backpack onto one shoulder. My outfit is new- something rare. I have been saving up for weeks. The T-shirt is dark blue, and I wear a used jacket that is black like the midnight sky. My jeans are darker than most, and my boots are made for walking through the woods. I slip my knife inside, feeling the cold metal against warm skin. My backpack has a sleeping bag and some bags made to carry animals and water in. Some bandages, just in case. But that's about it. I look out, in the direction of town. Never going to see that place again. My heart tugs ever so slightly, but I force the feeling down, because I drained emotions and they live in me no longer. For a moment, I consider leaving the necklace that Flight gave me. A sign for her, and one less thing to remind me of the district. But, as I finger the golden sun, I decide against it. I've become too attached to the sun, and gone through too much to hold onto it.

The sun is just setting as I step out of the shack. I've been using it as a shelter ever since Flight found it. But I cleared all of my things out, and thrown dirt on the flat spaces. It now looks as if no has found it in years, and that's just how I want it. Most likely, the Capitol will assume I died. I doubt they'll send people after me if they aren't even sure if I ran into the woods. But if I leave anything behind that might indicate so, I will have Keepers hunting me. And that's what I'm trying to escape from.

I almost can't believe this is my last walk through these woods. I used to hunt in this area a lot. I loved the trees here. There was one that I would climb all the time, and I would just stay up there for hours, taking in the beauty of nature at night. There was something that came alive in me on those nights, spent in trees or on high hills. The long grass would sway, tickling my ankles. Any animals that came out were good at hiding, just like I was, and it was hard to hunt them at first. But I learned. And the best part was, there was no one else around. Until that night Ari came. Until that night that my life changed forever.

When I reach the hole in the fence, I look back at the district. The woods are the same. It just looks like someone built a fence right through them. But this is so much more than just a fence. It's a divider between freedom and captivity. I can't imagine not going to the Reaping ever again, or not having to watch the Hunger Games any more. I won't have to even know about what's going on in the Capitol. It seems like some sort of paradise, and that thought is what makes me slide my pack through the hole, and then go under it myself. The metal doesn't even come close to me. I rearrange the bushes through the hole, so that it looks like no one was ever here.

Finally, I stand up, brushing myself off and staring at my old home. Luna Whitestone doesn't exist anymore. Now, there is a new wanderer, and her name is Violet. I haven't come up with a last name for myself yet. I glance around at the trees, not different at all. But this is my home, now. District Nine... I'll never go back again. I can't. It would be too hard to go in unrecognized. If I leave now, there's no turning back. I sigh. I can always just go back under and pretend this all never happened. But this is my first taste of freedom, and it is wonderful. So I turn away from the fence, walking through the woods. Good bye, District Nine. You were a lovely home at first, but it just became too much.

Perhaps I'll miss my home. It was, after all, a beautiful place. And for a while, I did live a wonderful life. A life of happiness and peace and friendship. But those summer days left to quickly, and I discovered how hard life really is. It's all my fault, really. No one else to blame. Those wonderful summer days spent training and laughing are over, although the memories are still coated in golden sunshine. There is a warmth I will gain from them. A temporary happiness that leaves too quickly. My eyes search the trees, looking for anything suspicious. There is nothing. I sigh, thinking of the long walk ahead of me. I look back one last time at District Nine. My home. My world. I'm giving that all up. But this place also caused me pain, and I don't want to deal with that.

Besides, the stars shine much brighter in District Eleven than they ever did here.

[End]

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